


For the Greater Good

by SinisterSound



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: A lot of fighting and a lot of blood, Based on the Come Back Home MV, Based on the MV aesthetics, Blood and Gore, But also some sweet and funny moments, Castles and knights, Changed mindsets, Changing of prejudices and breaking of social hatred, Character death but no one in Oneus, Explicit rating is for blood and violence, It’s my first Oneus fic pls be kind, Knights!Oneus, Leedo is also too good but differently, Lies and deceptions, Lore and fantasy, M/M, Onewe are witches, Prince!Ravn, Prophecies, Ravn is too good, Royalty/Knights!AU, Supernatural Creatures, Swords and swordfighting, Talk of genocide and massacres, Transformations and shifting, Varkolaks- a sort of cross between a werewolf and a vampire, but it doesn’t follow the plot of the comeback, dark themes, more tags may be added later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:27:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 154,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25830571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinisterSound/pseuds/SinisterSound
Summary: Varkolaks are...Living… and dead.Vicious… and cruel.Calculative… and animalistic.Human… and not.Leedo and four others hide among humans in the ranks of the Raven Prince’s knights, following a prophecy given to them that promised peace between varkolaks and humanity.They risk their lives to support the prince they were told would end the centuries of war and bring peace between their two races.They face only one true obstacle: The child.
Relationships: Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Kim Youngjo | Ravn
Comments: 66
Kudos: 288





	1. Behold, the Man We Entrust Our Future

**Author's Note:**

> My first Oneus fic!! >u<
> 
> I’m not exaggerating when I say I had this entire plot in my head by the time I finished watching the Come Back Home MV the first time~  
> This doesn’t follow the actual plot of the MV, but I hope you’ll enjoy it regardless!! I’m so so excited to write this one (sorry for the wait~) 
> 
> Thank you all for all your support! And if you haven’t read any of my other works before- I genuinely hope you enjoy this first one! I’m super excited to share it!
> 
> Please be safe and healthy, lovelies! Enjoy, and please let me know what you think of this first chapter!  
> -SS

_Varkolaks._

Living… and dead.

Vicious… and cruel.

Calculative… and animalistic. 

Human… and not.

For as long as humanity can remember, monsters had plagued nightmares and nighttime.

Some monsters were bolder than others. Mothers tucked their children into bed, knowing that stories were just stories. The threat was not real. Boogeymen and ghosts and things that go bump in the night…

Just stories.

But varkolaks… They were blood suckers and flesh eaters… shifters and therianthropes… They crept through night as pale men and blood eyes… and as predators with claws and teeth that tore like a wolf’s at carcasses.

They feasted on blood as they bathed in it for sport. They hunted humans as animals, senses of the wolf with the calculative battle of man…

No monster was as cruel and intent. They hunted for sport, not survival.

Humanity, in response, spent its life attempting to wipe out the monsters who appeared at night, at full moons, at blood moons, at harvest and half moons of any season… Those monsters with pale skin and claws of beasts and eyes like blood…

Human, without the humanity.

Beast, without the fur.

Varkolaks were the bane of man. And man very quickly declared themselves the bane of varkolaks.

War did not begin to cover their struggles.

Massacre. Genocide. The slaughtering of hundreds of thousands on either side… Varkolaks would stop at nothing to kill every human that hated them.

And humans vowed their last breaths to be against the varkolaks who threatened their lives and humanity.

Venom on their teeth and hunger in their eyes… they prowled the world like shadows in search of light to consume.

Children grew up with silver swords in their hands, taught from the moment they could walk to defend themselves.

Varkolaks were raised with hatred on their tongues and murder in their eyes, prowling forest for whatever human is foolish enough to make itself weak before them. Men storm through forests, weapons raised and daring the monsters to show their faces.

There were no battle lines in this war. No trigger for violence. It was simply the way the world existed.

Varkolaks were meant to be wiped out by humanity.

And humanity was determined to gut the world of its monstrous parasites once and for all.

And at the core of this bloodshed that lasted beyond the memory of man… was the Raven Prince.

~~~~~~~~~

“Yield!”

Leedo stumbled back as a sword swiped too close to his chest for comfort, leather boots dancing backwards over grass as he felt his balance slipping.

Sharp eyes scanned over the body in front of him, calculating each opening as they shot forward like a snake, seeing each flick of his wrist and the bare space just below his ribs, open and unguarded-

Leedo fell back to dodge the sword strike, his back meeting the hard dirt mercilessly, winding him, but not painful as he grimaced, opening his eyes to see a sword’s tip inches from his nose.

Ravn stood above him, gripping the sword tight, not dropping his guard for a moment, though Leedo was incapacitated. His eyes were intent, but his lips stretched in a triumphant grin. “Yield,” he ordered, panting ever so slightly, though the fight was quick enough to be nothing more than a practice.

Leedo stared at the sword’s tip, seeing no room to raise his own weapon, so he sighed, lifting up onto his elbows as he swatted the sharp edge from his face. “I yield,” he complied, making Ravn grin even wider as he sheathed his weapon, reaching an arm down for him good naturedly.

Leedo stared at the offered hand, and the friendly smile behind it, smirking as he locked his grip around Ravn’s forearm, being hauled up and patted on the arm for a good match.

“I could have gotten you,” Leedo assured him, lips twitching at the rush of a fight. “But your only opening was just at your side, and attacking it would have killed you.”

“Excuses,” Ravn said with a short laugh, clapping Leedo’s arm. “But don’t worry, Leedo,” he chuckled. “With practice, maybe one day-“

In a blink, Leedo had a grip on the wrist of his arm touching him, leg kicking back to hook around Ravn’s knee and he spun, knocking his leg forward to break the support of his knee.

Ravn crumpled, unsuspecting, and ending up on his back in the dirt, staring up at the trees that let sunlight filter through, clearly shocked at how he ended up there, winded.

Leedo rested his hands on his knees, lips twitching in amusement at the prince’s stunned expression. “Taken a fall, Your Highness?” he asked, tilting his head.

Ravn’s shock faded to playful annoyance and then solid respect as he sighed, lifting a hand to be helped up. “Your point is proven,” he said in resignation. “My words are effectively eaten.”

Leedo chuckled, deep but light, as he helped the prince to his feet. “Don’t worry, Your Majesty,” he assured him, keeping a hold on his arm, patting his arms. “One day, you’ll have enough sense to watch your front, instead of always looking over your shoulder.”

“I take offense.”

“You should,” Seoho’s voice called from where he sat on a fallen true, watching the spar with amusement hidden behind his usual unimpressed lips. “You are somehow the only swordsman I know who is more effectively attacked from the front, Your Highness.”

Ravn scoffed, though he smiled in amusement as always. Leedo could likely count on a single hand how many times he had seen the crown prince without some sort smile or smirk on his lips, no how humiliating his defeat in a spar.

“Well, perhaps if I could trust more people to protect my back for me,” he scolded expectantly, glancing around at those of them gathered around the clearing on the edge of the forest.

Ten knights stared back at them, some smirking and some merely bowing their heads in respect.

One who was smirking sat up from where he had lounged against a tree. “Do you truly believe your continued survival is attributed to your own skill, my Lord?” the youngest of their small group questioned.

Ravn laughed, unsheathing his sword and aiming at the boy who looked split between boredom and a condescending challenge. “Would you care to test that skill, Xion?” he demanded, grinning broader when Xion observed him for a moment before drawing his own sword, shedding his overcoat.

The two of them stood in their undervests, their most basic form of armor that protected their chests. All the knights wore the same dark, royal blue color to match the Raven prince’s.

“Brave talk for a child,” another night called, seated next to Seoho, looking ready for a fight. “Can you match up, Xion?” he challenged.

Xion did not even bother glancing back at the offender, smirking as he drew his own sword, holding it aloft. “I don’t believe you have a right to talk about skill, _Keonhee._ ”

There was a round of cheers, even Seoho hiding a laugh behind his hand as the men all shoved Keonhee around, teasing and jeering as he glared at Xion in a way that said he would pay for that later.

“I will earn my name next tournament!” Keonhee assured him, which did cause Xion to turn back around, smiling triumphantly.

“Like you have the last two times?”

“I only failed because of extenuating circumstances!” Keonhee defended, brushing off a knight who started elbowing at him teasingly. “There was a malfunction in my armor and then an issue in the terrain-“

“Yes,” Xion agreed, turning back to Ravn with a hidden smirk. “I’m sure the varkolaks will love all those excuses when they’re tearing into your throat.”

“Xion,” Ravn finally scolded, though he looked amused as well, throwing Keonhee an encouraging glance. “We are all well aware that sparring and tournaments are not a true measure for skill. Keonhee is one of the best in a real battle situation. No one can question that.”

“I am not questioning anything, Your Highness,” Xion assured him, standing five feet apart, both lifting their swords. “I merely called him his name. He took offense.”

Were he a lesser prince, were he just the slightest bit more inclined to take things too far, Ravn might have laughed once more, but he merely shook his head exasperatedly. “Why do we fear our fates to the varkolaks, when it seems my knights will kill each other first?”

“I would never kill him, my Lord,” Xion assured him, looking a bit more excited as the two of them began circling each other. “The brotherhood bond is too strong for me to truly want him dead.”

“Why did that sound like a lie?” Keonhee demanded, turning to Seoho with demanding eyes. “Did it look like he was being serious? I don’t think he’s serious about that-“

“Just spar already!” one knight called, laughing at the chaos.

Leedo glanced between the two preparing, arms crossed and sword weighty at his side. Given everything… he was sure Xion would win this one. He was feeling too confident to let Ravn-

“ _Your Highness!_ ”

Everyone froze at the alarmed shout echoing through the trees, swords dropping as Ravn’s smile melted into stiff focus as they turned towards the sparse area of trees that led towards the castle.

Leedo tensed, glancing at the other knights who all stood at attention, hands hovering near their weapons as Ravn stepped closer to the edge of the clearing. Leedo moved with him, standing at his side and casting him a glance that Ravn met with somber apprehension.

A messenger on a horse stormed through the trees, hooves pounding hard enough to have Leedo believing that it was a war declaration on his tongue, tensing as his hand rested on his hilt.

His blood burned warmer, but it was easily ignored as the messenger pulled his horse to a halt, kicking dirt up as Ravn stared up at him darkly, eyes nervous but controlled.

“The Queen,” he panted, half-bowing from atop his horse, gesturing back to the castle. “The Queen- She is pregnant.”

The clearing seemed silent. Or maybe it was just the blood that began roaring deafeningly in Leedo’s ears as he stared at the messenger, not allowing his expression to so much as twitch out of its carefully crafted blankness.

He watched the messenger dismount, gesturing to his horse at Ravn quickly.

Leedo turned slowly, ears deaf as he stared back at the knights behind him.

Seoho and Keonhee’s eyes were wide, not quite as well hidden as Leedo’s shock. On Xion’s face, there was only dread. Across the clearing, all knights were in various states of disbelief. Hwanwoong’s face was carefully dark, not letting a single emotion cross it, despite his eyes burning.

Leedo turned back to Ravn mounting the horse, expression stiff, but he nodded to the knights, his voice finally reaching Leedo’s ears around the blood that roared in warning.

“Continue sparring,” Ravn ordered, taking the reins, bringing the horse about. “I will likely not return today.”

Leedo watched him go, their eyes locking for a moment.

The need to not draw attention was the only thing that reminded Leedo to nod encouragingly as Ravn offered him a rushed half-smile that held no real joy before kicking his heels into the horse’s side, racing off into the trees.

“Pregnant,” a knight asked the messenger who was left behind. “She’s… truly going to produce an heir?”

The messenger fixed his hair that had been messed in the wind, looking apprehensive. “If the child is male… it will usurp Prince Ravn as the crown prince. The throne will go to the child.”

“If it is a girl?” Xion asked, despite knowing the answer, staring at nothing with dread clinging to his skin. 

“Ravn will remain crown prince,” the messenger assured them.

“I am lost,” one of the younger knights- barely older than Xion- questioned, frowning deeply. “Is it so awful that Ravn be replaced as crown prince? As far as kingdom matters are concerned?” He glanced around for someone to provide an answer.

“The throne will rightly belong to the living queen’s male child,” Seoho said, voice dark but lightened to avoid drawing attention. “However, Ravn has been preparing for this since he was born. He has been crown prince for the past twenty years. If he chooses to fight the claim…”

“It may result in a blood bath,” Hwanwoong told the younger, shaking his head. “If Ravn chooses to fight for his right, it may lead to a divide in the kingdom. People will pick sides, the royal family may be torn… There are many, many things that could go wrong with this.”

Leedo’s stomach rolled violently, grip turning white knuckled on his sword’s hilt that was he wanted to crush like a rotted twig.

The Queen… was pregnant. Leedo has spent the past years prepared for every eventuality… and all of them had seemed more likely than this.

This… which was the one stone in their path that they may never be able to surmount… The Queen producing was their worst nightmare, above all else.

“Is… Is it truly so bad?” the young knight question, eyes widening.

“It can be,” Keonhee assured him quietly, eyes somber. “Even if we already know how this fight will end.”

Leedo wanted to break something. To tear through bark and metal until everything around him was destroyed. He may as well get a head start.

“How… do we know?” he asked quietly.

Leedo stared out towards the castle, fist shaking around his sword, though his voice came out as smooth as fresh steel.

“Because Ravn will never fight for his place as crown prince.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The day ended, the evening meal passed, and there was no sign of Ravn from where he had been called for an audience with the King and Queen.

Leedo didn’t eat, his stomach too tightly knotted to stomach anything more than the scent of food.

Keonhee and Hwanwoong kept glancing at him, trying to catch his eye across the lengthy table they ate at, but Leedo purposefully avoided it, making conversation with a knight and Xion seated on his either side.

He smacked Xion with a spoon when he tried to snatch a piece of his food, despite his intentions not to eat it, which made Xion narrow his eyes in a warning that was about as intimidating as a rabbit in a field.

At least, to Leedo it was. To anyone else, it might seem as if Xion were a lion about to clamp his jaws down and refuse to let go.

Dinner ended, and Leedo immediately excused himself, not eager to join the others in the knights’ quarters for a night of aimlessness before sleeping. He doubted that he would be sleeping at all during these next few days.

And especially without knowing the verdict of Ravn’s meeting… Leedo did not even bother fooling himself with thinking he would sleep tonight.

He made his way through the darkened stone halls, only lit by the torches and lamps on the wall. His leather vest was becoming a bit uncomfortable after wearing it for so long, but he didn’t loosen its bonds as he made his way out of the castle doors, stepping out into the cool night.

The night breeze cooled the raw skin that the sticky leather brushed, making him feel a bit less trapped as he stepped down the cobblestone stairs, the night barely pierced by the standing torches along the paths.

Before him, the castle ground stretched into courtyards and trees.

If he went left, he would find himself in the royal gardens. Right, and he would end up at the practice grounds. But he didn’t have a particular desire to wander tonight. His soul was restless enough.

He sat on the bottom steps of the castle, fingers laced and shoulders heavy as he stared off into the woods that stretched into darkness, eyes picking up on the animals that scurried along the forest floor, kicking up leaves and hiding among the roots for the night.

His mind felt as heavy as a stone atop his chest while he glared off into the dark, conflicted and torn. He rested his lips against his hand, unmoving as his thoughts ran faster than a spooked stallion.

Ravn would never fight for his title.

The title of Crown Prince would be handed over… And then what? What exactly could their next move _possibly_ be?

Ravn would be removed from his line for the throne, and nothing would ever give that right back to him. Ravn becoming king would become impossible.

Leedo prayed to whatever deity that would listen that the queen produce a girl. But he knew… if the fates would laugh so heartily as to create a pregnancy… there was little chance they not continue their torture in creating an heir.

And then everything… was over.

Their future would end before it ever had a chance to begin.

The large oaken doors creaked behind him, but Leedo didn’t turn.

If it were a knight, he didn’t wish to engage in conversation. And if it were anyone else, they would simply pass him by.

Soft boots clicked down the stairs, and for a moment, Leedo recognized them as a knight’s boots, but as soon as he heard more than two steps, he whipped around, recognizing the gait alarmingly.

Ravn paused, two steps above Leedo, smiling quietly down at him.

Most of his expression was hidden in the flickering light of the torches, but Leedo could see it just fine. A sort of regretful acceptance shining in his eyes as he smiled, as if determined to not be crestfallen about the ordeal.

Leedo stood- tense and wide eyed- but Ravn merely lifted a hand, gesturing for him to sit.

“I have been standing for the past three hours,” Ravn complained gently, voice a bit muted as he stepped down to the stair Leedo had sat on, lowering himself with an exaggerated groan. “Somehow, in all his wealth, my father cannot afford me a chair to sit on,” he chuckled quietly, voice warm but the smallest bit flat.

Leedo continued to stare as the prince sat slowly, locking eyes with Ravn intently. He did not beat around the bush. Too much was at stake.

“You will not fight for your title.”

Ravn was still smiling, though it did not reach his eyes. It was warm and gentle… and accepting. “Won’t you ask me how the meeting went?” he questioned, voice low with tiredness. 

“Is the answer to that question not the same as the answer to mine?” Leedo posed, voice stiff.

Ravn chuckled at the riddle answer, facing the darkness and leaning on his knees. “No,” he said quietly, voice peaceful, his mind made up. “I will not fight for it. There is too much that would go wrong.”

“It is your _right_ ,” Leedo pressed desperately, fingers curling tightly, expression tense. “I would never encourage you towards bloodshed, Your Highness, but you have prepared since birth-“

“It _was_ my right,” Ravn corrected, smiling like it was a funny joke. And maybe Leedo would not be so angry, if not for the clear tension around his eyes, as if he were holding something back. “By all laws, the living Queen’s child is the rightful heir, now.”

Leedo held back his immediately response that would have brought Ravn’s mother into the fight, shoving it back down his throat.

Losing his mother had been a bad enough wound for the Raven Prince… Leedo would not turn her death into a pawn to coerce Ravn into fighting.

“But you _want_ to continue being Crown Prince,” Leedo said quietly, leaning to see Ravn’s conflicted expression that boasted his acceptance while highlighting his regret.

“Will you let me hide nothing?” Ravn chuckled, glancing at Leedo and lifting his eyes to stare at the stars quietly, lips lifting higher, as if he were determined to keep up his smiling façade. “It is a… disappointment… to know that I was unable to take what I thought was my place.”

“It _was_ your place,” Leedo insisted vehemently, making Ravn send him a grateful glance as his stomach twisted with fear and uncertainty.

“But I will not fight a child,” Ravn said heavily, shaking his head, staring at his worn boots. “And… my father was right, during our meeting. I have always been more eager to fight with my knights than I am to sit in meetings and negotiations.” He shrugged, as if this was damning evidence.

“You excelled at those, regardless of your preferences,” he fought, tensing as anger simmered in his blood, but he bit it back. “You would have been a good king, Your Highness. No one would have been able to do what you would have done.”

Ravn fell still, and for a moment, Leedo feared he had said too much.

But the prince looked to him slowly, eyes almost hesitant, and Leedo saw gratitude shining in his quiet eyes, his smile finally reaching to light the dark orbs.

“Thank you,” Ravn said quietly, reaching over and grabbing Leedo’s shoulder firmly. “I like to think I could have done some good on the throne,” he confessed, turning away, still holding his shoulder. “But… I will not regret what is already decided.”

Leedo bit his tongue to keep from protesting again, knowing that it would only create more duress for the prince. It was the not the first time Leedo had to ignore his own consciousness drowning in dread.

The only way Ravn would become Crown Prince again was if the new heir were to die.

He hated the peace in Ravn’s voice, the complacency, the complete relinquishment of everything they had fought so hard for-

Everything was crumbling so quickly.

“You are genuinely upset I won’t become king?”

Leedo looked up and Ravn was watching him quietly, a sort of surprised wonder in his expression and shining in his eyes as he glanced Leedo over, as if this was something new he had discovered. As if Leedo’s distress was equally touching and surprising.

Leedo bit the inside of his lip, holding his tongue for a moment to keep from blurting out something detrimental to their lives.

“I am loyal to the Crown,” he assured Ravn, not looking away. “But that does not mean I cannot have a preference for who I would gladly follow to the throne.”

Ravn’s lips twitched, as if Leedo had shared a good joke. “Am I one you would gladly follow?” he questioned, obvious that he was fishing for a compliment.

But Leedo had spent two years watching Ravn, seeing him grow ever braver and wiser and kinder… He watched their bond as knights and brothers grow stronger, his trust growing with every battle they survived together…

Even without the weight in the back of Leedo’s mind, even without the regret of what they risked by Ravn stepping away from the throne…

“I have never known a man more worthy of being followed,” Leedo told him truthfully, watching Ravn’s eyes flicker in surprise. “I have fought against you and with you… and I know what you would do, were you king.”

Oh, the things Ravn would do… All of it now balancing on a knife’s edge, ready to fall.

Ravn looked away, laughing to himself as he shook his head. “I’m honored,” he confessed, voice thick with emotion. “But the Queen’s child will earn your loyalty when it is born.”

_It will not,_ Leedo didn’t say, biting his tongue for the hundredth time. That child had not earned it, as Ravn had. But desire and duty were often conflicting.

“However,” Ravn went on slowly, staring out into the woods, resting his palms against his knees, stretching slightly. “My father…. He knows that I have always preferred fighting with my knights to the drollness of ruling,” he said quietly, turning to Leedo. “He has tasked me with creating a new order of my best knights… An order that will be charged with protecting the new heir, should it be born.”

Leedo blinked, taken aback.

That had never been within the plan.

“An… entirely new order?” he questioned stiffly, mind struggling to compartmentalize. “For the heir?”

Ravn hummed, expression darkening slightly in a way that told Leedo everything he needed to know about where the conversation was going.

He braced himself, despite having long since gone numb to these sorts of talks.

“The Queen had a fortune teller read the child’s future,” he said darkly, eyes hardening in a way that only ever came before battle. “She saw danger in the child’s future… An omen of death and pain… at the hands of those monsters.”

Leedo’s eyes widened, tensing as he sat up further, stomach dropping out. “The child will die at a varkolak’s hands?” he demanded, panic and uncertainty seeping in. “She saw that?”

Ravn shook his head heavily, patting Leedo’s shoulder. “She did not see death itself,” he assured him, comfort and knives mingled in his chest. “But she said that the new heir would become an enemy of the varkolaks. They would stop at nothing to see his death.”

_Because he is not you,_ Leedo immediately thought in his panic-manic mind. 

But that did not make sense. None among the varkolaks knew about Ravn’s future for them. They would have no reason to resent the new heir, aside from the fact that he was now the heir. They would hate the heir the same as they had hated Ravn.

That, and their utter hatred for any human, royal or not.

Everything was falling apart. And Leedo knew the fates were laughing cruelly.

“I want you to join.”

Leedo snapped back to present, fear receding to shock. “Join?” he asked dumbly.

Ravn nodded, a spark of determination in his dark eyes as he nodded to Leedo. “Father has tasked me with gathering the best of my knights. The most skilled, as well as the most loyal. He wants no risks to the child.” His lips twitched. “Do you still find me worthy to follow, even if it is not on the throne?”

For a moment, Leedo considered running away, if only to gain a few moments to think. The dark woods looked practically inviting to his throbbing head.

Their whole purpose was to get Ravn to the throne.

If this heir was born, the only way that would happen was through the heir’s death. How could they ever guarantee Ravn’s place on the throne while protecting the thing stopping him?

How could Leedo protect something that was going to mean the end to their future of peace?

But… Leedo knew one thing. The one thing the witches had been sure about: in order to get Ravn to the throne, those chosen _must_ stay beside him.

The future was a fickle thing… and Leedo didn’t know enough about it to make his own decisions. He simply had to follow what he knew: they needed to be at Ravn’s side.

Leedo nodded numbly, just barely having taken too long to answer as Ravn straightened, looking relieved as well as triumphant. “I pledged my life to the crown. I will defend it in whatever way required of me,” Leedo swore, tongue numb and heart racing painfully. 

Ravn smiled, gratitude and pride in his eyes as he stood, offering a hand down to Leedo, clasping their arms when he reached up and Ravn tugged him to his feet- fire, as well as soft thankfulness in his eyes.

“Thank you,” Ravn said firmly, voice genuine enough to make Leedo forget about the heir and the future for a moment. “I need… people I can trust in this order,” he said quietly, voice intent. “You were the first I thought of.” He grinned, releasing Leedo’s arm to pat his shoulder firmly. “I need the best to watch my front.”

Leedo smile back, despite the knots in his chest. “Knowing you, I’ll end up watching your front and back. And the new Crown Prince’s as well.”

Ravn laughed, a weight leaving his shoulder as he punched Leedo’s chest, eyes shining with relief. “I’ve known you only two short years,” he said confidently. “But I knew there was none better but you for my choice.”

Leedo smiled, his own pride raising a bit as he waved off the praise. “Have you anyone else in mind?”

Ravn hid a smile, as if it were a secret. “Truthfully, the moment my father suggested an order for the heir… I knew exactly who I would trust with crown prince’s life.”

An expectant eyebrow raised from Leedo, but it only made Ravn laugh again, stepping aside. “I cannot tell you until they have accepted,” he said firmly, patting Leedo’s shoulder as he passed, squeezing it. “But know that you’ve given me a great comfort by agreeing to aid me.”

Ravn offered one more grateful look.

“Thank you, Leedo,” he murmured warmly. “Truly. It is a weight from my mind to know you will be beside me.”

Leedo could barely nod dumbly in return, startled by the continued praise, before Ravn released his shoulder, continuing back towards the castle.

He turned with him, his blood torn between restlessness and loyalty. The part of him that knew this would only end horribly, and the part of him that knew he could follow Ravn anywhere.

“I will defend the Crown Prince with my life,” Leedo swore, an urge to reassure Ravn as much as to remind himself of his duty. Ravn glanced back briefly, smiling as he nodded firmly, expression warm and gentle in the torchlight.

The words tasted of ash on his tongue.

Once Ravn was back inside, the night seemed eerily quiet as Leedo stood alone- numb and adrenaline racing and fear throbbing and doubt clawing. It was silent, save for the distant, distant cry of varkolaks that were much too far away to be a threat.

Leedo stared at the forest, an itch in his blood and an ache in his chest.

A visit to some witches was well overdue.

~~~~~~~~~~

“You never said anything about an heir!” Hwanwoong shouted, fear and uncertainty etched into the anger across his face.

“We told you every eventuality,” Dongmyeong said firmly, lips twisted in displeasure at the yelling as he stared into a bronze scrying bowl. “An heir was among those threats to the plan we created for our predictions.”

“You couldn’t warn us it was coming?” Xion demanded, looking unimpressed with his brother, though he shifted in discomfort. “Surely, you must have seen something about which future we were heading towards!”

Dongmyeong gave him a look that scolded that he should know better.

“I explained this to all of you at our first meeting, and I’ve been explaining it to _you_ since we were toddlers,” he said firmly, eyes casting over all of them with an even glare at Xion. “We can read the future- we do not create it. We do not choose what we see, and we certainly cannot control what we find along the way.”

“The same future we discussed is unchanged. It has not been obliterated by the choices made,” Giwook assured them, sitting at a table and tossing peeled herbs into a bowl, expression disinterested and a little annoyed with the noise they were making.

Witches and their obsession with the auras around them. Leedo was sure they were minutes away from Kanghyun complaining about needing to cleanse the air. 

“If Ravn is on the throne, the war between varkolaks and humans has a chance to end,” Giwook repeated firmly, staring up at them sternly, eyes hard as diamonds. “That has not changed. There is just now a new obstacle for you to surmount to get him there.”

“This is more than just an obstacle!” Keonhee fought, arms crossed and eyes glowing red with his agitation. Leedo almost scolded him for it on instinct, but he figured it was best to let him blow off steam here than back at the castle. “There is a _child_ in the way now!”

“The only way Ravn gets the throne now is if the new heir dies,” Hwanwoong said darkly, hissing as he shook his head sharply. “How are we supposed to get around that? We cannot just kill a child-“

“It only comes down to that if the child is male,” Seoho reminded them from his space in the corner, bent over with his chin resting on his laced fingers. He lifted sharp eyes to the four witches present. “You’ve already checked, haven’t you?” he asked quietly.

Seoho was always calm. The amount that it took to rattle him was something to be admired. But this event had shaken them all, despite their attempts at hiding it.

Leedo glanced up and found Yonghoon avoiding their eyes, busying himself with arranging bowls that weren’t out of place.

“Yonghoon,” he called darkly, making him pause.

Kanghyun shuddered where he sat beside Giwook, grabbing a bundle of sage. “It reeks of anger and fear in here,” he muttered, searching for a place to light it.

But Leedo stared at the oldest, eyes intent and demanding. “Do you know whether the child will be male?” he asked quietly, voice dropping low with a silent prayer.

To save them from what it may come down to.

Yonghoon stared at him, tense for a moment before sighing, glancing away. “As soon as the news reached us, we’ve been searching for answers,” he admitted heavily. “Harin is still out replenishing our oils…” He lifted heavy eyes.

No one needed to hear the answer, hearts dropping.

“By all known futures… the heir will be born male,” Yonghoon admitted under his breath.

A breath was released by all of them, but it was far from relieved. Leedo’s eyes fell shut, acceptance heavy in his veins.

When he opened them, Seoho’s head was bowed, lips pressed into the thin line while Hwanwoong looked as if he’d been turned to stone, his fingers twisted with his claws beginning to show.

“Is it true?” Xion asked, voice a bit weaker as he looked to his brother. “Is the only way for Ravn to reach the thrown… to kill the new heir?”

Dongmyeong stood, but didn’t approach the other, his expression hardened with reality but softened with understanding at the weights they carried. “Death was obscured in the future,” he said apologetically, helpless. “It is dangerous to assume that there is only one way for a future to come to fruition. But we have no knowledge of the heir’s fate.”

“It was told that varkolaks would be his enemy,” Leedo murmured quietly, arms crossed with the crackling fireplace burning his side.

Everyone turned to him, eyes wide at the revelation.

“Ravn told me there was a fortune teller for the child,” he muttered, lifting heavy eyes. “She declared that varkolaks would stop at nothing to see it dead. The king created an entire new order, solely for protecting the child from the monsters.”

Keonhee shifted, eyes flooding a deeper red, and Leedo was on the verge of telling him to get it together, but then he noticed Hwanwoong’s claws digging into his palm, ashy grey and sharp.

“We were all… requested to join,” Seoho muttered, lifting his head with difficulty, glancing around at the five gathered. “Only us. Including Ravn, we are, ironically, charged with making sure the heir is kept alive.”

Kanghyun hummed, as if this made perfect sense, making Leedo frown. “The desired future is still at hand,” he assured them, his face that ever-present expressionless collectedness. As if everything was just a scenery passing him by. “Even more than before, you will be at the prince’s side.”

“Yes, but now it is useless because we are supposed to protect the thing that is stopping us from creating that future,” Xion fought, tensing- his young face warped in conflict. “We pledged loyalty to the heir…”

“And all of us are clearly against the idea of killing an innocent child, no matter what future he may prevent,” Seoho muttered darkly, his own eyes beginning to gather a bloody red.

Part of Leedo wanted to just let the heat in his blood take over and finally spill over. But he shoved it back down, shaking his head to clear it.

“So how… in all the hells… are we supposed to bring that peace about?” Keonhee demanded quietly, voice on the verge of shaking with frustration and fear.

“The child is not yet born,” Giwook said firmly, trying to sound convincing as they all looked up at him. “We don’t yet know the challenges you will face. Another solution may present itself. We have time.”

No one looked very convinced, all of them glancing around, as if looking for anyone who was actually confident about this.

But Dongmyeong nodded enthusiastically. “It’s true,” he assured them, gesturing to the bowl. “We have told you every part of the future we saw, and Ravn’s reign is still possible. For as long as Ravn is alive, his place on the throne is a possibility. The heir is an obstacle, but a solution may come with time.”

The cabin fell silent, only the crackling fire breaking their tense uncertainty.

“It is… rather fateful,” Hwanwoong said, his claws retracting slightly as his jaw unclenched, forcing himself to calm. “That this new order would be comprised of all of us… when as far as Ravn knows, nothing connects us beyond what connects any knights.”

“Especially since two of us haven’t even earned their knight name,” Xion noted, glancing at Keonhee and Hwanwoong- for once, not mocking them for it. “He did not simply pick the most skilled in the eyes of the court. I’m sure the king had several things to say about two unnamed knights protecting the future heir…”

“I was surprised,” Seoho confessed in agreement, sitting up, sharp eyes dulled and pulsing a deep red. “When I found out it was all of us… But there is no way that is coincidence.”

“Oh, the fates are much too bored to create coincidence,” Giwook assured them, laughing slightly, as if it were very funny. “It is predestined that Ravn choose you five. It is why we summoned you in the first place to hear the future that was possible through Ravn.”

They all stared silently.

“It is not as if you must fight fate to remain at Ravn’s side,” Yonghoon explained, both hands holding a bowl, as if for comfort. “You are all predestined to be a part of the prince’s life. It is that predestiny that told us to pick you, to begin with.”

“The same fates who are pushing you and the prince together,” Kanghyun said quietly, drawing symbols on the table with his fingers, “are the same fates who are putting a blood warrant on the head of the child that is the thing keeping varkolaks peace. They are the same fates that are forcing you to protect the child that keeps that future from happening.”

“They are quite unsavory,” Dongmyeong muttered, lips warped in displeasure. “They take too much pleasure in suffering.”

Leedo didn’t want to think about the position they now found themselves in, shutting his eyes tightly and dropping his head low, as if it might hide him from those fates.

If Ravn made it to the throne… the war between varkolaks and humanity had a chance to end…

An era of peace was visible through him.

Their people could stop hiding, stop hating… The humans would stop hunting the varkolaks, stop massacring those that massacred with equal abandon…

Neither side had a claim to morality. But Leedo had spent a lifetime watching thousands die on either side, hidden away in the North with the other varkolaks who avoided the battles at any cost…

And then one day, he was waking from a dream that led him to a cabin in the Western Forest… and told that he was part of a future that would change the world.

At first, he’d chalked it up to ridiculous witches and their stupid riddles.

But now… now Leedo knew that there was no other man on this earth that could give them the peace that Ravn could bring about. He understood now… that Ravn was the only person on this earth who had a chance of ending centuries of bloodshed.

_He must get the throne._

Leedo felt an itch in his blood, but he shoved it back like a knife into its scabbard. “We’ve been here long enough,” he said quietly, pushing off of the harsh wooden wall. “Dawn will come soon. We have to return.”

“We do not know when you’ll next see us,” Yonghoon said as they all rose. “But if we see something pertinent, we will find a way to let you know.”

Leedo nodded, glancing at the others. “Hide yourselves,” he said gently as they all walked towards the door, eyeing Hwanwoong and Keonhee especially.

They pretended not to see Dongmyeong give his brother a brief hug with a whisper to be careful as they stepped out into the dark forest.

“Not everyone is as skilled as you at pretending to be human,” Keonhee complained, glaring at his nails that refused to shrink to a normal length. “Some of us need to actually concentrate to hide ourselves.”

Leedo glanced back at him, finding him grimacing, wincing at the painful slide of claws back into skin. When he opened his eyes, they were brown again and his skin was a healthy pink.

Seoho and Hwanwoong also looked completely human. “We know all about how much concentration it takes you,” Seoho said, voice flat but not cruel. It was just that Seoho rarely knew how to make a joke sound like a joke. “It has cost you your name twice now.”

“It is not my fault!” Keonhee complained, voice echoing through the trees as they walked to their horses. “Battle situations always take away my concentration! It is not my fault that instinct tries to tell me to tear them apart instead of bothering with a stupid sword…” He dropped into a defeated mutter.

“If your instinct could stop almost blowing our cover, it would be appreciated,” Xion huffed, giving him a look. “You and Hwanwoong seriously need to learn to hide it better. We can’t cover for you forever. And one time, it may not just be your name you’re losing because of that control.”

“Oh, stuff it,” Hwanwoong huffed, looking wounded. “Just because you’re younger and lack raging instincts because you grew up with witches does not make you more skilled.”

Leedo didn’t bother telling them to stop bickering. Let them get it out of their system, to distract from their journey ahead.

He still very clearly remembered the first tournament they participated in, a battle for their knight names- a symbol of honor, skill, and status. Your life’s name was left behind as you pledged yourself anew to your king and his service under your new identity.

Keonhee had been on the brink of defeating the other knight in a sword fight. But the rage of battle always had a way of bringing out their instincts. He’d noticed his claws growing and dropped to the ground, feigning pain, as if his hand were caught in his vest.

Seoho and Xion had sprinted out before anyone else could move, dragging him away before the features could be noticed. Again, the next year, his eyes began to change at the height of the battle, and he’d shut his eyes, claiming dirt in his eyes as he was led away.

Hwanwoong simply had to throw his fight completely because he felt a flash of an urge to just throw his sword away and lunge at the man like a beast.

All mistakes they could not risk.

A discovery of one of them would ruin everything. They needed trust. Absolute and untainted. Remaining hidden was crucial, and it just so happened that Keonhee and Hwanwoong were their weak links, to no fault of their own. It was simply easier for some to hide than others.

So far, no mistakes were irreparably made. There was still hope.

The future was running from them, but it was still within sight. At least, this is what Leedo comforted himself with as he rode off with the others.

As long as Ravn was alive, there was a chance for peace for all. A chance that they would no longer have to hide…

A chance that they could one day reveal themselves.

So long as Ravn was alive… they had hope.

So long as it was Ravn leading that future… Leedo could trust they would one day see peace.

~~~~~~~~~~

Leedo brushed a piece of bark from his hair, expression neutral as he offered a hand down to Keonhee, the other looking displeased with his bruised rear as he took the offered hand.

“Footwork,” Ravn called from where he sat on the fallen log, one leg drawn up and eyes as encouraging as they were stern. “You’re taller, Keonhee, you have to account for people shorter than you. You leave openings.”

“Leedo should have been assigned the name of Snake,” Keonhee muttered, brushing the dirt off of his pants, shaking Leedo’s hand for a good match.

Ravn laughed, even as Leedo glared at the teasing name. “He certainly strikes like one,” he agreed, but there was only praise in his voice, not teasing.

Leedo had been afraid to fight, once. Not for fear of failing to hide properly, but because he didn’t know if he could pass as a human, while fighting with a varkolak’s eyes and reflexes.

He saw openings too easily, he moved too fast at times, his reflexes were obviously superior… He’d thought he’d be discovered immediately. But for whatever reason… the knights simply overlooked these slight advantages and declared them to be surprising abilities, rather than a reason for concern or suspicion.

Leedo also noticed that… humans were not as slow, dumb, and stupid as he had been led to believe for the majority of his life.

Coming to the castle… was the first time Leedo had interacted with a human beyond fleeing or hiding as they passed by… or killing to defend himself.

Contrary to human folklore… not every varkolak was a mindless monster hell bent on the indiscriminate destruction to any human being that they happened to find or hunt down. An alarmingly large population existed near the North, where humans were scarcer and less likely to hunt through the vicious snow.

Any varkolak in the North simply wished to live without dying or killing.

Part of Leedo had been bitter to leave his safe haven and pacifism. But for a future where he and his kind didn’t have to hide…

“Seoho, you spar Leedo next,” Ravn ordered, adjusting the dark blue leather across his chest, looking excited to see it. “Your speed always gives him a run for his money.”

Skill was not always necessarily related to age for varkolaks. Xion was swifter than Keonhee and Leedo combined and just as vicious, despite his age. However, Xion had lived further West, where humans prowled like foxes near dens, seeking out a fight.

Leedo may have never encountered humans in an extended sense, but he had had his fair share of fights. He had learned from his mother, before she died, that the best way to win any fight against a human… was to simply be faster than them.

Attack first, go for the kill, and make it quick.

Leedo managed all but the first.

Hwanwoong and Keonhee were just as skilled as any of them. No varkolak that couldn’t fight ever survived. But hiding was more difficult for them, to split their concentration between surviving and concealing their features.

To Leedo, it was as easy as breathing, even when his blood raced and his nature began to rear its head, begging to be unleashed where he kept it back like a dam holding water. Like keeping a human body curled up in a ball for days on a end. It begged for a chance to stretch itself out.

Leedo was simply able to withstand that ache better than most.

In many eyes… that made him a traitorous coward long before he ever sided with a prince.

Seoho lifted his sword, the tell-tale smile of wanting to enjoy himself tugging at his lips. “Ready?”

“To make you indistinguishable from the trampled leaves?” he replied, eyes sharpening. “At all times.”

He heard Ravn and Xion snicker, but ignored them as the tension rose, Seoho and him locking eyes, breathing even to anticipate when the first move would be made, ignoring the other four in the clearing.

Seoho’s foot shifted.

Leedo lunged, knowing that he couldn’t allow him to gain speed-

“ _Your Highness!_ ”

As fast as they lunged, Seoho and Leedo froze, turning rapidly as they dropped their swords, a messenger riding towards their clearing, face pale but smiling in reservation- as if he was unsure if he should celebrate or not.

Leedo’s stomach dropped as Ravn stood, everyone knowing what was about to be said before it ever passed through the man’s mouth.

“The Queen has given birth!” he called before he had even come to a halt, pulling his horse about, staring at Ravn intently. “It is a boy,” he panted. “The Queen has given a new heir, sire.”

Leedo turned to Ravn, his blood cold and icy and raging, but hiding that fear away carefully.

However… nine months was a long… long time.

In Ravn’s eyes, there was no bitterness. No more melancholy regret or slight reservations about giving up his position.

Ravn merely smiled, eyes warmed as he gave a vague gesture that the message had been received. He looked at them.

His new order.

And there was only joy for a new life in his eyes.

“I have a half-brother, now,” he said, voice level but containing genuine joy that threatened to spill over.

Because that was the sort of person the Raven Prince was.

Someone selfless and good… who would not begrudge anyone anything. Someone who would gladly step down from his birthright if it meant keeping the peace. Someone who would guard his new family with his life, regardless of what was taken from him unfairly.

And part of Leedo hated him for it.

Because it was that goodness that gave varkolaks a chance- a chance to come out from the shadows and be seen for the sentient creatures that they were. Perhaps they were not technically dead or alive, perhaps they were not like humans at all… but they were not monsters, they were not mindless, they were not born killers…

And it was that same goodness that seemed to always be throwing obstacles in their path to obtain that peace. It was that goodness that made Ravn not fight, that made him protect the thing that stood in their paths…

It was that goodness that kept Leedo awake at night, wondering how on earth they would ever face Ravn if the child died, as they assumed it must, even if it would _never_ be at their hands.

But they all forced smiles- convincingly and appropriately happy for him, clapping his back and embracing with one arm, congratulating him on having a new addition to his family.

Perhaps some smiles were not as bright as others, not as convincingly carefree… but if they were, Ravn would naturally pass it off as the expected reluctance at having him give up his birthright.

When Leedo heard of the Raven Prince… he expected what the name and title suggested. A scavenger. An afterparty to a battle, swiping through the fallen soldier and picking at the remains, ensuring that all were slain without a chance of getting to their feet again.

Someone ruthless and vicious, uncaring if a carcass was dead or alive- he’d feast regardless. It was a title to inspire a feeling of dread- a death omen.

When Dongmyeong explained that that prince would be the person to unite the warring creatures… Leedo had almost walked away. His every expectation couldn’t fathom how a seemingly warmongering prince could ever consider peace between their kinds.

And then he’d met him.

And he was faced with this: a kind, genuine person who had tears of joy in his eyes as he celebrated the birth of his half-brother, despite having been robbed of a spot that had been his since birth.

They celebrated with him. And part of Leedo felt his own happiness at seeing Ravn so overjoyed.

But in their hearts, they feared for their future.

A future that was quickly running away from them, getting farther with every step they took in desperation.

Ravn smiled as they silently mourned.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Behind!”

Leedo spun on his heel, instinctively thrusting up with his sword, watching it pass through the beast before him, uncaring of the blood that flowed over his arm.

“Grab Sonhae!” Leedo yelled to Xion who raced passed him, a varkolak chasing his heels- white skin spindly and grotesque nails elongated and bloodied. Leedo spun, slashing the varkolak across the back, watching it fall with a snarl of rage.

Leedo… had mixed feelings about his kind.

He knew, at their core, that they were not born evil and hating. There were some that didn’t want to fight, to kill… But there were so _many_ that learned hatred so young, that craved the deaths of humans so greatly… that they were practically animals.

In the same way that Leedo killed men to protect the throne… he had to kill those that mindlessly sought the slaughter of humans. It was not the varkolaks killing that made him retaliate- it was anyone, humor or varkolaks, who killed for nothing more than hatred or pleasure.

It was not a pleasant line to walk. But… for the sake of their future… If there was ever going to be a world where varkolaks and humans lived in peace… Ravn must make it to the throne. To do that, they must protect him.

And… protect the innocent child that was keeping him from reaching it.

Xion snatched the child up from where he had been standing among the bushes, his cries quieted as he buried his dirt streaked face into his shoulder as Xion ran for the horses.

“Seoho- with Xion!” Ravn yelled above the snarls and blades, shoving a varkolak from his sword with a boot to its chest, eyes deadly.

Ravn was the kindness soul in the kingdom. Until it came to protecting those under his wing.

Sonhae’s cries could be heard across the clearing and Leedo raced after the two, Seoho having already reached the pair, guarding Xion as he mounted- Sonhae still clutched in his arms as Seoho flew atop his own steed.

They flew without waiting for an order, leaving their single living horse behind as they stormed further towards safety. Leedo was already standing where they had taken off, fighting off the varkolaks that tried to race after them, two of them standing a sword’s length from Leedo as he glared, teeth gritting painfully as they snarled and snapped-

His eyes flashed red at his command.

“ _Go,_ ” he snarled, taking a gamble.

It was not often… that a battle with varkolaks had time for anything but fighting for their lives. Everything happened so quick, it wasn’t often that a moment was taken to converse.

But all of them took the opportunity when it presented itself. Anything to save them from having to kill more than they needed to.

The varkolaks stopped, clearly wondering if it had been a trick of the light-

“I am giving you one chance,” Leedo hissed, eyes flashing over to Ravn’s back as he fought with Keonhee against others. He lifted the sword higher, heart twisting as it always did when they hesitated.

Run, he begged internally, his sword steady. Just run…

But… he could count on one hand the number of times this had worked.

One of them stood taller, blood red eyes blazing. “Traitor,” he snarled, teeth elongating to unhuman lengths. “ _You-_ “

Leedo reaffirmed his stance, grip tightening. “I can give you _one_ chance,” he growled lowly, checking to ensure Ravn was still occupied. “Run now, and I can spare you-“

The other lunged before he’d gotten a chance to finish, Leedo lifting his sword on instinct, listening to it run the varkolak through before he’d ever gotten a chance to reach him, though his claws raked limply across his chest protected by the leather.

Knowing the other wasn’t far behind, Leedo leapt back, dodging the claws that chased him, his feet digging into the soft earth as he caught himself, swinging back as the varkolak lunged low to the ground, teeth clacking-

He swung down. 

He turned, ready to defend again, but the clearing was quiet- Ravn and Keonhee panting heavily as they wiped blood that wasn’t theirs off their faces.

Hwanwoong appeared behind a tree, flicking blood from his sword as he glared around, as if daring a corpse to move. “The others?” he panted, all of them converging near the center.

“They continued on with Sonhae,” Ravn said, casting a wary eye across the field. “We should follow, in case more appear.”

“Take the horse,” Leedo said, gesturing to the spooked animal tied to the tree limb on the edge. “Catch up with them. We will meet you by nightfall.”

Ravn glanced at him, conflicted at leaving them behind. But everyone knew there wasn’t time to be noble as he nodded firmly, a glance of thanks across them as raced towards the animal, mounting and racing off without glancing back, urging it faster.

Given the hour of day, there would not likely be another attack, especially with the speed Xion could ride at. They were not far from the castle, and they would likely have reached safety by the end of the hour.

Without Ravn beside them, their shoulders fell, eyes casted around the clearing.

As they gazed around, Leedo’s eyes fell on Keonhee’s hands that were half-hidden behind his back with his claws nearly fully extended.

“You would think,” Hwanwoong noted quietly, thoughtfully, sadly, “that given the fact they were warned about the child being a target… they would choose not to parade him around the kingdom when he’s hardly old enough to hold a practice sword.”

Even Ravn had fought the idea, telling his father that it wasn’t safe to so publicly announce and flaunt the location of the Crown Prince. But his father and the Queen were adamant about following tradition.

Tradition… as if that was worth a child’s life. Leedo had enough internal conflictions without practically taunting the varkolaks to attack them.

“It is difficult,” Keonhee admitted, rubbing at his forehead with his claws slowly retracting with the barest of grimaces. “It makes me feel like a monster… Because in no way do I want a child to die… but what of our future?” he questioned hesitantly, eyes pinching. “With each attack we stop, we push it farther away… but we cannot bear to let Sonhae be harmed.”

He glanced between his two companions, though none of them had an answer.

For five years, the six of them had acted as Prince Sonhae’s guards. The child was not evil, he was not malicious… The issue with the child was not that he would tear the kingdom down or bring its ruin…

His only crime was existing in the place that Ravn was needed.

But Sonhae was sweet and shy and easily spooked. He was old enough to understand danger and the amount of it that followed his every step, even if he did not understand why. He treated Ravn no different than a blood brother, and Ravn received him as lovingly as any blood sibling would.

They played with Sonhae, almost more often than they protected him. In the safety of the palace walls, Sonhae would laugh as he commanded them to be his steed that he rode into battle, or to teach him to weave grass the way Seoho knew how.

Leedo cared for the child… They all did.

They would never willingly let him die. Never. Not for their own causes. Not someone so pure and innocent. They protected him with all the loyalty and ferocity that they promised Ravn, and their hearts were not heavy when another battle was safely won.

But in the aftermath of battle, as they looked at the fallen bodies of their own kind… anxiety and uncertainty clawed at their hearts.

This was the only future allowed to them, at present. Death and secrecy and battles that never ended, only paused.

“Do we have time to burn them?” Hwanwoong asked, looking out at the half dozen carcasses, eyes heavy- both in grief at what they’d had to do to their own kind, and in bitterness at their kind that refused to listen or pause their hatred.

Leedo glanced to the sky, and through the trees he could make out a brilliant blue. “We must meet Ravn by nightfall,” he murmured, voice weighted as the others looked to him. “We cannot let them burn unwatched. Let us simply line them up and mark it.”

They set about gathering the fallen varkolaks, their pale and veiny skin marred with blood, their red eyes unseeing, and the bloodied claws limp and harmless.

It was not often that any attack from the varkolaks left them alone or with any time to give any sort of burial… but especially near the castle, it was not uncommon for some of them to sneak away after night to either bury or burn the bodies.

Varkolaks had no burial traditions, save for a period of mourning for those close to themselves. But Leedo, and the others, saw it as a way of apology… Both a sorrow for what had to be done to protect innocent lives, like Sonhae’s… and for what they had to lie about in order to work towards their future.

They not only lied to the varkolaks they hid from… they lied to Ravn, too.

There was a constant battle beneath their skins- between humanity and beasthood- and while it was necessary to lie to other varkolaks so that their ruse was not discovered… there was a different kind of pain that came with lying to Ravn.

For every trusting glance, for every moment he turned his back to them and knew they would defend it… Leedo wondered how this would all crumble if he knew the truth.

But that trust was necessary. Crucial.

They had to prove they were different- that it was possible for varkolaks to be more than bloodthirsty monsters. Ravn needed to know they could be more, if he were ever to create peace.

Leedo paused as they stood before the bodies, the others equally silent as they stuck sticks into the dirt as a marker.

They had to prove to Ravn… that there was hope for peace.

_Ravn had gone ahead, following Hwanwoong and Xion back to the castle after they had fled with Sonhae- who had been no more than an infant at the time. The others remained to ensure none were left alive._

_Keonhee, Seoho, and Leedo had piled the carcasses with heavy hearts, piling kindle and readying the flint to burn them, all of them exchanging heavy glances that said everything they could never voice._

_Regret that this was the way it had to be._

_Longing for a day when this could all change._

_Hope for a future that would be worth all this death._

_They all froze, however, when Ravn suddenly returned, horse hooves pounding against the earth as they all spun around to see him breaking back into the clearing only minutes after he had left it, taking them off guard._

_Leedo had been terrified for a moment that this act would break everything. That Ravn would call them sympathizers, traitors for providing respect towards an enemy…_

_That, with a single act of sorrow, they had thrown away all their years of work._

_Ravn had frozen, as had the rest of them, their blood running cold as the prince frowned in confusion at the sight before him, dragging a slow gaze from his knights to the burning varkolaks._

_“What is this?” he asked slowly, voice so deceptively neutral that Leedo didn’t know what was going through his mind._

_“It was my idea,” he blurted, stepping forward before Seoho or Keonhee had a chance to speak, his posture tall and gaze firm._

_Ravn’s expression didn’t change, and it was one of the few times that he had looked at one of them without any sort of smile or warmth. “To pile the bodies… and give them a burial?” he questioned slowly, his hands shifting on the reins slightly. “You chose to spend your time doing this for the enemy of humanity?”_

_There was something almost accusing there. But Leedo would have sworn that there was… respect, as well._

_He heard Seoho hiss something about him being an imbecile behind him, but he simply nodded at Ravn in confirmation._

_“It was_ not _just his idea,” Seoho snapped, stepping up and glaring at Leedo for his attempt at nobility. “We all agreed to give them what burial we could.”_

_Leedo threw him a glance, but didn’t bother diverting his attention for long as Ravn did another survey of the scene with dark eyes._

_“Why…?” he questioned slowly, intent gaze glancing between the three of them with severity. There was confusion there. As there probably should be._

_This was probably the first time in his entire life that he had seen anyone show humanity towards a varkolak._

_Leedo spoke before Seoho could get in a word. “Are they not living, Your Highness?” he asked with such surety and defiance, he heard Keonhee make a noise of distress behind him._

_But Leedo saw the shift in Ravn’s eyes. They became darker, sharper… but there was something that appeared in them. Not something soft or forgiving… but something contemplative._

_“They are living nightmares,” Ravn said darkly, though there was no anger in his voice. He spoke with believed facts, not garbled opinions. “Monsters.”_

_“They speak,” Leedo pressed quietly, firm but not challenging. “They think. They choose to use those skills against humanity, but humanity uses those skills against them, too.”_

_“Are you sympathizing with the things that have terrorized and murdered millions since the beginning of time?” Ravn demanded, brows twitching._

_But once more… anger was void from his voice. It was almost as if he were demanding that Leedo understand his own thoughts, that he was ensuring Leedo understood what his words implied._

_“We do not sympathize with murderers, regardless of their race,” Seoho responded firmly, sharp eyes dangerously dark. “We hunt murderous varkolaks the same as we hunt murdering humans.”_

_“That does not equate to giving them a burial,” the prince pointed out sharply, though his shoulders lost the smallest of tensions._

_“Children bury pets that are more beast than these creatures,” Leedo said, stepping forward further, tensing as Ravn stared him down. “Even human murderers are buried.”_

_“These_ are _beasts.”_

_“They are_ alive _,” Keonhee pressed, finally stepping forward after gaining his wits. “Yes, they murder and attack without reason-“_

_“They tried to kill an infant,” Ravn reminded them, dark but less harsh._

_“They are born into hatred and fed by fear,” Leedo said, a bit sharper than intended. It made Ravn’s eyes snap to him, and he held his breath for a moment. “Varkolaks… are born being taught to hate humanity,” he said roughly, fists clenching. “They are poisoned throughout their life, thinking that the only way to survive is to wipe out humans.”_

_“And they attempt to do just that.” The Raven Prince’s eyes sharpened, but there was something heavier in the back of his dark eyes. Almost like regret for the state for the world._

_“They know no better,” Seoho protested stubbornly. “Yes, they kill, but it is through their upbringing that they are taught that. They do not deserve to sit and rot in the sun like a vulture’s carcass.”_

_Ravn opened his mouth._

_Leedo knew that he was about to agree that they were worth as much as a vulture’s carcass. He knew that those were his next words because those were the words and thoughts that every human of every nation was taught._

_Varkolaks were taught to kill and hate. Humans were taught disgust and vengeance._

_But Ravn never let the words fall, his mouth remaining open as his eyes flickered away to the smoldering grave and the three knights before him._

_Three of his most trusted knights._

_His grip tightened on his horse. “How long have you been doing this?” he demanded lowly, voice quiet and heavy, but softer._

_Leedo wet his lips, heart pounding with hope that he couldn’t dare feel. “Not often,” he confessed. “We rarely have the time. We will not put the Crown Prince, nor others, in danger to simply bury our enemies.”_

_“But we do what we can,” Keonhee assured him fearlessly._

_They may respect Ravn to all ends of the earth… they may follow his word without thoughts, and they may pledge blind loyalty to him… But they had never once feared him. Ravn was not vengeful, even in his darkest rages._

_“Even if it means only lining up their bodies… we try to give them something.”_

_Ravn’s jaw clenched, and Leedo saw the battle going on within himself._

_Because Ravn’s fatal flaw that would drag him from his place every time… was empathy. His greatest strength was his greatest weakness. What would create peace was also the trait that made him vulnerable, easily hurt, easily swayed._

_It made him an honorable and kind prince. But a wounded and aching enemy, despite how he may try and steel himself against it._

_Leedo seized the opportunity with both hands, digging invisible claws into it as hope fluttered dangerously._

_“It’s sad… isn’t it?” he questioned, making Ravn’s torn gaze land on him sharply. “They die… because they were never taught anything but to die.”_

_A flicker of something ran through Ravn’s eyes- maybe shock. Maybe surprise. Maybe empathizing pain._

_“They are taught that their lives are nothing more than to ensure the deaths of humans… and they die believing that was their only purpose to live,” Leedo pressed, throat aching._

_Because it was not a lie._

_Each of them could vouch for that life. Leedo’s father, while still alive, would taunt and sneer at his lack of desire to fight. He would attack his own son, trying to shove him into a fight or flight response, to trigger anger and rage and violence…_

_Leedo was called a traitor long before he joined the prince. He fled North and hid away, avoiding humans at all costs because he refused to believe his only purpose in life was to die… but he had no way of living his life without dying if he did not hide._

_“Every varkolak we kill… is not thoughtless,” Keonhee reminded him tentatively, Ravn’s head drawing down until he stared darkly at the neck of his horse. “They are pitiable… but they are not evil.”_

_“They are only what they are taught to be,” Seoho said, chewing the inside of his lip briefly the longer Ravn was silent. “And it is not their fault they die as they are told to die. So we bury them. A puppet is not responsible for the actions its controller forces on it.”_

_Leedo held his breath, both against the burning scent of flesh and the fearful hope fluttering in his chest._

_Ravn was kind and understanding and forgiving… to all but varkolaks. And he had no idea what would become of this conversation, when they all understood that varkolaks specifically targeted his younger brother._

_They all waited as Ravn stared off, frowning darkly, but confusion overtook anger. Contemplation overruled disgust._

_“You all truly believe this?” Ravn finally asked slowly, lifting his heavy head with unreadable eyes that glanced around. “That they are pitiable creatures? That they deserve burial because of their helpless station in life?”_

_Leedo barely breathed as he nodded yes as firmly as he could manage, heart twisting in his chest as Ravn stared, unblinking. He felt the others agreeing with him._

_Ravn glanced back towards the castle. “The others… do they also believe this?” he questioned somberly. “I have never heard such an opinion in all my years. And yet, it seems as if all three of you believe it…”_

_“Hwanwoong and Xion also agree,” Seoho responded, inclining his head. “They also aid in burials when we find the time after battle.”_

_Ravn’s lips thinned, and confliction ran through his face. “Do you understand how it seems… knowing that the order created to protect the Crown Prince from varkolaks believe that they are more than mindless monsters?”_

_“That is not a matter of opinion, Your Highness,” Seoho said firmly, eyes hardening. “It is a fact that varkolaks are not mindless beasts like the wolves they resemble. They think and breathe and emote. That is not a debate or opinion, and it is foolish to underestimate an enemy as such.”_

_“And have we ever hesitated to do our duty?” Leedo challenged, gesturing to the corpses behind them. “We do not sympathize with them. We would never put anyone in danger by hesitating- we will not be complacent in their crimes. But after they are dead… After there is nothing left but empty shells… Is there truly anything traitorous in giving a burial to those who have died?”_

_Ravn stared silently, eyes dark. And most importantly: conflicted._

_“We will never hesitate to save a life,” Leedo assured him sternly, heart twisting at the thought of ever allowing them to harm someone. “But we firmly believe that there is no harm in giving burial to the dead.”_

_The forest was silent, save for the crackling of burning kindle. The slightest shift of Ravn’s horse that crunched twigs and rustled leaves._

_His severity never ceased as he stared down at them before glancing back at the burning inferno. “You… are all the most peculiar men I have ever known,” he said finally, though the tone of his voice had shifted back to more familiar territory._

_Leedo felt his chest unlock and his lungs breathe air for the first time in minutes._

_“But… you have never given me cause to question your loyalty,” he continued on quietly, expression softening around the hardened edges. “I do not necessarily echo your sympathy towards them… but I do understand it.”_

_By all the gods… Was he truly accepting their actions?_

_Leedo didn’t dare let his hope rise, reining it in like a while horse pawing at the ground._

_Ravn’s expression fell, the barest amounts of pity creeping in. “I suppose… Now that I look at them… what you say is worth pitying. I have never heard it put in such a way.”_

_He looked at them all, but there was no more sharpness to his gaze nor anger to his voice._

_“Hatred… is a poison,” he said quietly, thoughtfully… “I always applied that philosophy to my own life. I always worked to let things pass me by without dragging me down in anger or vengeance… I have always thought of hatred as more clouding than any drug or alcohol…”_

_Heavy eyes fell on the grave._

_“I never assume to think… that a varkolak’s anger would poison them as deeply as it did any human.”_

_Leedo’s throat closed up, but thankfully Seoho managed to speak._

_“To assume the varkolak race is entirely evil… is folly,” he said, voice quieter. “In the eyes of the enemy, we are also entirely evil for our actions.”_

_Ravn’s lips thinned. “Perspective,” he murmured, mostly to himself, though Leedo felt the words hit him square in the chest. “I have lived… so much of my life simply spewing what I have heard and seen of varkolaks…”_

_Something like regret bloomed in his eyes._

_“I never thought to discover…what I_ thought _of varkolaks.”_

_“Hatred is taught,” Leedo murmured, making Ravn look to him expectantly. “In the same way varkolaks pass it down from generation to generation… humanity has taught hatred just as religiously.”_

_Ravn actually looked… shamed for a moment._

_Ravn was a good prince, and would one day be a good king… because he was unafraid to admit when he was wrong. He openly accepted criticism and begged for his knights to share their thoughts because, in his eyes, no one was ever done learning._

_And now, for the first time since meeting the Raven Prince… Leedo saw that philosophy in action. And it made hope beat wildly._

_“What else would we find, without hatred clogging our minds?”_

_It was a very… very risky move. A step over a line. A crossing of borders that were very firmly placed. They had already walked the line of sympathy too closely, but Leedo could not help the statement that fell over his lips, nor the slightly accusing tone that accompanied it._

_He saw Ravn blink, something darkening in his eyes as pride flared… but it faded as quickly as it came, leaving him merely staring at Leedo._

_He could hear Seoho and Keonhee holding their breaths._

_“This is enough talk on the subject,” Ravn murmured, turning away and bringing his horse about slowly. He sounded… dejected. Burdened._

_And Leedo would never wish it on the kindest man he knew, but the burden made hope flare into begging that Ravn would find this like a seed planted in his mind, taking root and unable to leave his thoughts, no matter how he tried to reason around it._

_“Return to the castle,” Ravn ordered quietly, not looking back to them. “Hwanwoong and Xion are awaiting you.”_

_Ravn rode off, leaving them in silent, fearful, hopeful awe…_

_There was no more talk of it for months and years… but they all saw the minute change in the way that Ravn looked at them, spoke to them… and the way his eyes lingered over a battlefield when they walked away triumphant._

_The seed was planted. And they played their very long waiting game of trying to coax it to bloom._

When they returned to the castle, night had just barely fallen, the last rays of orange and gold disappearing into darkness.

The three of them headed directly for their quarters- no longer among the general knights, but hidden in a separate section of the castle, closer to Ravn and Sonhae’s quarters.

Leedo nodded to the guard they passed in the halls, all of them silent, as they often were after they had the chance to attempt a burial.

“I’m hungry,” Keonhee murmured, making Hwanwoong chuckle quietly, hitting his arm.

“We can eat after checking in with the others,” Leedo assured him, wincing at his aching feet. Walking half a day’s trek through the forest wasn’t the most relaxing of experiences. They were hot, damp with sweat, and tired from the fight-

“Leedo, Keonhee, Hwanwoong-“

They all jerked to a halt, turning to see Ravn jogging after them, Sonhae’s hand clutched in his- a play wooden sword in his other hand as he ran to keep up with his brother.

“Your Highness,” they greeted, surprised to find the two of them wandering around.

Ravn offered them small smiles as he stopped before them, Sonhae taking the opportunity to ignore them in favor of swinging his sword around. “I heard you had returned,” he said, a tad out of breath. “I wanted to send horses for you, but I didn’t know which road you would take.”

“We stuck to the woods to avoid the afternoon sun,” Keonhee informed him, grinning. “Sonhae looks in good spirits,” he noted, squatting to the ground, which got Sonhae’s attention.

He pointed his wooden sword at Keonhee, pretending to glare. “Die, varkolak!” he cried, words lisped with lack of practice as he smacked Keonhee on the knee.

Keonhee fell, pretending to be felled, and Leedo looked back at Ravn.

“After the physician determined his health, we played in his room,” Ravn told them, watching Sonhae climb onto Keonhee’s chest. “Within the hour, he was ready to go outside and run again. Though, Seoho and Xion were less than thrilled about staying outside the entire afternoon.” He looked to them, eyes warm. “Were you gone another hour, I would have gone out after you.”

“We took our time, as much as we could, to preserve strength,” Hwanwoong excused, nodding in apology.

But Leedo stiffened as Ravn glanced between the two of them, eyes flickering to Keonhee before his voice dropped to the barest of whispers.

“You buried them again, didn’t you?”

Ravn knew. He knew about the continued burials and their thoughts on the whole ordeal. He had known for years. But this was the first time he had ever spoken about it, since first hearing of it.

But Leedo knew there was no danger here, not really.

At best, they annoyed or disquieted Ravn, but he would never call them traitors, never doubt their loyalty for having empathy- enemy or not.

“We did not want to waste the time,” Leedo said, equally as quiet, Sonhae blissfully unaware as Keonhee threw him into the air. “We lined them up and had a moment of silence, but we could not leave a pyre unattended, and did not have tools to bury them.”

Ravn’s eyes were impossible to read in the flickering torchlight, casting dancing shadows across his face that made him seem so young and so very old- as if he knew too many things, but nothing at all.

Quicker than Leedo anticipated, he blinked, smiling and breaking the silent spell as he nodded. “I see,” he said, voice light and airy. “Well, I’m sorry you had to walk the way back. Eat and then get some rest,” he said, smiling as he passed them by, patting their shoulders in gratitude. “My father wants to journey to the Southern Glade tomorrow, so I expect you in tip top shape!”

He grinned, and Leedo smiled back, Hwanwoong standing at mock-attention as Ravn called for Sonhae to stop trying to bite Keonhee like some varkolak.

Sonhae laughed freely as he climbed from Keonhee, taking his sword and pointing it at him with an honorable anger. “I will defeat you next time, varkolak!” he cried, laughing. “Death is at hand!”

Ravn led him away after telling him to say goodnight.

Keonhee stood, watching them walk off, his smile fading slightly. “It is-“

“Not here,” Leedo muttered firmly, making Keonhee remember that they were still standing in the middle of a hallway. Together, they rushed down the hall and up the stairs, until they reached the order’s chambers, entering quickly.

Seoho and Xion already lounged inside- Xion half asleep, and Seoho sitting up and reading something in the candlelight.

They both looked up when the others entered, Xion rubbing sleep from his eyes as he smirked, as if it came as easy as breathing to begin his fun. “Took you long enough,” he said, that pompous air gathering, even as Hwanwoong smacked his head for being rude.

“Next time, you can walk half a day in the heat, and I will take the horse,” Hwanwoong scolded, scowling without heat as he collapsed on his bed, groaning to take the weight off his feet.

Leedo closed the door, locking it carefully as Keonhee sat on the edge of Xion’s bed, beside him.

“As I was saying,” Keonhee murmured, lacing his fingers, expression falling into deeper darkness. “It is a bit morbid to have the Crown Prince sitting on me and telling me all the ways he would kill me as a varkolak…”

His head fell further, rubbing at his face.

Ravn’s trust and love for them was pure and unquestioned- as was theirs to him.

But all of them knew things could change on a knife’s edge if the truth were revealed.

In a brief moment of shared emotion, Xion’s expression tightened as he shoved Keonhee’s shoulder- not aggressively, but in his own brand of comfort.

“Hatred is taught,” Hwanwoong murmured, staring at the bottom of Leedo’s bunk, expression carefully neutral. “One day, it’ll turn to real hatred, instead of a game.”

Keonhee’s expression twisted slightly, discomfort and hurt mingling with darkness.

None of them were ashamed of what they were. They were varkolaks, same as humans were humans. They had done nothing to be ashamed of.

However… when your entire life was built around the slaughter of your own race, and every conversation revolved around the hatred and monstrosities promised to you and your race… it began to weigh on you.

“We will see our future,” Seoho said quietly, a rare moment of hope and determination as he closed the book slowly. His tense expression shone like marble in the flames as he glanced around at them. “The Crown Prince cannot come to throne until he is sixteen. That gives us time-“

“It is not just about the future,” Leedo murmured, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms darkly, mind cloudy as he tried to disperse the weight laid down by Keonhee’s words. “In terms of the fairness of life, it is utterly ridiculous that we have to hide and be hunted like animals. No one deserves that. Even human murderers are given more mercy.”

“No one hesitates to put down the dog that bites,” Xion muttered, eyes dark as they stared at the ground, an anger shimmering in them. “But a murderer is given trial and a chance to defend. Until they see us as more than dogs, nothing will change.”

“It changes nothing to repeat everything we already know,” Hwanwoong sighed, sitting up and rubbing at his tired eyes, keeping his face hidden for a moment. “It will only serve to make us all depressed.”

“Well, it’s doing a marvelous job of it,” Keonhee muttered, falling back on the bed, but Leedo saw the way his hand rose up to wipe at his eyes.

He tensed, jaw tightening as a bundle of needles gathered in his chest.

“I’m going on a walk,” he said, pushing off of the wall when the following silence became suffocating. “Make sure you all eat before bed,” he murmured over his shoulder, leaving before any of them could think to stop him, even if no one would.

Leedo had never really given thought to his flaws as a person.

But as soon as the clicking of boots against castle tile and stone became his familiar daily sounds… he understood that in the North, on his own… flaws hadn’t mattered. All that mattered was surviving.

But once solitude was removed, once brotherhood was established… Leedo now understood that his most grating flaw was an inability to stand by.

No matter the situation or person, Leedo felt nothing but contempt at the thought of standing still as something happened. It often made him the first to leap into battle, often without thinking.

It made him reckless at times, and selfless at others… And it made him absolutely crawl out of his skin in agony when there was nothing to be done.

Essentially, Leedo had spent the last five years in absolutely agony as he sat by, silent and watching, as his friends and kind were burdened day after day with the task of creating a future and enduring the abuses uttered to their kind.

Leedo knew every battle weighed on them, every slur stuck in their minds… And every day they spent having to actively agree and support the extinction of their kind… it was morbid and crushing.

And it did things to your soul, knowing that all these men who claimed camaraderie with you… would kill you without a thought if they knew the truth.

And that… that was Leedo’s true fear.

He passed by the kitchens, taking nothing but an apple as he headed outside, the night sky now fully dark and blanketed with stars.

Outside was peaceful. To Leedo, it always had been. It was his constant escape when he needed a moment, given that most other humans preferred locking themselves away when given the chance, so the grounds were almost always vacant during any unreasonable time of day.

He didn’t sit- his soul too restless and his blood too hot for him to be idle, despite his constant exercise throughout the day. Instead, he headed towards the direction of the training yard, not intending on doing any training, but just following wherever his feet took him, eating his apple and letting the crunch break the silence.

He tossed the core into the woods, watching it disappear in the darkness. 

By the time he reached the wooden pillars and targets lined up, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prick up. He froze without moving another step, waiting for whoever it was to approach.

In his chest, however, he already knew who it was.

“Leedo,” Ravn’s voice called, approaching rapidly as he jogged after him.

He turned slowly, offering the prince a bow and a polite smile. Though Ravn’s company had never been a burden, Leedo half wished for him to make the visit quick.

Solitude was hard to come by, and while he knew it would not solve his problems, it made it easier to wallow in them without having to entertain others and keep up the mask of contentment.

Ravn paused before him, his usual smile fading, as if he never intending to keep it up in the first place. “Out for a walk?” he questioned, glancing at Leedo’s barren side and lack of weapon. “I assumed you would be sick of the exercise.”

There was humor in his tone, but it didn’t match the severity in his eyes that glanced Leedo over like a hawk. Not to hunt… but with a severity that bordered into concern.

“And I assumed you would have retired with the Crown Prince,” Leedo dodged, adding his own humor that fell flat as Ravn refused to rise to the banter.

In fact, Leedo watched the prince’s expression fall until there was clear and obvious pain shining in his dark eyes that held Leedo’s gaze firmly, disallowing him to escape.

Leedo held his breath.

For as kind and gentle as Ravn was- as a prince or comrade- there were too many moments where his thoughts were a complete mystery to Leedo. His expression, countenance, and posture were all too constant and consistent to read into.

And even here, with something painful shining in the prince’s eyes, Leedo could garner no guess as to what it was referring to.

“I’m sorry,” Ravn whispered, voice raw and heavy, as if he had personally done some great wrong against Leedo.

His eyes widened, taken aback by the sudden confession, an alarm ringing in the back of his mind that a misunderstanding had occurred, but Ravn dropped his head, a fist clenching at his side for a moment, as if furious with himself-

“Your Highness,” Leedo managed to speak before Ravn could lift his head, his own hands raised placatingly, alarmed at the sudden statement, “I don’t know what you could possibly be apologizing for, but I can assure that no wrong has been done-“

He cut off when a quiet sigh sounded from Ravn- the other finally lifting his head. His eyes were less raw than before, but still heavy with what seemed like regret. A wry smile took his lips as his eyes shone painfully.

“You and the others… are rather good actors, aren’t you?”

All at once, Leedo felt the earth fall away from him.

His blood ran like ice that made him freeze.

His heart stalled, and he was sure his skin paled to moonlight. _He knows._

_The prince could not possibly know-_

But faster than Leedo could decide whether to run or speak, Ravn shook his head, dropping it low for a moment.

“All this time… and you were all hurting more than you ever let on.”

Before a mistake was made by speaking, Leedo froze, every function of his body ceasing for a moment- balancing on a cliff and knowing that a single wrong move could end everything.

Ravn wet his lips, and when he lifted his head, regret shone brighter, expression pinched. “You truly… feel something when we face battle against the varkolaks… don’t you? All of you?”

Something begged to unlock in Leedo’s chest, tentatively relieved.

So he didn’t know. Right? That wasn’t what Ravn was insinuating. Their secret was still safe.

Carefully, Leedo swallowed, hoping his voice held out. “I… am not sure I follow, Your Highness,” he said, voice low and gentle. Anything more would have shattered as his heart pounded painfully, his entire body throbbing in fear.

Ravn’s lips thinned, expression tightening further- a face Leedo had seen when they traveled through villages of starving people. The face of hurting for someone else.

“You told me once… all those years ago,” he said quietly, “that you pitied the varkolaks and their lives. You bury them, when you can… But it is not just pity, is it?” He stared at Leedo, as if trying to piece together his mind. “You truly regret their deaths… don’t you?”

It wasn’t an accusation. His voice was too soft and tentative- as if trying not to hurt Leedo more than he already was.

But he was… reaching out a comforting hand. Trying to relieve the burdens he knew Leedo and the others carried silently…

Part of Leedo wanted to snatch away, assure him that he was wrong, and hurry back to the safety of the castle. But the larger part of him knew that no matter how frightening… a new future required risk and sacrifice.

The seed must be tended to.

“I…” Leedo suddenly had no words on his tongue as Ravn watched him quietly. “Your Highness-“

“I am not accusing you,” Ravn assured him quickly, shaking his head slowly. “I understand that regardless of your own feelings, you would never allow harm to befall any person here. That is not what I am saying-“

“I understand your meaning,” Leedo assured him, chest finally unlocking as released a silent breath, unable to show how weak his knees suddenly became.

The moment of thinking they were discovered was… entirely a nightmare.

“But Your Highness… we are not-“

“Leedo,” Ravn broke in, taking a step forward, mouth open as if to speak, but he hesitated, eyes pinching. “I… I trust you… and the others,” he added quickly, “with everything. I entrusted you with my life, and then my brother’s life- the future of this kingdom’s life…” He stared intently, begging for understanding. “And I… think of you all… as my friends and equals… as well as my knights. Do you understand me?” he asked, genuinely questioning whether Leedo understood.

He nodded numbly, chest tightening.

It was no secret that all of them shared a brotherhood beyond prince and subject. It was not a hierarchy that ruled their order… Five years created something stronger. And none of them had ever been under the impression that Ravn’s trust was easily broken, nor would they ever do something that would threaten the lives of anyone under their protection.

But to hear it spoken so plainly… in relation to what Ravn was implying… made Leedo pause.

“You and the others… are hurting, aren’t you?” he asked gently, prodding carefully. “You regret when we come to battle. You bury varkolaks…because you regret killing them. And you carry their deaths… with you for a while… don’t you?” he whispered, scanning Leedo’s expression.

His own face could have held anything from tears to murderous intent, and Leedo wouldn’t have a clue because his entire body was numb.

His response carried the other four with it. He was speaking on behalf of all of them, and his response would decide their next steps in life.

He swallowed, feeling more fear than any varkolak or human had ever instilled.

“I regret… every life I have to take, regardless of race,” Leedo spoke carefully, feeling like he was balancing a glass of water on the tip of a chopstick.

He could not allow water to spill.

“I still believe what I told you all those years ago,” he stated firmly, straightening a bit. “I pity varkolaks because their hatred is taught and they never know any better… save for those that are fortunate enough to think for themselves before it is too late.”

“But there is a difference between pitying their lives… and mourning their deaths,” Ravn murmured quietly, confused but gentle. “You carry their deaths with you. They burden you.”

_Yes, because they are my people and I could soon be one of them._

Leedo swallowed. “When hatred runs deeply enough… it is impossible to speak around it,” he murmured heavily, shrugging gently. “I cannot explain caring for the enemy if someone hates them so inherently. No matter what I say, it will always sound ignorant. There will always be an excuse to hate… and no matter what excuse I give not to hate… it will never be able to penetrate contempt.”

Ravn winced, lips thinned.

“It is wasted breath to continuously explain the same thing in different terms,” he affirmed quietly, helplessly gesturing to the air around them. “I mourn them because they are sentient, and they have died. Because they are taught hatred and are helpless against it. And I carry those deaths…”

He hesitated, the words balancing on his tongue, but his chest stalling in fear. But at Ravn’s raw gaze, eyes intent and misty… the words fell.

“I carry those deaths because I desire a future without them.”

Ravn blinked, taken aback, and then his eyes widened slightly. Leedo almost expected to see alarm in Ravn’s eyes.

As if Leedo had spoken blasphemy.

But then the surprise faded, and his expression wilted as he stared at Leedo, glancing around the practice area that remained empty, and his shoulders fell slightly.

As if… saddened. As if Leedo had spoken something he expected, but feared being reality.

“You are not implying,” Ravn murmured heavily, knowingly, “that all varkolaks are extinguished… are you?” he murmured, countenance almost guilty as he looked at the other.

Leedo shook his head in confirmation of the prince’s fears, holding his breath, his leather vest suddenly suffocating him.

“You speak of a future… where varkolaks and humans are no longer at war,” Ravn murmured, as if he feared as much. But there was no disgust or anger or dismissal in his tone or eyes.

There was almost fear. As if he saw the unsurmountable task and knew the consequences of trying to achieve it.

“I do,” Leedo whispered, voice too weak to speak louder as Ravn stared at him, silently asking him to take back his statement. “And it is not a war, Your Highness,” he pressed quietly, stepping forward, hands moving in agitation.

His blood had already been heated, before. He had already been restless and anxious from his inability to do anything. It was a struggle to hold his tongue, to not let everything come spilling out in a flood, now that a tiny, tiny crack had appeared to allow the water to begin trickling down to water the seed.

“It has not been a war for centuries,” he said quickly, before he could lose his nerve or Ravn’s expression could stall him. “It has devolved into nothing less than pure, unadulterated massacres,” he hissed, knowing he was saying too much.

He was going too far, but by all the gods, his chest hurt too much to stop.

“There is no _winning_ this, unless one side is obliterated, and that is not a victory, Ravn, that is _genocide._ ”

The corpses were countless. And the victories were empty.

“Every child on this planet has grown up in death and hatred,” Leedo pressed, expression pinching as his heart threatened to rend in half. “Is it so impossible to want to create a world where that does not have to happen?”

Ravn stared. Stone written across his every feature.

No emotion was able to be read. There was only utter blankness and dark eyes at the words Leedo put forth.

What he spoke was essentially treason. But Leedo had spent so long, helpless to move towards a future of peace.

And he wanted this future so badly… He wanted Ravn to believe in this future…

He wanted his kindness to win. He needed his trust to weigh out. _Please._

Ravn wet his lips slowly, as if he were also choosing his words and actions very carefully. He met Leedo’s eyes, dark and hardened, but hiding something within the depths that looked uncertain.

Like standing on the edge of a chasm as someone urged you that it was safe to jump.

Ravn swallowed, and when he spoke, his voice was softened. Uncertain. Nearing frightened as much as it was disbelieving and skeptical.

“Do you…”

His voice hesitated, though his gaze never wavered.

Leedo waited, his breaths stalling in his chest as hope began fluttering again, tentative and painfully out of reach.

Hesitation was the root of the seed.

“Do you truly believe… that such a world can be created?” he murmured, a whisper of doubt and pain gathered in his chest.

Leedo wanted to jump up, to grab Ravn by the shoulders and shake him and yell at the top of his lungs that it was possible. Through Ravn it would be possible-

But he held his tongue, steeled his chest, hardened his heart, and softened his gaze. Ravn stared at him.

And there was trust there.

Leedo nodded slowly, ensuring that not an ounce of doubt appeared in his expression or eyes.

He needed Ravn to believe it as inherently and heart wrenchingly as the rest of them did.

“I do,” Leedo whispered, voice nearly failing as his throat closed up.

Ravn was looking to him. Asking him if he truly believed in a cause that Leedo and the others had dedicated nearly a decade to bringing into fruition…

Hope was dangerous. Hope hurt and cut and burned as much as it comforted and motivated.

But hope suddenly flared in Leedo’s chest, and he suddenly begged whatever gods or powers that may exist…

And he begged that Ravn saw hope in Leedo’s eyes… And he begged that Ravn was kind enough to take pity on that hope.

He begged that the seed had finally sprouted.


	2. See, the Break of Infallibility and Perfection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the love on the first chapter! I really can’t tell you how much it means to me!!!   
> I hope you enjoy this chapter because I am having so much fun writing it!!!   
> These are seriously so much fun to write, so please let me know what you think of these chapters! Thank you again to everyone who read and loved the last chapter! 
> 
> I hope you’re all safe and healthy! Have an amazing day, lovelies!   
> -SS

Ravn had not yet moved.

And Leedo had not yet breathed since his breathless confession began.

Ravn finally laughed quietly, dropping his head and shaking it slowly. Leedo’s blood was icy, preparing itself for the pain or rejection or…gods forbid, a complete dismissal of their hope.

Ravn lifted his head, and he was smiling gently, eyes misty… but they were heavy with disbelief.

“I am also tired of fighting and war,” Ravn whispered, voice heavy enough that Leedo momentarily forgot about his own burdens, frowning gently. “But what other world could ever be created?” he murmured thickly. “The hatred and bitterness runs too deeply-“

“That is a lie that people create to keep hatred and bitterness in place,” Leedo blurted without thinking, harsher than intended. “It is just as believable that war can end as to believe that it will never cease. It takes effort and _conscious_ decisions to keep war going-“

“I am not a warmonger,” Ravn said quietly, almost sadly as he shook his head, eyes heavy. “You know this, Leedo. But the varkolaks are too many, and the history will never be erased-“

“We believed you could do it.”

Ravn choked on his words, blinking in momentary shock as his eyes widened slightly. “You what?” he demanded weakly, laughing as if he had misheard, but there was nervousness in his posture.

“We believed you could achieve it,” Leedo said, heart pounding painfully in fear.

He could not say the wrong thing.

“Myself, Seoho, Xion- all of us,” he insisted firmly.

Not an ounce of hesitation or doubt in his voice.

“We all joined the knights because you were a prince we wanted to protect and follow to be king,” Leedo pressed, fist flexing. “We knew you… and we believed that you were someone who could… Someone who would be willing to do what was necessary… to create peace.”

This, he still believed.

Ravn stared, stunned for a moment before laughing quietly. “Making peace with varkolaks has never been on my mind, Leedo. They have practically sworn death to my brother-“

“But you admit that you have changed,” Leedo challenged quickly, throat closing up. “You think of varkolaks differently since you were Crown Prince-“

“What I think of varkolaks does not matter,” Ravn said firmly, but it was dismissive.

He was afraid of what he thought now. The seed was taking root.

“Sonhae is Crown Prince,” Ravn said firmly, shaking his head. “I will not allow those that would harm him to live. He has grown up hunted-“

“ _Would you not want to create a world where he would not have to be?_ ”

Leedo had no intention of raising his voice. But the shout was out of his mouth before he realized it was coming, his lips slamming shut and eyes darkening to hide the fear that shot through him as Ravn stared in blatant shock at the outburst.

Leedo felt his eyes burning- frustration and despair and exhaustion from the day weighing on his shoulders.

“Is that not something you want?” he hissed weakly, feeling like his energy had suddenly bled out. “Would you not want a world where children like Sonhae do not grow up hunted?” he demanded weakly. “Are we so _selfish_ that we would hold onto hatred, rather than creating a world where children are not brought up practically _bathed in blood_?”

His anger was misdirected. It was not Ravn he was angry at.

But he was standing here, bleeding from his heart for two sides of a war- for the children he saw crying as family were torn away… and for the varkolaks that fled North to escape the blood they were taught to harvest as if it was gold.

Leedo was raised with blood on his hands and on his teeth. And he fled because he hated it. He cursed it with his entire being… And he hated these humans who held their superiority so highly, so tightly, as if letting go of it meant instant death.

Ravn stared at Leedo. Regret, apologetics, confusion, and pain all warred in his dark eyes that didn’t flicker away.

Leedo was breathing heavily, but he held it to speak calmly. “I am tired of living in a world at war,” he breathed roughly, shaking his head sharply. “I am tired of children growing up without parents and dying because they could not fight. And I am _tired_ of having another race- not a _subhuman_ race, but a _different_ , alternate race- being treated as no more _beasts_ simply because they do not match what _humans_ deemed _normal._ ”

He was so tired of being helpless.

Ravn pressed his lips together tightly, though his eyes were conflicted.

“I am not Crown Prince,” Ravn whispered hoarsely. “Your faith in me is useless-“

“So your plan for Sonhae was to remove yourself completely without ever offering him counsel?” Leedo accused roughly, eyes narrowing, though there was no anger there. Only desperation. “Do you plan to simply step away because you are no longer Crown Prince?”

Ravn’s expression stiffened. But it was defensive, not angered.

The kind of look when someone did not want to admit how wrong they were.

“I would never tell you how to run your kingdom,” Leedo said, voice calmer, but tensed. “But we followed you because we believed in a future of peace where varkolaks and humans stop this blatant, senseless violence.”

Ravn’s jaw jumped.

Leedo shook his head slowly. “And that is a future we still believe in… Regardless of who sits on the throne.”

He pushed forward, intending to hide in his room until the pain faded, ignoring the way his heart sank to his stomach.

There would never be peace without Ravn on the throne. And life simply presented them with more and more reasons why that would never happen.

Perhaps this was just the destiny of the world, to die in violence and hatred-

“Leedo-“

Ravn’s hand on his shoulder turned him back just as he passed by, expression losing its stiffness and simply staring at his friend in open, raw regret as he held him in place.

Leedo tried to keep the disappointment or anger from his eyes as he stared back at Ravn blankly.

The prince opened his mouth, grip tightening on Leedo’s arm as if there were so many things he desired to let fall. But he hesitated.

Leedo did not remove himself.

Ravn warred with himself for a few more seconds before his shoulders dropped, his grip releasing Leedo as his arm fell back to his side.

His eyes were gentle and remorseful. “I am also tired of this war,” he murmured quietly, swallowing. “And even if I cannot fathom a way to end it… If I knew of a way, I would do it.”

_Take the throne._

But that would never happen. Not while Sonhae was there.

Leedo swallowed the injustice in his throat as he nodded. “I cannot tell you what to think, Your Highness,” he said quietly. “I can only tell you what I think. I apologize for my outburst,” he murmured, bowing his head briefly. “But you were right… Every battle with varkolaks does weigh on us. It all seems to pile up in an endless thought that this is all the world can ever be.”

Ravn winced, and Leedo almost apologized, but he held his tongue.

“But we refuse to let this be all the world can ever be.”

Ravn stared helplessly for another moment before he sighed, dropping his head and rubbing at his forehead with a tense hand that didn’t shake, but was definitely unsteady as he braced himself with it.

The darkness sang around them, and Leedo held his breath once more.

“I think… that I may have become complacent over time,” Ravn murmured, guilt in his voice. “I did not even think of it until… until you said all this-“

“I am not trying to guilt you into anything-“

“I know,” Ravn broke in before Leedo could reassure him, but he did not lift his head. “But… when I was younger, I sat and proclaimed all my desires for a prosperous kingdom and a peaceful land…” He swallowed. “And I think… I forgot about those wishes… after focusing on my brother-“

“That is not wrong of you,” Leedo assured him, voice softening and expression relaxing slightly. “Loving your brother is commendable, Your Highness. I am not faulting you for loving him-“

“I neglected the rest of my life as I focused on him,” Ravn said, nodding slowly, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. “I… My father removed me from the immediate throne, and I… abandoned my values… I ignored what I once wanted in favor of giving all my attention to my brother, to focus on protecting him.” His eyes fell. “As if being a brother stopped me from being a prince.”

“I-“

“This is not a criticism,” Ravn said firmly, looking up and there was-

There was gratitude in his eyes.

“I have no answers for you, Leedo,” he said softly, shaking his head, conflicted. “But I will think on what you have told me.”

Leedo paused, staring for a moment, stunned.

Ravn nodded slowly, avoiding Leedo’s eyes. “I… I think I will retire for the night,” he murmured, turning away. “But I promise, I will think about what you’ve told me.”

Leedo didn’t have the presence of mind to respond anything as Ravn walked away into the darkness, leaving him in conflicted hope and fearful immobility.

He watched, helpless to speak, as Ravn disappeared back towards the castle.

After the ride of emotions that had rushed through Leedo like a river’s rapids… the silence felt eerie and threatening.

He would… think about it?

Did he mean that he would think on what he thought of varkolaks and their humanity? Or his place as prince? Or his past as Crown Prince and place as a brother?

Leedo sat on the ledge of a target, his knees suddenly weak as he ran an unsteady hand through his hair, finally letting the tension bleed from his skin and seep into the night air, leeched away by the solitude that now surrounded him.

He did not weep. He did not yell.

But he curled over his knees, elbows balanced as he let his head rest in his palms, allowing his shoulders to drop and his expression to take whatever shape it pleased without worrying about prying questions.

He did not despair.

He did not rejoice.

He merely sat in the darkness for longer than he should, letting himself drop part of his disguise for long enough to finally feel relief from it.

The moon was past its peak by the time he stood, unsteady and burdened, but surprisingly grounded as he wandered back towards the castle, ignoring the guards at the entrance.

The halls were empty with the midnight hour, and Leedo felt the aches and pains of the day beginning to settle into his bones. He pointedly did not think on the conversation that had just transpired, choosing to let the bone-tired exhaustion guide him towards their quarters.

Everyone else was asleep- or at least close to it- when he entered. He saw Seoho shift in such a way that proved his awareness, but he heard Hwanwoong snoring contentedly as he passed by, stripping off leather and chainmail without bothering to put it away.

Left in just an undergarment shirt and loose pants, Leedo climbed to the top bunk, settling into the mattress with a quiet sigh, letting the weight fall from his shoulders.

For a moment, he ignored his life and let himself feel peace.

At least, for the next few hours, he would be at peace…. if it weren’t for Ravn’s conflicted, warring expression passing through his mind every few minutes.

Once more… he begged for Ravn to understand their hope as ardently as they did.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you going to faint?”

Leedo blinked, automatically straightening his posture and opening his eyes wider as his eyes snapped over to Seoho whose horse now strode alongside his own, his brow raised in something expectant and a little mocking… His true concern was well hidden, however.

Leedo nodded, looking ahead firmly, watching the royal carriage roll along the dirt road, carrying Sonhae and the Queen- Ravn and Hwanwoong’s horses flanking it on either side. 

His brain was not fogged, but there was a distracting buzz of worry, concern, and stunned disbelief leftover from last night. He was still silently searching the surroundings- waiting for a moment of snapping twigs or rustling leaves to launch them into action.

But in the back of his mind, he was staring at Ravn’s back, his heart twisting around his ribs painfully as he rode.

“What did you and the prince speak of last night?” Seoho questioned, voice lowered with proper discretion to keep the question between the two of them.

Of course, Leedo knew that Keonhee and Xion were listening in behind them, though they kept their distance to guard the rear. More than likely, Hwanwoong was keeping tabs on the conversation as well, despite him and Ravn discussing the path they were following.

“We spoke…” Leedo paused, sucking on his tongue as he tried to even find a place to begin. “I may have said too much,” he whispered lowly, glancing between Seoho and the prince solemnly. “I spoke on how the deaths of varkolaks are regretful to us… I told him that we…”

He felt Seoho stiffen, his muscles clenching in preparation, though there was no distrust there- only the constant fear they lived with, tucked away in their hearts.

“I told him that we followed him because we believed in a future that he would create…” Leedo did not regret his words, but even looking back, they were too dangerous.

Seoho clearly supported this, staring at Leedo intently- torn between berating him and understanding that the words would not have been uttered carelessly. “What… did he do?”

“We… fought a bit,” Leedo confessed, staring at his hands wrapped around the reins of his horse, grip tightening. “I… I spoke too defensively of varkolaks… but after some time… he said that he would think on all we had talked about… and he left for the night.”

Leedo did not know if Ravn would come to a damning or aiding conclusion… but the fact that he would consider it at all… The fact that Leedo’s words had moved him at all…

It was more progress than they had made in over five years.

Leedo wondered where it would go… Would Ravn take a more active role in ruling with Sonhae? Would he begin trying to convince others? Would he merely placate Leedo with an agreement but ultimately remain passively complicit in everything?

Would he ultimately label Leedo and the others as sympathizers and dismiss them?

Leedo had faith in Ravn’s kindness. But decades of taught hatred and centuries of history were hard to erase. Ravn had been correct- it was a nearly impossible to correct the history surrounding both races.

But Leedo was also correct: “nearly” was not “impossible.”

Seoho chuckled wryly beside him, making Leedo glance his way. “You are diagnosably insane,” he muttered, grinning in disbelief. Both impressed and tired. “Truly… We always knew you were more eager than the rest of us, no matter how good you are at hiding your restlessness-“

Leedo could not even begin to be offended before Seoho was continuing-

“-but this…” Seoho stared at him, looking ready to choose beratement. But he paused, taking a deep breath before sighing quietly. He shook his head slowly. “We will see our future,” Seoho whispered, glancing up at him with an uncharacteristically understanding countenance.

“It wasn’t impatience that made me speak,” Leedo assured him, chest tightening as he chose to ignore the gentle statement. “Ravn brought up the topic, and I… I trusted him to listen when I spoke. And he did.”

Seoho gave him an expectant lift of his brow.

“The consequences of that listening, I don’t know,” Leedo confessed, giving him a short glance. “But he seemed conflicted. I truly believe that he at least understood what I was saying, even if he does not know how to believe it himself.”

“It is understandable,” Seoho sighed quietly, glancing at the prince. “He’s been told that varkolaks will be the fall of his brother.”

That was the issue. There was so much built against varkolaks. History, threats, facts, superstitions… all of it worked against them. Sonhae was not their first hurdle, but he was the most insurmountable. He was the epitome and culmination of everything they were fighting against.

To no fault of the child.

“He… realized that he may have become passive in some of his beliefs,” Leedo murmured, staring at his reins solemnly. “It may be optimistic… but I think faith is a better term. I truly believe he will-“

_Crack._

Varkolaks… were masters at stealth, despite their violent methods and attacks.

They were also able to hear things that humans could only dream of making out.

So Ravn stared in stunned confusion as Hwanwoong suddenly ceased their conversation, head whipping to the right towards the woods, expression stormy.

“ _Take the prince!_ ” he ordered, yanking his horse about as Keonhee and Xion were already racing passed them, swords drawing with steel clanging-

Ravn looked around frantically for barely half a second before realizing what was happening, urging his horse to race up to the drivers of the carriage, expression turning to stone.

“Night has barely fallen!” Hwanwoong snapped in exasperation, sword drawn at the ready as they continued to keep pace with the carriage, though staying back near the noise that had sounded. “Why would they attack so soon-“

In the blink of an eye, Hwanwoong was knocked from his horse, landing hard in the dirt with a crouched, gnarly form pinning him down- screaming in rage as claws racked across the leather across his chest-

Hwanwoong slammed his head against the varkolak’s at the same moment Xion raced over, raking his sword across its back, crying out in rage when the monster screamed, but continued tearing with its claws.

Keonhee lunged from his horse, wrapping arms around the varkolak and rolling through the dirt violently, pinning its thrashing limbs as well as he could as Hwanwoong stood, retrieving his sword and racing after them-

“ _Leedo!_ ”

Without thought, he whipped around, raising his sword instinctively in time to have a varkolak yelp as it sliced them, falling short of its attack and stumbling away on all fours like a beast, glaring at him with murderous red eyes that were clouded with rage.

Leedo cursed as he heard Seoho call that there were others-

“Six!” he heard Xion yell, kicking a varkolak from his blade. “There are six further in the woods!”

“They’re after the carriage! Leedo, Seoho- Go!” Keonhee ordered the only two left on their horses, his eyes already beginning to change to molten red, but Leedo swallowed the scolding, even when he saw his nails begin to grow.

Six was not the largest attack. But it was an attack very early in the evening, which usually only occurred when the prince was separated from the royal family. Never had they attacked a full entourage so openly in the daylight.

Regardless, Leedo merely threw a word of luck to them before racing off at full speed down the path, leaning into the neck of his horse as he heard Seoho urging his own faster.

The carriage was not far, but it was running much faster than anything that size should be. It was rocking dangerously with the uneven road, but so far had not been tipped over.

Four knights road alongside it, but Ravn was nowhere to be seen.

Leedo’s heart dropped for a moment as they ran full tilt until coming up alongside the window of the carriage that had its curtain drawn back, the Queen clutching her seat with her eyes clenched shut tightly.

“Your Majesty!” he called, glancing in front and behind. “Where is the prince?”

She lifted her eyes that were flooded with frightened tears. “R-Ravn took Sonhae,” she cried, pointing to Leedo’s left in the direction of the woods. “He- He ran off the path w-with him-“ Her hand shook until it dropped, too weak to hold up. “P-Please- Do not let my s-son be hurt. Some of those monsters ran after him-“

“Seoho, warn the others!” he ordered, turning to see the other nod firmly, turning his horse without slowing, though he only lost his footing for a moment before racing back towards the others’ battle.

“We will meet you in the Western province by tomorrow night,” Leedo told her, probably yelling too loudly for her status and state of mind, but she nodded, pale and shaking. “Do not stop until you reach the stronghold!” he ordered her, ignoring status for a moment.

She merely nodded.

Leedo left her with that.

Admittedly, it was impossible for a carriage to go off the path. However, it was far from simple for a horse to run through the gnarled and twisting trees that created walls stronger than stone in some areas.

But Ravn had run deeper into the woods with Sonhae, rather than running back for the others or running ahead of the carriage.

Which meant there was some reason he could not find the time or mind to do either of those things.

And that made Leedo’s hands beg to shake where they snapped the reins again and again, bent low to avoid branches as he urged the horse through the maze of trees, hoping that the others were able to follow.

Despite their heritage, their sense of smell was limited, unless they were fully transformed. So, while Leedo could make out the vague scent of something that was not the forest, it was difficult to distinguish if it was Ravn or… something else.

Leedo could only assume (while he was nearly thrown as the horse leapt over a fallen log) that there were too many varkolaks for Ravn to consider outrunning without going into less than favorable terrain. Which also meant that Ravn was at every disadvantage, especially with a child in his arms, making him practically unable to fight-

Only being pressed to the neck of his horse saved Leedo from the body that lunged across the back of his horse, claws barely brushing the back of his leather armor, but as his head whipped around to see, the varkolak was already shaking itself off-

“Come on!” he urged the horse, frantically scenting the air to ensure they were still following the scent-

Leedo broke into a small clearing. Not even really a clearing, but a place where three trees had fallen- creating a gap large enough to stand within.

In the center, Ravn sat atop his horse, Sonhae wrapped in one arm, clinging to his vest and burying his face in his brother’s chest, audibly crying.

At the edges of the trees were eight varkolaks.

Two bodies already lay slain at the hooves of his horse, Ravn struggling to remain balanced with his sword drawn and no hands to control his horse that was shifting nervously, jostling them.

Leedo’s entrance was neither silent nor graceful, and every eye in the clearing turned to him, the growls making his hair stand on edge. Even Ravn glanced his way, dark eyes leaving no room for relief, though he saw his grip on Sonhae reaffirm, as if suddenly reassured that nothing would happen to him-

One varkolak clawed its way over dirt and leaves, tearing through the clearing towards Ravn.

Leedo crossed the short distance in a burst from his steed, not bothering with his weapon as the horse’s hoof caught the varkolak in the shoulder, sending a yelp of pain echoing across the clearing. The second hoof caught it in the back of its head, sending it to the ground as Leedo guided his horse to stand beside Ravn’s as the remaining seven began creeping forward, growling low, almost inaudible.

“Can you run with Sonhae?” Leedo muttered under his breath, wetting his lips as he held his sword up. “The others will not be far behind.”

“No,” Ravn murmured back, leather creaking agitatedly. “They’ll only follow me. And I can’t ride fast enough with Sonhae-“

“Sonhae-“

A varkolak lunged, and Leedo jerked his horse forward, catching it across the throat in a single slash, ignoring where the blood flew.

“Sonhae,” he said firmly, carefully keeping his voice calm, as if nothing was wrong.

Ravn threw anxious glances around those prowling towards them, nearly dropping his sword as he jerked the reins back to avoid a varkolak that jumped across their path.

“Sonhae,” he repeated gently, until the eyes lifted enough to him to make out terrified irises peeking up at him. “Ravn needs both his hands,” he said quietly, voice softening. “I need you to hold onto him with your arms and legs. Hold on _really tight_ \- do not let go of him, understand? He needs both hands to protect you.”

For a moment, Leedo thought they may not have time to explain the importance of this to Sonhae. That he was too afraid to let Ravn loosen his hold.

But with a tiny nod, Sonhae shifted closer, wrapping his small legs around Ravn’s waist and his arms winding under his arms, circling around him like a vine and tucking his head away.

Ravn tentatively let go, taking his horse with his free hand, expression grim as Leedo walked his horse forward, swinging at a varkolak that got too close.

“I’ll take the front,” he muttered darkly, glancing back at the prince. “Just keep Sonhae safe. Run, if you have to.”

There was a flicker in his eyes that told Leedo he wouldn’t run, even if he could. But there was no time for nobility.

Leedo refused to move far from the two behind him, so it was mainly a game of waiting for the varkolaks to attack within reach of him.

The first lunged and Leedo swung- missing, but driving him back. Before he could even recover his balance to swing his sword back around, one lunged from the side-

He heard Ravn yell, heard his sword swing violently, but it missed the varkolak that collided with Leedo, sending them both tumbling to the hard earth, nearly winding Leedo. He likely would have laid there, trying to recover his breath, save for the claws around his throat threatening to dig in, and Ravn calling his name, followed by more growls shaking the earth.

Leedo was disoriented, his sword gone from his hand that grasped around air. He could hear Ravn’s horse whinnying and stomping backwards, trying to obey its training with the beasts at its hooves-

Leedo didn’t think, the varkolak too close with its teeth opening to snap his neck.

He thrusted a hand upwards, feeling his own claws release from his fingers painfully as he shoved them through the varkolak’s chest, warm blood breaking over his hand and the death cry loud enough to nearly wind him again-

He didn’t wait. He shoved the body off, tearing his hand off and shoving the claws back where they came from- ignoring how painful it was to do it so quickly as he stumbled to his feet, finding his sword only inches away and grabbing it with a blood-soaked hand.

Rushing forward, he stabbed a varkolak in the back as it sank its teeth into the knee of the horse’s leg, making it buckle, but not give way completely for the shallow wound-

Ravn cried out fiercely, slicing wildly to keep them at a distance from the horse, Sonhae crying louder with every growl and yelp and howl that vibrated bone, but keeping his grip on his older brother tightly.

They were all occupied with jumping at the two princes- as if some pheromone or drug were laced in their blood that they desired.

That gave Leedo the freedom to rush through them like stalks of wheat, cutting them down enough to make them back away, spinning around and bringing his sword down on any of them that continued to prowl closer, lunging and biting and slashing-

He stabbed one through the chest, hearing his sword pass through earth on the other side, tearing it out and wiping sweat and blood from his eyes, turning to see Ravn swing at one varkolak on his left.

On his right, another varkolak reached a bloodied claw up, snatching around Sonhae’s leg wrapped around Ravn’s waist.

With a bloodcurdling cry, the child was yanked away- releasing his grip on his brother as fear forced him immobile, screaming so loud, it rivaled that of the varkolaks’ roar.

As if time had slowed, he watched Ravn turn his back on the varkolak he had been defending against, eyes widening in horror- his free hand reaching out, as if he might catch the child that was already far beyond his reach.

The varkolak he was ignoring sank claws into his armor, pulling him from the horse on the other side from the Crown Prince.

In a split moment, Leedo made a decision.

The distance between himself and Sonhae was barely ten feet.

In the time it took to blink, Leedo was beside the enemy, ignoring the ache in his bones from using such speed without fully transforming as he stabbed downward through the varkolaks back.

One hand still held the sword in place as the varkolak thrashed, his other hand snaked around, grasping whatever part of Sonhae he was closest to- his shoulder- and yanking with all his might, twisting the sword when he began to feel resistance, forcing the varkolak to release him completely.

Leedo dragged the sword upwards as he stumbled back, Sonhae draped over his forearm limply as the varkolak fell. He had no time to panic at Sonhae’s sudden silence and immobility. He twisted in a frantic circle, clutching Sonhae to his chest and holding his sword aloft, searching for an enemy in the area.

He hadn’t noticed how dark it had become within the trees until he scanned the darkness, looking for glowing eyes and listening for the snap of twigs.

He counted the bodies among them rapidly, accounting for seven of the varkolaks and seeing the eighth’s body thrown aside as Ravn stood, a smear of blood that wasn’t his across his face and his expression that of dark marble.

No sooner than he stood did his eyes frantically turn.

“ _Sonhae-_ “

His eyes fell on Leedo clutching the boy, a visible current of relief nearly sweeping him away as he stumbled over to them, looking around sharply, but finding their clearing to be empty.

“Is he…” Ravn did not even finish before he reached Leedo, tentatively reaching for the boy, helping Leedo crouch to the ground and lay him down.

“I think he simply fainted,” Leedo murmured, finally able to get a good look at the boy.

He was pale and dirty with his eyes closed, but he was clearly breathing, and the only wound on his body was a shallow row of scratches along his leg that were hardly bleeding, not presenting an immediate danger.

For a moment, Ravn was still and silent- not touching Sonhae and not moving to accomplish anything else. His eyes flickered over the child rapidly, swallowing thickly- as if he were unsure what the safest option was. His eyes lingered over the lazily bleeding wound

“We should take him and regroup with the others,” Leedo said firmly, snapping Ravn out of his concern as he looked up sharply, slightly dazed. “Keonhee has the medical bag. We can treat the wound- It is clearly bleeding fresh blood, and there is no blue coloration, see?”

He pointed firmly to the irritated red color around the wounds. There were no signs of poison creeping into the boy’s veins, nothing dyeing his skin blue, and no black, viscous blood seeping out.

“It is a regular scratch without Intent behind it,” Leedo reminded Ravn sternly. “He will not be turned into one of them, Your Highness. He is safe.”

Ravn stared at the wound for another moment, as if trying to convince himself of something, before he released a harsh breath as he shook his head. He gathered Sonhae into his arms, holding him tightly as he nodded.

“Right- You are right,” he said, slightly distracted, but shaking his head once more to clear it. “You’re right- I… I’m sorry, my mind is elsewhere, I just…”

His grip tightened on Sonhae, lips thinning and expression turning grim for a moment before clearing.

“For a moment, I just knew he was taken, and I… I panicked.” He laughed, though there was no humor behind it. “I thought I had lost him, and I… My mind is still recovering from that scare.” Another emotionless laugh.

Leedo understood. He, too, had felt his heart drop the moment Sonhae was touched.

“You are allowed to fear for him,” Leedo assured Ravn, taking a moment to lay a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “But he is safe. Remind yourself of that.”

Ravn glanced up at him, holding his gaze for a moment before nodding firmly, eyes snapping back into clarity as he nodded again, determined. “Yes,” he said, more centered as he adjusted Sonhae to be able to stand with him.

Leedo dropped his hand, able to muster a grim smile of encouragement as they both stood. He whistled for the horses, wincing when the movement caused a spike of brief pain through his neck-

“You’re injured?” Ravn’s concerned voice sounded sharply, brows pulling down as he stepped closer to Leedo. “What-“

He lifted a hand, pressing it to his neck and pulling it away to see small streaks of blood. “One of them had me by the throat,” he remembered, dropping his hand and straightening. “It looks like a small scratch.”

Ravn pressed closer, trying to see the wounds in the dark, humming in relief. “They seem normal and shallow. We can tend to you with the others as well.” His eyes looked Leedo up and down. “Is that your only injury?” he questioned gently. “That is more than a usual amount of blood.”

Well, usually Leedo wasn’t shoving his hand into someone’s chest.

However, he shook his head. “This should be the only one. Anything else is just bruises.” He paused, taking the reins of his horse that arrived. “And yourself, Your Highness? You were tackled from your horse-“

“As were you,” Ravn said pointedly, as if it were a checkmate move in chess. Leedo’s brief confusion was cut off as Ravn offered a gentle smile. “I am uninjured. Only bruises.”

Leedo frowned for a moment, but nodded as he stepped forward, taking Sonhae for a moment so that Ravn could mount his horse, passing the child up to him before swinging himself up on his own.

“I came from this direction,” Leedo said, gesturing to the left. “We can-“

“Thank you.”

Leedo paused where he had been prepared to urge his horse forward, turning back to glance at Ravn in confusion.

Ravn held Sonhae tightly with one hand, the other gripping his reins, but his eyes were focused on Leedo, softer than they had been during battle, and heavy with the weight of his honesty.

“For what?” Leedo questioned, straightening and tilting his head in confusion.

For a moment, there was only the sound of insects singing.

“Everything,” Ravn assured him, chuckling gently with the slightest hint of light there. “For coming after me, protecting Sonhae-“

“Those are my duties, Your Highness,” he replied quickly, a bit amused for being thanked for something required.

Ravn was silent for a moment, lips thinned and eyes unwavering, making Leedo want to glance away, but he didn’t move. “You would do them regardless, wouldn’t you?” he questioned quietly, but he sounded as if he already knew the answer.

Leedo blinked slowly, and Ravn’s lips lifted ever so slightly, as if everything he suspected had been confirmed.

“You are a good person, Leedo,” Ravn said quietly, finally glancing away and beginning to move his horse forward slowly, passing Leedo. “Better than I could have ever realized… Far better than me…”

The last part faded into a murmur, but Leedo’s eyes widened, sure that he must have misheard as he moved after Ravn to catch up. “Your Highness,” he said quickly, desperate to correct a statement that- frankly- made his chest clench.

Any compliment from Ravn… always seemed like a lie. Not on the prince’s part, but on Leedo’s. Despite acting earnestly, regardless of being hidden or not, everything Ravn ever praised him on felt like a false win. 

“Your Highness, that isn’t-“

Ravn turned back to him, and his smile was wider, though remaining soft as he closed his eyes for a moment. “That’s a good thing, Leedo,” he assured him warmly, eyes sparking gently. “I need people better than me. Otherwise…” He glanced down at Sonhae for a moment. “I would make many, many mistakes.”

Their horses carried them into the trees, but Leedo’s stomach felt like it was going to twist itself apart. “Is… Is this to do with what we discussed the other night?”

Ravn didn’t answer, staring straight ahead, expression stiff but lax. “It is comfortable to just follow what you are told,” he murmured, working through the trees. “The greatest discomfort is to change the way you think about something. You can always think of a reason not to…”

Leedo frowned gently, wondering if this was a rejection or not.

“I find it hard to feel pity for the varkolaks because of what they have done to people,” Ravn confessed solemnly, making Leedo’s fist clench in preparation. “However… you…” He glanced at Leedo, still smiling. “You pity them… in spite of what they’ve done. You pity them because of _why_ they’ve done what they’ve done.”

Leedo inclined his head slowly in agreement, heart slowly expanding with hope as he braced himself regardless when Ravn glanced away.

“Our perspectives are completely different to begin with,” he said. “I used to think that it was amazing how alike our thinking was… The things we valued and upheld…” He hummed, as if surprised. “But I see now… that you have always been someone who was willing to go so much farther than I was. You are not a coward, Leedo.”

“You are not a coward either, Your Highness,” he said firmly, stomach clenching. “It is not cowardice to refuse to forgive those who have hurt you.”

“But that is the catch to this whole predicament,” he assured Leedo, glancing back, looking disappointed in himself. “Yes, I hate varkolaks… But I have been meticulously trying to decide whether I hate them because of their crimes… or if I simply hate them on sight because they are varkolaks.” 

Ravn’s eyes were dark with confusion and stormy thoughts.

“I do not have an answer yet,” Ravn said firmly, shaking his head. “But I promise you that I am looking for one.”

Leedo stared.

Had he been less solid-minded, he might have begun to cry. Or maybe not. But it was… The words hit something inside of Leedo again- the same thing that had him stunned and immobile and disbelieving the night before.

Hope flared, but it blazed with something else that Leedo had been feeling in the back of his mind. 

“Thank you… Your Highness.”

Ravn blinked, some of the darkness falling off of him like shaking off snowflakes. “For what?” he asked, his own turn to be amused and confused.

Leedo tried to think of what exactly he was thanking him for. It wasn’t necessarily for anything in particular. Perhaps just a thank you for giving Leedo a few moments to feel like maybe their world wasn’t destined to end.

That maybe… despite everything… there was hope.

“For giving me someone to trust,” he decided on, speaking quietly, unsure if such a statement even made sense. “To follow.”

Because that was what it amounted to. Even more than hope… it was having someone who was good enough, trustworthy enough, kind enough… for Leedo to believe in. To follow. To trust that, in spite of everything… Ravn would find a way to make peace.

Leedo hadn’t realized Ravn’s horse had stopped until he walked past him, pulling to a stop as he looked back, tensed and prepared to ask what was wrong-

Ravn stared at Leedo as if he had just slapped him across his face, stunned and lips parted as he stared with widened eyes that stared at the other as if he were suddenly an apparition.

He hesitated, glancing around before frowning. “Your Highness?” he questioned, afraid for a moment that his statement may have been taken the wrong way-

“You…” Ravn blinked, some of the shock leaving as he managed a weak smile “You have no idea-“

“ _Your Highness_!”

“Leedo!”

He whipped around, tensing as his hand fell to his sword, but his eyes fell at a short distance- three horses galloping towards them through the trees. Keonhee and Hwanwoong rode together, all of them covered in blood, but seemingly unharmed.

“Are there more?” Leedo demanded, bringing his horse about.

“No,” Xion said before either of them could draw their weapons, stopping beside them, breathing heavily with his hair sticking up with dried blood. “There are no more in the area. We were searching for you.”

“We were beginning to fear the worst,” Hwanwoong said, wincing, but looking relieved. “You were difficult to track down.”

Leedo relaxed his hold on the hilt, shoulders falling at the presence of the others. “We ran into a bit of our own trouble,” he muttered, filling them in briefly.

Even as he spoke, Ravn dismounted as Keonhee grabbed the medicine bag, pulling out bandages as the rest of them dismounted, creating a distanced circle around them.

“Anyone else hurt?” Leedo questioned, glancing around.

“Aside from that questionable wound on your neck?” Seoho questioned, tossing him a grim smirk. “No, we all made it out unharmed.” A pause. “You know, Leedo, your purpose is to kill them, not let them kiss your neck-“

His knees buckled when Leedo kicked it, glaring when Seoho snorted, both of them straightening back to position after their spat.

Leedo cleaned his own wound, not bothering to bandage it since the bleeding had long since stopped.

“How far to the stronghold?” Xion questioned once Ravn stood, dripping water on Sonhae’s face, watching it contort in discomfort at the disturbance.

“I would say we could reach it by morning,” Ravn muttered, shaking his head heavily. “But after such an attack…it may be best to simply make a camp and travel when the light comes.” 

Leedo almost protested, a restless knot in his chest that urged them to continue on. But he understood that… it was suicide to travel like this at the dead of night, especially after such an attack before.

Sonhae groaned weakly, opening his eyes that flew wide instantly, looking around, a cry of fear already on his lips before noticing Ravn above him.

“It’s alright,” the elder comforted him, expression gentle. “You’re safe, Sonhae. We’re all safe…” He stroked the child’s hair, Sonhae glancing around at all of them, still shaking, but seeming to recognize that there was no more danger.

“We’re going to remain here the night,” Hwanwoong told him, kneeling beside the child and offering him a piece of dried fruit from the stash that wasn’t lost in the fight. He smiled warmly. “Sleeping in the woods doesn’t sound too horrible, does it?”

Sonhae made a face, but it was clear that after the terrifying ordeal from earlier, he wasn’t about to complain, nodding slowly and accepting the gift of food.

“Why don’t you lay back down and start trying to sleep?” Leedo coaxed, gesturing to a spot away from the trees a bit that wouldn’t have many roots. “And tomorrow morning, we’ll go find the king and queen again… alright?”

He offered his own smile, and Sonhae nodded, lips wobbly but twitching into a comforted smile, glancing from Leedo to Ravn curiously. 

Ravn smiled, real and genuine now that Sonhae was awake and visibly alright. “I’ll sleep with you later,” he said, beginning to release the boy from his arms. “I have to-“

“We’ll take care of scouting and setting up a watch,” Leedo told him firmly, a hand on his shoulder stopping him, making Ravn sputter a bit.

He glanced at Sonhae staring at Ravn, expression hidden in the darkness but clearly distressed

“Stay with Sonhae,” Leedo told Ravn lowly, pushing him back to the ground. “He needs you right now. We can take care of everything else.”

Ravn opened his mouth to protest but glanced down at Sonhae.

Sonhae was a docile child, most of the time. He never asked for much, despite being given whatever he wanted more often than not. Despite that, especially when he was shaken… he was quiet and withdrawn at times.

Ravn stopped, expression falling into apologies when Sonhae didn’t meet his eyes, staring at his leg and dragging a finger along his bandage.

“He will not sleep until you join him, either way,” Leedo assured him, offering a reassuring smile. “There were several close calls today. Just stay with him.”

There were few who could offer Sonhae comfort better than Ravn. Even over his own mother at times, Sonhae followed Ravn like a shadow.

Though conflicted, Ravn sighed quietly, taking Sonhae and laying him down before reclining beside him, making Sonhae look up in wonder at him still being there. He scrambled onto Ravn’s chest before the other had even finishing laying down, hugging around his neck and settling, as if he intended to sleep just like that.

Leedo hid a smirk as Ravn caught him, trying to coax him to lay down, but Leedo knew he would ultimately give up without any sort of fight.

“Don’t go far,” Seoho warned as they tethered their horses, drawing their swords. “Keep the perimeter tight. Watches should be half of us for half the night,” he decided as they nodded.

One person would be sufficient under normal circumstances, but with how on edge everything was, they needed as many people keeping their eyes open as possible.

They formed a circle, walking into the woods to scan for any signs of varkolaks. Aside from the damage done from their rampage earlier, everything seemed normal. Leedo scented the air, trying to distinguish if there was a threatening scent, but all he could make out was the general earthy scent of the forest.

Comforted that they were at least alone for the time being, he let the tension in his chest unlock, wandering back to their little camp that was nothing more than the dirt and their horses.

“We can take first watch,” Leedo said, gesturing to himself, Seoho, and Keonhee. “You two get as much rest as you can.”

“I can take watch with them,” Ravn whispered over Sonhae who was already fast asleep, curled against his side.

“Just close your mouth and sleep,” Keonhee said, tapping the prince’s foot in chastisement. “We will take care of it.”

Ravn looked ruffled by the insistence, but after Xion and Hwanwoong laid down, and the others turned their backs with their weapons drawn, he sighed, settling back against the ground.

Leedo felt the night grow darker and deeper, peering out into the darkness and straining his ears for any sound other than the quiet breathing around them. It was eerie and he kept forcing his jaw to unclench when his head would begin to ache from it.

He flipped his sword around in his grip slowly, lips tight. Ravn had acted… oddly when Leedo thanked him. There was something more than just surprise there, or even a state of being deeply touched by the gratitude.

Leedo glanced back at the prince, frowning, but Ravn slept on peacefully with Sonhae beside him. On either side, forming a triangle, Seoho and Keonhee crouched outward towards the forest.

Uncertainty ran through their world more rampant than it ever had.

Sonhae was a target among varkolaks- even more intently than any other royal had ever been. Part of Leedo had thought it was a cruel joke of fate.

After speaking with Giwook, he realized that it was exactly that: varkolaks feeling an urge to kill off the thing that others were trying to protect… As if they knew that this child stood before them and their desired future.

He casted one more glance over Sonhae, his face buried in the crook of Ravn’s shoulder as one of the prince’s arms rested around the smaller’s body.

Leedo clenched his sword tighter, turning away from the sleeping duo, chest heavy and pained, but he ignored it.

Sonhae could not die. They would find another way. But that child… was innocent. And letting him die for their cause went against everything they were hoping to achieve.

And he would not make Ravn mourn his brother.

He would not willingly take that from him.

They would find another way. Without sacrificing a child. This, they had long since decided.

Leedo did not dare imagine the grief from losing such an innocent youth.

~~~~~~~~~~

They woke the next morning and continued on their way.

It was well passed midday by the time they managed to reach the stronghold- hurrying, but keeping off the forest paths to make themselves harder to track, if they were indeed being tracked.

No sooner than they passed through the stronghold’s gates did the castle doors burst open, the Queen rushing from them with several servants on her heels, calling for her to wait.

Ravn dismounted, presenting Sonhae to his mother without a word as she embraced him so hard, Leedo almost feared for his spine, but Sonhae hugged her back with as much enthusiasm as her cries of relief were replaced with thanking Ravn over and over for bringing him back safe.

Leedo’s lips twitched as Ravn tried to calm her, assuring her that it was all over, that he was back safe.

“-and it was hardly only me who protected him,” Ravn said gently as she wiped her tears, still clinging to her child. “I… made a mistake. It was Leedo who truly protected him when it mattered.”

He turned, gesturing to Leedo as they Queen lifted her eyes.

Leedo stared at Ravn, silently demanding if he was insane, chest opening up like a cavern as the Queen smiled, uttering a grateful thank you that Leedo almost wanted to slap from her lips-

What the hell was Ravn doing, throwing Leedo into her path like that?

But even as Leedo assured her that it was not Ravn’s fault, nor had he done anything heroic, he saw Ravn smiling proudly from the corner of his eyes, arms crossed warmly over his chest, as if he were enjoying the show.

But when the Queen turned back to Sonhae, and Leedo glared at Ravn for a brief moment, he saw him fully.

And it wasn’t amusement in Ravn’s eyes that were aimed at Leedo.

It was something proud and warm and gentle.

The glare faded, Leedo’s words failing for a moment.

“Let us go inside, Sonhae,” she coaxed, lifting him and holding him close. “Ravn, your father asked for you to be summoned when you returned,” she said over her shoulder. “I would not keep him waiting. He was anxious for you.”

Ravn merely nodded cordially, a word of farewell to the others as he continued on towards the castle, the Queen cooing at Sonhae as she made her way back as well, holding him tightly.

They all stayed still for a moment, watching the two royals make their way back, Leedo still huffing from Ravn putting him in the Queen’s sights.

They had thus far avoided most interactions with the royal family, aside from the two princes, and they desired to keep it that way. They all shared some innate fear that the king and queen might look too closely and see through them, despite knowing that was ridiculous.

“Shall we clean up and then head to the training grounds?” Keonhee suggested while they were left alone, head tilted. “He will probably be tied up in this for a while.”

“I don’t suspect we’ll be seeing him before dinner,” Seoho agreed, looking vaguely amused by Ravn’s constant summons to his father. “Let’s take a moment to get ourselves together and meet at the grounds before evening.”

Leedo had never had trouble sleeping in the wild, so there was no discomfort in his bones from spending the night with his shoulder on a root. In fact… he felt quite good.

The attack from the varkolaks was not at all faded from his mind, and he knew they may need to change their approach on their next journey, whenever that may be, in order to anticipate any other attacks.

But… they were alive. The Queen was relieved and Ravn was in good spirits, and no one was harmed from the attack.

Leedo grabbed onto the moment of peace with both hands, clinging to it for a brief moment that seemed so foreign.

“Let’s go,” he urged the others, nudging his horse forward, taking a breath and letting it settle in peace for the first time in days.

~~~~~~~~~~

Leedo’s good mood persisted into the evening, even as the sun began to set while they sparred and practiced with Ravn still gone with his father.

It made him reluctant to cease his practice with the sparring dummy, sweat on his brow as he attacked the lifeless wooden doll, but the others were tired of waiting and dragged him away to dinner, telling him he could come back out after eating something.

They talked as they ate- Seoho having to hold Xion’s hand pinned to the table when Keonhee stole his bread. Though his triumph was short lived when Hwanwoong snatched it from Keonhee before he could get a bite, stuffing it into his cheeks while Keonhee grabbed him by the shoulders to shake it free.

Their lives were not all grim and doom and fear. And Leedo laughed as he protected his own bread from Xion who was glaring murderously when Leedo slapped his hand away, laughing as Xion tried to lunge at him.

It ended with Xion struggling in Leedo’s headlock like a cat with its head stuck in a hole, hands hitting Leedo’s arm as he twisted like he might be able to slip out, growling like an irritated squirrel.

Only after a servant walked in, bringing more bread, did Leedo release Xion- his own struggling sending him tumbling to the floor, glaring up at Leedo with a promise of revenge.

Leedo was ignored, however, in favor of Keonhee who had grabbed the entire basket and tried to sneak it off the table. He was honestly surprised Xion didn’t simply bite Keonhee’s hand, and instead chose to slap it away, snatching two pieces for himself.

Seoho ate his roll without issue, watching the fight unfold with a calculative eye, as if trying to decide who to bet on as Hwanwoong and Keonhee both tried to grab the same piece of bread at once.

The fight had to be broken up when Xion threatened to dump his wine on Keonhee’s lap after he tried to hoard more bread.

Leedo took the goblet from Xion, placing it down pointedly as Seoho sighed, shoving Keonhee’s hands off the basket and placing it in the center of the table.

“The next person who touches the basket is losing the hand of their choice,” Seoho informed them, glancing around and daring someone to test it.

“You’re already cleaned up from the journey through the woods,” Leedo scolded, glaring when Xion’s hand started creeping back to the goblet because he didn’t know when to quit. “Do not make a mess that someone will have to clean up.”

Xion huffed, sitting back in his chair, arms crossed petulantly, but he stopped trying to start a fight.

Leedo snorted in amusement as they all sat like scolded children, standing and pushing his empty plate away. “I’m going to practice more,” he said, glancing around. “Anyone care to join me?”

“We just practiced for five hours straight,” Hwanwoong said, laying his head on the table. “I’m going to _sleep_.” 

“Same here,” Keonhee assured him, chuckling. “You can go and kill yourself over hitting a piece of wood with a sword. I’ve done enough of that today.”

Seoho and Xion also refused, claiming tiredness and just a plain desire not to.

“Lazy cowards,” Leedo claimed, shaking his head as he walked away. “You’ll regret losing this one hour of practice!” he warned, walking towards the door.

“Unlikely,” Seoho assured him, resting a chin on his fist. “Because unlike you, we are not insane.”

Leedo gracefully ignore that, heading from the dining hall towards the doors that led outside. The sun had long since set, but there were always enough torches to see by as he made his way out, nodding to the guards at the doors, jogging down the steps and running lightly towards the practice grounds.

His sword was a comforting weight at his side as he ran through the grass, leaving the castle behind, the cool night air brushing against his skin-

A cry echoed through the air suddenly, making Leedo freeze, hand flying to the hilt of his sword, every muscle tensing-

Another noise in the distance, and Leedo relaxed minutely at finding it to sound like the sound of someone practicing their attacks. He continued walking forward, the darkness parting as he approached the circle of torches around the practice equipment.

He was in a good enough mood to not mind practicing with another knight present.

That good mood faded rapidly as he actually caught sight of the person making the noise.

Ravn stood at the striking pillar- just a six foot tall stump with chips missing from their swords- but it wasn’t the calculated, precise strikes they were all taught to perform. Instead of sword fighting, it almost seemed as if he were trying to beat the pillar into dust, hacking at it without finesse or care, an occasional shout or hiss of frustration- not power- leaving his mouth with each strike.

It wasn’t fighting. It was venting.

Ravn swung his sword with his whole body- unsteady enough for Leedo to believe he had been here a while. Or at least, that he had used most of his strength.

The blade collided with the pillar, but his grip must have been loose enough that the sword was wrenched from his hand, bouncing off and flying a few feet away into the ground as Ravn stumbled, off balanced by the loss of balancing weight-

He caught himself facing Leedo, looking up with his face covered in sweat, eyes red, and his posture looking as if he were about to collapse.

Leedo felt as if he’d been slapped, mouth opening to say a hundred different things as concern welled in his stomach because… well, he had never seen Ravn like this, looking as if he were moments away from falling apart at the seams.

Shock gave way to concern, which bled away into something almost like fear.

“Your High-“

“Leedo,” he interrupted, as if he had merely walked in on him sitting on his lonesome, straightening slightly and running a quick hand through his sweaty hair, clearly trying to appear more composed. “I didn’t expect anyone to be out after dinner…”

Leedo didn’t move, feeling like any move was the wrong one, holding his breath as he and Ravn simply stared at each other.

Ravn didn’t move- neither towards nor away from Leedo. He made no move to pick up his sword, nor to defend himself about his obvious distress.

Leedo swallowed, wetting his lips carefully. “Are you… alright, Your Highness?” he asked hesitantly, unsure whether he was about to collapse or lose it.

Ravn opened his mouth confidently, as if he knew exactly the correct answer.

But nothing fell from his lips as their eyes met, Leedo trying to convey how concerned he was.

Aside from his goodness… Ravn was simply a composed person. He would show joy and sorrow without issue. But Leedo had never witnessed such a display of anger, frustration, and maybe something deeper that he could never name.

And the longer he looked into Ravn’s eyes, he was convinced that not all the wet on his cheeks was from exercise.

Ravn broke their eye contact, turning away rapidly and clearing his throat. “I am fine,” he assured him, stepping over and picking up his sword, still seeming unsteady. “I apologize for taking up your space.” He threw Leedo what might have been a smile, but he looked away too quickly. “I’ll allow you to practice-“

“Your Highness,” Leedo said, stepping in his path, despite a couple of meters separating them still, Ravn freezing.

His expression was neutral, but his entire body looked like he was backed into a corner. As if he wanted to run.

“I… I don’t mean to pry, Your Highness,” Leedo assured him quickly, hands held up to stop Ravn like one might a wild animal. “But it was rather clear that you are… distressed.”

Ravn’s careful expression tensed, eyes flickering away before coming back as he smiled too tightly, never reaching his eyes. “I was merely letting off some steam,” he said, as if reading from a script. “I’m sorry if I startled you-“

“Your Highness.”

Ravn stopped, and it seemed as if his breathing did as well, as if Leedo was slowly backing him towards a cliff and he didn’t know how to fight back.

Leedo scanned his face, seeing every point of tension, every hesitation, every false mask. Ravn had said it before. They were brothers and friends before they were prince and knights.

But Leedo also knew… that sometimes, your burdens were heavier to reveal than they were to bear alone. And sometimes there were things you needed to hide, for the safety of the people around you. Leedo certainly had no right to demand the truth from anyone.

That did not mean he did not wish to understand.

Ravn was the last person who deserved to look so burdened.

“You have no obligation to share your troubles with me,” Leedo said quietly, lowering his hands to appear less aggressive. “But I would listen, if you chose to.”

Ravn’s expression didn’t change, staring at Leedo with eyes that were a little too wide, a little too wild. Slowly, his lips thinned, as if he were once more battling with himself.

He broke eye contact, shaking his head sharply. “I won’t bore you with-“

“Would you find my troubles a bore, if I shared them with you?” Leedo challenged before Ravn could go anywhere, the prince sighing and pressing his palms to his eyes. He paused. “I won’t demand you tell me anything… but I am reminding you that there are those around you who want to ease those burdens.”

Ravn laughed, the sound a little wet and weak as he lifted his head, eyes dry but holding too many emotions that centered around pain.

He took a deep breath, staring at Leedo, as if trying to decide if he was real. He swallowed uncertainly, wetting his lips nervously, but after several moments… something in his eyes softened.

Something in his shoulders loosened… and his chest moved with breath calmly.

Ravn glanced away, dropping his sword’s tip to the ground, staring at the grass as he swung the handle around slowly. “My father… has made the decision that… we should take Sonhae the rest of the way to the Southern Glade for his presentation on our own. Without the royal family, so as to stay beneath the awareness of the varkolaks.”

Leedo nodded silently, waiting. This was actually the best news he had heard all day- they had long since pushed for Sonhae to be transported with just the six of them and without anyone being within the knowledge of when or where they were going until they reached there.

Leedo knew this was not the thing weighing on Ravn’s mind.

He stared at his sword, rocking it back and forth slowly, voice growing softer and duller as his tone was colored with something almost like embarrassment. “This was… um, after he expressed his… _displeasure_ ,” he said quietly, hesitating for a moment, “at Sonhae’s injury.”

Leedo frowned slowly, expression growing slightly darker as Ravn continued staring at the ground, not lifting his head, though his voice tried to make the statement seem lighter than he managed.

“Did… he speak harshly to you?” he asked carefully after Ravn showed no desire to say anything more. He waited, but Ravn said nothing, still fiddling with his sword. “The king cannot actually blame you for what happened to Sonhae-“

“I lead the order,” Ravn excused, lifting his head with difficulty and wearing that horrific smile that tried to hide how upset something made him. “I ran with Sonhae on my own, he was taken from my arms… I do carry some blame.”

“There is no blame to give,” Leedo pressed, wanting to snap and get angry, but he could tell that Ravn did not want righteous anger on his behalf. Leedo’s tone softened as he forced himself to remain calm. “There is always that risk. Sonhae was not gravely injured- there was no reason to speak harshly to you-“

“There was reason,” Ravn assured him, chuckling, though the sound was so heavy, it sounded like dirt grinding. “He is the king. His son was harmed under my watch. He had every right to express his displeasure-“

“Do not make it sound so lighthearted,” Leedo requested of him quietly, shaking his head. “You would not have been so upset if his words had not been cruel.”

Ravn was still trying to keep up his aching smile that looked like it had been glued on with an adhesive that was quickly slipping away. His smile trembled, looking prepared to fall at any moment.

Leedo’s fist clenched, but he dared not show any more aggression than that.

Ravn was the last person on this earth who deserved blame of any kind. Especially over something that was no one’s fault. It was Ravn who got Sonhae away from the fight- he did not deserve whatever verbal lashing his father had given him-

“My father… has always been abrupt with his words,” Ravn said slowly, glancing away and staring off towards the woods. “I’ve learned to not take them personally… but I-“

He stopped, lips pressing together, eyes darkening, as if he were being torn in two different directions on whether he should speak or not.

Leedo stepped closer, voice quiet. “Anything you say to me… I will keep in confidence,” he swore. “You can speak freely, Your Highness.”

Ravn chuckled, shaking his head as he sighed harshly.

“It is not a matter of confidence,” Ravn assured him quietly. “I merely got angry again thinking about it.”

His grip tightened on his sword, another fast breath pushed from his lungs as he shut his eyes, lips tensing. Leedo frowned, wondering what on earth could have been said.

“My father questioned the validity and loyalty of my knights,” Ravn half hissed, voice tensed, as if he were struggling to keep anger back as his knuckles turned white around his sword.

Leedo’s brows turned down darker, his heart slowing down in preparation. “He… questioned our loyalty?” he asked, carefully neutral so as not to add fuel to the fire.

Ravn sighed, rubbing at his face harshly. “Given the timing and size of the attack, my father believes that the varkolaks knew of Sonhae’s location and chosen path. He-“ He paused, gathering his emotions. “He uttered a theory that you all could have betrayed the location, given that only us and a few of his court knew where we would be going-“

Ravn drew the sword back out, only to stab it deeper, grip shaking in anger on it.

“He accused my knights of conspiring with varkolaks- as if every monster in a hundred miles does not know our ever move, since my father seems keen on blaring the trumpets for Sonhae’s every step-“ He scoffed harshly, shaking his head sharply. “I fought him on it… and that only displeased him further-“

“He has no right to attack you for defending your actions-“

“No, this one was entirely my fault,” Ravn assured him, sounding tired as he stared at his sword darkly. “I used… rather choice words after his accusations. Even I understand that I crossed a line when I addressed him- though I do not regret it.” The leather around the hilt creaked under his grip. “I will not take accusations like that lightly,” he muttered.

Leedo’s heart once again felt as if it were being pulled in two.

Half of it was touched at the ferocity that Ravn defended them with, even against his own father. And the other half curled into a twisted, dark regret.

Because while it was true, none of them would ever dare bring Sonhae to harm… the trust he bestowed on them was only still alive because he did not know the truth.

How quickly would such defense be taken away… But no. Leedo had to believe that when they revealed themselves… that trust would remain.

That was why they needed to build trust as high and strong as possible. Because their future could not be created without rocking entire worlds. They had to believe that Ravn trusted them enough to continue if he knew.

He did not bother reassuring Ravn that they had not revealed Sonhae’s path. Leedo managed to shove his guilt away, watching as Ravn breathed deeply and evenly.

And even he could tell that this was not all weighing on Ravn’s mind.

“And this argument with your father,” Leedo asked quietly, making Ravn stiffen. “Was it the reason you were… _venting,_ as you put it?” He knew it was not. “Or is… something else distressing you?” he questioned delicately.

Anger was not the only emotion in Ravn’s strikes. This went deeper than his knights’ loyalties being questioned or lashing out at his father.

And his fear only grew deeper when Ravn remained silent, shoulders tensing once more.

He saw him swallow, his jaw clenching as his throat bobbed, every part of him turning to marble flickering in the torchlight. There was… regret. And fear. And something undeniably vulnerable that he was desperately trying to lock away.

“My…”

His voice failed for a moment, his shaking fist clenching at his side, eyes shutting firmly.

“My father,” he whispered, voice so low that Leedo stepped forward automatically, stomach falling through. “While he awaited our arrival… he had… a failure of his heart.”

A blow to the chest would have winded Leedo less.

Whatever he thought Ravn was going to confess- whatever issue or problem or fear… it was not this.

“He…” Leedo’s voice nearly failed, but he saved it from breaking, staring in disbelief as Ravn bowed his head heavily. “He is ill?” he whispered.

Ravn took a breath that shook as he nodded slowly. “He… His heart was stopped for nearly too long before the physicians revived him…” He sighed, shaking his head-

Leedo saw tears dripping down his cheeks as he stared skyward, trying to ward them off as he swallowed thickly.

“And worse,” he whispered weakly, voice thick- “It is not the first time it has happened.” He blinked hard, body swaying as if he couldn’t be bothered to balance it. “My father has hidden three other attacks like this from me over the past month alone.”

Leedo had envisioned himself giving comfort and support to the prince. Easing whatever burden, and fixing what struggles he could.

But now, he stood with his tongue numb and his mind a blank buzz and his ears ringing as Ravn cursed, struggling to compose himself.

“The physicians believe… that he will not survive another,” he hissed, dragging his arm roughly across his eyes, gritting his teeth. “They think he has weeks to live at best-“

His voice finally broke, and with that, the last of his composure fell away as he cursed, dropping his head as a sob caught in his throat. He wiped at his eyes roughly, cursing again-

The king… was going to die soon.

“What-“

Leedo broke off, biting his lip harshly to silence his question. _What of the kingdom?_ Now was not the time to ask such questions.

He wet his lips as Ravn stabbed the earth again, grip shaking.

His father was dying. Quicker and sooner than Ravn could have ever suspected.

And Leedo… for all that he boasted his inability to stand by… he simply stood, stock still as the prince cried, occasionally cursing himself as he stabbed the earth to release the emotions.

All of this happening within an evening… Leedo was not surprised to find the man out here destroying pillars. He could not imagine any other reaction.

But Leedo could find no words of comfort. No gesture of support. He did not know how to comfort someone over a dying family member, he didn’t know how to assure Ravn it would be alright- and besides it all, he didn’t think those were the words that Ravn needed to hear.

But he didn’t know what he did need to hear. 

Leedo stood- as helpless as a newborn fawn running from a predator.

“What…”

Ravn sucked in a calming breath that managed to stem his tears for a moment, staring at Leedo through tears still flooding his eyes and clinging to his cheeks.

“What do you need, Your Highness?” he asked quietly, hands twisted together in helplessness as he stepped a bit closer, Ravn watching him intently through his sorrow. “I… I don’t know what comfort I can give you,” he confessed gently. “But I will help you in any way I can, Your Highness-“

Ravn laughed, choked and tinged with bitterness, as he dropped his head, shaking it gently, smiling though it held anything but joy.

Leedo froze, waiting for his word, not wanting to make the wrong move and cause further hurt. Perhaps Ravn simply wished to say his peace and leave it alone. But Leedo… did hope that he could offer more comfort than that.

Ravn did not deserve to carry such a burden alone.

Sometimes… Leedo wondered how great his burdens would have been, had the five of them stayed away.

“To begin with,” Ravn croaked, still shaking his head, flicking tears away, “I would greatly appreciate to stop being a ‘your highness’ for the moment.”

He tossed his sword down, like a surrender as its tip sank into the earth.

Leedo blinked, watching him carefully, but not entirely sure what that was supposed to convey.

Ravn sighed heavily, exhaustion showing on his features as he stepped backwards- still a bit unsteady- until his back rested against the striking pillar, letting it take his weight as he sagged against it.

For a moment, he merely rested there, dropping his head into his palm after a moment, massaging his face slowly.

Leedo waited, breath held as he watched Ravn’s shoulder drop lower, as if he were suddenly too tired to hold himself up.

“Please,” he murmured, taking Leedo by surprise as he slowly glanced up, eyes suddenly seeming gaunt and heavy. “Just… for now, do not call me Your Highness,” he requested, voice a mere whisper that bordered on guilty. “I cannot-” He rubbed his forehead, as it was hurting. “I’d like to simply… exist for a moment.”

“Of… Of course,” Leedo agreed readily, though his chest swirled with confusion. “Is there… something you would rather I call you?” he ventured uncertainly.

Leedo understood that despite the vigor with which Ravn lived life, his status as prince weighed on him heavily- perhaps even more, now that he was not in line for the throne. He hid it well, and even when his strain did show, it never affected any of their performances.

However, there was always a breaking point. And Leedo was sure that if he found out his world was practically crumbling around him all in one night, he’d want a break from his duties as well.

Hell, he had wanted to run from his duty here so many times when the weight of their deception and fighting began to weigh too heavily.

“Or would you rather I leave you to… vent?” Leedo questioned, half turning to step away. “I understand you may not feel like company-“

“I don’t mind the company,” Ravn assured him, quick but soft, offering Leedo a tired smile that didn’t reach his eyes, but that softened the marble of his expression. He dropped his eyes, staring at his boots in the grass. “And… I suppose you could simply call me nothing at all,” he murmured. “Or simply call me by name, if you feel the need to address me.”

He offered Leedo another blank smile. This one, however, was like they had shared a very good, but not particularly funny, joke.

Leedo opened his mouth, about to further question the statement, but he swallowed the words, lips pressing together as Ravn stared at him.

As exhausted as he seemed… he stared at Leedo gratefully. And Leedo’s heart clenched as he inclined his head.

“Would you like me to call you… Ravn?” he questioned slowly.

Ravn’s lips twitched, and a dull spark flickered in his eyes, quickly swallowed up again, but it had been there. He chuckled heavily. “I think so,” he agreed gently. “I…”

He chuckled again.

“I never realized that you only ever called me by my title,” he noted, eyes misty and barely held together. “It always feels as if there are no barriers between us… You’ve really never called me by name?”

Leedo blinked, but shook his head. “It wouldn’t be proper, Your-“ He stopped, making Ravn laugh flatly. “Ravn,” he corrected, the name somehow foreign and comfortable on his tongue.

For a moment, Ravn’s expression was obscured by the shadows.

“I… appreciate you, Leedo,” he said quietly, a murmur managing to reach through the air. “More… More than you can ever realize.”

Leedo shoved down the part of him that was taken aback, and simply smiled quietly. “I’ll help you however I can-“ He stuttered before the title could leave his lips. “Ravn.”

“More than all this,” he sighed quietly, straightening a bit, but remaining resting against the pillar. “Just… everything you’ve ever done me. All the advice you’ve given-“

“What advice?” Leedo couldn’t help but interject, frowning gently, continuously finding himself in confusion whenever the prince addressed him.

Ravn glanced up, lifting a heavy brow curiously. “Everything you talked about concerning the varkolaks… perspective and mourning them…” He bowed his head slowly. “It’s given me much to think about… both about them… and myself.”

“You-“

“I feel as if I had found myself a bit again,” Ravn confessed quietly, looking torn between peace and sorrow. “The part of me that I wanted to be. Someone… who does not just hate because I was told to. Someone who thinks for themselves, instead of mindlessly accepting everything shoved at them… You reminded me who I wanted to be. And who I wasn’t anymore.”

His expression pinched for a moment, like a flash of pain, but it faded.

“I had myself convinced you were merely someone too sentimental… to think of the varkolaks that way. But I was prepared to ignore it, and simply let you live how you wanted. But…” He glanced up at Leedo. “It didn’t leave my mind. I knew that it was not just you being too kind, as I knew you to be.”

‘Too kind’ was not a description Leedo was prepared to hear of himself.

“I am not too kind, Ravn,” he said, the name coming easier this time as he shook his head firmly. “That title belongs to you.”

Ravn laughed, a more genuine sound, as if Leedo had told a very funny joke that finally broke through. He smiled, and it lit his eyes, even if they remained misty. “I thought I was kind,” Ravn assured him gently. “Until I really understood you.”

Understood him…

“You don’t… know everything about me, Ravn,” he said, forcing his voice to stay light, holding his tongue from crossing an dangerous line, though his chest was too heavy to remain silent. “You’ve never had a selfish thought in your life. You cannot say the same for me.”

Were Leedo not selfish… he would be content to just be alive. He would be content to know that someone like Ravn existed. He would be content to let nature run its course and stop being impatient for an unlikely future.

He would be content to simply reveal the truth to Ravn and let the rapids of time take them wherever their future led.

Instead… Leedo was selfish. And he clung to the life he had built while simultaneously reaching for something that would always be out of reach while he clung to his present.

He lied to Ravn… simply because he did not wish to leave. He struggled with the future… simply because he was too afraid to shape his present.

Were Leedo not selfish… he wouldn’t be struggling over the death of Ravn’s father and the imminent rise of Sonhae to the throne. 

But Ravn shook his head, eyes questioning how Leedo’s logic could ever come to that conclusion.

“Kind or not… you are a better person than any I have met before,” Ravn assured him, lisp twitching heavily. “Don’t tell the others I said that,” he joked, and Leedo tried to smile but it wouldn’t come.

Ravn’s expression also fell back into sobriety.

“Do you truly not see how you stand out from the rest?” Ravn questioned quietly, head tilting, as if confused. “Out of hundreds of knights- do you truly not understand why I chose you first and foremost to aid me in protecting Sonhae?”

Leedo opened his mouth.

And then closed it.

In truth… he had never thought much on it, in all five years. Since the beginning, Leedo’s skill and personality had gained him a bit of popularity among the knights, and through that, he had come into Ravn’s sight as well.

All knights held a special brotherhood. But Leedo understood that he and Ravn- as well as several of the others- built a friendship outside of duty, despite their short acquaintance.

“I… assumed it was skill and a belief in my loyalty,” Leedo replied honestly, shrugging helplessly.

Ravn chuckled, flat but an attempt at genuine. “It was,” he assured him placatingly. “But from the moment I first saw you… I understood that there was something special about you, Leedo. Something different from anyone else I had met.”

Leedo almost felt a flicker of panic, but knew that his secret was under no threat. “What was different?” he questioned, because in his eyes, there had been nothing to recommend him but his skills.

Ravn shrugged slowly. “At first, I couldn’t place it. I merely knew that you were earnest and true… but I had known you all of ten minutes before I knew that you were someone I could trust. I can’t explain it… but I’ve never had a moment of doubt for you, Leedo. Not once.” 

And that was the dagger in Leedo’s heart that slowly began to twist.

He forced his expression to remain tight and smooth, not allowing a single twitch.

He swallowed any part of him that wanted to assure Ravn that he was wrong. And he merely accepted the words.

“After hearing you speak of varkolaks… I realized exactly why that was,” he continued quietly, pushing off of the pillar slowly, steadying himself. “You were someone I saw as an echo of myself.”

Pain still clung to his chest as he frowned. “An echo?”

“You said it yourself,” Ravn assured him, stepping away from the pillar slowly as the wind brushed through them. “You are tired of war. You are looking for a future in which the bloodshed ends. You want peace. And you’re willing to put yourself on the frontline to achieve that.”

The frontline…. In all technicality, Ravn was the one on the frontline, with Sonhae. Leedo was hiding behind both of them.

“That… is the me that I lost sight of,” Ravn confessed, shaking his head as if upset with himself. When he glanced up, his eyes were moist. “I forgot how badly I wanted peace… How much this war had weighed on me… In protecting Sonhae, I began hating varkolaks more and more for their threats to him…”

He paused, a few feet between the two of them, and Ravn staring at Leedo’s dark eyes in the torchlight that casted them in orange that flickered. Ravn’s eyes swam like pools of fire.

“When you berated me, before,” he murmured, voice weakening, “the other night… I went into my room and thought on everything you had said.”

The wind ruffled their hair, and when Ravn closed his eyes to savor the feeling, Leedo watched another tear fall to his cheek.

“I couldn’t even recognize myself,” Ravn whispered without opening his eyes, fist clenching at his side, as if he wished for his sword to grip. “This person who would find any excuse to keep hating… That wasn’t who I had ever wanted to be,” he hissed, teeth gritting. “I looked in the mirror, and I felt like I was seeing a stranger-“

Ravn took a deep breath- solid, though shaking- his shoulders rising and falling slowly as he opened his eyes that shone, but that spilled no other tears, despite having plenty gathered.

“I kept intending to thank you,” Ravn confessed, trying to smile. “It was a hit to my ego that I needed. Even if…” He glanced away. “Even if I can’t… say I feel the exact same… I felt as if part of me had been returned, when I hadn’t even realized I had lost it.”

Ravn’s lips shook as he took a calming breath that didn’t succeed.

“And that is a great comfort to me,” he whispered, voice shaking as he pressed his lips together, lest they keep trembling. He closed his eyes tightly, forcing the gathered tears down his cheeks. “You have always brought me great comfort, Leedo.”

Leedo was… once again, useless as he simply stared, mouth open to speak, but… he had nothing to say. Namely involving how anything Leedo ever did could give Ravn comfort when it was chaotic at best, and downright aggressive at worst.

He was not too kind. He was not the best person.

And there was nothing about him that lended people comfort.

There were a million reassurances he wanted to give Ravn. But all of them seemed like they would fall flat in the face of his pain.

Without opening his eyes, Ravn spoke, as if afraid to see the aftermath.

“Would it cross too many boundaries… if I were to ask for a brief hug, Leedo?”

He spoke as if it were some sort of business transaction, and Leedo may have laughed at the utterly ridiculous phrasing, if it weren’t for Ravn continuing to seem as if he were struggling so valiantly to hold himself together. 

He was someone whose father was dying, his brother was threatened, his life was on the verge of a major change, and he was struggling to keep the pieces of who he wanted to be.

“Not at all,” Leedo assured him, shaking his head dumbly as Ravn laughed, despite nothing being funny.

It was not the first embrace Leedo had shared with Ravn. However, it was the first that was given for comfort, rather than a brief celebration shared among all the knights.

When Ravn’s chest collided with Leedo’s, he was partially surprised to find him solid and warm, rather than a wraith waiting to be blown away in a breeze.

Ravn’s arms wrapped around his waist as Leedo’s arms laid over his, pulling him close firmly.

Ravn said nothing. He broke down no further, and in fact, he fell silent, save for his quiet breathing. But Leedo could feel every muscle of stone as Ravn leaned stiff as stone against him, as if bracing himself. As if Leedo were some stone he had managed to grab onto at sea, and was desperate not to lose him grip on him, lest he be swept away.

It was not the first embrace of comfort Leedo had given, even if was his first to Ravn.

The five of them had only each other to rely on. Physical affection had never been important to Leedo, but when you were facing an entire world in a losing battle, he had grown accustomed to offering it where it was welcomed.

Xion, especially, had to pinned down in order to accept the affection- shoving at Leedo, claiming that he wasn’t a child in need of comforting, but the resistance rarely lasted longer than a few seconds before the fight left him as he leaned into the other.

Hwanwoong accepted them easily, and Keonhee was brave enough to seek them out frequently. Leedo had only embraced Seoho once, not soon after Sonhae had been born, while their world had first truly seemed as if it were burning down.

So Leedo closed his eyes, held Ravn tightly, and ignored every tremor and breath that traveled down his spine, as if he were still struggling to keep himself together as he pressed his face to Leedo’s shoulder, his breath dispelling over leather and cloth.

“It may make you feel worse,” Leedo said quietly, the scent of sweat and incense stuck to Ravn’s clothing. “But I can promise you… it will work out.” He hesitated, but when Ravn fell still, he swallowed. “It will… hurt. But all pains fade. I can promise you that, Ravn.”

Whether through healing or simply turning numb… the pain would fade.

Ravn swallowed, the action tangible through Leedo’s shoulder. “Is your… father alive?” he questioned, carrying that tone of voice that only came from those who were searching for support and guidance on a matter they were helpless about.

Leedo shook his head slowly, unsure if it was healing or numb that had made the pain fade. “No… No, he’s been dead for years. My mother, too,” he assured him gently.

“I’m sorry,” Ravn rasped, sounding genuine, despite his own pain. “How…”

Leedo couldn’t tell him how humans pillaged the section of forest that had housed his family as well as five others. He couldn’t tell him how those varkolaks had never even been given a chance to wake up before they were killing them.

“They were murdered,” he said quietly, voice distant. He had already long since been in the North. He’d never seen them a last time.

“Did you ever… move on?” _Is it possible to ever move on?_

Leedo hesitated, knowing that this was not the answer Ravn wanted. “I did,” he murmured. “But… it was easier for me. My parents and I had rarely ever seen eye to eye. To put it kindly.”

In reality, it had been a childhood and adolescence of constant fights and insults hurled in a hope of making someone give way.

“Why… Why did you fight?” he asked against Leedo’s shoulder, his grip having never loosened where he held Leedo like a trunk holding him up. He couldn’t tell if Ravn was looking for a distraction, or if he thought the information would bring him comfort.

“My father, especially…” He needed to choose his words very carefully. The words no longer hurt, but they create a vortex of pressure in his chest. “He wanted me to fight. I didn’t want to. My mother wanted me to fight because she was convinced it was the only way to survive. I didn’t think so.”

“Fight… the varkolaks?” Ravn questioned slowly, confusion clearing some of his thick voice.

“Fight everything,” Leedo assured him quietly. “Every little thing, he wanted me to fight as if my life depended on it… and he was furious when I blatantly refused to.”

“What did you do instead?”

“I ran,” he murmured heavily. “I hid. I let things wash over me, instead of trying to fight the current. He called me a coward-“

“That doesn’t make you a coward,” Ravn said so quickly, Leedo choked on the words. “It takes more bravery not to fight…” He swallowed, chest spasming with what might have been a sob. “How did you end up as a knight… if you hated fighting?”

_Some witches recommended it as a profession._

Leedo swallowed the sarcasm that begged to fall from his lips.

“I heard of you,” he said, making Ravn shift, as if not expecting that. “I told you… that you were someone I would follow anywhere.” He swallowed as Ravn slowly pulled away. “I heard of you… and decided that you were someone I would risk fighting for.”

Ravn put enough distance between them that their eyes met- the prince’s wide with disbelief and shock, as if…

Not as if he couldn’t believe Leedo had done that. But as if he wasn’t sure how Leedo could have ever thought that. As if he couldn’t fathom how Leedo would have ever thought he was worth that.

Leedo managed a weak laugh, heart wrenching at the utter disbelief that someone would label Ravn as worth fighting beside. “You wax poetic about how different I was, but it’s impossible to believe that perhaps you’re worth a risk, Ravn?”

Ravn blinked at the utterance of his name- almost a flinch, but less.

“This is what I mean,” Leedo assured him firmly. “When I said that you were someone whom I saw a future of peace through.” He lifted a hand, laying it on Ravn’s forearm that still gripped his bicep in shock. “I am not saying this because of any amount of time we have spent together or because of any affection that comes from the time we’ve known each other.”

Ravn looked as if he were bracing himself for a physical attack, something like fear clinging to him.

“You… made it obvious from the moment I met you… that you were someone good and kind and genuine,” Leedo said, holding his eyes intently, ensuring that he understood. “From the first moment you spoke… I could hear in the tone of your voice that you were someone who was going to make the best king this kingdom has seen in _centuries._ ”

Ravn stared blankly, stunned and immobile.

Leedo felt his chest twisted, the urge to shake Ravn once more climbing his throat.

“Who you wanted to be and who you became doesn’t matter,” Leedo pressed firmly. “The point… is that you are someone who looks at the world and only thinks of all the things he could fix in it. And _that_ is why I would follow you anywhere,” he dropped into a harsh hiss. “Because there is so much in this world that needs to be fixed, Ravn.”

He pressed his lips together, once more warring over how far he could go.

“And I’m praying to whatever gods will listen… that I can help you fix it.”

Ravn swallowed, eyes flickering over Leedo’s face slowly, as if he was frightened by the prospect. “You…”

Leedo couldn’t tell what was going through Ravn’s mind.

So he simply tugged him back into an embrace, Ravn’s arms hanging limply at his sides as Leedo embraced him tightly, bodies pressed together firmly and heads tucked down.

“Whether you sit on the throne or not,” Leedo whispered, heart clenching as he tried to convince himself as well. “Prince or not… you are someone who is going to change the world, Ravn.”

He had to.

He had to change it. Please.

Ravn’s hand landed at Leedo’s hip, gripping it tightly since he could lift it no higher around Leedo’s arms. Fingers curled tightly into the undershirt beneath the leather vest, holding on tight.

“You… believe that,” Ravn whispered, voice unsteady but calm. “All of you… you would truly… follow me anywhere…” He sounded dazed. Winded. Fragile. He swallowed. “You want to create peace with the varkolaks.”

Leedo no longer bothered to feel fear.

“Yes. I want to change what history told us was inevitable.”

Ravn made a noise of understanding. Or perhaps it was a broken cry as he let his head fall to Leedo’s shoulder, letting him take some of his weight.

“But the world doesn’t change overnight,” Leedo told him quietly, laying a hand against the small of his back warmly. “For now… your main concern is your father. And Sonhae. They need you.”

Ravn croaked in the back of his throat, his weight becoming heavier against Leedo. “I know,” he whispered thickly. “I… will be there for them.”

He felt a wave of restlessness in his chest as he stood by helplessly. Leedo still felt that knot in his stomach that came from standing by, unable to do something. Especially as Ravn leaned against him, asking for aid with his endless burdens.

But being helpless was the best thing he could do for the other, at the moment.

“We will be beside you,” Leedo murmured, squeezing gently. “All of us. Of that, you can be sure, Ravn.”

There was a quiet laugh. Or maybe a sob that finally broke free.

“We will follow you… anywhere,” he whispered roughly. “And aid you in whatever way you require. Including through your grief.”

That was unmistakably a sob that wracked through Ravn, his body tensing as sound expelled, his fist gripping what part of Leedo’s clothing wasn’t covered in leather, holding on for dear life as another sob tore out helplessly- broken and shattered.

Ravn shook, and Leedo truly believed that his arms around him were the only thing keeping him up.

Pain laced through his chest, another knife twisting slowly.

How many of these burdens… were simply the fates playing cruelly? How much of this would Ravn be spared, if not for their presence?

How much more grief would be burdened to him when he knew the truth?

How much more pain would they cause Ravn before their time together ended?

“ _Thank you,”_ Ravn hissed, low and dark but gentle enough to be soaked in relief, not sorrow.

Leedo said nothing. Simply pulled the prince closer, nodding numbly.

He tried to ignore his own pain for once in his life.

He focused only on the man in his arms, falling apart in a mirror image of his world that was collapsing.

Leedo, of course, understood exactly the feeling. And he prayed good sleep and peaceful nights to Ravn, knowing that neither of them would likely receive either.

Things were accumulating. Leedo could taste it in the air.

Something was going to culminate. And he feared the aftermath of it more greatly than any other horror they had been threatened with.

But for now… Ravn was thanking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh I’m having so much fun with this!!!   
> Please let me know what you thought of this chapter, and thank you for all the love!! 
> 
> I know this isn’t what I usually wrote, so it really does mean so much for every kudos, comment, and person who reads~ You’re all amazing, lovelies! 
> 
> Have an amazing day! Stay safe!   
> -SS


	3. A Single Moment Tips the Scale, Fate Balancing Against Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter!!   
> Thank you so much to everyone who left comments and kudos- I’m seriously so grateful to you and everyone who read!! ㅠㅠㅠ   
> But I am so super excited for this chapter and everything in it! I hope you all enjoy it, lovelies! I can’t wait to share everything I have planned!! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think!!   
> Stay safe and enjoy, lovelies!   
> -SS

The king fell ill.

Bouts of fatigue clung to him, confining him to bed.

Sonhae’s parade to the Southern Glades was postponed for the king’s health.

Ravn stopped attending practice with them, simply asking for their understanding as he spent his days hidden away somewhere in the castle.

None of them asked a single thing of him.

They spent their days practicing and sparring until the weight of their hearts grew too heavy and they retired to their chambers to sit in silence.

Sometimes they spoke. Though speaking often brought about only dread and fear.

“You knew.”

Leedo glanced up from where he sat on Hwanwoong’s bed, seeing Seoho practically glaring at him from the doorway as he returned from the kitchen with a basket of fruits. 

He lifted an eyebrow as Seoho closed the door slightly harsher than necessary, coming in and tossing the basket onto Keonhee’s bed, rounding on Leedo.

“You knew the king was dying.”

Leedo… couldn’t say he was exactly surprised by the accusation. He merely stared up at Seoho as they others all slowly sat up, expression cautious.

“I did. But only by two days,” Leedo confessed quietly.

“You told us that Ravn confided in you,” Xion said, voice openly shocked at the discovery. “You never said one of those concerns was the king _dying_ -“

“I didn’t reveal any of the concerns to you,” he defended, not harsh but tired as he rested his elbows on his knees. “I… was trying to sort through it-“

“What needed to be sorted through to let us know the current king was dying?” Hwanwoong hissed, fear coming out in the form of anger. “That we suddenly had a new issue-“

“It’s not that simple!” Leedo hissed, looking up with fire in his eyes, looking around at the others who stared at him. “I wasn’t _hiding_ it,” he snapped weakly. “Ravn was distraught. I was trying to understand- To sort through everything he keeps confiding in me-“ He ran a rough hand through his hair. “It’s not as simple as all that- I didn’t know what to think, and so I didn’t know what to do-“

He sighed roughly, threading fingers through his hair and tugging harshly.

He could practically taste the shift in the room’s emotions, dulling from anger to pity.

“How… did he know?” Keonhee asked, voice softer, more gentle.

“The king had several spells where his heart stopped over the last months,” Leedo muttered, staring at the stone floor. “The physician revealed that another one would likely kill the king. Ravn was not told until that night. But he understood that the king had weeks, at best-“ He sighed harshly.

They had not seen Ravn more than as a passing figure in the halls for two days. And Leedo was swallowed with concern and fear and uncertainty-

“I don’t know what will happen,” Leedo confessed lowly, slowly lifting his head. “If the king dies, there is no way Sonhae can step in. They may ask Ravn to rule until he is old enough, but…”

He stopped, shaking his head to dispel the dark thought.

“You don’t think they’ll let him?” Xion asked slowly, confusion in his eyes. “The Queen is not aggressive against the prince.”

“She may not be,” Leedo agreed roughly, “but the fates have been having a good laugh at our expense. And I cannot believe that it would be this easy.”

“What else can they do?” Seoho questioned, leaning against the banister of the bed. “Assigning anyone but the prince would create an uproar.”

Leedo had thought the same.

“Unless Ravn decides not to fight it,” he whispered hauntingly.

Four pairs of eyes widened as if Leedo had struck them. He finally lifted his eyes, glancing around darkly.

“I’ve been turning it over in my head constantly,” he confessed darkly. “If they assign an advisor to rule in the king’s stead… Ravn would have to create an issue to fight it. In the direct aftermath of his father’s death… I’m not sure if he would be too tired to fight, or if people would simply turn on him for appearing power hungry….” He shook his head slowly. “But I do not foresee this going in our favor.”

Eyes turned downcast, everyone turning the thoughts over in their own mind, hoping to find an angle that had escaped Leedo.

Hwanwoong hissed a quiet curse, hitting his fist against the pillar of the beds, pressing his knuckles against it harder, teeth gritting-

“How much longer?” he demanded through his gritted teeth, but it wasn’t anger darkening his words. It was pure frustration and exhaustion and desperation. The same as any of them. “How much long will the fates taunt us and laugh while we struggle to fix a world we _didn’t even break_ in the first place?” he hissed, eyes pinched.

Leedo did not lift his eyes from where they stared at the stone floor, fingers laced at his lips. If he did look, he might be tempted to break, too.

He heard Keonhee murmur some sort of comfort, shifting closer to the other and wrapping an arm around his shoulders quietly- hesitant, in case he didn’t want to be touched, but he didn’t hear Hwanwoong shove him off.

Xion clicked his tongue- his own audible expression of frustration, but it was nearly drowned out by Seoho’s weighted sigh that practically screamed the struggle of keeping themselves running.

No one had ever told them their future could be accomplished in a decade. Or even a hundred decades.

But they were constantly set back, before they had even taken a single step- Why would the fates bother letting them continue, if they were simply going to knock them back before they had even gotten their footing again?

No one had ever claimed the fates were anything but cruel.

Leedo tried to keep a hold on hope. That fluttering butterfly that beat in his chest when he heard Ravn speak, when he saw how he looked at them… There was hope. Hope that one day…

One day.

One day was such an obscure moment. Something told to children to make them stop asking when it was coming. It may as well be “never-”

No.

Leedo shook his head sharply, physically knocking the dark thoughts away, despite how they hung like shadows in the distance. Despite it all… they would create peace.

Ravn was finding himself. Someone kind and just and willing to fight for peace… In time, he would… he would guide them to that future.

_Please-_

There was a brisk knock at their door, startling all of them- Seoho’s hand drifting towards his sword on instinct before he drew it back as Keonhee called for whoever it was to enter.

Leedo lifted himself, shoulders straightening- as did everyone else, hiding their sorrow and burdens beneath tall stature and stoic marble expressions.

A maid stood in the doorway, bowing as he entered, glancing back and guiding someone forward.

“Pardon the intrusion,” she said gently as Sonhae appeared at her side, holding her hand, eyes downcast and expression hidden. “But Prince Sonhae would not quiet unless I brought him to you.”

Leedo frowned, standing slowly as Sonhae glanced up before looking down once more, expression heavy and cold.

The maid grimaced gently, patting his hand comfortingly. “He wished for you to play on the grounds with him,” she informed them quietly. “I believe he is… a bit affected by Prince Ravn’s mood. He has not played with him in two days, and I believe Prince Sonhae would appreciate a distraction.”

For a brief moment… Leedo remembered that Ravn was not the only one losing a father. 

“Of course,” Hwanwoong answered, standing quickly and walking over to Sonhae, crouching to the ground with a gentle smile that warmed his eyes, despite their earlier troubles. “Would you like to go play, Prince Sonhae?”

He glanced up, eyes somber and shining as he nodded slowly, lifting his other hand that had been holding onto his tiny, wooden sword.

Hwanwoong’s smile widened as he extended a hand towards him. He released the maid’s hand, shuffling forward to Hwanwoong, accepting the hand and continuing to stare at the ground silently.

“Should we all come?” Keonhee questioned as Leedo stepped over, offering his own reassuring smile as he pat Sonhae’s head gently.

“There should be no need for it,” Hwanwoong said, glancing around to see their opinions. “Anyone who wants to simply stay in and sleep can… We’ll only be in the courtyard.”

“There’s no point in remaining inside all day,” Xion sighed, looking like he was complaining, despite being offered to stay behind as he stood. In truth, none of them much felt like just laying around. “And I haven’t seen the prince attack Keonhee recently,” he said, smirking as he poked Sonhae’s cheek.

The prince looked up, startled by the touch, but smiling weakly as they all dismissed the maid, ushering him into the hall.

“Can… Can we play scavenger?” he asked quietly, clearly affected by the general mood of the castle. “Keonhee can be the varkolak, and Seoho should be the tree that hides the berries!” His eyes sparked a bit as he looked up at them. “Hwanwoong can be the rock.”

Hwanwoong’s mouth dropped in silent offense as Xion assured Sonhae that they would all be as he said. The other looked at Leedo with wide eyes, asking if he was also hearing the ridiculous assignments, affronted at his usual position of the rock.

Leedo snorted, punching his shoulder as they reached the castle doors, stepping out into the bright midday sun. “Xion should be your horse.”

The glare he received could have killed a wild boar at a thousand paces, but Leedo merely smiled innocently as Sonhae clapped with glee at the idea.

Sonhae pointed his sword at Leedo firmly, eyes taking on the familiar glare of his playfulness.

Once more… Leedo allowed himself to take comfort in sparing Sonhae for a moment from the darkness hanging over them.

“You shall be my knight!”

For a moment, he considered that their future was lost. That peace was never established, Sonhae took the throne, and Ravn never changed the world as they knew it. That they had simply spent their days following Ravn’s lead, protecting Sonhae, and providing them both whatever support they were able to give…

Leedo felt, for a moment, that he would not regret such a life.

He bowed to Sonhae, genuflecting as Sonhae tapped his shoulders with his wooden sword, declaring him fit for duty.

The hour passed rapidly, all of them running around at Sonhae’s command- Xion carrying him on his back as he rode through the wide grassy fields beside the forest- holding his sword as they chased Keonhee.

At “night,” they gathered berries from Seoho and Sonhae shared them (the “berries” being stones found in the grass), and he rested on his rock as Hwanwoong curled on the ground, looking displeased, but laughing despite it.

Sonhae laughed more than he likely had in days. But Leedo found no blame in his heart towards anyone for the boy’s sadness- least of all Ravn. Sonhae was old enough to know what was happening, but still young enough to distract himself with the other parts of his world.

Leedo did not know if Ravn was spending his time simply mourning, or if he was working on something, or if he was spending his last moments with his father.

Whatever it was, he deserved that time to himself. And Leedo would not dream of trying to take it from him, even if Sonhae clearly missed his brother’s presence.

They took a short break as a servant brought out an arrangement of real berries for Sonhae’s snack, all of them sitting in the grass as he ate, cooling off from the exercise that always seemed more vigorous than their actual training.

“My back,” Xion groaned, laying flat on the ground, making annoying noises towards the sky.

“You’re a bad horse,” Sonhae told him, picking up a blueberry. “Leedo is going to be my horse next.”

Xion sat up, smirking triumphantly as Leedo hid his grimace, agreeing readily.

“I don’t know how your older brother does it,” Keonhee sighed, curled around his knees, grinning. “He carries you without a problem.”

Sonhae chuckled. But it faded, as if the smile had reminded him that he had once been sad before.

Leedo sat up, everyone straightening a bit as Sonhae stared at his berries for a moment, not moving.

“You know… that your brother is still there for you,” Leedo said gently, making Sonhae glance up. “Even if it’s sad… he still wants to be there for you.”

“I know,” Sonhae said with surprisingly clarity, staring at the strawberry clenched in his hand. “He offered to play with me, but I said no.” He took a slow bite as the others all glanced at each other. “He’s been pretending to be happy around me a lot.”

His lips twisted, as if this was a distasteful thought.

And Leedo realized that just because they were privy to Ravn’s mood and saw his face clearly weighed with tiredness and grief… that he wouldn’t likely wear his troubles so openly in front of Sonhae.

But Sonhae very clearly saw through that.

“He always spends time with me… so I’m giving him a break,” he said firmly, nodding.

Leedo was very aware that children saw more than anyone ever gave them credit for.

_He_ was a child that saw more than anyone had ever given him credit for. 

And future or not, he would give anything to spare Sonhae and Ravn the grief in store for them for the following years and decades.

“That’s kind of you,” Seoho told him quietly, offering a smile. “It’s important to take breaks.”

Sonhae smiled bashfully at the praise.

“Are you ready for another round?” Keonhee questioned, preparing to stand, eyes bright and challenging.

Sonhae grinned, nodding his head quickly as he shoved the rest of his food in his mouth, standing as a blueberry escaped his stuffed lips.

The next hour passed… less quickly, now that Leedo was the one carrying Sonhae around as they chased Keonhee around, the sun still hot, despite moving towards afternoon.

Regardless of how exhausting to entertain the child… it was just as much a chance to relax for the rest of them as it was for Sonhae. To create a time of pretend and playfulness… Leedo was always grateful for these moments.

“Hold!” Sonhae ordered, laughing in near hysterics as Keonhee stood across the grounds, the others waiting even further off to wait for “nighttime.” Leedo paused, Sonhae jumping down from his back and holding his sword up.

Keonhee wiggled in a funny dance as a taunt, making Sonhae laugh harder as he rushed after him on foot.

“Die, varkolak!” he declared, small legs rushing through the grass-

Leedo blinked.

And by the time he opened his eyes, there was a mass of milky, veiny snarls practically on top of Sonhae.

He hadn’t heard anything. Hadn’t thought to try and smell. It was broad daylight.

And despite that it was broad daylight… Leedo didn’t think about consequences or secrets.

Sonhae was ten feet in front of him. Thirty feet, at least, from anyone else.

The aching pain in his bones barely registered as Leedo flew across the short distance of grass, claws tearing into dirt that shoved him forward at blinding speeds.

He reached Sonhae at the same moment the varkolak did.

And there was no time to draw a sword. No time to snatch him up and get far enough away to avoid an attack.

So Leedo threw his body over Sonhae’s, arms and legs curled around him as he hit the ground with Sonhae tucked beneath him in a tight ball.

He vaguely heard Sonhae screaming in fear, but it got drowned out as the first rake of claws sliced across his back.

It was barely seconds.

Leedo tucked around Sonhae tighter, ensuring that every part of him was protected-

He felt the exact moment the claws broke through the leather armor. Searing, blinding pain burned across Leedo’s back, drawing a cut off scream from his lips, but he slammed his mouth shut, gritting his teeth as he clenched his eyes hard enough to make spots dance-

It was barely seconds.

But the pain made it seem like hours that the varkolak clawed into his back like a child digging in sand, everything garbling into one, deafening roar in his ears.

Leedo had been injured before.

But he had never just laid there as his body was torn apart. He didn’t dare risk moving, terrified of leaving Sonhae exposed-

He choked in his throat, bile rising as he felt every throb of his heart pulsing through him like lava pulsing through a volcano, burning and thick and clinging, impossible to shake off or ignore-

He heard a violent yelp, people yelling and shouting and his blood roaring and Sonhae screaming and crying-

It took him several moments to realize the varkolak had stopped tearing into his flesh- the pain so constant, he hadn’t even registered that the abuse had stopped.

_Gods, the pain-_

He breathed in hissing, labored breaths that hurt with every shift of his body, a cry caught in his throat that he refused to let fall, lest Sonhae understand-

“-go,” he heard someone hissing in his ear, low and rough but nearly indistinguishable from the roaring of pain and sound as Leedo struggled to focus-

“Someone get help!” he heard Xion shout darkly, but he wasn’t sure who he was talking to.

“-can let go,” Seoho’s voice said, bordering on frantic, though he managed to keep it steady. Hands touched Leedo, though his entire body felt like it was on fire, dulling the sensation. “Let go- Sonhae is safe,” he urged. “Don’t move, just let go, we’ve got him-“

Vaguely, Leedo felt his body responding, unlocking his arms- just that simple movement causing another flash of flames across his skin, a cry trying to escape, but it caught from how tensed his body was, staying as a garbled choke.

“We’ve got him,” Seoho assured him, and Leedo realized that it was safe now. The varkolak was gone-

“Where in all the hells is the physician?” Hwanwoong yelled, voice less steady than Seoho’s.

“Don’t move,” Seoho repeated, despite Leedo not being sure he could have shifted, even if he wanted to. His confidence was not stoked as Seoho cursed quietly under his breaths, hands continuing to hold him in place.

Leedo had a few choice words he wanted to say as well, gritting his teeth together and hoping his breathing didn’t actually sound that harsh-

One breath twinged his back, making a fiery lightning strike of pain race across his skin, which only made him jerk, trying to escape the agony.

He fell slightly, Seoho’s hands unable to steady him in time, and blackness slammed into Leedo with the force of a boulder barreling down the side of a mountain. 

_It was alright, though,_ he tried to comfort. _Sonhae was safe._

~~~~~~~~~

Leedo woke up with his face buried in a mattress, his nose picking up the scent of straw and cotton.

And blood.

He grimaced, not forgetting for a moment what had happened to him and what that meant.

He cursed, fists clenching as a dull throb was painfully evident, emanating from across his back that felt tight and hot.

“Do you understand how much of an absolute _idiot_ you are?”

In his still-foggy, sleeping, and pain-riddled mind, the dark and angry voice sounded like Seoho’s. But when Leedo opened his eyes- blurry for a moment before he blinked sleep away- he saw it was Ravn sitting beside the bed in a chair.

And he was glaring at Leedo.

But even that glare was weak and fragile. As if anger was the chosen emotion to hide the turmoil inside that was threatening to break through.

He looked startlingly similar to the night at the practice field.

Leedo swallowed the sticky dryness in his throat, frowning for a moment in confusion as the words actually caught up with him. “Me?” he rasped, wishing he had some water, but not really knowing how he would manage to drink it since he wasn’t sure he could move at all.

“Yes, _you,_ ” Ravn hissed, arms crossing over his chest and eyes dark. “What kind of person just _lays there_ ,” he snapped, arm sweeping agitatedly, “and let’s themselves be mauled? You couldn’t have half a mind to _run?_ ”

Leedo blinked slowly, staring into Ravn’s eyes and finding very little actual anger. Everything else was just fear.

He was shaken.

“You just _laid there_ ,” he accused harshly, glaring as he hissed. “I’m already dealing with a million other grief and burdens, and you have the gall to make me sit here and wonder whether or not I would lose you too?” he demanded weakly.

Oh.

Pieces clicked together, forming a complete picture of the situation.

Leedo tried to imagine hearing that Ravn had been mauled while protecting Sonhae, unconscious and bleeding from such a violent attack… A little anger and copious fear was justified.

Leedo wanted to defend himself. To say that there hadn’t been time, there hadn’t been an opening for him to get away without putting Sonhae at risk… To remind Ravn that this was his job, to put his life on the line to ensure Sonhae’s.

But none of that mattered.

Nothing like that ever mattered when you were already afraid and yet another fear was added to your endlessly growing list.

So, his expression simply fell, hoping that Ravn was able to see that… Leedo didn’t regret saving Sonhae, he didn’t regret getting hurt in exchange for that.

But he did regret hurting Ravn and giving him another thing to burden his heart.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, instead of any defense. He winced as swallowing creating a discomfort.

Ravn continued glaring for a moment, puffing as if he were about to unleash another round of scolding and anger onto him. But as he kept glaring, it trembled and them faded into a weak sigh that left him as he dropped his face into his palm, breathing to calm down.

Leedo flinched at the defeated position.

“Don’t apologize,” Ravn murmured tiredly, rubbing at his eyes weakly. “Not…” He sighed roughly. “You saved Sonhae,” he said, as if reminding himself. “The others… all agree that if you hadn’t done what you did…” He huffed, his voice thin and reedy.

“Still,” Leedo murmured, knowing that it didn’t matter how many facts pointed to him having done the right thing. In the end, it only mattered that there had been that fear. “I’m sorry. If I was… faster or if I had just thought-“

Ravn laughed, weak and tired and shuddering as he lifted his eyes that suddenly seemed as if he hadn’t slept in a week.

“What did I say?” he asked expectantly, shaking his head. “A better person than anyone else.”

Leedo was silent, biting his tongue when words escaped him.

“I should be thanking you,” Ravn murmured, staring at his hands that laced together. “I… We spent the rest of the day searching the forest for any others lurking nearby… We have no idea why one would choose broad daylight to attack so close to the castle…” He frowned, brows knitting together gently.

He glanced up, eyes dark but almost morbidly curious. 

“Do you still mourn for them?” he asked quietly, almost expectant.

Leedo stared him down without even thinking about it.

He hoped that Ravn could see the hurt in his eyes.

“What kind of selfish would it make for me to only pity them when I am unaffected by them?” he questioned, voice coming out a bit darker than he wanted, a little angrier. 

He regretted it when Ravn winced, opening his own mouth to retract the harshness-

“I’m sorry,” Ravn whispered, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes roughly. “I’m sorry, I don’t-“ He huffed. “Well, of course I know what’s _wrong_ with me, but I don’t know why I keep trying to take it out on you-“

“It is not a crime to be angry, Ravn.”

He wasn’t sure if it was the statement itself or the use of his name, but his head snapped up, eyes misty but struggling to hold himself together.

Leedo tried to shake his head, but all he managed was pushing his face further into the mattress. “You can grieve,” he assured him quietly, eyes tracing over all the places on the prince that were fracturing. “You can curse the world for being unfair. Because it is. The world is hurting you… You’re allowed to be upset about it. You, more than anyone, deserves to be angry at it.”

Ravn, who had been kind and good for his entire life.

He deserved to be able to slam his foot down and demand that it was enough. And Leedo hoped one day he had that freedom, without his own reservations and duties holding him back.

Ravn stared at him, lips parted, his eyes torn between something touched and something agonized.

“Leedo…”

His misty eyes flickered across Leedo’s face ever so slowly, as if memorizing something about it…

“I…”

He swallowed, wetting his lips as his hand reached out, laying on the bed beside him.

“You… You are someone-“

The door slammed open, and only the tight bandages keeping him together kept Leedo from crying out when he started, Ravn whipping around as well, clearly startled by the sudden-

“Father.”

Ravn stood quickly, tensed and shocked- either horrified or worried as the king strode into the room. “You’re supposed to be resting-“

“I was told he was awake,” the king said darkly, striding through the room with enough purpose that Leedo immediately knew something was wrong.

He wanted to sit up, everything inside of him uncomfortable with the vulnerable position as the king approach, Ravn turning to follow him through the room, frowning in confusion.

“Father, what-“

“Do you understand that this is the second time in days that my son has almost been taken by those beasts?” the king demanded, voice not loud but booming with anger and authority.

Leedo’s face was blank as marble, but he was very careful not to appear aggressive-

“Father, he’s barely regained consciousness!” Ravn snapped, fists clenched at his sides. “Save your baseless accusations for-“

“Answer me, boy,” the king snapped, ignoring his oldest son to glare down at Leedo. “Explain to me how over the course of days, you managed to be within the direct vicinity of my son and still allow him to be harmed. Do you understand that he was slashed by that monster?” he boomed.

Slashed? Leedo’s heart dropped-

“ _Twice,_ ” the man said through gritted teeth. “Both times, I could have lost my son to a varkolak- What exactly are you doing for my son? Because certainly, protecting him doesn’t seem to be-“

“ _Father!_ ”

The loud shout was enough to stun the king, who turned quickly to stare at Ravn.

This time, it was anger in the prince’s eyes. There was no fear there.

Only anger.

“That knight,” Ravn snapped, gesturing to Leedo sharply, “is the one that kept Sonhae from being killed. He used his own _body_ as a shield against a varkolak-“

“He-“

“You _told_ _me_ to pick these men!” Ravn snapped, eyes sharpening almost dangerously, making Leedo’s eyes widen. “And I picked them because I trusted them with my brother’s life! _Again_ and again- he has defended Sonhae while _you_ make decisions that throw him into _more_ danger! Flaunting him around, as if that isn’t calling every varkolak to attack him!”

The king was obviously… shocked by the outburst, unable to speak for a moment as he stared at his eldest.

“Leedo is laying here, back from the brink of _death_ ,” he hissed angrily, “and I will not let you question his loyalty again.”

The king’s shock slowly faded to something dimmer, almost disappointed.

“Ravn,“ he muttered darkly-

“He has only woken up minutes ago,” Ravn said, voice curling with anger, a dark aura clinging to his skin. “Leave. If you have questions for what happened, it can wait until he’s recovered. You have no reason to be here at the moment.”

“You do not tell me where I have reason to be,” the king said firmly, eyes narrowing. “I am charged with ensuring Sonhae’s protection-“

“And you did a marvelous job by assigning me to pick my men,” Ravn snapped, making Leedo feel as if he’d been slapped. “His protection has been ensured. Now go, Father.”

Leedo had never… _never_ heard Ravn speak to or about his father that way.

But the king stalked forward, stopping beside Ravn with a warning finger raised… He said nothing, though- simply sighing harshly and walking from the room, slamming the door behind him loud enough to threaten their ears.

Ravn glared at the door for a moment before echoing the harsh sigh, wiping at his face as he turned back to Leedo. “I’m… I’m sorry. He had no right to speak to you that way-“

“I’ve… never heard you speak to him that way,” Leedo confessed, a bit numb from the violent display.

Ravn’s expression was impossible to read as he stared down at him, smiling without reaching his eyes, despite the marble of his expression. “Unfortunately… our conversations have ended in that way more often… as of late…” He dropped his eyes, as if ashamed of that fact. “It makes me feel like dirt, when I know he may… be gone at any moment,” he murmured darkly. “But…”

He said nothing, watching the prince decide what he wanted to say before deciding against saying anything at all with a gentle shake of his head.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized again, waving Leedo off with an unsteady hand. “You should rest more. You were lucky your armor took some of the damage for you or…” He trailed off, not having to finish as he shook the thought away. “The physician will be in later with a special ointment. He believes that it will help you heal enough within a couple of days.”

Leedo hummed in understanding, watching Ravn flit this way and that, as if unsure of where he was or where he was supposed to be going.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he rasped, hoping he sounded more comforting than half-dead. “Your father…”

Ravn glanced to him, tired eyes and a tired smile that slowly spread, as if grateful but ultimately against the idea. “There is nothing to say,” he assured Leedo quietly, staring at his hands that picked at his nails. “With his condition, he has become more disagreeable and volatile… and I have become more reactive to it. That is just how it has been.”

Leedo opened his mouth, but Ravn cut him off with a wider, gentler smile as he stepped back a bit.

“Rest,” he said kindly, stepping away. “There will be plenty to talk about and spend an idle day chatting away later. For now… don’t worry yourself with anything but your recovery.”

Leedo wanted to say more. He wanted to sit up and ensure that Ravn understood he was alright. That he knew that his anger was not unjustified. That things would work out-

But Ravn inclined his head, eyes warm despite their weight, as he turned and walked quietly to the door-

“Ravn.”

The name made him freeze as if encased in ice, but when he glanced back to Leedo, the name seemed to please him, rather than make him uncomfortable. He lifted a gentle eyebrow.

Leedo wet his lips, swallowing. “You were saying, before,” he said quietly. “You said I was someone who was… something. You never finished.”

He wasn’t sure if this was an attempt to make Ravn stay longer, or if that pulsing inside his chest was actually telling him it was important. But he asked anyway. What was the harm in it?

And instead of looking confused or brushing off the past question, Ravn merely made a quiet noise of understanding, nodding as he looked at the ground, as if unsurprised he had asked.

“I… have voiced it before,” Ravn said, not looking up, though he sounded unembarrassed and thoughtful. “Though I do not know if I ever said it… as plainly as I ever meant to.”

Leedo wished Ravn would stop speaking in riddles. His heart could not take the constant suspense and waiting for whatever his words carried.

Part him of, however, took comfort in this… Knowing that Ravn had so many of these thoughts tucked away…

It was yet another thing that gave him hope.

Ravn looked up, straight-shouldered and unafraid as his eyes locked with Leedo’s.

“You are someone who has guided me in ways I never knew I needed,” he said, unabashed and almost… proud. “You are someone that I value above and beyond a comrade or even a friend. I can say quite confidently that my admiration of you has no bounds… and every day of my life I thank whatever gods are out there that our paths were fated to cross.”

The room stood in silence.

In the most twisted way, Leedo wanted to laugh. Fated…

Yes, the fates had a hand in almost every aspect of their meeting and life together.

Ravn smiled, and it was a bit stronger this time. “You are a special, irreplaceable person in my life, Leedo.” He paused. “Do not give such a scare as this again,” he begged gently.

Half of Leedo’s mind was completely blank- the heavy words running him through again and again like a dagger made of ice.

The other half was aware of Ravn still smiling gently at him.

“I will try not to,” he answered, his own voice echoey to his ears as Ravn’s words also clashes against his head.

Special and irreplaceable. Ravn was correct. In some ways, he had said things similar in their time of knowing each other.

But never so plainly. So openly.

Leedo didn’t notice Ravn walking out, his eyes focusing again and finding himself alone, mind almost blissfully blank, though his chest felt heavier than iron weights tied to a sapling. 

He shut his eyes, wishing he could fall back to sleep quickly so he could stop thinking. Stop worrying.

In fact… if he could stop feeling things, that would also make his life infinitely easier to manage.

However, he fell asleep- mind racing, concern choking him, and too many emotions to ever distinguish clogging his bloodstream about Ravn, Sonhae, the king, the others… and every other damn aspect of Leedo’s life that he was helpless to control.

~~~~~~~~~~

For two days, Leedo stayed confined to his bed.

The physician left him a vial of ointment to be applied every few hours, and though it burned like hellfire (which was not an exaggeration, no matter how the others teased him for being a princess about it), by the end of the second day, Leedo could sit up and stand without feeling as if his skin was being flayed off.

He was sitting up now, getting used to holding himself up again, and though he shifted with a vague, stiff discomfort, there was no excessive pain if he moved slowly enough.

“We’ve joked about it enough,” Hwanwoong said, fiddling with a piece of grass he had carried in from outside. “But I hope you realize how terrifying that was to watch.”

Leedo did not want to imagine. He could hardly see the barely-there wounds when they changed his bandages, but what little he could see made his stomach twist to know this is what it looked like even after being half-healed.

“I would call you brave, if I’d thought any amount of planning or decision making went into it,” Seoho said, head tilting in slight accusation, lips stiff but he could tell that all of them were relieved at his recovery.

“The king mentioned that Sonhae was injured,” Leedo inquired, glancing around quietly.

“A scratch on his leg,” Keonhee said, pointing to his own calf. “Nothing even the slightest bit serious, and there was no Intent. He was completely fine.”

“I am surprised that the king chose to confront you over it,” Hwanwoong noted, frowning deeply.

“Or that the prince fought him so harshly,” Xion added, eyes narrowed, as if trying to piece something together. “I hadn’t known he… was able to fight his father like that.”

“I think burdens on both of them have shortened their breaking points,” Leedo murmured, thoughtful and grim. “It, perhaps… may be best…” He stopped, chewing his cheek.

There was no “best” action.

“We’ll simply let time run its course,” Seoho said firmly, sounding sure but they all knew it was just another sign of their helplessness. “We cannot anticipate anything that will happen. We’ll just have to confront issues as they arise.”

There was a moment of quiet, all of them silently assenting to the statement.

“No, truly,” Xion said, breaking it, glancing to Leedo in a way that questioned the health of his mind. “You simply sat there and let yourself be mauled.”

Leedo reached to shove him, but Hwanwoong did it before he could manage to get himself up and over where the youngest sat, snapping dull teeth at Hwanwoong in warning as the other rolled his eyes.

“Enough jokes,” Hwanwoong huffed, sitting back down on his bed. “It’s bad enough we are practically down one person, if something does happen and we need to move.”

“I can already operate fine,” Leedo said firmly, fist curling gently on his knee. “By the time we are summoned to do anything, I’ll be perfectly capable.”

“Don’t try and play a hero,” Keonhee told him firmly, smirking like it was a joke, but eyes too solemn. “It isn’t as if we are helpless without our full numbers. With the king’s condition, we likely won’t be needed for anything but babysitting for some time.”

“I hate this,” Hwanwoong muttered as Leedo nodded slowly, glaring at the ground in frustration. “It makes me feel like a horrible person… how conflicted I feel about it all.”

“It is not as if we are rejoicing the king’s death,” Seoho said, voice dropping as his eyes flickered to the door darkly. “We do not want him dead. But… in the instance that his death is inevitable, it’s natural to wonder what will come next.”

“I’m unsure how it will affect the prince,” Keonhee confessed, glancing around cautiously. “He is already retreating into himself. And Sonhae may not understand everything, but this will not be lost on him.”

“We’ll do as we always have.”

They all looked to Leedo, questioning and somber, as Leedo managed to lift his head enough to appear at least somewhat confident in what he was saying.

“We protect the both of them, and we offer whatever support the prince needs,” he said firmly, glancing around. “Like Seoho said… we have no control over where this goes. We have to simply let it run its course and do out best to keep everything together.”

For a moment, they all simply stared- some blank and some darker, but all of them accepting of the task.

“I, for one, am glad that it is you that the prince chose as his confidant to confide in,” Keonhee said, brushing his hands off as if washing is hands of it. “I feel as if I would have said all the wrong things. Or just been silent like a log.”

“Believe me, wisdom was not in the forefront of my mind at any point in our conversations,” Leedo assured them, sighing and rubbing his eyes. “Half the time I thought I had said something irreparable. Most of the time, I couldn’t even tell you what I had just said. Panic was a large motivator of making me speak.”

“Still, whatever you are doing… may be working,” Seoho said, grimly holding hope at arm’s length. “We should forget about making progress for the moment, though. It isn’t likely that anything will happen while the kingdom is in mourning.”

Despite every instinct telling Leedo against it, he nodded slowly, shoulders falling to take some weight from his back.

Hope.

Like the last breath held in the lungs of a drowning man, he held onto it, no matter how valiantly it struggled to escape his grip.

Because if they lost hope… what was left for them?

~~~~~~~~~~

The king died three days later.

It was midway through dinner when the call ran through the castle- servants wailing, knights crying out, court ladies huddled together to clutch hands.

The five of them stared at the knight who entered the dining hall, staying only long enough to utter the fateful words before racing away once more.

They were left alone, in silence. They left their meal unfinished and retired to their rooms, passing whispers in the halls of the royal family grieving in the king’s chambers, people reassuring each other that his family had been present for his last moments.

They did not sleep, nor did they have any desire to try. They simply sat on the edges of their beds, heads hung low and careful not to make eye contact with each other. If they did, they may be tempted to voice something. And for the moment… they simply desired silence.

Leedo did not feel anxiety or fear or apprehension… he felt oddly numb. He tried to think about what Ravn and Sonhae were doing, but his mind felt too sluggish to put in the effort that would only exhaust him.

They simply let the weight of the death land on their shoulders. For one, single moment, they just let themselves grieve.

He didn’t know how long they had sat in silence, but the candles had burned almost to stumps, casting longer shadows and flickering sluggishly like a sleep-inducing hypnotist.

Leedo was on the verge of sitting up and requesting that they all try to sleep, seeing their half-lidded eyes and weighted shoulders that struggled to stay up, when there was a knock against their door.

Gentle, given the hour, but still loud enough to make all of them jump in surprise, Keonhee nearly slipping off the bed as sleep faded from all of their minds, eyes flickering around to each other in tense confusion, wondering who it could be.

“It must be well past midnight,” Hwanwoong murmured, troubled and frowning as Seoho stood, walking to the door and pulling it open- peering through a crack before opening it fully.

A servant bowed, all of them sitting up a bit straighter at another’s presence. He straightened back up, looking passed Seoho. “Apologies for the late hour, sirs,” he said quietly, bowing again to accompany the apology. “But Prince Ravn has sent a summons for Sir Leedo.” He looked at Leedo, nodding to him. “He is retired to his chambers.”

Despite how unexpected the statement was, Leedo merely frowned gently as the others all glanced back at him, holding back their curiosity. There was confusion in his chest, but… part of him was not taken aback at all.

He stood slowly, back aching but painless as the servant bowed when Seoho dismissed him with the message received.

“Is it inappropriate to wish you luck?” Keonhee questioned as his eyes flickered around.

“I’m not entirely sure what he wants, but I don’t think it’s something to worry about,” Leedo said, walking to the door and opening it. “You should all try and get some sleep,” he added over his shoulder, making Xion offer up an annoyed expression. “I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

Seoho waved him off, ushering him out as Leedo closed the door behind himself, entering into a silent hall on his own.

Ravn’s chambers were only located at the other end of the hall, directly next to Sonhae’s, though the king and queen resided in another wing of the palace. Leedo arrived there only minutes after leaving their chambers, but he stood before the door silently, glancing around as if he were participating in some elicit activity.

He knew that Ravn summoning him likely had something to do with his father. Most other things would have likely resulted in him wanting to speak with the others as well.

Leedo did not think this was about official castle business.

So, instead of wasting time pondering, he knocked gently on the door.

There was a distant, quiet call within for him to enter, and Leedo only hesitated another moment before pushing open the heavy oaken door, remaining in the doorway for a moment to survey the room.

It was luscious, of course, and far bigger than the knights’ shared chambers, but Leedo glanced over all the vibrant velvet and decorative lace as if it didn’t even exist, scanning for whoever was within-

Ravn sat at a large desk against the wall, glancing up when Leedo entered. For a moment, he might be tempted to think he was working on something or reading. However, the way his hands dropped where they had been supporting his head and the pallor of his skin and the tension in his eyes said that anything like that was untrue.

He stared at Leedo for a moment before realizing who it was, standing from the desk with a brief, fleeting smile that may have been genuine, but it was gone faster than a candle snuffed out.

His expression twitched, as if he was struggling to create an emotion but did not have the strength to keep it up, as if unsure what emotion he _should_ be feeling. 

“I…” Ravn’s voice was rough, making him clear his throat, hands fluttering restlessly as they messed with his day clothes and touched along the desk, clearly looking for something to do. “I… apologize for calling you so late,” he said quietly, bowing his head slightly. “However, I assumed you would not be sleeping…”

He laughed, mirthless and weak, eyes looking everywhere in the room but Leedo.

It wasn’t as if he were about to break apart.

It was like looking a clay pot that had already shattered being held together by rope and adhesive that was barely holding on.

“They… They’ve already moved my father’s body,” he said, glancing at Leedo but looking away immediately, as if staring at something too bright, expression pinching. “Sonhae has already cried himself to sleep, and the Queen-“

“What do you need, Ravn?”

Leedo felt guilty, interrupting, but it was clear that Ravn’s recounting of the evening’s events was, at best, a diversion, and at worse, only reopening wounds.

Ravn fell silent, not looking up from the ground, a breath leaving him that trembled.

Ravn turned away, walking towards a plush couch pushed to the edge of the room, looking torn between sitting and walking away. “I…”

His back was to Leedo, allowing him to see every shake as he took even breaths.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, a little harsh and frustrated, but wet and weak as his fists clenched at his sides. “I don’t _know-_ “

His hands came up, covering his face for a moment before he turned back to Leedo, letting his hands fall to reveal the tears that flowed down his cheeks.

“I am tired, Leedo,” he whispered helplessly, gesturing weakly at nothing. “I am tired of this pain and these _useless_ tears-“ He hissed, scrubbing at his cheeks roughly, anger flaring, only to fade once more as more tears fell.

“They are not useless.”

Ravn stared at him over the arm that kept wiping tears away, only to have them replace themselves.

Assured that it was welcome, Leedo stepped closer, expression somber and chest heavy.

Because… he could do nothing. Yet again. And Ravn’s burdens were countless.

“Tears are never useless,” he assured the prince quietly, stopping before him and- after only a moment’s pause- reach out, gripping Ravn’s shoulder firmly. “They’re how you heal.” Ravn stared as if he had never heard such a thing, and Leedo squeezed his shoulder again, leather creaking. “You will never heal until you can release what has been inflicted on you.”

Ravn stared- the dark anger fading back to helplessness, lips parting, as if he were about to say something, but his expression merely pinched, growing tense as words escaped him and more flowed over faster-

Leedo took the initiative this time.

The hand on Ravn’s shoulder tugged him forward the short distance, arms wrapping into a tight embrace that likely was too tight to be comfortable, but Ravn didn’t seize in his grip or pull away.

He did not embrace Leedo in return, but he understood that sometimes… sometimes that was simply what was needed.

Ravn remained limp in his arms, his head rested against Leedo’s shoulder and his arms hanging at his sides.

Leedo could feel every shuddering breath running through him and every spasm of his back that was a sob he refused to let fall. He stared over his shoulder, blank eyes staring at the wall as he struggled between grief and relief that he could at least provide this. 

“You may do as you need, Ravn,” he assured him quietly, reaffirming his grip on the prince. “There is no one you need to pretend for.”

There was a moment of still silence before Ravn’s head ducked, pressing firmer to Leedo’s shoulder, making the dampness of his shirt tangible as Ravn’s hands slowly raised, fisting the back of Leedo’s shirt tightly.

Unlike their last embrace… Ravn did break in this one. It was not violent, nor loud, but a single sob escaped- choked and clearly painful- and like a dam breaking, others followed without cease.

Leedo said nothing, and merely held the prince up when his body fell heavier. He guided them to the couch, both of them sitting on the edge together without breaking their holds. Ravn remained still- not clinging or grasping like he was drowning.

He simply sat there, immobile in Leedo’s arms, as he let the things he hadn’t been able to put down flow off his shoulders.

The candles burned as the night went on. Leedo was silent and somber, like a statue standing guard. He let Ravn’s sobs echo in his ears, the gentle crackling of candles the only break in the sounds.

With time, the sobs became quieter, only resurfacing after moments of silence. Still, Ravn did not remove himself, his weight pressed against Leedo.

“I’m… sorry,” Ravn rasped after so long of silence, quiet and weak, though he still did not move. “I keep doing this to you-“

“Oh, shut up,” Leedo huffed before he could stop himself, eyes darkening for a moment at the utter ridiculousness that the apology was, as if Ravn was somehow imposing on something Leedo had offered him again and again.

The sharp dismissal drew a feeble laugh from him, merely an amused huff of air expelling over Leedo’s shoulder. “You cannot talk to me like that,” Ravn murmured gently, sounding exhausted. “I’m the prince.”

Leedo let his own lips twitch. “You are not the prince, right now,” he said quietly. “You’re just Ravn.”

That did make Ravn tense a bit, as if preparing to lift his head. Leedo waited, feeling every shift of his muscles, trying to decide his next move.

“Right,” Ravn murmured, quiet and subdued, but Leedo could hear what sounded like a smile in his words. His body relaxed slightly, muscles unclenching for the first time in hours. “Right,” he repeated quietly, his arms wrapping around Leedo finally, returning the embrace slowly, and then tighter.

Leedo’s heart clenched at the grateful gesture.

“Thank you,” Ravn murmured, voice tight but genuine. “For everything you’ve done for me, Leedo, thank you-“

“I never do it for thanks, Ravn,” he assured him quietly, making the other laugh heavily, the sound falling flat. “You… are my closest friend, Ravn. You always have been. And I already promised you I would help you however I could.”

“You do,” Ravn said firmly, a tad vehement, as if Leedo could never comprehend how much it was true. “You have helped me so much, Leedo… in ways you could never understand.” His voice grew tight at the end, dropping off.

“I don’t need to understand,” he murmured, though his chest tightened in curiosity and a bit of confusion. “I’m simply… relieved that I can help you… even if it’s something as useless as an embrace.”

Ravn’s laugh was almost bitter.

“You do not get to decide what is useless to me,” he said quietly, voice sounding as if he were trying to fight off sleep. “You do not get to decide your importance in my life.”

Leedo felt as if the knife in his chest had just been twisted.

He flinched slightly, the words hitting him like an unseen branch while riding a horse.

He opened his mouth, prepared to say something back- perhaps to assure Ravn that he would never dare. But it stuck in his throat that was suddenly tight and thick.

He wanted to tell Ravn that he was also important in Leedo’s.

His relationship with Ravn had long, long, long since moved passed only existing for the purpose of their future. Leedo had long, long since decided that Ravn would be someone he followed, whether that future was realized or not.

Ravn was special, entirely on his own, and separate from anything involving varkolaks and witches and prophecies.

He was kind and good and just and fair and gentle- all of it, outside of and regardless of his place in their fates.

Leedo followed him out of loyalty. Out of trust.

No prophecy could assign those two things.

However, his tongue was silent, until too much time had passed for him to be able to speak up. Ravn had returned to being silent, though he was not shaking so hard, nor was his body so tense.

Leedo simply did as he always did: counted his blessings, clung to hope, and prayed that everyone walked away alive and safe.

The two of them did not move, nor did they speak, until the light of day had begun streaming through the curtains pulled across the window.

And even then, their bubble of silence remained- not peaceful, but certainly better than the chaos of the world.

Ravn existed- not as a prince- but as a son in mourning, for however long he needed to heal the wounds of his heart. 

And Leedo stood guard over him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

There was another day of mourning, and by the following day, the king was buried.

Leedo stood among the other knights as the coffin was processed through the castle, their swords held with the tip against the ground as the royal family walked behind the pallbearers.

His eyes followed Ravn- dressed, for once, not in battle armor, but in black velvet and drapery as he held Sonhae’s hand. The queen walked in front of them, her head bowed and a black veil obscuring the tears they could all hear.

Ravn’s countenance was pale and drawn, grim and set in stone to disallow any sorrow from showing.

The next day, the castle sat in silence. They kept to their chambers, only using conversation and the occasional shoving match to entertain them in brief moments of reprieve.

On the fourth day, their chamber doors opened, all of them turning sharply to see who was simply entering-

Ravn smiled at them gently, hand still on the knob, and all of them standing abruptly as if electrocuted out of their seats.

Leedo tensed, staring at the tension around his eyes and the slightly stiff set of his lips.

But when their eyes met… the smile reached his eyes, despite the weight to his countenance. There was warmth there, and gratitude… It shone in his dark eyes like a candle held in dark woods, piercing through night to give a light to follow.

For a moment, none of them moved- the rest of them all staring at Ravn as he stood there, glancing between them. Leedo wasn’t sure if they were waiting for some sort of break, or maybe for an announcement for why he was there.

Ravn’s lips twitched as they continued to stand there, motionless.

“Did I leave part of my breakfast on my face?” he questioned, voice lighter than it had been in days.

They all continued to stare.

Ravn chuckled, pushing the door open a bit more. “I suppose none of you would be opposed to a bit of sparring?” he asked curiously, eyes glinting with a hint of challenge. “I’m sure you’ve all gone out of your mind with boredom, just sitting around here with nothing to do.”

He grimaced almost playfully in apology, though his smile did not dim.

“Are you sure… Your Highness?” Hwanwoong found his voice first, asking gently. “You can take any time you need-“

“I’ve taken my time,” Ravn assured them, eyes only shining brighter at the offer. He glanced around… his eyes lingering on each of them in turn. “Thank you all… for everything,” he said, genuine and soft. “Your support has meant everything to me… in the midst of everything happening.”

“We’ll continue to give it,” Keonhee assured him, still looking concerned. “There is no rush to return-“

“I’m not rushing,” he said gently, shaking his head slowly, still… still smiling. “But I am rather tired of having nothing to do but sit in my room with nothing but my thoughts.” He grinned like it was a good joke.

None of them laughed.

But all of them understood the weight of death, so they smiled quietly, reciprocating the banter.

“So… if you’re not going to rally for a continued vacation, I would greatly appreciate a bit of movement after so long of being still,” he requested, gesturing towards the open door in invitation.

Leedo understood. When there was death, there was always a war inside of yourself. The part of you that wanted to shut down, to succumb, to mourn for the rest of your life… and the part of you that kicked and screamed for you to just do something, to go back to normal, to just move on so the hurt would stop…

Ravn was not healed from his father’s death.

But he was strong enough to begin moving on. For the good of everyone around him and himself.

And contrary to Ravn’s beginning beliefs, they did not go easy on him, simply because of circumstances.

The first time Seoho completely disarmed him, knocking his legs out and slamming the prince into the dirt, Ravn looked as if his entire world had just spun on a top- staring up, completely stunned at the attack.

Seoho merely grinned, reaching down to help him up. “What was that about not going easy, Your Highness?” he asked cordially.

Ravn’s shock quickly melted back into a challenge, taking his hand tightly and leaping up, brushing himself up.

And Leedo released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding at the familiar expression as the prince readied himself, requesting a round two.

This was why they moved on. Because they could give moments like this, when the pain faded to the background for just a moment.

It wasn’t gone. And it wouldn’t be gone for some time.

But for a few moments, they could give Ravn this back: this part of himself that had been disrupted, the part of himself that tried to die with his father.

Leedo was, at the very least, eternally grateful that they could give this back to him, no matter how temporary.

~~~~~~~~~~

Their routine returned to normal for the following two days.

Each morning, they met at the training grounds, glancing around and wondering if this would be the time Ravn decided he needed a break from the day. But without fail, he was there, looking eager to begin their day.

There was still a strain in his eyes and a tension to his jaw, but they didn’t cause concern. They trained, following their regular schedule… and Ravn opened up more each day.

The gratitude towards them all shone like a visible light in his eyes, clearing the clouds and despair that Leedo had seen before. It was almost as if nothing had happened.

Almost.

But that was alright… Leedo didn’t need the old Ravn back. Because the old Ravn was gone, lost to something that always changed someone beyond real comprehension.

But it was still Ravn. And he was no longer only held together by hope and willpower.

More than any other time, Leedo found himself looking most forward to their sparring sessions because those were the moments where things were most normal. When the pain was farthest from his mind, and when the death and uncertainty was most ignorable as they laughed and clashes swords.

It was the moment when Ravn was most alive.

The moment it was best to watch and see him shake off the darkness that seemed stained into his skin.

But Leedo still watched and hoped.

Once Ravn had adequately beaten Seoho, Xion and Hwanwoong volunteered to go next, Ravn standing to the side with his arms crossed, looking as if he intended to be no more lenient in his criticisms than he ever was as the two of them attacked with clanging swords that echoed in the clearing.

There was almost nothing better than hearing Ravn criticize their footwork or strategy.

Especially when it meant Xion looked ready to bite him for saying he was slow at catching himself during the last move.

Leedo tried not to let Ravn take up all his attention, but his eyes wandered every few moments, just to ensure that there was not some bravado that dropped when they were no longer looking.

But Ravn’s expression remained open and fiery, always showing the same tension in his eyes and jaw, but his smile of triumph or chastisement always reached his eyes that blazed pleasingly.

He was just content to see Ravn able to shoulder the grief, even if he couldn’t move on completely yet. Being strong enough to carry it was almost as good as moving on.

“Leedo, you’re next!” Keonhee told him, rubbing his elbow where Ravn had slammed into it to throw him off balance.

Ravn dropped his sword now that the battle was finished, swiping his hair from his eyes that was pinned back by a good amount of sweat in the afternoon sun that had creeped up on them and slowly turned to evening.

Leedo pushed off his tree of support, drawing his sword easily and meeting Ravn’s eyes that met his, still sparking brightly.

He matched the prince’s smile, feeling a bubble of relief flooding his chest that made him feel lighter than he had in days as Ravn stood before him, tall and straight and confident. There were no traces of the person who had been too tired to stand, too burdened to lift his head, and too scared to feel.

And Leedo felt the smile grow slightly out of his control as Ravn cocked an eyebrow, holding his sword at the ready when Leedo paused before him.

“You won’t go easy on me, will you? I’d hate to be disappointed,” he teased, sword wavering like a snake preparing to strike.

“After facing Keonhee, I’m sure you’ve had enough disappointment-“

“Keep the banter between the two fighting!” Keonhee yelled, wounded as he glared at them, crossing his arms threateningly. “I’ve already exited the ring.”

Leedo threw him an apologetic smile that wasn’t quite apologetic before turning back to Ravn in time to see his sword coming down near Leedo’s neck.

One foot flew backwards to balance himself as he bent backwards, bringing his sword up in time to catch Ravn’s, the two of them pressed together for a moment as Ravn grinned, looking more alive than in days.

Leedo’s smile grew automatically. “Going for cheap shots, Your Highness?” he questioned, forcing himself upwards and shoving Ravn back, their swords grinding for a moment before parting with a loud _shing._ It was almost odd to call him Your Highness again.

Almost.

But Ravn shrugged leisurely, beginning to circle slowly, never glancing away from Leedo who also lowered himself to be more grounded. “I don’t find using the enemy’s own unawareness to be a cheap shot,” he said firmly. “I think of it as using my advantan-“

There was a slightly unmanly yelp from the prince as he stumbled back when Leedo lunged forward, sword raising-

Ravn’s sword lifted rapidly- actually, almost blindly fast. Impressively so, even to Leedo.

However, Leedo never struck with his sword, instead dropping to the ground and kicking at Ravn’s legs-

There was a round of gasps as Ravn leapt fast enough to escape the trip, Leedo immediately rolling backwards in the leaves before leaping back to his feet, nearly laughing at how Ravn seemed to also be disbelieving that he dodged the attack.

He shifted his grip on his sword. “Finally stopped falling for old tricks, Your Highness?”

Ravn rolled his eyes, though he smiled only grew as he flew at Leedo.

They danced around for several moments, swords clanging, and with each moment they matched each other for strength, Leedo could see the light in Ravn’s eyes.

And the hope it sparked in him… was different from usual.

(He swung low, forcing Ravn to a distance, but the prince was rushing back at him without giving him a proper chance to reaffirm his stance.)

It was a hope that… had nothing to do with the future they were trying to build.

Their battle ended with Ravn lunging at Leedo, the knight spinning around the sword’s edge and the prince, until he was behind him- pressing the tip of his sword to his back.

They both froze, breathing heavily as Leedo was careful not to press too hard with the sword as Ravn’s head slowly turned, looking at Leedo in vague annoyance at being bested.

The image was ruined, however, by the grin that the prince couldn’t seem to shake.

“Yield,” Leedo panted, not glancing away in case he tried to twist away.

Ravn stared at him gleefully for a moment before his gaze softened, turning away. “I yield,” he sighed, straightening and sheathing his sword slowly. Leedo dropped his, Ravn turning slowly.

His smile was warmer. Soft and rounded, without any sharp edges to be careful about.

“A good match,” Ravn assured him, offering an arm.

Leedo grasped it, shaking it slowly, looking at Ravn in suspicion. “Why are you smiling like that?” he questioned, eyes narrowed. “Are you implying you let me win?”

Ravn laughed, a bit softer than the taunting laughter usually given. He merely looked at Leedo as if it were a funny accusation. “I did not let you win, believe me,” he assured him, releasing their hold. “It was just a good match, wasn’t it?”

Leedo frowned for a moment before snorting quietly, shaking his head as he stepped away. “A good match, Your Highness,” he agreed, stepping back towards the others-

The others who were already staring at them with a strange mixture of expectancy and blatant stares that followed Leedo.

“What?” he questioned, glancing back to ensure there was no stick stuck in his armor or something-

Seoho was the first to roll his eyes, his expression silently calling Leedo a moron. “Just stand to the side,” he huffed. “You’re hopeless,” he muttered.

“I won,” Leedo pointed out, affronted as Ravn laughed, stepping aside to let Keonhee have another turn against Hwanwoong.

Seoho stared at him expectantly in such a way that told Leedo he was missing something. Leedo lifted his eyebrows sharply in such a way that told Seoho he had no idea what he was talking about.

Seoho merely sighed, turning away with a roll of his eyes.

Leedo was prepared to grab him and demand what he was so exasperated with, but then Keonhee flipped Hwanwoong over his shoulder and everyone’s attention was stolen away as cried of “Oooh!” rang out from them as Hwanwoong rolled with the impact, coming up with a murderous glare.

“Flip me again,” he panted, standing with the aid of his sword, “and I will turn you into a kebab.”

Keonhee laughed, snatching his sword up from the ground. “To be quite honest, I didn’t think that was going to work! If you’d been any taller-“

Leedo hit his own forehead as Hwanwoong attacked at the mention of his height, everyone breaking into laughter as the battle quickly devolved from calculated strikes into Keonhee being chased around the clearing by Hwanwoong who showed no signs of stopping until the other was eating dirt.

Ravn was doubled over where he sat on a stump, curled over his stomach with laughter as he watched Keonhee slip and scramble through the dirt as Hwanwoong’s fingertips kept brushing his clothing just barely-

“Alright, that’s enough!” Leedo called, knowing that this was not practice anymore.

And part of him wasn’t sure how much longer they had before someone’s claws or eyes came out…

He stepped forward, grinning as he snatched Hwanwoong by the back of his vest, holding on tight as he jerked him to a stop, letting Keonhee escape over to Ravn, breathing heavily as Hwanwoong turned to Leedo- both betrayed and angered at the lack of blood from Keonhee.

“I think that’s enough practice for today,” Ravn assured them, standing and patting Keonhee’s shoulder, the other chuckling nervously at the display they had just put on.

“You once worried that your knights would kill each other before varkolaks would,” Seoho reminded Ravn as they all gathered their swords and sheathed them. “However, now you must worry that they are more like children than Sonhae is.”

“We aren’t childish,” Xion said, looking offended at the comparison as he straightened slightly, looking down his nose. “It’s just that Hwanwoong is angry because of his height and Keonhee is still upset about his name-“

Xion expertly dodged the swipe from Keonhee, stepping away as Keonhee advanced on him-

“Just go to dinner!” Ravn called as they danced around, laughing too much to really keep their footing well. “And stop trying to kill each other!”

Leedo glanced back to encourage Hwanwoong that they should go.

But Hwanwoong was already racing after Xion, catching up with the two of them that were practically sprinting towards the castle. “You’ll be shorter than I am once I have your head!” he heard the other swear, echoing through the grounds.

“Perhaps we should just start letting them go until someone dies,” Seoho suggested, sheathing his sword heavily. “That would spare us some headaches, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, a few headaches, but it would also cost me a large piece of my defense,” Ravn reminded him, grinning lazily as he watched the others race towards the castle. “And I would hate to lose a single one of you, no matter how many headaches are spared.”

Seoho sighed, and Leedo snickered as he turned to walk away. “If they continue fighting during dinner, I’ll flip the table onto them. I swear I will.”

Leedo began to follow him, a few paces behind. “Knowing you, your fingers would slip and you would drop it on your foot.”

Seoho turned a sharp glare to him. “Perhaps I’ll settle for poison-“

“Leedo.”

He paused, glancing back to see that Ravn hadn’t moved, still standing in the clearing, smiling quietly, but he seemed uncertain in his eyes.

“Would you mind if I kept you for a moment?” Ravn requested, not glancing away. “It shouldn’t take more than a moment before you can get to dinner…”

Leedo frowned gently, but when he glanced at Seoho, he was staring at Ravn, too. However, Seoho merely nodded to both of them and walked away without a single joke about Leedo being a favorite or teasing him for being in trouble with the teacher.

Leedo watched him leave for a single moment before turning back to Ravn, walking over quietly with his slightly concerned frown still stuck to his brows as Ravn smiled gratefully, gripping the hilt of his sword and wiggling it in its sheath, as if fidgeting.

He stopped a respectable distance away from the prince, waiting.

Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he wondered if Ravn was beginning to reach some sort of breaking point… or perhaps he simply wanted to speak in the same way they had before, without the others present…

Leedo wasn’t entirely sure what Ravn saw differently in him than the others. But he knew that he took that trust seriously.

Perhaps a bit too seriously, given the list of things he would do for Ravn without question.

His curiosity (and concern) only grew when Ravn didn’t immediately speak, instead giving Leedo an encouraging smile before dropping his eyes to stare at the hilt of his sword that he continued to fidget with gently.

Leedo waited, giving Ravn time to gather himself if that was what he needed… but after a few moments, he couldn’t see any intent to speak.

“How have you been… Ravn?” he questioned, venturing carefully, visibly hesitant and testing the ground before him.

At the sound of his name, there was a gentle laugh, but his head didn’t raise. Leedo could still make out his expression, though, and while he continued to smile, there was definitely the tiniest increase of strain to the smile.

The warmth in his eyes, however… remained untouched.

“How have I been…?” he murmured to himself, sounding amused. He sighed quietly, hitting his palm against his hilt, gripping it tightly. “Well, I’ve spent almost every moment alone in tears. I’m practically sick to death of missing my father already, I’m tired from having to re-explain what is happening to Sonhae, and I’m exhausted from having to provide comfort to the queen…”

He took a breath, pausing the words that Leedo had been prepared to offer. He waited.

“The only real comfort I have been given has been in the form of you and my other knights,” he confessed quietly, “and the only reprieve I get from this darkness in my head is when I am spending time with all of you.”

Another brief sigh, though this one sounded like a breath at the end of a long hike.

Ravn lifted his head, still smiling, and though his eyes were strained, they were warm enough for Leedo to be genuinely confused on how much he was hurting.

He glanced around the clearing briefly before looking back at Leedo. “So, all things considered… I’m doing very well, Leedo,” he murmured kindly. “And it is all thanks to you and the others.”

Leedo frowned a moment, despite feeling a bubble of relief in his chest.

“You’re… doing well,” he repeated slowly. “Despite all of that?” he questioned gently, giving Ravn a chance to take back his words and complain, if he so desired.

But Ravn didn’t miss a beat before nodding slowly, smile growing brighter, like a sun beginning to rise on the horizon. “I am… exhausted and darkness threatens my mind and I am generally all around done with most of my situation in life.” He nodded, like a period at the end of the sentence.

Something shifted in his eyes.

Something that made Leedo want to tense, as if expecting an attack. But that made no sense, given the gentleness there.

But it was something Leedo had never quite seen. Save… for perhaps upon waking up after the attack on Sonhae. It set him on edge, ever so slightly.

“But I am not drowning in all of it,” he assured Leedo quietly, voice dropping softly. “I genuinely believe I can move past it all one day, and I am confident that I can walk through it without drowning.” His lips twitched, his eyes beginning to shimmer in the golden light that stretched across the sky. “And that is thanks to you, Leedo.”

Now that… was enough to make Leedo blink, taken aback.

“But… you said that the others-“

“I am grateful to everything you all have done for me,” Ravn assured him, lips twitching as he stared at Leedo, as if he did not want to look away. “But… I owe you everything, Leedo… for everything you have done for me.”

Leedo shook his head quickly, something in his chest clenching. “Ravn, I did nothing special for you. I only-“

“You did what I needed… even when I didn’t know I needed it,” he chuckled quietly, that odd light still in his eyes as his eyes traced over Leedo’s face slowly. “I don’t care if you could only see an embrace, or a hastily offered piece of advice, or a simple conversation of me complaining about my life-“

Ravn laughed, not out of humor, but almost in disbelief. 

“I told you before… you do not get to choose your importance in my life, Leedo,” he whispered. “These thrown away gestures, to you… were a branch hanging over a river I was drowning in. They were enough to keep me afloat… And after that night in my chambers…” He laughed quietly. “You told me it was alright to cry… Do you understand that that was the first time I had heard that, in all my life?”

Leedo’s lips were stiff as he stared at Ravn, torn between anger and pity at the revelation. “It shouldn’t have been,” he murmured somberly.

Leedo’s father had spent so much of his life convincing him that anything less than rage was weakness.

“Do you see?” Ravn questioned softly, expression pinching ever so slightly, but not with pain. “You always say you do nothing… but that is because you can never understand the impact your actions have, Leedo. The impact that they have had on me- long before my father was ever ill.”

There was a gut instinct to dispute it. And Leedo wasn’t sure why his body seemed to want to reject it all, but he didn’t fight the claim this time, letting it wash over him.

For once, he accepted the gratitude.

“I’m… glad,” he finally managed to gather his words, offering Ravn a small smile to match his own. “It… is genuinely relieving to me that I could give you that, Ravn. I wanted it all to have impact,” he assured him. “But I couldn’t see how it could.”

“It had impact because it was you,” Ravn murmured, the sun setting into a glaze of gold across their skin.

For a moment, it seemed as if Ravn trying to signal something to Leedo, something shifting in his eyes like rocks falling over themselves…

“You have always been one of my closest friends, Leedo,” he confessed quietly. “Perhaps my closest, given the different states you’ve seen me in.” He laughed quietly, sounding… at peace. “You’ve given me companionship, comfort, aid, and not to mention everything you’ve ever done for Sonhae-“

He stopped abruptly, but it didn’t seem like he had said too much.

He was still staring at Leedo warmly. And Leedo stared him in the eyes for perhaps too long, filing away every speck of emotion he could make out from Ravn-

“There is… of course, no way to list all the things you mean to me,” the prince chuckled quietly, shrugging helplessly. “The list goes too far back in history and contains too many points to ever list them all. But I’ve already told you… all the ways I have admired you from the moment I met you, Leedo.”

Like a hammer shattering a rock, Leedo felt a stone dislodge from his throat.

“You-“

The word came out slightly strangled from how quickly he tried to speak, making Ravn chuckle, smile widening as he waited patiently for Leedo to clear his throat.

Oddly enough, there was no embarrassment there as he stared at Ravn, internally frowning as he tried to piece together the warmth aimed in his direction.

As he struggled to place the warmth gathered in his chest.

“You are special, Ravn,” he finally managed to voice roughly. “I’ve said it before… that you have my trust and support in every aspect of your life and rule.” He paused, but Ravn seemed to know that wasn’t all, patiently waiting. “But outside of your status and my beliefs in you… you are an incredible person. And I count myself blessed every day that I have known you.”

This was the truth.

The truth that futures and peace were now only one piece of a large puzzle he was struggling to put together.

His fondness of Sonhae, his enjoyment of Ravn’s company outside of leading him towards the throne, his loyalty to Ravn as a person and not just as someone destined to bring them peace, his innate desire to protect Ravn as instinctively as he protected the others…

His web of desires and goals had long since expanded from his keyhole determination to get Ravn on the throne. And while that burned as focal point of their lives, his eyes had widened far beyond that desire.

Before seeing him to the throne, Leedo would rather see Ravn at peace and unharmed.

Ravn smiled, but it wavered, as if he were about to begin crying again, and Leedo stiffened slightly, prepared to step forward.

“I have… had this on my tongue to say… for months,” Ravn confessed quietly, chuckling to himself as he dropped his eyes once more to stare at his hilt. “If I were to think hard enough, I’m sure I would find it stretching back as far as years. For all I know, it began to the first moment I saw you…”

Leedo frowned gently.

Ravn’s fingers danced over the leather binding of his sword. “I very quickly found that there were very few things more terrifying to me than the thought of voicing these thoughts.”

“Thoughts?” Leedo repeated numbly.

He was absolutely sure his mind had already realized what was happening. But at the moment, all he could hear was a vague buzz throughout his body, like a ripple disrupting the image of a pond.

All he could see was Ravn laughing at himself. 

“I think that thoughts became facts… ever since Sonhae was born and I asked you to aid me in protecting him,” Ravn admitted softly, glancing up but looking away quickly. “But they became undeniable… from the moment I told you of my father’s condition. From the moment I heard you had been attacked… and the moment I saw that you were alive.”

His voice ended gently… soft and sincere.

Oh, by all the gods…

Ravn took a sharp breath, lifting his head with effort to look Leedo in his eyes.

Leedo was sure that there was only blank panic to see in his eyes. But he was helpless to stop it.

“I thought that it was so selfish of me to ever consider telling you,” Ravn whispered heavily, but there was still hope shining in his eyes. “But after I spent a moment thinking that I had almost lost you… I found myself unable to stand the thought of never having said anything.”

He swallowed, and some of the hope began to flutter with fear.

“Everything changed when you were attacked like that. I almost told you that day… when you woke up. I was so terrified at the thought of it all, Leedo-“

He stopped, lips closing tightly, as if he didn’t want to cross some invisible line.

Leedo wasn’t even sure he could breathe.

“I’m sorry… if it is selfish of me,” Ravn murmured, taking half a step towards Leedo, though leaving plenty of room between them. “And I’m… I’m sorry if this confession is nothing but a burden to you, Leedo.“ He winced. “I will beg you to forgive me if I ruin it all-“

“Ravn-“

Leedo’s half-frantic whisper was drowned out by his own breathlessness as Ravn swallowed.

“How many boundaries would I destroy… if I told you that I cherished you more… than I have ever cherished another person on this earth, Leedo?”

Leedo would not call himself unintelligent by any means. Not in strategy, nor in reading emotion, and not even in predicting the turns of a conversation. It was what allowed them to stay hidden for so long.

So perhaps… from the beginning of this conversation, Leedo could have guessed what was going to be said.

And maybe… maybe he could have guessed even earlier. Though he would have never dared to consider it.

Because…

Because what could ever come from it?

Ravn was a prince destined to unite two races on the verge of extinction.

And Leedo was a monster hiding in plain sight, lying and twisting words, manipulating and deceitful-

No. Leedo was simply someone different. Someone who wanted peace… and someone who cared for Ravn, outside of everything that they were and everything that they fought for.

Leedo was someone who would have never considered himself someone Ravn should ever look twice at, in any capacity. But then Ravn spoke of admiration and good people and kind hearts and brave people…

And Leedo realized that Ravn had been watching him closer than Leedo could have ever predicted. And he thought things of Leedo that he could have never acted as in all his life. Leedo did not know how to be good or brave or kind-hearted.

But Ravn apparently saw these things in Leedo, miraculously.

And perhaps… Leedo was not slapped across the face by Ravn’s confession. That did not mean that it didn’t stab him in the chest.

Because this… complicated everything. It changed everything. It distorted and warped and put everything into a dangerous balancing game of… of…

Leedo felt like he was being chased, but his feet were glued to the dirt.

“L…Leedo?” Ravn’s quiet voice broke through the panic screams in his head that were silent and dull. He stared at Leedo, his confidence and hope clearly waning by the moment as his hands held each other tightly. “Do… Do you understand… what I’m intending to say?”

Part of him wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it was for a prince to think such things about a knight, no matter how loyal their service.

But he did understand… that Ravn had seen them all as friends before he ever saw them as knights. And he very clearly had never seen himself as above them in any way.

Leedo nodded without intending to. “I do…”

Where could this ever go? Leedo’s mind whispered tauntingly, terrifyingly.

What happened when Ravn found out the truth? What happened if he accepted the affection? What happened if he rejected it?

After this moment of limbo… where could their lives ever hope to go? Ravn was a _prince-_

“I… I’m sorry,” Ravn said quietly, wincing at Leedo’s continued silence, his foot shuffling back slightly, as if he wanted to run, but he stayed in place, head bowed. “I… I should have kept quiet,” he whispered, shaking his head sharply. “It was wrong of me to place that burden on you-“

“Your… emotions are not burdens, Ravn.”

Leedo was still trying to imagine even a second of the future. He wished he could run to Yonghoon’s hut and tell him to search for the right answer because Leedo didn’t know-

“You have every right to feel them… regardless of how others react to them.”

“That sounds like a selfish thing to do,” Ravn fought, looking distraught. “I did not want to give you another thing to worry about, like a prince trying to force you-“

“Are you forcing me?” Leedo asked, eyes finally focusing on Ravn, some of the blind, buzzing panic fading to a background screaming. He was shocked at how calm his voice was. “What will you do if I reject those affections?”

His voice sounded foreign to his own ears, a little darker and deeper as Ravn stared, blinking almost in equal panic to Leedo.

“I… I would never speak of it again,” Ravn swore to him quickly. “If… If you wished, I could move you wherever you desired, if you… no longer wished to see me. I would leave you completely alone, I swear to you, Leedo-“

“So do not say you are forcing me,” he said firmly, a knot of discomfort in his chest at the thought. “Guilting yourself over your own emotions will not change my reaction.”

Ravn’s jaw clenched, conflicted as he stared at Leedo- clearly anxious and guilty, but not wanting to push. “I… I want you to answer from your heart,” he whispered quietly. “Without taking mine into account… Leedo, I could not live with myself if I thought I had forced-“

“Do you need a knock on the head?” Leedo demanded sharply, shocking Ravn enough to have him falling silent, lips pressed together as Leedo sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Do you truly think I could allow myself to be forced into anything by you?” he questioned, opening one eye tiredly to stare at Ravn’s terrified expression. “You? Who I could beat off just by sweeping your legs?”

Part of Ravn’s terror cracked away, a half-laugh leaving his lips that was quickly quieted. “I… can give you time,” he offered in a whisper. “If you need… time.”

“My thoughts will be no different in ten days than they are now,” Leedo assured him.

He had known Ravn too long, had seen too many sides… to not know his answer.

But that answer was the exact problem making him hesitate. Because… the answer was yes.

The answer was that Leedo cared for Ravn strongly, he treasured his friendship, he was not opposed to Ravn’s affections, he was…

He was curious… about giving his own affections to Ravn.

Part of him was shaking with terror at the utter number of unknowns. And the other part of him was intrigued by the utter mystery of it.

Leedo wanted Ravn safe… and content… and at peace… before he wanted him on the throne. He wanted these burdens to leave him, he wanted his pain to pass…

And he desperately… desperately wanted to keep all the too-good things Ravn thought of him… once Ravn knew the truth.

Maybe it was a sadistic part of him that said to throw caution to the wind, accept, and just deal with the inevitable rejection later. To just steal a moment of selfishness, knowing that he would lose it…

He was practically destined to lose everything… so why not just control what he lost?

He wanted to slap himself, wanted to shake the doubts away… because the whole point was to ensure that Ravn did not throw them away the moment he knew the truth.

And every part of Leedo believed that when Ravn knew the truth… he would hesitate in his hatred. Every part but that one, strong, loud part of his mind that continued to scream his doubts.

If Leedo accepted… would that change anything with the others? Would they be in any more or less risk?

“You… always hide when something… truly bothers you.”

Leedo snapped from his panicked thoughts, staring at Ravn as if struck across the face.

Ravn stared at him, no more smiles or lights in his eyes… he stared at Leedo with a gentle pain in his eyes and understanding in the set of his lips.

“You always have,” Ravn whispered, swallowing. “You did it about the varkolaks and their burials… and you did it when they paraded Sonhae around… and you are doing it about something now. You try to hide when you’re hurting.”

“It’s not hurt,” Leedo said without thinking, shoulders tensing, though his chest seemed to try and unlock. “I’m conflicted.”

“About what?” Ravn requested gently, clearly only looking to understand, wetting his lips.

“About… everything,” Leedo confessed, swallowing. “There are so many pieces to life, Ravn… And every moment of every day, I’m trying to figure out which path will keep as many people from being hurt as possible.”

Ravn’s brow twitched in quiet confusion. “Do you… believe that accepting me will hurt people?”

He was silent for a moment, examining every crevice of fear and hesitation in Ravn’s face. “I don’t know,” he whispered honestly, roughly, eyes pinching. “That is why I’m hesitating. There are too many things I don’t know.”

“If I have the answers, I will give them to you, Leedo,” He swore quietly, not begging but offering. “You have seen every part of me- I have nothing to hide from you.”

He was not offering an exchange- information for acceptance. He was offering comfort. Reassurance.

And Leedo was so tempted to grab it with both hands and never release it. Because he had spent so much of his life terrified of the burdens he carried.

But he could never share them with Ravn. Not yet. No matter who earnestly Ravn assured him that he could share the load.

Even with four companions… the weight they carried was a lonely one. 

“If… If I accept your affection,” he said, trying sound sure of himself but it came out dry. “What happens?”

Ravn frowned. “I… What happens to whom?”

“Everyone,” Leedo said firmly, fists slowly clenching at his sides, but not out of anger. It was bracing himself. It was uncertainty-

It was a desire to just be selfish, like he’d always been. He didn’t know why he was suddenly hesitating, now that Ravn had bared his heart. He didn’t know why he was continuing to drag out this hurt when he knew his answer.

But the one functioning part of him brain said that he may need to reject.

He could not jeopardize the others. Their future. Perhaps he would risk throwing away their future for Ravn, but the others had not consented to such a thing.

“Us, the others, the kingdom… What comes of this? Between a prince and a knight…” He gestured helplessly into the open air, making Ravn wince.

“I… I don’t understand what the others have to do with it,” Ravn confessed quietly, though his voice was level enough to see that he was seriously conveying information. “I would leave whether they are made privy to it up to you. Do you think they would cause issue? Or that I would cause issue with them, suddenly?”

Leedo shook his head sharply, rolling his lips. “No… No, I don’t think that.”

Ravn stared for a moment, but nodded slowly, glancing away. “As for us… Again, I would hand the reins to you, Leedo. I cannot lead the pace of it, I would not feel right trying to direct or control you. Everything from speed to privacy would be at your choice.”

Leedo almost wanted to laugh. Maybe hit him. Because it had to be the cruelest joke of them all.

Leedo’s eyes burned at the thought. That this was just another part of fate’s joke at their expense. Just another thing for him to lose, another risk for him to take… another pain for him to endure.

If it all fell apart… losing this would hurt so much more than losing a lifetime of peace. And he was sure the fates were counting on it.

“And the kingdom,” Ravn continued, clearing his throat gently, staring at the ground. “I… am not Crown Prince,” he reminded them needlessly, quietly. “The queen is searching for an advisor to rule in my father’s place until Sonhae is old enough-“

Leedo bit his tongue hard enough to threaten blood.

Would they not even give Ravn this-

“-and until I am feeling well enough to consider stepping in his place, after my father’s death has passed.”

Leedo was sure his skin turned deathly pale fast enough that his head spun.

“ _You-_ “

Ravn jumped at the suddenly loud exclamation, making Leedo wince, but he held his breath, eyes wide.

“You… are going to be stepping in for the king? Until Sonhae is of age?” he whispered breathlessly, electricity sparking through his veins.

Ravn rolled his lips, glancing to the side, but he nodded. “At first… I wanted to reject the offer from the queen,” he confessed slowly. “I did not want to tempt myself… but… I thought about what you had said…”

Leedo could not even bother to hide his utter shock and apprehension. His eyes were wide and his lips were parted, his gut flipping and his lungs spasming-

“I… wanted to help make a change,” Ravn murmured, as if it were something to be ashamed of. “I wanted to give Sonhae… something to follow. I wanted to leave my mark… to fulfill that trust that you said you had in me.”

“Me?”

Leedo’s untimely blurt made Ravn glance up, a bit surprised, and then that faded to confusion before something like amusement.

“How many times will it take for you to understand?” Ravn questioned, shaking his head slowly and laughing gently. “Leedo, how must I say it… for you to understand how much you have changed me? Helped me? Given me something that I wanted to fight for again? The reasons that I-“

He stopped, staring at Leedo, taking a deep breath and letting it go.

Once more… he looked at peace. Accepting.

“The reasons that I cherish you… are countless, Leedo,” he confessed gently. “The things that I want to be able to give to you… are also countless. Because the things that you have given _me_ are countless.”

Leedo thoroughly felt as if he had been struck, stunned and winded like he was staring up at the treetops after a bad sparring round.

But he also felt like he was flying upward, weightless and too fast to control, but free in some way-

“In all technicality… it is not against any rule for me to be with a knight,” Ravn said quietly, looking away once more, as if embarrassed. “You are considered a nobleman.”

“My father was a not a nobleman,” Leedo interjected. “I do not fall under that-“

“You became a nobleman the moment you joined the order,” Ravn assured him firmly, his eyes sharp in such a way that made Leedo believe… that perhaps that was bending a few rules. “And, truly, you are of a higher rank than them, as a personal guard to the Crown Prince.”

Leedo stared at him, his mind no longer giving him anything.

He just stared. Blank and disbelieving and… and warmth flooding his chest the longer Ravn stared at him.

“You… Is that your plan?” he whispered hoarsely, eyes burning. “To be with me? To bring me with you as you ascend to the throne until Sonhae is ready? To-“

“The term you are looking for may be ‘marriage,’” Ravn said, so fearless that Leedo nearly flinched. “And I was not going to frighten you with things so far in the future… but given your anxieties, I will assure you, Leedo: I had no intentions of taking you simply as some concubine or companion. You are worth far more than that to me.”

By all the gods, Leedo wanted to strangle this prince. He wanted to draw his sword and challenge him to a fight or something to make his mind finally begin to work because at the moment, there was only warm static and something like a ball of fire sitting in his chest.

Because Ravn was kind and good and just… and he was all that and more outside of being a prince.

He was someone who saw value where there should be none.

He was someone who looked at Leedo… and saw a future.

Leedo’s chest was seized with fear, but it pulsed with hope that tried to drown it out as he stared at Ravn.

Ravn, who laughed gently, stepping closer quietly, until the two of them were standing just in front of each other- Leedo resisting the urge to stumble backwards to protect himself from whatever was coming-

But Ravn merely chuckled sadly, reaching with a hand to brush beneath Leedo’s eyes.

“I have never seen you cry before,” Ravn admitted quietly, scanning Leedo’s face as he realized what he was wiping and ducked his head, scrubbing at his burning eyes. “But I’m going to pray they aren’t… tears of despair…?”

It gentle and probing… but also very afraid. Because Ravn still had no answer.

“You… are someone so very foolish,” Leedo said roughly, lifting his head with his eyes dry as he managed to fight back emotions. “You could have anyone-“

“I do not want anyone,” Ravn broke in firmly, eyes slightly offended as he stared into Leedo’s. “If I wanted them, I would have asked them. I would have leaned on them for comfort, I would have called them when I was at my lowest…” He stared, begging Leedo to understand. “I did not want anyone else. I wanted you there, beside me.”

Leedo tried to see Ravn. But his mind still forced him to see the inevitable end, even as Leedo shook it away, slamming steel doors against it as he stared at the person across from him.

Ravn was offering him everything.

But Leedo was so, so afraid. But Leedo had been afraid for most of his life. He had been terrified of following some odd dream that led him to witches, he had been afraid of hiding in plain sight among humans, he had been afraid of getting close to Ravn and being discovered…

He had done all these things regardless…

“I still think you are a fool,” Leedo said, voice thick and rough and barely strong enough to speak as Ravn straightened.

He offered Leedo a gentle smile. “Will you be a fool with me?”

“Please,” Leedo scoffed gently, feeling his chest unlock like an ancient trunk finally breathing. “I will be the one ensuring that your foolishness does not get you killed. As I have been doing since the moment we met.”

With the words… Leedo felt the warmth in his chest slowly travel down his arms, to his fingertips, warming his stomach and legs, until he was sure he was warming the earth itself as Ravn’s eyes flickered with hope.

“So… will you accept me?”

Leedo felt like nothing but a very thin tether was keeping him on earth as he stared at the hope blooming in Ravn’s eyes, trying to stay hidden to avoid seeming too eager.

And if it meant keeping that there… he would face any fear.

Leedo… wanted to be selfish. He wanted to accept what he wanted. He wanted to stop being afraid.

He wanted to live in a world where he didn’t have to drag out Ravn’s fears just because he was terrified for the lives and futures of everyone around him.

He wanted to stop being burdened by carrying the future of two races on his shoulders. 

“Yes… Yes, I’ll accept it,” he said quietly, swallowing around the stone in his throat.

And saying it… felt like letting go of something. Leedo wasn’t sure what it was, but it floated away like smoke off of a fire.

And with it… the weight of a thousand burdens seemed to leave as well.

They didn’t vanish… but it was as if someone was suddenly taking half the weight.

He expected Ravn to laugh, to start leaping for joy like he did when Sonhae was born, to perhaps grab Leedo and shake him as if he were dreaming.

But he simply smiled warmly, eyes sparking with excitement and disbelief, though he did not move. “Will you regret it?” he asked gently, eyes understanding.

And Leedo thought about it. If everything crumbled and the worst happened and he was left with the rest of his life and nothing to show for it…

If he lost it all… would he regret having had it to begin with?

“No,” Leedo said, much faster and assured than he thought he could.

He stared at Ravn and all that he was offering… all that he had always given Leedo… All that Leedo wanted to give him… and the culmination of every emotion the two of them had felt.

Above all… Leedo had trust.

“No… I would never regret it. No matter what happens.”

This… he believed.

He watched Ravn’s eyes grow warmer, his smile fading to something softer, and that light in his eyes beginning to shine brighter.

But now Leedo knew what it meant.

It was the thing that made Ravn’s hand extend towards Leedo despite their already close proximity, an offer. He did not touch Leedo, his hand hovering an inch away from Leedo’s that was still held in a fist.

“I know… that you have uncertainties,” Ravn murmured, watching, and when Leedo made no move away, he took his fist in his hand gently. 

And Leedo almost laughed. Because he wasn’t sure anyone had ever touched him so gently. As if… not breakable, but precious.

“But I promise… that I will do everything I can to assuage them, Leedo,” he said quietly, holding Leedo’s gaze firmly, eyes hardening with determination for a moment. “I will give whatever you need of me… I will _gladly_ give it,” he whispered, voice a bit hoarse, as if praying that Leedo understood.

And he did.

Because that was who Ravn was. He was kind and selfless… and he was cherished.

“Would you strike me if I tried something?” Ravn whispered into the space between them that suddenly seemed much smaller.

And unlike before… Leedo’s mind was very much aware of what was about to happen- the way that Ravn’s hand squeezed his fist gently, like a reassurance… the way he didn’t look away from Leedo’s eyes, the way he held himself firmly at a short distance without shifting forward in the slightest…

Leedo was well aware of what Ravn was offering. And he wasn’t entirely sure his heart could handle it, but tonight was apparently all about being selfish.

Maybe he should reject it, get his head straight, talk with the others… but in reality… did it make any difference?

He was sure he would get an earful when everything was relayed to them… but at the moment…

At the moment, he nodded slowly, bracing himself and relaxing all at once. It was foreign and terrifying and exhilarating and fascinating all at once.

There was a part of him that wanted to say to hell with the fates and just take this one thing for himself without thinking about _every_ other person.

But the majority of him knew that there were too many lives on the line.

So he never stopped thinking about it… but he did shut his eyes when Ravn moved closer, and he moved simultaneously, unafraid for one shining moment.

He knew what was coming, and yet it was still akin to being hit with a horse.

Ravn’s lips pressed to his- both of them equal enough in height that Leedo didn’t even need to move. This… was not necessarily the surprising part, though Leedo had never kissed anyone in all his life and the sensation was different than he expected.

Lips were softer than they looked.

But the part that came next felt like a horse trampling over his chest as Ravn’s hand that was not holding his fist was suddenly placed at the back of Leedo’s head.

It… was gentler than Leedo thought it would be, not pushing or pulling, but simply resting, soft fingers threading through the strands of his hair without pulling them… It felt like something grounding and sturdy.

And then Ravn’s head was tilting ever so slightly, the kiss suddenly turning deeper, and the horse hooves turned to lightning sparking down Leedo’s spine as he inhaled sharply, but didn’t pull away.

Looking for something to hold onto, his hand found Ravn’s hip, holding on as if he might start drifting.

Leedo was stiff and still, but he could feel Ravn’s body relaxed and content against his. And it wasn’t until several seconds passed that Leedo realized Ravn wasn’t moving. Not pulling or pushing.

He was waiting.

Leedo almost shoved him away, called him a fool, and then ran.

Instead… he realized what was happening. What he had accepted, and what… what he wanted.

Ravn was kind and good… and Leedo trusted him. He had accepted this…

And suddenly, all he wanted to see was a future where he got to keep this, no matter how unlikely.

He would not waste whatever time he got by being afraid.

His grip tightened on Ravn’s hip, shifting forward slightly, not wanting to push his way through, but Ravn responded to the very first shift, deepening the kiss gently with lips beginning to move as Leedo copied it, warmth flooding his chest and chasing away fear-

It was so much easier to feel hope when there was lightning striking his chest.

Leedo didn’t count moments. He didn’t feel fear. He didn’t think on the future. 

For the first time in years, Leedo lived in a single moment, surrounded by that moment.

For the first time in years, he let true peace settle on his shoulders and it wasn’t a weight in itself.

Because it was sharing a burden, even if he hadn’t said a word.

Leedo simply held onto Ravn and let him gently guide them, following every prompt because he wasn’t skilled enough on his own to lead.

And Leedo realized that he never could have fully understood what this would bring with it.

Because Ravn held him more gently than anyone ever had.

And Leedo knew that a ledge that he had been hesitating on the edge of was suddenly a hole he had already hit the bottom of.

And the most terrifying part was how little he regretted it.

How much he begged the fates, despite all his curses against them, to not take this away.

For both their sakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaahhhh I’m so excited!! I have so much planned for this fic!!!   
> I really hope this next chapter won’t take longer to write, but a lot should happen and work is a little hectic lol~ But I will try my best to get it out on time, lovelies! 
> 
> Once again, thank you for everyone supporting this fic! It genuinely means the world to me!! 
> 
> I’ll see you next chapter, lovelies! Please let me know what you thought!   
> -SS


	4. The Future Changes on a Dime, Our Years Turn to Seconds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the wait, lovelies!!!!   
> I edited this at top speed, so hopefully there’s no major mistakes! 
> 
> But I hope you all enjoy it because I had a BLAST writing this chapter!!   
> This story is seriously so much fun to write- thank you so much to everyone enjoying this! The comments I’ve received have been so kind and uplifting! I appreciate you all so much!! Hopefully this is worth it in return! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I enjoyed this chapter so much! 
> 
> Stay safe, lovelies!   
> -SS
> 
> (TW: a lot of violence and gore near the end of the chapter)

Leedo expected shouts.

Awe.

Maybe disgust, if the fates were being particularly cruel.

But he stood in a room in silence with four eyes staring at him, emotionless with too many emotions.

He couldn’t tell if there was shock, disappointment, disbelief- he could tell they were feeling _something_ , but he was helpless to name a single emotion.

It was too late at night, and he was too emotionally and physically exhausted to care as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Is that it?” Leedo questioned, not even able to be annoyed at their silence as his shoulders fell. “Do you have any other reaction?” He gestured around at their drawn, unreadable faces.

Keonhee, at least, gave him a sympathetic wince.

Another moment of silence, and Leedo dropped his head, convinced they would spend the rest of the night wordlessly standing around him.

“I’m not particularly surprised,” Seoho said, just as he had given up, making Leedo lift his head, frowning deeply.

Seoho’s countenance cleared into something a bit more readable, similar to the expectant stare he had given Leedo only hours before.

“From the beginning, Ravn has had a favor for you,” Seoho said when Leedo’s confusion remained. “You’ve been the one able to convince him, he’s gone to you for things he would never come to the rest of us for- You think it was coincidence or chance that you were the one who was always there when he was struggling?”

Leedo opened his mouth, not exactly appreciating the accusation and implied insult, but he stopped before he spoke, closing it tightly.

In truth, if he had truly been looking at every implication and meaning, he would have long known that something was different. That something was being held back. 

Instead, he merely threw Seoho a tired glance. “If you were so sure, why did you stay silent about it?”

Seoho leaned against the pillar of the bed, seeming startlingly unbothered. “It was clear that it could have been more, but it was also just as likely that he just had chosen a more trusted friend. I didn’t want to stir the pot and potentially create an issue.”

“Well, the pot is very violently stirred,” Leedo sighed, falling back on the bed and pressing the heels of his palm to his eyes firmly. “I feel like I am both in hell and… tired,” he muttered.

“Why did you accept if you did not want it?” Hwanwoong questioned, sounding concerned. “Did you truly accept just to spare his feelings? Or for some other motives?”

“Of course not,” he said firmly, bordering on a snap as he sat up quickly to glare at the suggestion, but he was too tired to hold on to the annoyance. “I would have never done that, and I don’t regret accepting him-“

“Then why are you in hell?” Xion asked where he curled around his knees on the bed, eyes half-hidden in the candlelight.

“Because it complicates _everything_ ,” Leedo argued, blinking in confusion at how they couldn’t see how this changed things. “There’s more at risk now-“

“Infatuation is hardly a higher risk than our lives and the future of millions,” Seoho said rather bluntly.

“I, for one, think it is something finally going in our favor.” 

Leedo turned to Hwanwoong, frowning deeper. “In our favor?” he questioned flatly.

Hwanwoong nodded, eyes solemn, but his expression flickered with something like hope. “Ravn feels more than friendship towards you. He now holds you in a higher regard than anyone else he’s ever known. When the time comes to reveal ourselves, you will be a large weight in our favor-“

“I am not using his feelings for me as a tool for our future,” Leedo snapped, something flaring defensively in his chest, drawing anger out like a struck match blaring brightly-

“No one is suggesting you hold him hostage by his emotions,” Keonhee said sternly, placating but firm, a hand extending gently. “But by nature of everything, his affection to you _will_ change how he views us when the time comes. There is no way around that, Leedo, especially now that you have accepted.”

Leedo stared at them, brows drawn down tightly, a million different objections on his lips, but none of them would fall.

Because it was true.

From the moment Ravn admitted his affections, everything had shifted. And it didn’t matter what Leedo did or tried to change… they could never be put back where they were. The terrifying part was not knowing whether this was a shift towards a fortunate or detrimental direction.

Hwanwoong believed it to be fortunate.

“The bigger the affection… the bigger the betrayal,” Xion murmured quietly, making everyone turn to him as he stared at the ground darkly. “Alternatively… the bigger affection, the more chance that he gives us a chance to explain ourselves.” He glanced up at them solemnly. “It’s entirely impossible to know which would happen.”

“Therefore, there’s no point in speculating,” Seoho said firmly, almost chastising as he pushed off the bed. “We have no more knowledge now than we ever did. This changes everything, but nothing is anymore in our control than it ever was. We’ll only hurt ourselves by overthinking it.”

“Just let it run its course,” Keonhee agreed, nodding slowly.

Leedo knew this.

In his heart, he knew that they still had no more control now than they ever had. He knew that there was still only the option of letting the fates control their strings.

But the image was burned into his mind, of Ravn smiling like sunlight leaking through leaves as he bid Leedo to go eat dinner and get some rest, assuring him they could speak more tomorrow.

That kind of joy… he had not seen on Ravn’s face since Sonhae’s birth.

And his stomach shriveled at the thought of taking it away, inevitably.

“It…”

Time had always been their enemy in this escapade. It was pushing Sonhae to the throne, it was dragging the king away, it was making them afraid to move.

“We should do it soon,” Leedo whispered, voice rough and thin.

There was a beat of silence as loud as a trumpet sounding.

“Do… what?” Hwanwoong questioned slowly, his tone betraying the fact he knew exactly what he was implying.

“Reveal ourselves,” he murmured, glancing up with dark eyes.

There was no outburst of objections or support. Merely dark eyes staring at him- some startled and some apprehensive.

“What makes this moment different from all the others?” Seoho asked sternly, locking eyes expectantly. It wasn’t a challenge. But Leedo was suggesting something that needed to be timed with utter precision if they wanted to escape ruin.

It wasn’t something they could decide lightly.

“Ravn is going to be stepping in for Sonhae until he is of age,” Leedo pressed, his chest feeling uncomfortably tight as he glanced around at them all, urging them to understand. “That’s ten years that he will be the primary ruler, and those are the moments he will have to facilitate change.”

He bit his tongue, something darker settling in his stomach.

He didn’t want to doom their race to slaughter. He did not want to tear that joy from Ravn’s eyes.

“You… are right,” he murmured heavily, dropping his head to stare at his knees. “Ravn’s feelings towards me do affect our outcome. But I fear that the longer we wait- now that it’s progressed- the worse it will be.”

The entire idea was loathsome.

He hated the thought of dragging out their lies, only to reveal it long into their relations together. And he hated the thought of revealing themselves so quickly, watching what he could have had dissolve into dust before it had ever truly formed.

Essentially, his decision boiled down to one thing: did he suffer in order to gain their best chances or selfishly cling to this new life at the risk of their future?

And… against everything pulsing in his chest… Leedo knew what his answer had to be.

“He… may be right,” Hwanwoong agreed slowly, expression pinched and worried. “There is a large difference in betrayals between friends and… someone more. Ravn is making himself vulnerable to Leedo. If we wait too long, it may… make it worse.” 

“We cannot rush into this,” Keonhee said firmly, fingers twisting together. His jaw was tight, but his eyes showed an acceptance. “But this timing… may be our best moment. If we want to give Ravn time to actually enact change…”

“There is no best moment,” Xion muttered, resting his chin on his knees, eyes downfallen. “At the moment, Ravn is vulnerable from the death of his father. Later, he won’t have time. Even further down the line, Sonhae will take the throne, and we will lose our chance entirely.” He glanced up flatly. “But our chances now are as good as they are going to be.”

Leedo was tempted the beg the fates again for just a single sign. Just a moment for them to have where their chances would be greater. When their efforts were most fruitful.

Why…

Why must they claw their way through helplessness to create their future?

“It cannot be immediately,” Seoho said heavily, shaking his head slowly, glancing around. “But… by the year’s end… we should begin moving.”

A new wave of anxieties and uncertainty washed over them like waves drowning at a beach.

Because now, the waiting was over. Now, they were counting down moments until their secret was out. And now, their future of “one day” was suddenly… “someday.”

In a single day, they suddenly seemed to be sprinting towards a day they had been mindlessly meandering towards. A day they hadn’t even been sure would ever come.

And it, of course, brought the horrific question with it: What happens after?

Not another word was spoken, everyone bottled up inside themselves, nursing their own fears that voicing would not fix.

Leedo did not reflect on fears.

He slammed down every metal wall he could around his mind, blocking off any and all thoughts until he was left with nothing but static.

He did not think about the future.

And he could not even bring himself to think about Ravn, even if he wondered whether the burdens would lessen in the prince’s presence, as they had for a moment earlier.

The part of him that wanted to be weak hoped that they would.

And the part of him that could never believe this would work hoped that they wouldn’t because Ravn was not going to be around him like this for long.

~~~~~~~~~~

Leedo wasn’t entirely hungry at breakfast, but he forced himself to eat, lest he regret it later in the day.

His stomach was twisting itself in knots.

He wasn’t entirely sure what kind of nerves and anxiety were holding his lungs hostage- whether it was leftover from last night, the uncertainty of how he would face Ravn this morning, or if this was just the state of life he would be forced to live in from now on.

“You look as if you’re going to be violently ill all over the table,” Keonhee told him helpfully when he went five minutes without taking the bite of sausage on his utensil.

Leedo merely rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he ignored the others glancing at him.

“I didn’t realize that snagging the affections of a prince would be the aspect of your life to finally break you,” Seoho said, lowering his voice for the servants walking around the outside of the room.

Leedo threw him a withering glance, but his lips twitched regardless.

Because everyone was well aware that it was not just childish butterflies making him nervous, and that there were many other burdens they were all carrying.

The teasing was enough of a distraction to allow him to take a breath.

“I will kill you.”

“Was that your goal all along?” Hwanwoong questioned, jumping in on the fun, though Leedo knew that all of this was everyone’s attempt at distracting themselves. “To join the knights to grab a suitor?”

“Oh, shut up-“ Leedo scoffed, rolling his eyes-

“I imagine you’ll abandon all causes, now,” Xion threw in, eyes sparking gleefully. “Now that you’ve secured your station-“

Leedo launched a piece of sausage at him and kicked Keonhee under the table when his laughter was a little too amused, glaring around at them all, unsure of whether the fight was even worth it.

“The most horrific part is how a prince chose _you_ ,” Seoho snickered, grinning as he leaned forward. “An entire castle full of people, and-“

Tired of being the object of their teasings, he simply reminded Hwanwoong of the time that Seoho compared him to a child trying to reach the top shelf, and the attention was effectively diverted until their meal was finished.

In truth, his mood was lightened, and the bundle of nerves in his chest had since faded to a background buzz, rather than a sharp fear.

Ravn was already waiting for them at the sparring grounds near the edge of the forest, clearly having only just arrived as he adjusted his leather armor, turning when their bickering became audible.

Leedo wanted to pretend that he was busy with conversation, but by the time Ravn looked over and their eyes locked, it was too late.

He smiled briefly, eyes flickering over all of them.

“Waking up late this morning?” Ravn called as they approached, brow lifting accusingly.

“We are precisely on time,” Hwanwoong argued firmly, pointing at the sun. “The sun does not change just because the prince arrives early.”

Ravn chuckled in response, patting Hwanwoong’s shoulder as he passed, his eyes flashing over Leedo again but moving on quickly, which made Leedo frown for a moment.

Before he remembered what Ravn had said, about it being Leedo’s decision if the others knew and when they found out.

“Ready for a different style of training for today?” Ravn questioned at large as they gathered, looking excited.

Keonhee glanced at Leedo pointedly. “I’m sure we are,” he said, making Leedo give him a bewildered look because that didn’t even make _sense_ as a way to tease him-

But Ravn’s eyes flickered to Keonhee, brow twitching before he glanced across all of them rapidly, eyes sharp and slightly confused before they landed on Leedo.

He wasn’t sure what expression was showing on his face, but Ravn’s countenance cleared in understanding, making Leedo’s stomach drop.

“Ah,” he said quietly, glancing at the others once more as he nodded. “You’ve already told them, I take it?”

For the briefest of moments, Leedo was afraid he had made a mistake. Simply because Ravn had told him the choice was his- He hadn’t even bothered to think what Ravn had wanted-

But the fear sputtered out like a damp candle. Because in Ravn’s eyes, there was no anger or betrayal or even discomfort. There was only realization and questioning, as if carefully trying to read the situation.

“I… did,” Leedo replied, inclining his head slowly.

Ravn made a noise of understanding as he glanced around. “Is there anything you want to say?” he asked the others gently- not accusing, not challenging.

Xion shrugged first. “What would we have to say?” he challenged, lifting an eyebrow petulantly.

“Is there something we should say?” Seoho questioned, head tilting.

Ravn’s eyes flickered across them all once more, taking in their expressions.

The reservations in his expression melted away, a smile breaking out. And like always, there was the gratitude and pride shining there- a silent thank you. The same warmth he had always afforded them.

“If there’s nothing to say, we should begin,” Ravn said, moving on without a break in stride.

Leedo was taken aback at how smoothly the day progressed. It was if nothing had changed, and part of him was infinitely grateful for that.

The “different” training they worked on was sparring against multiple opponents. They had done if often enough, but not often, given that all of them were more than skilled in it.

Varkolaks rarely came alone.

Seoho stood in the center with the five of them gathered around, swords ready as Seoho’s eyes sharpened like knives glancing across them all.

These types of training were always interesting, and while most of their commentary was focused on insulting each other’s stances or footwork, their performance was as perfect as always, according to Ravn when they finally stopped for the day.

(“Perfect” was hard to accept, given that during Keonhee’s turn, he lost his sword at one point, and his claws nearly appeared for a moment.) 

Exhausted and a little bruised up, however, they prepared to go wash for dinner.

“Before you go…”

They paused where they were gathering their swords, looking back at Ravn with questioning eyes as the afternoon sun began to creep towards the horizon.

Ravn shook his hair from his eyes, hand resting on his sword as he stared at them, eyes gentle but his lips set in a firm line that made them all straighten. For a moment, Leedo thought he may be preparing to say something about the two of them.

But he seemed too grim.

“The Queen has announced that she is going to visit her family in the East Kingdom, now that… everything in settled,” Ravn told them tactfully, carefully avoiding the mentions of death. “She is taking Sonhae with her, and by extension, we will be accompanying her.”

With the death of the king, Leedo was unsurprised that the queen would want to get away and visit her family. She had barely left her chambers since the funeral procession, and she had been spending more and more time with Sonhae, tucked away with her child.

They all nodded somberly, accepting and understanding. They had only journeyed to the Eastern Kingdom once, since Sonhae was born. But it was a six day non-stop journey by carriage.

“I asked her to follow our previous agreements on Sonhae’s safety,” he went on quietly. “She was against the idea of being separated from Sonhae for so long, but she also understood the dangers he is facing.”

Leedo’s lips thinned briefly. He could never fault a mother for being protective of her child, especially so soon after losing a husband. But for Sonhae’s safety, she _needed_ to trust them. 

“So, we will leave within the next two days,” Ravn told them firmly. “The queen will travel by carriage with her entourage while the six of us take Sonhae ourselves. Without a carriage, we can reach the Eastern Kingdom within five days. Perhaps less. Our goal would be to get him there as quickly as possible.”

“Without a carriage,” Hwanwoong repeated, frowning gently. “Will Sonhae be able to ride with one of us for that long?”

“We can take breaks,” Ravn assured them. “And while Sonhae may not be the most comfortable the entire time, it won’t harm him. He’s already expression excitement about being able to travel with us.”

His severity broke for a moment with his lips twitching at the mention of Sonhae.

“It will work out,” he promised firmly, nodding. “But I wanted to tell you all before the end of today.” He gestured freely with a hand. “You’re free to go now.” His lips twitched once more. “And please stop making me listen to the servants gossip about your fights at the dinner table.”

“Xion starts it,” Hwanwoong said without missing a beat, pointing at him accusingly.

Xion’s teeth snapped at his finger, making Hwanwoong retract it with a glare that Xion challenged fiercely-

“Enough,” Ravn snapped with a laugh, waving them off. “Now get out of my sight, I’ve seen enough of you all for the day.”

“You will see much more of us if we are traveling five days together,” Seoho warned him, all of them beginning to move away.

Ravn smiled as if he were trying to hide it, but failed admirably. “Good work today, everyone,” he said, voice softening.

On instinct, Leedo almost trailed after the others towards the castle, but he froze, catching Hwanwoong’s eye and merely gesturing for them to continue on as he glanced back at Ravn.

The prince was already watching him, eyes gentle, but his smile grew ever so slightly when Leedo began walking back towards him slowly, offering his own smile, somewhat awkwardly.

He could hardly be blamed. This was even more foreign territory than hiding as a human.

Ravn’s brow lifted amusedly when Leedo stopped in front of him. “Was there something you needed, Leedo?” he asked coyly.

Like a hammer against ice, the blockade in his chest shattered as he chuckled, hitting Ravn’s shoulder in retaliation. “Do not make fun of me,” he said, shaking his head. “You must also be aware how dangerously awkward this is…”

Ravn smiled- equal parts apologetic and amused- as he looked off at the horizon that had begun to dye itself gentle hues. “I don’t find it awkward,” he confessed quietly. “But it is… something I very much do not want to mess up.”

Sometimes Leedo hated the fates that threw his life into disarray. Most of the time, he hated them.

“I very much doubt that there is anything you could ever do that would mess it up,” Leedo assured him honestly, heart twisting. _Unlike me._

But Ravn smiled as if the sentiment was a warm one. “You say that as if you could ever mess it up.”

Leedo genuinely prayed that his smile wasn’t strained.

It was painful, he was beginning to realize.

In a way they had never been before, the lies were becoming painful, rather than a laboring weight for him to carry.

And he hated that the pain kept creeping up, seeming to stain every emotion in his chest. Because he couldn’t think of anything- not Ravn, not the future, not his own emotions- without feeling everything else creeping in to stain the _one_ shred of happiness he’d found.

And maybe what he felt towards Ravn wasn’t joyous, bubbling laughter. Maybe it wasn’t yet exploding love or something deep and profound.

And maybe that was what made it so easy to stain.

But Leedo knew that there was something. He knew that there was a desire to protect. There was a desire to see Ravn happy, to see him free of burdens and deaths, to spare him from ever having to be exposed to the lies they had forced on him.

They had decided they were going to do it…

Ravn’s smile that he gave Leedo, the light in his eyes, the gentle touch he gave on his shoulder, the warmth that he spoke of Leedo with…

All of that was going to disappear.

“You are doing it again.”

Leedo blinked, slamming back into reality to find Ravn smiling sadly at him. “What?” he questioned, worried he’d missed something Ravn had said.

“The thing where you hide when you’re hurting,” Ravn said, so sure and knowing that Leedo couldn’t find the words to dispute it, to reassure him. Ravn simply smiled like it hurt. “You don’t have to be here, Leedo,” he whispered warmly, shaking his head. “Even if you said you wouldn’t regret it, you have no obligation to stay-“

“Why do you think I want to leave?” he questioned, shaking his head and frowning-

Ravn chuckled, gesturing to Leedo like it should be obvious. “Every time you look at me, you seem like you’re holding something back. Like you’re miserable about something but don’t want to say it… I sprang this on you so suddenly, Leedo. You can retract your decision-“

“I don’t want to retract it- I’m not miserable,” Leedo said quickly, shaking his head frantically, chest clenching.

Because out of everything that Leedo was fearful of, hurting Ravn was infinitely high on the list. And hurting him a moment before he needed to was unthinkable. As terrified as he was, leaving was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

Selfishly, he wanted this until the last possible moment.

Ravn simply quirked his lips, eyes heavy, as if he already knew that was a lie-

“It is not you I’m miserable about,” Leedo clarified, realizing that he needed to choose a different angle.

Ravn couldn’t yet know what truly weighed on Leedo’s mind. But he already knew that there were so many things burdening him.

“You mentioned all those fears you have,” Ravn murmured, nodding in understanding quietly, eyes softening. “Is there something I can do to ease them?”

Leedo couldn’t help but laugh- thankful that it didn’t escape too bitter, but coming out more surprised.

His heart, however, was twisted into a Gordian knot.

“The insecurities and anxieties I have aren’t your responsibility,” Leedo assured him, waving a hand. “Just know that I don’t regret this in the slight-“

“You’ve eased my mind many times,” Ravn broke in gently, frowning gently. “I would do everything I could to ease yours, Leedo.” He paused, rolling his lips almost nervously. “I… You have no obligations to share your worries with me, but…” He hesitated. “I hope that you understand I would listen to them, regardless of what they were.”

But he wouldn’t. Because Leedo’s burdens would break everything.

He wouldn’t, and Leedo’s worries would be nothing but the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Ravn could not simply offer him an embrace and a few words of wisdom. There was no way to ease this burden.

And Leedo found another reason to add to his endless list of guilt.

Ravn had bared his soul to Leedo on every occasion. He had never hidden his thoughts, his burdens, his fears. He had entrusted them to Leedo as soon as the offer was made- going back as far as the queen’s pregnancy.

Ravn had always entrusted his weakest moments to Leedo, who had welcomed them.

Ravn was sitting here, watching Leedo obviously struggle under a weight, but Leedo shied away from ever revealing anything. He clung to his fears, his burdens, and held Ravn at arm’s length.

And Leedo could only image how much that must hurt.

He winced, and he saw Ravn’s expression fall, his lips parting- no doubt- to assure him that he wasn’t trying to guilt him.

But Leedo spoke before the prince had a chance. “It’s not that I don’t trust you,” he said quickly, words tumbling over his lips as Ravn paused. “It isn’t that I don’t want to share my burdens with you, or that I feel uncomfortable, or anything else that hints at a disharmony between us-“

Ravn’s expression didn’t change. As if often didn’t, when someone was speaking to him. As if he was careful not to let them see his emotions, for them to speak unburdened by his opinion.

Sometimes, Leedo hated that.

But he knew that even if he couldn’t tell Ravn the truth at the moment, he deserved _something._

Not a lie. But a truth from somewhere else.

“I’m just… used to working through certain things on my own,” Leedo said slowly, choosing his words carefully. “And as much as I want… all of this…” He gestured lamely between the two of them slowly. “I… I’m worried because this isn’t something I’ve ever done before. In any sense, really.”

There was the barest twitch in Ravn’s brow, as if gently confused.

Leedo cleared his throat, glancing at the grass because it was easier than maintaining eye contact. “Emotions… particularly ones involving trust and… and affection… were always something I was… scolded for having,” he said, the words leaving his lips like a stone blocking a stream.

Even among the others… their talk of their pasts was limited. Everyone knew everything, because that was the only way to truly operate together, but most parts were never mentioned outside of their initial relay of information to each other.

One of those things… was Leedo’s parents.

Ravn finally abandoned impartiality, frowning in utter confusion at the thought.

And it was startling… to see where the disconnect between human children and varkolaks occurred. Where one encouraged empathy and sympathy, the other squashed it out in an attempt at better survival. 

And the more Leedo spoke, the confusion only turned to something like horror.

“I never listened to my father about his opinions on it,” Leedo said, eyes firmly away from Ravn. “But it did… It kept me from seeking out something more than someone to watch my back for a long time. Friendships seemed dangerous and anything more was… out of the question.” He swallowed. “So, if I ever seem… distant or… or as if I’m hiding, I’m not. I’m just-“

Leedo’s lips thinned, words escaping him as he tried to explain an inkling of what was happening-

“I understand.” He glanced at Ravn, who was staring at him gently, nodding slowly. His lips thinned slightly. And there was such pain in his eyes. “I wish that hadn’t happened to you.”

And that was… the first time something like that had ever been uttered to Leedo.

“You can tell me when you need to… or when you’re ready… or not at all,” Ravn murmured warmly, shrugging gently. “But I hope that whatever those burdens are… that they don’t weigh on you too heavily.”

Leedo chuckled again.

Because if only he knew.

“Thank you,” he said, voice a bit rough, but genuine enough to have Ravn’s smile returning a bit brighter.

He only nodded. “I was a bit worried the others might have said something,” he chuckled gently, glancing towards the castle. “Part of me wanted to be there when you told them, in case you needed someone at your back.” He grinned, a little teasing.

It made it easier to breathe.

“They would never,” Leedo said, shaking his head, knowing that Ravn knew that as well. He looked towards the castle, knowing that the others would have since sat at dinner. “They’re good people,” he said firmly, not trying to convince Ravn, but finding his chest tightening at the thought.

He needed Ravn to know this, though. He needed this to be an engrained thought in his mind. So that when the time comes…

“All they want is to protect people,” Leedo murmured, almost to himself, chest aching. “They’re good people. In every way.”

A quiet hum. “I know. You are, too.” 

Leedo blinked, turning away from the castle, back towards Ravn who was already directly in front of him. Leedo inhaled sharply as Ravn suddenly embraced him, tight and warm and solid- Leedo returning it on instinct as he stared over the prince’s shoulder.

He held his breath, not out of discomfort, but… overwhelmed.

“You seem to forget that,” Ravn murmured, voice warm and close to his ear. His arms tightened around Leedo. “I don’t know why you cannot believe it… but you are a good person, Leedo. Even if you’ve done something wrong… that doesn’t stop you from being a good person.”

He would never understand.

Another knife twisted in Leedo’s stomach as he rested his hands on Ravn’s back, swallowing thickly as he stared blankly at the trees behind them.

His eyes burned, but the emotions remained behind his lids as he closed them lightly, releasing a slow breath that hurt.

“You don’t need to share your burdens with me,” Ravn murmured, a warm hand pressed to the small of Leedo’s back. “But I’ll offer whatever I can from the side… if you’ll let me.”

Leedo could never verbally convey to Ravn what he was carrying. He couldn’t know about them, their future, their place, their fates… None of it.

Silence and distance were two crucial parts of keeping them safe.

Silence kept Ravn and themselves safe. It kept the secrets hidden and their lives ensured.

Distance… kept Leedo safe. It kept him from growing roots that would only be torn up, it would protect his heart from getting too close, it prevented the pain from being greater than it already would be.

But at this point, it made no difference if the pain increased a hundredfold. It would still be the worst pain he had ever experienced.

Silence was necessary. Distance was selfish preservation.

Leedo was tired of being selfish, while simultaneously just wishing he could mindlessly do what his mind and heart wanted without thinking.

He was tired.

And he was already inside Ravn’s arms, already sprinting past the distance he had original set up.

His shoulders fell. His head dropped until his forehead hit Ravn’s shoulder.

It felt like placing down a weight for a moment. It was still there, it would need to be picked up again soon… but for a brief moment, there was a relief.

His arms tightened around Ravn, and in turn Ravn held him closer, one of his hands coming up to cradle the back of Leedo’s head gently, like a child. He would have laughed, if he had the strength to make any noise.

But in Ravn’s embrace, all the strength seemed to leave him.

It was two-fold. It was relief and rest and a moment of peace after so long of struggling. But it was horrific and painful, the thought of having to pick the weight back up, now that there was a moment without it. The urge to simply stay here for the rest of his life was almost sickening.

He pressed his forehead harder against Ravn’s shoulder, teeth clenching as his eyes burned.

It was dangerous like this. When strength left and desperation welled and everything that had made him so tired was suddenly welling to the surface. There were a hundred things begging to be let loose- tears, the truth, yelling, everything he’d ever hidden…

It made him want to be weak. And that was so very dangerous when the lives of four others, an entire species, depended on them.

“I’m sorry,” Ravn whispered, voice tight and pained as the hand cradling his head began gently raking through the hairs at the base of his skull comfortingly. “I’m sorry that you’re hurting…”

That was all he said.

And it took everything inside of Leedo not to let the tears fall that pounded behind his lids. He grit his teeth tighter, shut his eyes harder, and knew that he should pull away. He should remove himself and walk away for a moment to collect himself.

He didn’t. He stayed there. Ravn didn’t move- didn’t shift them, didn’t suggest they go to the castle… It was only the two of them on the practice fields, and Leedo was grateful for the privacy.

Picking himself up was like trying to catch water with your hands, everything leaking almost too fast for him to handle as he tried to hurry and gather it up, while it spilled across the ground and soaked into the ground, threatening to never return.

He stayed there because he wasn’t strong enough to move.

There was a gentle pressure against his temple, making him shift ever so slightly. And it took him several moments to realize Ravn had kissed it gently.

He grit his teeth tighter. He shut his eyes harder.

And even as he threatened to fall apart, there were too many years of barbed wire and cement walls keeping him from crumbling.

And he could not for the life of him decide if he was grateful for them or cursed them with everything he had ever had.

~~~~~~~~~

Leedo went to bed without speaking to the others that night.

He woke up without saying much, but everyone could read the emotions (or lack thereof) well enough to have a basic understanding of what might have happened.

And this was why Leedo cursed his weakness.

Because the others spoke quiet to him as they readied themselves for the day, joking in softer tones, though still bright. Xion gave him his sausage at breakfast and Hwanwoong got him more water silently.

They knew that something had broken last night, in whatever capacity it had.

And it wasn’t babying, it wasn’t even pity. It was just caring, like they always did when one of them reached a breaking point. But it just felt…

It felt like as soon as Leedo made a decision for himself, he’d lost everything the last decade had given him. All the walls and decisions and focus on their goal…

Was it his fault?

Was giving those affections to Ravn… a mistake? Was it only going to put them in more danger, if Leedo was already feeling like everything was falling apart? He felt powerless, weak…

Was-

“Hey.”

Leedo stopped where he was grabbing his sword, preparing to leave the dining hall. He glanced back at Seoho who hadn’t moved from beside the table, though the others were already making their way outside.

Seoho stared at him, face flat and a little annoyed, which was normal.

“I hope you’re not doing something stupid like thinking you made a mistake,” he said, voice a bit like sandpaper as his stare turned to a bit of a glare, accusing. “Because that would be extremely stupid of you.”

Leedo blinked, taken aback by the sudden addressment, but he frowned. “Can’t you just say you’re worried about someone like a normal person?”

“I’m not worried about you,” Seoho assured him, rolling his eyes as he stepped away from the table, pausing in front of Leedo. “I’m telling you, because you may be stupid… that if you’re thinking anything bad is going to happen because you accepted the prince’s affections… you’re wrong.”

“You don’t know that,” Leedo muttered, rolling his eyes and glancing away-

“I do,” Seoho said firmly, drawing his attention back with a harsher glare- not filled with anger, but like holding his gaze in place to ensure he was paying attention. “Because anything bad that happens was destined to happen anyway. Your relationship with the prince has no significant bearing on that. If it happens, it was _always_ going to happen.”

Leedo’s lips thinned, his throat clenching with a desire to dispute it.

But he had no real way to prove that he was wrong. They had always known that their fates were, ultimately, out of their hands. Things happened despite their best efforts, and there was nothing they could do.

But this… this felt like such a personal decision. He made it for personal gain, not for the betterment of their future. He hadn’t accepting, thinking that it would entice Ravn to choose the right way. And he said as much.

Seoho scoffed, looking as if he was stopping himself from rolling his eyes. Or perhaps striking Leedo.

“Accepting only to increase the chances of our future would have only hurt the both of you in much more horrible ways than anything else could,” he said with such certainty, Leedo sighed. “There isn’t a problem with having accepted for yourself. Had you accepted only to use Ravn as a means to an end, _then_ we may have faced a problem.”

“We are going to face a problem, regardless,” Leedo fought, turning away stiffly.

“ _Exactly_ ,” Seoho said, as if the argument was won, arms crossing. “No matter what choice you make, we’re _going_ to face impossible odds.”

Leedo pressed his lips together, looking at Seoho quietly, but unimpressed as he shrugged.

“You may as well have something to make you happy.”

His fists clenched at his sides. “And when I inevitably lose it?” he demanded quietly, not expecting the way his voice caught viciously.

He expected another eye roll. Perhaps a tired sigh at having to continue the conversation.

But Seoho stared at him without moving for a moment, expression unreadable… before it softened around the edges ever so slightly. Barely there, but noticeable enough for Leedo’s face to drop for a moment.

“If we do our job properly… you won’t,” he said somberly, though his voice was kinder than before. “I know you can only ever see what we’re going to lose… but think about everything we’ve done with the prince… Do you really think that after everything… he’ll keep the same opinions?” He frowned gently, a question in his eyes.

Leedo stiffened, swallowing painfully, eyes unwavering. “I don’t know,” he said roughly. “I truly cannot see one future over the other. There are too many reasons for both.”

“Then why do you keep acting as if only one is guaranteed?” Seoho demanded, voice becoming stronger, glare returning. “If we do lose it all, don’t spend your moments here only imagining how you’ll lose them. It’s a waste of everything we’re working towards.”

And Leedo knew that. But it was easier said than done.

Seoho stepped forward, stopping beside Leedo for a moment, glancing at him. “You’ve done nothing wrong,” he reiterated firmly. “Your choices are not going to be the thing that dooms us. Fate has an ending in mind, regardless of us. Remember that, despite what we’ve been told… this world is not revolving around us.”

Protests were on the tip of Leedo’s tongue.

But they didn’t fall. Instead, he latched onto those words, holding them tightly, no matter how they burned his hand.

Leedo… was not the center of all of this. He was not a rice tipping the scale, he was not their deciding factor for their fates…

He was part of the future… but he was not the harbinger.

“That expression had better mean that you understand me,” Seoho threatened, voice back to normal and annoyed.

Leedo took a deep breath, tucked the words away, and nodded firmly. “I get it,” he assured him quietly, glancing at him with a half-smirk. “But you should learn to say that you care in a more traditional way.”

Leedo ducked when Seoho swung at him, chuckling despite the weight in his chest as Seoho rolled his eyes, walking off. “See if I ever offer you my wisdom again.”

“You call that wisdom?” Leedo questioned, trailing after him, comforted despite it all. He cocked a brow. “I’ve heard an ass wiser than-“

He was not quite quick enough to dodge the second strike, crying out in shock when Seoho’s hand knocked him upside his head pointedly, holding the throbbing spot as he glared after the other who continued walking away as if nothing happened.

“I’m tell the others you’re sensitive and caring,” he threatened, grinning when Seoho glared at him in a silent warning.

For a moment the two of them stood in a stalemate.

Seoho broke first, rolling his eyes and walking away. “Come on, before your new flame starts thinking I finally snapped and killed you.”

“As if you could,” he muttered, rubbing the aching spot on his head.

Training passed as an excellent distraction for Leedo’s inner turmoil, and as much as he fought the feeling of fear, it became infinitely easier to ignore whenever Ravn passed across his vision.

Gods, he felt like a fawning child.

When the sun had begun to set, they were dismissed to dinner. Leedo remained behind again, the others not even glancing back as they continued on without him.

The silence between them was not as stiff or thick or awkward as the night before, Ravn smiling, as if pleased that Leedo stayed behind once more.

“Are you feeling better?” he asked gently, eyes trailing over Leedo’s face meticulously, as if looking for a crack hiding away.

Leedo fought the urge to look away, to hide, and simply nodded. “Yes…”

Ravn’s smile widened, relief flooding his eyes as he stepped closer, making Leedo freeze on instinct, though he unclenched his muscles almost immediately as Ravn laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

Leedo’s lungs stalled as Ravn leaned forward, a gentle kiss pressed to the rise of his cheek. “I’m glad,” he said quietly, smile warm enough to make his chest clench.

His tongue found itself stuck to the roof of his mouth, making Leedo swallow uselessly, heart pounding in his chest as he stood like a ridiculous statue. 

“I had wanted to invite you to eat dinner with me,” Ravn confessed, stepping back to a respectable distance, though still close enough for Leedo to reach out and touch him if he had chosen to. He winced apologetically. “But the queen requested an audience before we left for the Eastern Kingdom.”

Leedo wasn’t entirely sure if or how he would have survived such an intimate setting, but part of him still felt a twinge of regret at losing the opportunity, especially given how Ravn seemed to have looked forward to it.

“We may not have a free moment for the next several days,” Ravn sighed, though he smiled exasperatedly. “But when we return from the Eastern Kingdom… will you share a dinner with me?” he requested, delicately hesitant.

Leedo swallowed.

“We’re both quite busy… I feel like we may not have much time around it,” the prince chuckled quietly. “But I’d to be able to spend some time where he can just… talk. If that’s… agreeable to you?”

Leedo opened his mouth and immediately knew his throat was nearly too tight to speak.

Ravn… was kind. And good. And caring.

“I’d be honored,” he finally managed, able to muster his genuine smile through his nerves.

Ravn laughed- a mixture of amusement and excitement as he patted Leedo’s shoulder. “You’re the one doing me an honor,” Ravn assured him, smiling so wide, his eyes nearly closed. “I must go see the queen,” he said, retracting his hand slowly. “But I’ll look forward to when we have a moment free…”

Leedo’s heart was pounding in his chest. But for once, he couldn’t feel any fear there.

The two of them were silent, simply staring at each other intently… Ravn’s eyes were slowly traced across Leedo’s face, as if memorizing. They flickered down to his lips for barely a moment before lifting back up to his eyes.

Leedo wet his lips unconsciously. “You can,” he murmured, voice a bit rough. “If you want…”

Ravn’s lips twitched, light sparking in the backs of his eyes. “Do _you_ want it?” he questioned genuinely, head tilting ever so slightly.

Leedo didn’t know how to describe the emotions to Ravn.

Yes, he always wanted it. No, he didn’t know how to ask for it. Yes, the thought of it was thrilling. No, he didn’t know how to stop feeling afraid of it.

“Yes,” he assured him quietly, making Ravn’s eyes warm.

Leedo expected a moment to collect himself, but Ravn’s lips were then against his, gentle and warm as a hand caressed the back of his head once more, soft and careful. There was nothing overwhelming about it- but as soon as the touch appeared and Leedo’s eyes fell shut, warmth rushing over him like a wave, the kiss was gone.

It was brief and gentle, and by the time Leedo got his eyes open, Ravn was stepping back.

And his eyes stared at Leedo…

For the first time, Leedo tried to place the expression in Ravn’s warm gaze.

And he saw a desire to give something. He saw something like admiration. Something like all the kind words that Ravn had ever used to describe Leedo.

He saw something that he swore was echoed in his own eyes.

“I should go see the queen,” Ravn murmured, stepping away further.

Leedo hadn’t realized Ravn had taken his hand until his own hand was slipping from the prince’s.

“Until tomorrow, Your Highness,” Leedo managed without his voice giving out as Ravn chuckled at the address.

“Until tomorrow, Leedo,” he promised gently, nodding before walking off to the castle.

Leedo stood there, once more imitating a foolish statue. He felt… numb. But in an overexposed way. The sensation of being overwhelmed and then sitting in silence.

He pressed a hand to his chest that continued to pound. 

And he could not decide if it was a sickening feeling… or the best sensation thrumming through his veins, like adrenaline but sweeter.

As he walked back to the castle, in a bit of a daze, he decided that the warmth buzzing through his body was welcome.

Even as he struggled to keep the dark thoughts away, they were battled back by the light in his blood and Seoho’s beratement running through his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Are we there yet?”

Leedo bit back a snort as Keonhee rolled his eyes hard enough to nearly fall from his horse as Hwanwoong failed to hide his laughter in his horse’s mane.

Ravn smiled warmly, shaking his head gently. “Sonhae, it has barely been an hour since we left the castle.”

The boy sighed exaggeratedly, legs kicking where he sat in front of Ravn on his steed. “But it’s so _boring-_ “ 

“The others have offered to play games with you,” Ravn reminded him firmly. “If you get bored enough, those will suddenly seem more appealing.”

They all snickered as Sonhae sighed again but fell silent, though he seemed anything but happy with that choice.

They cut through the trees off the main path, guiding their horses carefully through the thicker parts, spreading out slightly when they thinned enough to ride abreast. Being off the path would make their trip longer, but it was easier to hide themselves.

Leedo could already tell that four days would not be agreeable to Sonhae, no matter how excited he had been for it.

Keonhee rode his horse up alongside Ravn’s leaning to speak with Sonhae with a half-hidden grin. “Are you sure you don’t want to play the spy game? I’m very good at picking things that are impossible to find.”

Sonhae wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. “I don’t want to play baby games.”

“Well, you can’t exactly play Survival while riding a horse,” Ravn told him, resting his chin on the top of Sonhae’s head for a moment before he was swatted away. “So your options are limited.”

Sonhae still looked displeased at the options. But Keonhee lifted an offering brow, and Sonhae sighed loudly. “Fine,” he muttered, holding his arms out. “But I don’t want to ride with Ravn anymore. His riding makes me feel sick.”

Leedo snorted into his hand at Ravn’s utter offence as Keonhee snagged Sonhae, sitting him in front of himself as Ravn made wounded noises, clutching his chest as Sonhae giggled, effectively entertaining himself.

“Be careful what you wish for,” Seoho warned Sonhae as he passed on his horse, glancing back. “Keonhee leads his horse into trees.”

“I _do not_ -“

Sonhae started whining, looking back at Keonhee in betrayal as he tried to assure the child that Seoho was just being mean, while Sonhae started yelling that he wanted to ride with Hwanwoong instead-

Leedo guided his horse next to Ravn’s, glancing over in amused as he exaggeratedly hung his head, dejected.

“To be fair, your riding does tend to be a bit-“

Ravn lifted his head, glaring shallowly, making Leedo chuckle.

“… Choppy,” Leedo decided to say, making Ravn’s face warp at the teasing in the closest thing to a pout Leedo had ever seen on the man. This only made him laugh harder, which only made the prince look more pitifully at him-

“Don’t laugh at me,” Ravn muttered, hanging his head again. “I’ve been rejected.”

“How ever will you recover.” 

Another pleading look, and Leedo stopped his teasing, glancing over to see Keonhee having convinced Sonhae to stay put.

“At least it’s given you a break from babysitting,” Leedo tried to comfort half-heartedly.

“It’s barely been an hour,” Ravn sighed. He straightened, rolling off some of his sadness. “But at least Keonhee should be enough to occupy him for the time being.”

Leedo glanced at him from the corner of his eye, lips quirking in amusement.

“You weren’t kidding about not having a moment.”

Ravn looked at him, slightly startled and instinctively glancing around, as if there were anyone around that shouldn’t be privy before he settled back on Leedo, surprise fading to a quiet smile. “Did you want a moment?” he asked, half expectant and half teasing.

Leedo chuckled, but took a moment to respond.

Because… he was standing at a crossroads. And he was doing a pretty good job so far of convincing himself that he didn’t care where either road led.

He was trying to focus on the fact that… at this moment… he was not traveling alone. Maybe one day he would have to continue on alone… but at least in this moment…

He glanced over at Ravn, and contentment outweighed fear.

“If I’m honest, I was appealed by your offer of dinner,” Leedo said honestly.

And even if it had been a lie instead of his gospel truth, it would have been entirely worth it for the way Ravn’s eyes lit up, even if his smile didn’t shift. He straightened as if thrilled by the answer.

Leedo was unprepared for how tight the sudden happiness would make his chest.

“You aren’t just saying that?” Ravn challenged briefly, smirking. “Or was that sarcasm that I missed completely?”

“There’s no sarcasm,” Leedo assured him, shaking his head as they sped up to keep up with the others who picked up their pace at Sonhae’s request. “You think I wouldn’t enjoy your company?”

Ravn gave him a helpless, amused look that said that was exactly what he thought.

And once again, Leedo marveled at how inadequate Ravn seemed to think himself.

“Did I ever…” Leedo stared at his hands on the reins, frowning gently. “Do you really see me… as someone better than you?” he questioned gently, lowering his voice enough that no one else would hear, hopefully.

Ravn blinked, taken aback by the question, but it quickly faded to a heavier expression as he thought about it, lowering his eyes to stare at the back of his horse.

“I don’t think ‘better than me’ is the correct phrasing,” he said thoughtfully, voice soft. “But… you are someone that I hold in high regard… Someone I want to imitate…” He rolled his lips gently. “I know that there are things in my life that I regret, and I know that you were a large part of me placing myself back on the path I wanted to follow.”

He chuckled, quiet and heavy.

“Perhaps… I’m just afraid that you… are exactly what I once thought.”

Leedo frowned deeply, heart slamming to a halt, though fear barely managed to whisper through the confusion and nerves. “What did you think I was?” he asked, voice steady and reserved.

Ravn didn’t look at him. “Untouchable.”

That was possibly the last word Leedo ever expected to come from Ravn.

He was so confused by the statement, he didn’t have time to be shocked or taken aback. “Untouchable?” he echoed, voice audibly questioning the validity of the statement.

Ravn hummed, nodding slowly, eyes heavy. “Apparently you never noticed, but I spent so much of my time watching you, Leedo,” he assured him, glancing over almost apologetically. “And I’ve already explained everything I saw in you…” He pressed his lips together. “But I also saw someone completely and utterly untouchable in every way.”

Leedo was tempted to stop his horse, to make Ravn look at him, to demand how he could have ever thought that-

But he just frowned deeper, heart troubled and heavy.

“Battles, fears, injuries, fights… I never saw a single thing rattle you,” Ravn assured him, glancing over, eyes conflicted. “You were always the first one moving, the first one picking someone else up, the first one shaking off whatever impossibility that we encountered… and nothing seemed to ever make you even take pause.”

That wasn’t true.

Leedo had lived his entire life here in fear. In terror. He hadn’t ever tried to be a hero, he’d never tried to be inspirational or remarkable… Ravn’s words were enough to almost make him want to laugh in disbelief.

“I wasn’t untouched by those things,” Leedo assured him somberly, shaking his head firmly. “I was terrified half the time… and I was completely guessing at every other moment. I was very much rattled at every moment. I don’t know how you never saw it-“

“I never saw it…” Ravn said, shrugging as if there was nothing to be done about it. “I thought you were someone so untouched by it all.” His shoulders relaxed as his brows furrowed in contemplation. “And I’m sorry to say that the first time I ever truly, wholly saw the truth… was just the other day, after practice… when you hugged me.”

Leedo appreciated him avoiding the term “broke down,” which would probably be more accurate.

“I was terrified when I confessed to you,” Ravn reminded him, chuckling weakly. “And I’ve been terrified every moment after that… even after you told me why you had reservations. Because I was still convinced that you were someone so untouchable… that I was wasting my time trying to be worth your time.”

“ _Ravn-_ “

Leedo’s sharp scolding was cut off by Ravn waving a hand at him, smirking as if Leedo’s offense was amusing.

But it was utterly ridiculous.

Leedo may have his own reservations about himself, given the secrets they carried. But the fact that Ravn had seen him as someone untouchable was laughable at best and insane at worst.

“That was wrong of me,” Ravn confessed gently. “Because it wasn’t until that moment you embraced me… that I realized… that you _were_ affected. You were just someone strong enough to spare others the knowledge that you were.” 

Ravn’s eyes were pained when they looked at Leedo, despite his gentle smile.

“Words cannot express how unreal you are to me, Leedo,” Ravn murmured, wonder in his eyes. “And I’m sorry. It wasn’t until that moment that I think…. I truly saw you as someone reachable. I realized that you were someone affected and… and _human._ ”

Leedo froze.

“I think I spent too much time knowing you and placing you on this pedestal. I’m sorry for that,” he murmured earnestly. “I’m sorry that it took you reaching a breaking point for me to realize that you… that you’re human, with the same burdens and pains that I had.”

He wasn’t breathing.

Because what was he supposed to say to that.

How was he ever supposed to face that-

“Leedo-?”

Ravn’s question that had begun to shift into concern was cut off by Hwanwoong and Xion pulling to a sharp stop abruptly.

Seoho and Keonhee froze in reaction.

Leedo’s conversational fear washed away like footprints under a wave as he tensed, Ravn pausing as well when Leedo straightened, every sense straining in every direction.

“What?” he breathed to Xion who was closest and staring off to their left, glaring through the trees.

Xion glanced back at Leedo, eyes the kind of stiff that came from not being able to speak freely. “Thought I heard something,” he muttered, turning back to stare at the dark trees. “Distant… very distant.”

Leedo’s eyes glanced from him to Hwanwoong, whose nose wrinkled, like catching a bad scent.

So they could smell something.

Leedo subtly scented the air, struggling to see past the scent of dirt and roots. There was nothing remarkable there, but if Xion and Hwanwoong had both scented it, there was something.

“Did anyone else… hear something?” Leedo asked quietly, all of their voices lowered.

“I did. Faintly,” Hwanwoong assured him, eyes hard.

“Barely,” Seoho murmured, glancing around. “Hard to tell where it was coming from, though.”

“I didn’t get anything,” Keonhee said lowly, nodding down to Sonhae in his lap who was likely messing with his nose more than being hidden.

“It was faint enough for it be far away,” Xion said firmly. “I don’t think they’re a threat to us at the moment.” He glanced back at Ravn, eyes sharp. “But I would start being more on guard.”

Ravn stared at them as if they were doing witchcraft (which was a little too close for comfort), but he would never question them as he nodded solemnly, glancing around as well.

“Let’s move more carefully,” he said quietly, reaffirming his grip on his reins. “And keep eyes out. We should try and be out of the area by nightfall.”

They all nodded, taking up their reins as Keonhee wrapped one arm around Sonhae protectively, telling him to hold on as they urged their horses into just above a trot- not wanting to risk the noise of a full out run.

They fell silent, no conversation to distract from their eyes that sliced through the trees and ears that kept picking up the whispers of forest life. He saw Xion and Hwanwoong scenting the air continuously, whispering to each other as they walked, grateful when the trees became sparse enough to navigate with ease.

They moved quickly in small bursts, slowing them down a bit, but it was better than risking a commotion.

Leedo focused on their surroundings, but his mind still echoed.

_Human._

He couldn’t tell if this was the best or worst thing to ever happen. Frustratingly, furiously, enragingly, he didn’t know if it was good or bad. Just like everything else.

He put it behind himself for a moment, shaking the thoughts out to focus on keeping them safe. With their added caution, they may not even reach the Eastern Kingdom before the queen, with the pace they were going.

But Sonhae’s safety was paramount.

Seoho and Ravn flanked Keonhee who held Sonhae, the child having fallen quiet, though he seemed relatively unfrightened. He was just nervous with the sudden silence.

Time actually seemed to pass quicker in their solemnity, with every sense searching the area around them. The only thing to tell of the passing of time was when someone took a drink from their water pouches, or Sonhae asked quietly for a snack because he was feeling hungry.

Before they knew it, afternoon had come, creeping into evening as the sunlight filtering through the trees turned golden.

“Start looking for a place to camp,” Ravn told them all. “We shouldn’t wait until it’s dark.”

They all simply nodded back in response. They weren’t as far as they should have been in their journey, though no one complained.

They rode until the gold sky had turned rosy and the trees finally cleared enough for them to settle down.

They had traveled light, but had two tents to pitch between them. Everyone began working, Keonhee and Xion searched for wood and began a small fire.

Dinner was cooked, the tents were pitched, and the watch was decided before the sun had finished.

Leedo and Keonhee had first watch, the other three intending to fit into one tent while Ravn and Sonhae shared the other. However, after Ravn practically pitched a fit in the middle of dinner, it was decided that Hwanwoong would also share the second tent, since Sonhae was small enough to hardly take up space.

The fire was put out, a final search was done of the area (Xion assuring Leedo that he had lost the scent miles ago and hadn’t caught wind of it since), and they went to their assigned spaces.

Leedo sat a good distance from the campsite while Keonhee guarded the other side, far enough away that the two of them couldn’t converse to pass the time.

He sat in silence, watching moonlight filter through the trees, trying to find a bit of peace, even if he was straining every sense. It had always been a bit ironic to him, that he always found forests to be peaceful at night.

There was something about the obscured images of trees and dark outlines. Humans were taught from early on that woods were dangerous, especially once the sun set.

Leedo had always wandered the woods in the North endlessly. Snowy forests were another world, once the sun set. There was something freeing about not knowing where you were going.

He tried to keep that same peace.

Rustles sounded from behind him, but it was so obviously the fabric of the tent that Leedo didn’t panic, glancing back just to check what was going on. He expected to see Hwanwoong wander out because he often couldn’t sleep perfectly, but he saw Ravn duck out of the tent flap, closing it gently behind him.

Leedo turned back around before Ravn could see him watching, swallowing the part of him that was scared.

_Human._

Leaves shuffled quietly before Ravn stopped beside Leedo, lowering himself onto the ground with a tired sigh, bringing his knees up and leaning his arms on them leisurely.

Leedo glanced at him, but found Ravn admiring the night scene as well, expression soft without conveying any particular emotion.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he questioned, voice low, making him wince with how it carried.

Ravn chuckled quietly, shaking his head slowly. “I could have slept fine… but I just wanted to make sure Sonhae fell asleep before coming out.”

Leedo lifted a brow expectantly. “You planned on coming out? For what?”

Part of him already knew what it was. But part of him was also watching intently as Ravn gave him an exasperated look, smiling under his breath.

He looked back out towards the dark trees. “Consider this a moment,” he said gently, leaning onto his knees, glancing at Leedo with a quiet spark in his eyes.

Leedo snorted quietly, glancing at Ravn in slight disbelief. “Are you trying to distract me while I’m working?” he demanded calmly.

Ravn’s brow quirked. “Are you so easily distracted?” he questioned coyly.

Leedo was silent for a beat.

“When there’s something so worth being distracted by, I am.”

This time, it was Ravn who froze, staring at Leedo as if he’d just slapped him, startled.

Leedo couldn’t quite believe he’d managed to say it, either. But he didn’t look away, watching Ravn’s eyes flicker across his face, as if trying to figure if he was being made fun of.

Ravn swallowed quietly. “Are you implying that I’m worth that?”

He almost wanted to laugh. But nothing was particularly funny. “I looked away from the forest to watch you, didn’t I?” he murmured gently.

Ravn chewed his lip for a moment, still seeming to be distinguishing if Leedo was joking or not.

Leedo stood at a crossroads.

But he did not stand alone.

In brief, terrifying bout of bravery and boldness, Leedo leaned forward.

He copied Ravn (perhaps a bit more frantic than Ravn’s serenity), a hand placed gently against the back of his head as their lips met.

It was warm. That was the part that Leedo failed to understand, was how it was always so warm- shooting through his chest and through his veins like honeyed tea.

Ravn inhaled sharply, but one hand held onto Leedo’s knee like it was a lifetime, rather than pushing it away as he moved forward ever so slightly to get closer.

Neither of them moved for a moment, Leedo too afraid to shift away and break it.

The world seemed as if it was holding its breath. As if the leaves had fallen still and the air had ceased to shift. It felt like there was nothing outside of them.

And that unawareness, more than anything else, made Leedo pull away gently. Their lips parted, and he made the mistake of opening his eyes. And he saw Ravn staring at Leedo as if he had been the one to hang the stars that shone in his eyes.

His hand dropped, falling back to his side. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized Ravn’s hair had been soft.

“You should try and sleep,” Leedo murmured, voice thick and rough, which made Ravn’s lips twitch. “We leave early tomorrow.”

“You cannot tell me what to do, I’m the prince-“

“Ravn,” Leedo scolded, turning back to him-

Ravn grinned, bright and full of mischief as he stood, looking as if he’d succeeded in some joke. Leedo cocked an eyebrow in confusion, but Ravn just shrugged, not intending to explain.

He frowned deeply, watching Ravn begin taking a step away. “Do you really enjoy hearing me say your name so much?” he demanded, dots connecting in his mind.

Ravn chuckled, grinning broadly as he gave Leedo a knowing look. “And if I do?”

“That’s a strange thing to enjoy,” Leedo said plainly, shaking his head in confusion.

“Are you going to stop doing it?”

“…No.”

Ravn shrugged, looking pleased. “Then why are you complaining?”

Leedo wanted to start another round of bickering, but he merely stared at Ravn for several moments before sighing, turning back around. “Goodnight, _Ravn._ ”

Another laugh. “Goodnight, Leedo,” he murmured back warmly, the sound of him returning to tent sounding gently through the night.

Leedo focused back on ensuring the area was quiet, fingers locked and skin feeling warm.

Leedo had never been infatuated before. He’d never liked someone as more than a friend, and he’d certainly never felt things that made his heart beat faster and his blood grow warm. It was new and terrifying and…

And the part of him that didn’t curse the fates… thanked them that it was Ravn who made him feel it first.

Because had it been anyone else on earth… Leedo was sure they would have run, hid, scorned him… Before he’d ever shown his physical form, his personality and self would have run them off. He’d lose it before it ever began.

And then there was Ravn. Who was good to a fault… and thought that Leedo was _human._

For better or worse…

For better… or worse…

When the moon was just passed its peak, Seoho arrived, hitting Leedo on the back and telling him to go sleep for their last few hours. Leedo didn’t bother with more than a tired glare as Seoho took his spot and Hwanwoong took over Keonhee.

Leedo instinctively headed for the first tent, but Keonhee beat him to it, opening the flap before grinning over his shoulder and pointing to the tent Hwanwoong had been in.

He looked at it, heart dropping as he turned back, glaring. “No,” he hissed, pointing at Keonhee sharply. “You go in that one-“

“Oh, shut up,” Keonhee snickered quietly, already ducking inside. “Did you see Hwanwoong walking out looking debauched?” he whispered, grinning. “You’ll be fine, just go to sleep.”

“Keonhee-“

The other ignored him, waltzing into the tent and closing the flap behind him.

Everything inside of Leedo told him to go in there and drag him out by his ears. But everyone was trying to sleep, it was late, and Leedo was too tired to drag this out.

He was not too tired to panic as he stood outside the second tent for a moment, swallowing before stepping inside. Sonhae slept against one side of the tent, curled against the fabric with a blanket across him.

In the center of the tent, Ravn slept on his stomach- one arm tucked beneath his head and the other extended towards Sonhae, like the child had rolled from his grasp in the middle of the night.

Leedo nearly turned around and slept on the leaves.

Instead, he knelt down silently, kicking his shoes off outside before finding the space leftover on the other side of the tent and laying down. Space was limited enough that while he didn’t directly touch Ravn, he could feel his body heat warming the cloth of the tent near him.

Leedo held his breath as he settled down, the blanket that Hwanwoong had been using crumpled up between them. He took it, spreading it out (mostly over Ravn, given that Leedo was feeling much too warm to consider using it).

He paused, staring as Ravn shifted- just slightly closer to Sonhae- before falling silent. After what seemed like hours, Leedo let go of his breath, laying on his back and staring at the top of the tent, letting himself relax to the disharmonious breaths of the two others in the tent.

He closed his eyes, forcing his shoulders to release their tension.

Leedo didn’t know when it happened, but it felt like seconds before he fell asleep without a single thought of what was around him.

The sleep was peaceful. And for that he was grateful.

And it was warm. And it wasn’t alone.

~~~~~~~~~

The next day was not so peacefully smooth.

Leedo woke up with Ravn having rolled closer to him, an arm thrown across Leedo in a startlingly similar way that he held Sonhae when he slept.

Swallowing the panic (and warmth) that bubbled in his chest, Leedo used every skill he possessed to quietly slip from the other’s grasp without waking him, pointedly not looking at his sleeping face. He glanced back as he moved away, ensuring he hadn’t woken Ravn.

The only thing that shifted was Ravn’s arm curling to his side without someone under it. As far as Leedo could tell, he remained asleep, giving Leedo time to slip from the tent and ignore Seoho’s eyes that glimmered with the desire to tease.

By the time it was full light, they were already continuing their journey, though Sonhae complained of his legs hurting from riding.

The worry of yesterday remained and they didn’t spend much time conversing, choosing to watch their surroundings intently as they continued at their slower, quieter pace. Leedo and Hwanwoong stood behind Ravn and Sonhae as the other three surrounded the remaining openings.

They alternated between traveling quickly and pacing their horses, and it wasn’t until midday had almost passed that Hwanwoong suddenly stiffened beside Leedo.

“What?” he murmured, glancing around sharply, but keeping his voice down.

“That scent is back,” Hwanwoong whispered under his breath, looking passed Leedo with a frown. “I can’t tell how far… it’s still a far distance, though. It may be coincidence that they’re following a similar path as us. It disappeared for a long time.”

Leedo hummed, turning the direction he had looked. “We’re getting deeper in the woods. It’s likely that there are more varkolaks around. They may not even notice us.” His lips thinned. “My only fear comes in that if _we_ can smell _them_ …”

“They’ve done nothing as of yet,” Hwanwoong pointed out, trying for somber optimism. “I won’t say we’re in danger. But we need to be on guard.”

That was all they could do. He caught Keonhee looking the same direction a few times, knowing that he must have smelled it, too.

To Leedo, it was too wound up in the scent of earth and each other. He still remained on his guard for the rest of the day. This time, Ravn did express a regret that they were so far behind schedule.

“Better slower and safer,” Seoho reminded him, making the other nod in understanding. It wasn’t a true irritation, but the longer they were exposed out here, the worse it would be.

They still could not risk being overt, no matter how slowly it took them as the sun began to set.

“A clearing,” Xion announced, glancing back at all of them, pointing ahead. “We can rest there for the night.” 

There was a break in the trees- large enough for a full entourage to set up camp- and they searched the area, looking for any signs that anything but them had entered the clearing recently.

They performed their tasks- starting a fire, eating, pitching the tents… but Leedo kept glancing at Hwanwoong, silently asking if anything had changed. He shook his head gently, showing that he didn’t smell them anymore.

His stomach was too unsettled to eat much, remaining quiet as the others talked quietly about how boring the journey was or what they would do when they reached the Eastern Kingdom.

“The queen will have left by now,” Ravn murmured quietly as he stared at the flames. “I hope we aren’t slow enough that she arrives ahead of us… I’m sure she’ll be thankful when she finds us there safe and sound.” He gave Sonhae an encouraging smile that the younger returned gently, thought it didn’t quite reach his eyes with how heavy the atmosphere was.

Ravn’s eyes met Leedo’s- quiet and contemplative as the firelight danced in them. He offered his own encouraging smile, and while it felt flat, Ravn returned it gratefully, glancing away with his shoulders seeming lighter.

They put out the fire, Xion and Hwanwoong volunteering to take the first watch.

Leedo started walking towards the first tent, but as he pulled the flap back, Keonhee stuck his head out, shaking it firmly. “Seoho already claimed the other half,” he told Leedo before closing the flap on him.

He expected as much.

Sighing loudly, he walked over to the tent Ravn and Sonhae were in, ignoring Hwanwoong’s snicker as he passed.

He pulled the flap back without hesitating this time, tired of torturing himself over things he was going to have to do anyway. Ravn was already laying with Sonhae, patting the boy’s back to help him fall asleep quicker. He smiled when Leedo entered quietly.

It was such a genuine smile.

He laid down on the other side, staring up at the tent covering, listening to Sonhae slowly settle down. He didn’t count the time, but he waited until Ravn stopped patting him, shifting away to be in the middle.

When Leedo glanced over, Ravn was smiling tiredly at him, an arm tucked beneath his head. “You ran out this morning,” he murmured, quiet enough not to take Sonhae.

Leedo’s brows raised slowly. “You were awake?”

“I woke when you moved me,” he chuckled quietly, settling on his back and staring upwards. “I didn’t realize I moved in my sleep. Did I make you uncomfortable?” He glanced at Leedo curiously, expression light.

“Not uncomfortable,” Leedo assured him, shaking his head. Whatever he had felt, it wasn’t discomfort. “I just didn’t want to wake you.” He paused, wetting his lips. “And it was different,” he said, lips twitching as he laughed at himself. “Like I said before… I never had that sort of stuff.”

Sleeping around people, comforting touches, protective movements like that… Leedo hadn’t known them before coming here. And the interactions like that among the knights had been extremely limited.

And it certainly hadn’t meant the same things that Ravn did.

A brief hum of understanding. Instead of asking if it was alright or if he didn’t want him to do it again, Ravn merely hummed. “Sleep well, Leedo,” he murmured warmly, ending the conversation. “I’ll try not to crush you in my sleep.”

The smile was audible in his voice.

And Leedo found his own lips echoing it, chest unlocking liberatingly. “Good night, Ravn.”

Another brief chuckle, but this time, Leedo was expecting it in response to the name, his own laughter following quietly.

Odd, how terrifying and freeing it was to be with Ravn. Somehow, he could only see the horrible futures but also feel as if those fears couldn’t touch him. He felt raw and exposed as he felt guarded and safe.

He clung to the feeling, regardless, realizing that every emotion and sensation… was precious. Even the fear he felt while looking at Ravn… it was all something to be treasured and remembered.

They didn’t speak again. But Leedo heard every shift and breath as Ravn made himself comfortable, his knee curled and barely brushing Leedo’s leg just by nature of the tent’s size.

It wasn’t even a real contact, but Leedo focused on the point like it was burning, listening to Ravn’s breathing slowly fall, even and rhythmic inside the quiet whispers of the forest at night.

Outside was whispering. Inside was quiet. He would be on the next watch, so Leedo stopped listening and shut his eyes.

In the peace of the forest, he fell asleep- dark and deep.

He wasn’t entirely sure if he dreamed.

It remained dark behind his eyelids, but scenes ran like a play across his vision- dark woods and dark huts, threatening auras and low growls that nearly hid behind the whisper of the breeze.

Leaves crunched.

He didn’t know what was coming, but it was coming fast-

“ _Ambush!”_

Leedo’s eyes flew open as his heart nearly threw itself from his chest, every sense suddenly on high alert as he shot up, gasping and heaving-

For a moment, the nightmare seemed to bleed into reality, the sounds and cries of alarm still ringing in his ears and making his chest shake.

But then he saw Ravn up and grabbing a barely-coherent Sonhae as the flap was torn open, Seoho’s tight, hardened expression appearing. “ _They’re here!_ ”

Not a nightmare.

Disoriented and feeling ill, Leedo tried to process the darkness that moved around him in a rapid blur.

Leedo cursed his mind that just stared at Seoho even as he whipped away, the sound of swords being drawn and calls of directions-

_They were under attack._

It slammed into Leedo like the hilt of a blade, knocking his senses back into himself as Ravn signaled for Sonhae to remain silent.

Leedo snatched up his sword blindly and crawled frantically to the flap, looking back at Ravn who was holding a firm hand over Sonhae’s mouth as his eyes widened in fear.

“Make a break for the nearest horse,” Leedo hissed, grip tightening on his sword. “I’ll cover you and send someone after you.”

Ravn’s lips set in a hard line. “We won’t make it if we run,” he hissed.

“Then stay hidden,” Leedo said sharply, glancing at Sonhae. “Stay away until you’re needed. Protect Sonhae.”

He didn’t have time to remain to argue or see if Ravn would agree. He burst from the tent, spinning on the spot-

The ground was burning, coals from the fire kicked over the leaves scattered that created a line of flames that illuminated what the full moon in the sky could not.

In a glance, he took in everything.

Everyone was fighting, sticking to the edge of the clearing to keep them as far back as possible.

And then Leedo counted the varkolaks, each person fighting at least two. Further into the trees, he saw glowing red. In the pale moonlight, he saw blue veins and pale skin creeping through the darkness, growls and hisses rolling across the grounds-

There had to be dozens of them.

Leedo turned back around, tearing open the tent flap frantically. “No time,” he said, not waiting for an answer as he reached forward. “You have to run, there are too many to fight.”

Ravn’s eyes hardened, but he never spoke before Leedo gripped his wrist, hauling him forward with more strength than necessary, but his heart was still pounding painfully in his chest.

“I can fight-“

“No,” Leedo hissed firmly, shaking his head, glancing over his shoulder. “There’s too many- We will be overwhelmed-“

“Then how can I leave?” Ravn demanded stiffly, still holding Sonhae tightly, eyes sharp. “I won’t abandon-“

“Your duty is to _Sonhae_ ,” Leedo snapped angrily. “Not us. Your duty is to get him to safety-“

“Not at the expense of every-“

Leedo pulled him again, yanking the princes from the tent and looking around frantically, the dim lighting casting everything a dark hue. He normally would not be so short, but the longer they waited, the more their exits closed.

“ _Go_ ,” he hissed, shoving Ravn towards the horses, facing his back to him as he watched the others slice through varkolaks frantically before more took their place. “We will follow, but _go,_ Ravn.”

It wasn’t quite begging.

But when he caught movement from the corner of his eye and turned in time to slam his blade through the varkolak’s chest, they weren’t left with any option, blood splattering as Leedo tore the sword free, turning to glare at Ravn.

If he didn’t move, Leedo would drag him there.

Their blessed silver bladed swords may be deadly to varkolaks, even nonlethally, but Leedo’s eyes promised a much more dangerous cut. He would chop off his legs and drag him away, if needed.

But Ravn finally grit his teeth, nodding with such loathing in his eyes that Leedo almost felt regret. Were it him, he would never willingly leave the others behind. But it wasn’t him.

It was Ravn who nodded, moving with Leedo towards the horses that were frantically shifting and stomping at the ground as the chaos went on around them.

Xion was on the ground with a varkolak’s claws continuing to slash in the air above his chest, despite the sword in its chest-

Keonhee’s sword arced in a circle, keeping three different varkolaks at a distance as he kicked a fourth in the snout, sending it back with a yelp-

Hwanwoong spun as one charged, stabbing through its back in time for another to leap at him from behind, sending them tumbling in a pile of snarls-

“Seoho!” Leedo yelled as more varkolaks began racing across the clearing

Seoho had managed to cut one’s head off in a single swipe, turning to Leedo with dark fire in his eyes-

“Ride with them!” he ordered, gesturing to Ravn sharply.

Seoho was breathing heavily but nodded, whipping back around to swing at one.

Another attacked from the side, throwing him to the side as Leedo cursed when they finally reached the horses that were fully prepared to stampede if they weren’t tethered.

“Go!” Leedo ordered, turning his back to them-

He barely caught one varkolak racing towards them with his sword, managing to catch the beast’s shoulder, sending it stumbling away before another took its place.

And another behind.

And another-

There were too many of them.

Where had so many of them come from? How had so many gathered, how could they possibly all be working in synchronicity-

Why now? Why here?

Leedo stabbed one through the throat, holding his sword in place with both hands while it thrashed.

Ravn needed to leave.

“Ravn, _go-“_

His shout was cut off as claws raked across Leedo’s side, deep and fast enough to send him spinning, his grip losing his sword as he was practically thrown across the ground, fire flaring along his side-

“Group up!” he heard Ravn yelling as Sonhae finally managed to cry audibly. “Close ranks!”

Leedo cursed, forcing himself onto his hands and knees, staring at his own blood quickly flooding over the forest leaves.

This was not good.

But he stumbled to his feet, clutching his side as he panted through gritted teeth, hot blood rushing over his fingers as he moved towards the sounds of the others struggling to regroup and close ranks as he rushed to grab his sword once again.

When he looked over, Ravn held Sonhae as they backed away from the horses, sword raised in his other hand as Sonhae clung to him and buried his face in Ravn’s neck.

“Why aren’t you gone?” Leedo hissed, unable to speak much louder without forcing himself to bleed faster.

“They’ve got us surrounded,” Ravn muttered, swiping at one varkolak to force it back, eyes murderous… but hiding fear as he glanced at Leedo’s wound. “Being on the horse would have only made us an easier target-“

“You cannot properly fight with Sonhae here,” he rasped roughly, glaring against the pain. “You’re practically a sitting duck-“

Seoho slammed the hilt of his sword into the side of one’s head, breaking free and sprinting over to them, a nasty claw mark across his nose that was bleeding sluggishly.

“And you think you’re at peak performance?” Ravn snapped, glaring at Leedo accusingly, though his lips trembled slightly, betraying his fear.

His eyes flickered around them as he slashes at another, only able to keep them at bay without the freedom to chase them back as he reaffirmed his grip on Sonhae, holding him closer with his teeth clenching-

Leedo released his wound to grip his sword with both hands, yelling out as he swung down on a varkolak racing towards them, breaking through it’s neck as he stumbled back, cursing as he clutched his side-

“Give him to me,” Leedo panted, swapping his sword to his bloodied hand and holding out his clean one to Ravn, his vision obscured with the sweat and pain that made his mind fuzzy.

Ravn managed to awkwardly swing his sword as claws came at him, severing it’s hand as the beast stumbled back. Seoho rushed forward, driving his sword swiftly into his back and tearing it out as he spun for the next two that rushed him-

“ _What_?” Ravn said, turning to Leedo with wide, tense eyes.

Leedo held his arm out firmer. “Give me Sonhae,” he ordered roughly, jerking his sword. “I’m already practically useless- You can’t be encumbered by him. Give him to me and _fight._ ”

His hand shook from the effort to hold it up, his body shifting to automatically account for the wound as he half doubled over.

Ravn still stared at him, a protest on his tongue-

“Now!” Leedo snapped, stepping closer. “I’ll protect him, Ravn, I swear- No matter how useless I am-“

Ravn scoffed, something like anger and fear flitting across his face as he broke, passing Sonhae to Leedo firmly, shaking his head sharply as he glared at Leedo.

There was anything but anger there, though.

“You think it’s him that I’m frightened for?” Ravn hissed through his teeth, a threat in his tone. His sneer trembled. “I know you would die before letting him come to harm,” he hissed angrily. “Do not-“

Ravn stopped, lips pressing together and eyes building with emotions they didn’t have time for.

“Do not make it come to that,” he hissed roughly, turning away as Leedo held Sonhae on the hip of his side that wasn’t bleeding, the boy clinging obediently, remaining quiet aside from fearful whimpers every time Leedo moved too quickly.

The extra weight only made the pain worse, but Leedo held his sword firmly, one arm strapping Sonhae to his body as he stumbled towards the vague center they had created with themselves.

He slashed violently at any varkolak who made it within their protective circle, striking them hard enough to break jaws and send them whimpering and yelping, but never strong enough to kill.

With each strike, his knees nearly gave, columns of fire racing through his blood as with each stumble, it became harder to steady himself.

He flipped his grip, holding his sword like a backwards dagger as he leapt back to avoid claws, slamming his blade down through the varkolak’s neck, leaning on the sword as his knees finally gave, nearly sending him to the ground.

The wounds were deep…

He panted through the scent of blood and the sounds of battle and Sonhae’s weak cries, ears ringing with it.

Gritting his teeth and ignoring the waves of warm blood he felt cascading down his side, he forced himself up-

There were still too many of them. All of them were so focused on just keeping them back, they could hardly find a moment to kill.

Leedo tried to straighten, but the pain that flared up his side nearly sent him to his knees again, loud breaths in his ears as he forced himself up, hand shaking on his-

“ _Leedo-_ “

For a moment, he thought it was a shout of concern.

And then the claws raked across his back, sending him to his knees once more, practically genuflecting as the only thing keeping him up was his sword.

Keonhee was there, grabbing the varkolak by the back of its neck, throwing it backwards and storming after it with his sword raised-

Leedo caught sight of his eyes fully glowing red, and he just prayed that they didn’t do anything stupid, ragged breathing echoing in his ears.

Aside from that, his vision was nearly entire obscured by the pain that made it blur. He grit his teeth, hearing the others continue to slice their way through varkolak after varkolak that didn’t seem to end.

“Sonhae,” he hissed, voice rough with pain as the other whimpered into his neck. “Sonhae, I need to let go of you,” he whispered hoarsely, holding him tighter for a moment. “I need… need to you hold onto my leg… alright?” he asked, voice lightening when he realized how terrifying he must sound.

Sonhae shook his head frantically, clinging harder-

“I can’t… carry you and protect you,” he whispered gently, loosening his hold slowly. “I’ll protect you,” he murmured thickly, letting Sonhae’s legs touch the ground. “Just stay close by… Grab my leg… I promise, I’ll keep you safe, Sonhae- on my life. Trust me….”

Sonhae made a distressed cry, but alarmingly quick his arms unlocked, falling to his feet as he crouched against Leedo’s side.

Without the added weight, Leedo managed to get his feet beneath himself. “Thank you,” he whispered hoarsely, using his sword as a crutch as he stood, teeth grinding together as his back shifted and stretched, the blood cold against his skin.

Sonhae clung to his left leg, arms wrapped tightly and face buried in his thigh.

Both hands free, Leedo stood firmly, barely swaying as he looked around.

The others had been forced farther away from them, pushing forward against the varkolaks.

Leedo could see the strikes and claw marks across their faces- cheeks and forehead and necks all bloodied…

Sonhae shook, but Leedo stood firm.

_You think it’s him that I’m frightened for?_

He had to focus to clear his vision enough to see Ravn manage to stab his sword into the side of a varkolak pinning him to the ground, rolling to his feet as he shoved it from himself, turning without pause to fight again-

_I know you would die before letting him come to harm._

Leedo had never had something… to live for.

In a sense outside of duty and the general desire to live… Leedo had never had someone who would mourn him. The others and Ravn…

His reactions were slow, but he swung his sword- missing the head of varkolak that was suddenly in front of him- but he slashed hard enough across its back to have it collapse with a yelp.

He saw Keonhee from the corner of his eye- swordless with his claws out and teeth elongated-

Leedo stabbed downward, ripping the sword free as he heard movement to his left-

He raised his sword high, teeth gritting against the fire racing across his back familiarly-

The varkolak was right in front of him.

Leedo heard Sonhae scream and suddenly the weight was gone from his leg.

“ _Sonhae!_ “

Leedo nearly dropped his guard as the varkolak lunged, not even noticing the child that was suddenly running, crying desperately as he shut his eyes.

He sliced- barely glancing off the varkolak’s side, but he didn’t pause before racing frantically after Sonhae who was racing through the darkness-

He stumbled, cursing as every part of him screamed in pain.

Idly, he wondered if there had been Intent in any of the wounds.

But he ran blindly, practically looking like a drunkard as they broke through the vague circle the others had formed, racing passed Seoho who planted his boot against one varkolak’s throat, eyes flashing red-

“ _Sonhae!_ ” Leedo yelled, too focused on the child for a moment and keeping track of him in the darkness to notice the varkolak breaking through the tree line.

Sonhae tripped, maybe on a root or on his own frantic feet, but he went tumbling, sprawled in the dirt-

A gnarled hand wrapped around Leedo’s ankle, dragging him down without much force but with the culmination of everything, he dropped like a bird whose wing was broken by a stone.

He hit hard enough to nearly black out, his free foot kicking back blindly until he heard a scattered yelp and the sound of bone cracking as their nose gave way.

Leedo wasn’t even sure his ears were working, the sound of blood rushing and yelling creating a din that drowned out the growls and slashing metal.

He lifted his head, spitting dirt from his mouth as he saw Sonhae standing still, turning in a circle as he cried in terror, trying to find them in the darkness.

There was another.

Another varkolak.

Leedo could hear the others- at least Ravn and Seoho- yelling for Sonhae. He could imagine they were trying to break free and get to him, but… there were too many of them, weren’t there?

_You think it’s him that I’m frightened for?_

Leedo clenched his jaw hard enough to break, the pain- finally- becoming a numb afterthought as he watched the varkolak break from the trees.

It wasn’t going for any of them.

It only wanted Sonhae- glowing red orbs practically salivating over the child standing helplessly, stumbling around, unsure of what to do.

Leedo slammed the tip of his sword into the dirt, gripping it with both hands that shook as the movement cause the numbness to briefly flare into agony.

But Leedo had been in agony before.

He stood, the only thing keeping him up being his sword as he pushed himself forward, praying that momentum and wishful thinking would be enough to carry him where strength failed.

_I know you would die before letting him come to harm._

He was already in pain. A little more was nothing as he sprinted across the distance, bones creaking with strain without being transformed.

He blacked out. Everything seemed to fall away into silence. He could hear his own ragged breaths.

He could hear his heart beating. It was slow and sluggish.

But pain or not, transformed or not… Leedo managed to stop and fall over Sonhae, arms wrapping around his trembling body as his foot twisted sharply to change direction.

_Don’t just let yourself be mauled._

With a strength his human body hadn’t ever experienced, Leedo pushed off with his foot like a runner at the starting horn of a sprint.

Sonhae was clutched against his chest with both arms as he raced away, panting and tasting blood-

A sharp pain pierced his back. Not fiery… not blinding… In fact, Leedo felt it like nothing more than a knife’s wound.

It was enough to break his stride, his knees hitting the ground hard enough to likely shatter bone as his body fell forward over Sonhae’s. He wasn’t screaming. Neither of them were, he didn’t think.

There was a sharp pain pierced through his lower back, just beside his spine.

Leedo’s arm fell to catch himself, cradling Sonhae’s body with one arm as the other braced against the dirt.

His eyes were open, he realized, registering that the darkness he was seeing was earth.

His mouth was open, too- ragged breaths tearing through his throat. Like a silent scream.

Like puzzle pieces falling into place, Leedo realized what exactly the full picture he was staring at was.

He saw claws- bloodied and gnarled- in front of him, just below his chest.

Varkolak’s claws… beneath him…

Piercing pain through his back…

Sonhae was screaming, Leedo now knew. There was more blood than Leedo had ever seen-

His blood.

The varkolak’s claws… its entire hand… protruded through Leedo’s chest.

Run straight through from his back.

Leedo wasn’t sure if he wasn’t moving or if he couldn’t. He didn’t know if he was screaming, too.

He tried to speak. It came out as a cough. Blood flooded his mouth, expelled onto the ground-

_Sonhae._

Leedo didn’t know where the strength came from. He didn’t know what part of his mind functioned enough to command his muscles that trembled.

He grit his teeth, shut his eyes, held Sonhae close and shoved himself forward.

The numbness faded for a moment as he tore himself free from the varkolak’s claws. There was definitely a scream. A yell. Something.

Leedo tried to run, tried to get his legs beneath him, but he just fell forward without even managing to take a step. All he’d done was tear the varkolak’s arm from his chest.

He fell forward, trying to hear his ragged breathing, but he couldn’t hear anything.

He couldn’t feel Sonhae in his arms. He couldn’t feel anything as he lay against the rough earth. The varkolak was still behind them… he needed to run. He needed to get Sonhae away-

_You think it’s him that I’m frightened for?_

His hand twitched, but he didn’t remember losing his sword.

A hand gripped his shoulder and Leedo shut his eyes, tensing as if he had the strength to strike instead of just lay there, unsure of which way was up-

The hand turned him over, and when his back hit the ground, he knew he screamed through gritted teeth, forcing his eyes open to see whatever varkolak-

Ravn stared down at him.

And despite staring up into horrified eyes… Leedo suddenly felt entirely alone.

Because there was nothing to be done.

He didn’t know where Sonhae was or what happened to him.

But he knew that it had begun to rain, droplets landing like warm acid against his face and dripping through the blood smeared there.

Ravn’s lips were moving. And suddenly it all seemed like a child’s injury compared to the pain racing through his chest when he could barely gather strength to open his eyes, much less speak.

He blinked, eyes remaining closed for a moment as he breathed heavily, feeling the way each breath tore at his throat.

It wasn’t fair.

When he opened them, he realized the rain was falling from Ravn who was holding his face tightly. He was yelling this time. Ordering something, maybe.

But Leedo knew it was begging. The hands were too gentle and his eyes too terrified.

He didn’t know where Sonhae was... Had it even been worth it?

But Ravn was only staring at him, lips parted like he wanted to speak, but they weren’t moving, eyes frantically tracing across Leedo’s face.

It wasn’t fair to Ravn that he should lose anyone else.

Were he a hero… were he like the men in legends… he might have found a way to give Ravn some sort of signal, some sort of comfort. He’d muster one last burst of strength to take his hand or whisper something to him.

But Leedo just stared at him until his vision blurred.

Despite the hands cradling him, he felt alone. Helpless.

Neither of them could ease the other’s pain.

He didn’t remember closing his eyes, but he felt Ravn shake him- uncaring for pain that Leedo oddly didn’t feel.

He wished Ravn would leave.

Leedo knew there was a gash in his side, slashes across his face and back, and a hole in his side… he didn’t want Ravn to see that.

Leedo felt the world flip, as if someone had picked him up, but there was still no pain.

Sensations began to fade.

He tried to open his eyes, but there was only blackness. He was tired.

Leedo had been close to death before. Never before had he wanted to live as much as now.

If for nothing else… Ravn didn’t deserve to see someone else die. Leedo selfishly begged to live, if only to spare Ravn that.

_Do not make it come to that._

Had it even been worth it? Or had he simply let himself die without managing to perform the one task his death was meant to accomplish?

Leedo didn’t have… regrets.

He had long since decided that serving Ravn and protecting Sonhae would be enough. If he had any regrets… it was that he didn’t know if the others were going to make it. He’d never know if he left them or if his sacrifice meant anything…

There were still so many varkolaks…

He sat by, useless.

And even as sensation and consciousness faded, Leedo wasn’t afraid.

He was just alone. And sorry.

He was so… so sorry to Ravn. To all of them.

The future… was a terrifying thought. Seconds in the future were suddenly as much as a struggle to reach as decades.

He hoped it wasn’t Ravn carrying him.

He hoped that he’d left Leedo behind. That Leedo would fall from his back like one less burden he’d have to struggle under.

Everything faded.

He hated himself, though… because he knew Ravn. And Leedo would be a burden he carried for the rest of his life.

He didn’t want to become yet another burden for him to bear. 

_You can put me down._

That would be what Leedo would whisper, if he had his moment like the legends.

It would be a plea as much as a comfort.

_It’s okay… you can put me down._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (SPOILERS: Just so I don’t scare anyone- no one in Oneus dies in this story! Don’t worry, lovelies!) 
> 
> But this is the chapter I’ve been waiting to write from the beginning! I’m so excited to be getting to the fun part!!! I had such a blast writing this!   
> I’m sorry if it comes out rushed- I had to edit quickly ㅠㅠ 
> 
> But I hope you all enjoyed it (and sorry in advance for hurting you guysㅠㅠ) 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought, lovelies!! I loved this chapter! 
> 
> Be safe and stay healthy, lovelies! I’ll see you next chapter (which may also take a little longer- sorry!)   
> -SS


	5. A Scale Unbalanced: No Counterweight, No Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVED WRITING THIS CHAPTER TOO MUCH!!   
> \\(>w<)/  
> I’m seriously having so much fun, lovelies! Thank you so much to everyone who’s enjoying this! I appreciate every comment, kudos, and anyone who just stops by to read~ 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this!! And hopefully the next chapter won’t take too long ㅠㅠㅠ 
> 
> Please enjoy this and let me know what you think!!   
> Stay safe, lovelies!   
> -SS

Awareness came to Leedo before consciousness did.

The first thing he registered was the pain. Deep and throbbing and hot, it raced across his skin with every pump of his heart.

The second was his position. He was on his back, facing upwards. It was hot. Or maybe that was just his skin flaring with pain.

And the third… was that he was not dead, as he expected to be.

Just to test it, he took a deep breath, lungs stretching and head clearing as fresh air entered his cob webbed head.

He was too tired to marvel at that fact. He could barely register it.

He wasn’t sure when he was awake and when he was back to sleeping in a black lake, but it began blending together without time to judge by- the ebb and flow of time lost to him as he drifted in and out of awareness and pain.

He wasn’t sure if the voices he heard were in his head or around him, he wasn’t sure if the pain was in his head or in his skin, he wasn’t sure if he was actually alive or if this was just what happened when you died.

Thoughts were difficult to produce. He merely floated.

He kept breathing, his heart kept beating… and he heard voices speaking as if from a long distance away, garbled and deep.

Once again, time escaped him.

He didn’t remember deciding to open his eyes, but he stared at the ceiling blankly, lashes concealing half his vision.

He was breathing.

“Holy gods-“

He turned his head with a bit of difficulty, everything stiff and sluggish.

Seoho stared down at him in a mixture of disbelief and anger. “You-“ He stopped, his disbelief melting full into anger as he rose to full height, pale face and sharp eyes glaring down at him. “Do you understand how much of a lucky, unbelievable bastard you are?” he demanded roughly.

He blinked sluggishly, and for the first time, the weight of being alive truly settled on him as he looked up at his friend and realized he was, indeed, not dead.

Maybe his throat tightened at the thought. But he could never let Seoho see that. 

He was alive and he was grateful because Seoho was there and that meant Leedo could relax because it was safe.

But he didn’t relax. Because the work was not done- the anger in Seoho’s eyes stilling any witty retort that he may be tempted to utter. 

Leedo swallowed the pins and needles in his throat, blinking slowly. “I’m sure… you’ll tell me,” he rasped, throat feeling as if he’d swallowed shattered pottery.

Seoho looked prepared to strike him, and Leedo wasn’t sure what was holding him back, but he never raised his hand, eyes turning into harsher glare.

“Do you even remember what happened?” he demanded, and Leedo registered the bandage across the bridge of his nose where the wound had been.

He… remembered.

He remembered the attack and the pain and Sonhae and Ravn kneeling over him making demands that Leedo couldn’t fulfill-

He swallowed the knives in his throat, staring up at Seoho in a way that conveyed he knew exactly what had happened.

The fact that this conversation was able to happen… was a miracle, given that last Leedo knew, he was already dead.

His hand lifted slowly, his body aching with even such a small movement, but he laid his hand over his side, just beside his stomach where he felt a thick bandage wrapped around. He knew that beneath that bandage… had been a hole straight through his body.

He could feel the wound- tender and aching and delicate, but healed enough to not be in agony.

Seoho nodded solemnly at Leedo’s silence. “You were half-dead before that last wound even occurred,” he said darkly, voice heavy enough to convey the concern he wouldn’t utter. “You should have been dead within minutes. Hours, at best.”

Leedo knew this. He’d thought he’d been dead already.

He’d been prepared for that, even if he’d been afraid. He’d known that was his fate.

“I should be dead,” Leedo rasped quietly, a statement instead of a question. An acceptance. “We were two days’ ride from help… There’s no possible way…”

Seoho’s jaw was tight, as if there was something he didn’t want to say.

Leedo tensed. It was truly terrifying when there was something they wanted to hide from each other.

“Some fate… wants you alive,” Seoho finally murmured, voice dropping low enough for Leedo to feel like he was dying all over again. His fists were clenched and he didn’t meet Leedo’s eyes, glaring off helplessly to the side.

As viciously as Leedo had cursed the fates for never giving them a moment’s rest… it was never desirable to have fate doing you favors.

Winning a favor from the fates often costed you more than their scorn ever would.

“Ravn rode back with you before the battle had even finished,” Seoho continued, voice only continuing to drop. “We went so slowly before, he was able to make it back within the day… I was certain you were dead before he’d even left.”

His jaw clenched, throwing Leedo another dirty, accusing glare that might have made him laugh if he didn’t feel like a stone was sitting on his chest.

“But you were somehow still breathing,” Seoho said, voice thinning dangerously, making him clear his throat roughly. “Even if it was just by a thread… you were alive. The physician called it a miracle that you’d survived your final wound at all… You should feel honored,” he muttered, glancing at him wryly. “The prince made him use his best elixirs on you that are usually reserved for the royal family.”

Ravn…

Leedo swallowed, rolling onto his side (which burned, but was possible) as he got his arms beneath himself to push himself up.

Ravn…

He had to take a break before sitting up, supporting himself as he panted for a moment into the bed.

“Don’t ruin what took days to heal,” Seoho warned him, a hand hovering near Leedo but never touching, his tone reprimanding. “You’re hardly put back together-“

“How long has it been?” Leedo questioned around heavy breaths as he finally lifted himself to sit up on the edge of the bed.

“Four days,” Seoho said, stepping back when it was clear he wasn’t going to collapse on the floor. “Ravn rode back with you… but the remaining living varkolaks fled only minutes after he left, and the rest of us followed.”

Leedo didn’t want to imagine the bloodbath, didn’t want to think about Ravn having to ride back with his body, the others facing a threat that then fled…

Why had they fled?

“We returned with Sonhae.”

Seoho’s voice tightened. His fist clenched at his side, nails clearly digging into skin.

Leedo’s eyes flickered down to the fist, frowning gently before looking up at Seoho’s face.

It was grim. Set. Stony.

“Was anyone hurt?” Leedo rasped because he couldn’t bear to try and ask who had died. His fingertips dug into the side of the bedding weakly, his head spinning slightly from the rush of fear.

“No one… was harmed anything more than superficially,” Seoho assured him, though the pause only made Leedo want to vomit. “Scratches and some minor injuries… You were the only one substantially hurt… and I wanted to attribute your miraculous survival to the fact there was no blessed blade involved, but…”

Seoho met Leedo’s eyes… but he looked away.

And Leedo’s heart dropped viciously.

“Seoho-“

“Some fate wants you alive,” he repeated grimly, still not looking at him, though his fist shook. “I don’t know what part you play in everything, Leedo, but the fates refuse to let you out of it. And part of me is sure that it is _only_ you they care about keeping in this.” 

Leedo stared at him, bewildered and a frown of confusion ready to bloom, but his heart sank too low in his stomach, until it felt like he was drowning.

“What happened to Sonhae?” Leedo demanded weakly, so sure that he must be wrong.

His injuries must be making him worry too much.

“After… I was hurt… I couldn’t tell what happened to him-“

Seoho had said no one was harmed beyond superficial wounds. That had to mean-

“What happened to him? Did he ride back with the rest of you?”

Seoho didn’t look at him, no matter how desperate Leedo’s voice sounded. His lips thinned.

Leedo stood slowly, pushing himself up with difficulty, but Seoho didn’t reprimand him.

_Impossible._

“Seoho,” he pressed, holding onto the side of the bed poster for support as his head spun with fear. “What happened-“

“Sonhae was cut by the varkolak who struck through you,” Seoho said stiffly, as if annoyed.

But Leedo heard the tension there. The pain.

“It was a minor cut on his chest, through his clothing… He barely even noticed it with how distressed he was over you,” he said, voice growing sharper. “We rode back with him… When we arrived, we realized… there was Intent in the wound.”

Whatever Leedo had been preparing himself for… it was not that.

He expected death. He expected Sonhae to have run and gotten lost. He expected a boy traumatized beyond words-

“So… he’s…” Leedo’s tongue caught.

What must Ravn be thinking-

Seoho shook his head, finally looking at Leedo with misty eyes that held equal parts anger and pain. “The infection set it overnight,” he said, voice growing thick. “The physician did everything he could, but… he didn’t turn.”

Leedo blinked. “He… It didn’t turn him-“

But Seoho shook his head sharply, looking annoyed at the interruption as he glared. “He was too young,” he muttered, looking away and glaring at the ground. “His body couldn’t handle the changes of turning…”

No.

No, that wasn’t possible-

“Seoho-“

“He’s dead,” Seoho cut in, voice shockingly weak as he looked at Leedo sternly. “Sonhae was dead by the second day of his infection.”

Leedo had feared it. He had maybe even expected it.

But voicing it slammed the truth into his chest like another hand piercing through.

Sonhae…

That innocent child…

Leedo would have gladly died for him. If it meant that he’d lived despite the terrible odds against him, Leedo would have happily sacrificed himself for that child to keep living.

Why…

How did Leedo somehow survive with a fist through his chest… a yet a small cut had taken Sonhae?

How did it even make sense to kill an innocent-

He swallowed.

Why… Why was fate suddenly trying to do him favors?

He stared at Seoho, neither of them moving as they stood silently, blood racing and bodies shaking.

Sonhae that been their charge since before he was born. They cared for and loved him just as much as Ravn ever had… He had been bright and smart and kind, despite being spoiled by his mother…

Why…

Why was Leedo still alive if he was gone?

“Where is Ravn?” Leedo suddenly rasped, brushing passed Seoho, stumbling slightly, but he got his footing before he reached the door, eyes hardened.

Leedo had prayed that Ravn not have to carry him for the rest of his life… He hadn’t realized that wish would cost the prince someone even more precious to him.

Seoho followed behind him, not telling him to stay put, to Leedo’s surprise. “He hasn’t left his room the entire time,” he muttered, shaking his head. “He’s barely let anyone inside. He hasn’t seen any of us.”

Sonhae… was everything to Ravn. He was all he had left, he had sacrificed everything in his life for Sonhae and his future…

And maybe it wasn’t a direct exchange, but Leedo couldn’t help but feel as if the fates had traded Sonhae’s life for his.

Which made all of this his fault.

“Leedo,” Seoho said, his voice poised to attack his wordless blame of himself, but Leedo walked down the hall quickly, one hand braced against the half-healed wound at his stomach.

It hurt, like trying to walk after being winded, but Leedo barely felt it.

He could not even begin to imagine what this was going to do to Ravn.

They reached their hall, but Leedo went right past their own quarters, hurrying to Ravn’s with dread in his heart. He couldn’t have even guessed what Ravn was doing- what grief and hatred might have grown inside of him.

Leedo didn’t knock. He reached the door and pushed it open, using the knob as a brief support as he stumbled a bit when entering.

His eyes scanned the area rapidly, but the room was empty.

He turned back to Seoho, frowning, but Seoho looked just as bewildered, stepping in and turning in place, but finding it abandoned. “Where…?”

Seoho shook his head sharply, turning on his heel and storming back down to their own quarters as Leedo hobbled behind him, his heart slowly being pierced by a needle.

Everything in his blood was telling him this was not good.

Seoho pushed the door of the quarters open, staring around at the others gathered there- all of them jumping at how violently the door slammed open-

“Where is the prince?” Seoho demanded, all of them blinking, shaking their heads in confusion-

“Leedo!” Hwanwoong jerked forward a step, eyes widening when Leedo appeared behind Seoho, but stopped, eyes flickering between the two, clearly sensing something wrong.

“We haven’t seen him?” Keonhee said, staring at Leedo in concern as he hunched over his side. “Is he not-“

“He’s not in his quarters,” Seoho snapped before another word got out. “Where is he?”

Xion shook his head. “Why would we know? He hasn’t left his quarters in days-“

“Start looking,” Leedo said, wincing at how rough his voice came out, the others frowning in concern. “I… I don’t like this,” he muttered, glancing back down the hall like they might have missed him.

“Are you really one to be giving demands when we weren’t even sure you would ever wake up?” Hwanwoong demanded, glaring at him with his hands on his hips.

“You’re making a habit out of scaring the soul out of us,” Keonhee muttered, though it was impossible to hide the relief in his eyes.

But in all their eyes, Leedo saw the weight of reality.

The truth about Sonhae…

His fist clenched at his side. _Why him?_ Why someone so innocent…

They always said they would never let him die for their cause… But Leedo just kept proving them hypocrites.

Maybe if he’d tried harder… But where could he have done more?

His jaw tightened.

Was Sonhae just… always destined to die? Were the fates so cruel to someone so untainted?

“We need to find Ravn,” Leedo said, already turning and moving down the hall- hearing only a moment’s hesitation before the others were following him, boots thumping as they hurried after him.

He didn’t know what exactly the knot in his chest was made of, but there was a buzzing under his skin, and he couldn’t hope to identify it.

It was everything from fear to regret to pity to… to a simple desire to see Ravn.

Leedo didn’t have time to grieve for Sonhae- not when there were shards of glass in his blood telling him to find Ravn _now._

“You!” Leedo called as a servant crossed the hall further up, racing after him, ignoring the stiffness in his sides and back. The servant froze, looking startled, but bowed as Leedo ran up to him.

He was sure it was startling to anyone, seeing five knights racing towards you.

“The prince- Where is Prince Ravn?” he demanded, not having noticed how labored his breathing had become from such a short exertion, until he was standing there, clutching a stitch in his side.

The servant stared at him, startled with his mouth hanging open as he tried to speak- looking between Leedo and the others. “I- I have not him today,” he said quickly, shaking his head.

Leedo began to curse-

“But I did hear talk that t-the prince was taking several horses from the stables.”

Leedo’s eyes widened as he heard the other stepped forward. “Horses?” Seoho’s tight voice demanded from behind him.

The servant nodded, pointing in the direction of the stables. “I heard the stable hands in the kitchens speaking earlier. The prince supposedly took a dozen horses and rode into the forest with several other guards and knights-“

“Did they say where they were going?” Hwanwoong demanded, stepping passed Leedo- expression tensed with confusion and concern that hid the desperation there.

Like a contagion, Leedo’s sense of dread flowed into all of them.

“N-Not specifically,” he said, looking apologetic. “I think they mentioned… East?”

East…

Why was Ravn taking guards and knights East?

“When was this?” Xion demanded, making the man look at him sharply.

“Um… not even an hour ago, sirs.”

Leedo forgot to voice his plan to the others and merely started running. But he heard them all following without even a moment’s pause as they raced down the halls.

“Why would he go East in the forest?” Keonhee questioned worriedly as they ran, face drawn tight. “It’s nearing evening- why would he leave so late?”

“How far would he have gone?” Seoho muttered, more to himself like he was calculating. “What is to the East?”

“The river?” Xion suggested, frowning darkly.

“But why bring a dozen others?” Leedo muttered, his heart slowly sinking.

Or maybe that was the pain in his chest beginning to bleed into the rest of him.

Once again, he didn’t notice how labored his breathing was until Seoho eyed him from the corner of his eye. “It’s useless to suggest that you should stay here,” he muttered, trailing off for Leedo to look at him.

He gave Leedo a stern look- not a demand, but a metaphorical finger pointing at all the bruises and half-healed holes in his body. His condition was not prime, nor was it even anywhere considered “good.”

But Leedo would rather reopen every healed part of himself than sit here with such dread in his blood.

“Riding won’t… strain me,” he muttered, needing to take a breath halfway through. “I just…” The stables rose closer. “We need to get to him. I don’t know why.”

“Why would he not tell us?” Hwanwoong murmured- dark and thoughtful and nervous.

Leedo turned the question over and over in his head as Seoho yelled for their horses to be readied immediately, startling the stable hands there into action.

Why would Ravn seclude himself from his knights? Them- whom he had admitted were his support and his comfort? They- who had been at his side through so many other deaths…

Was trust broken? Leedo couldn’t think of where that bond might have shattered.

“Where did Prince Ravn and the others head?” Hwanwoong demanded of the stable hands who were furiously saddling their steeds.

“East, sirs,” one answered.

“Where was he going? Do you know what his purpose was?” Seoho said- a bit sharp, slightly frightening them with the interrogation.

“He mentioned no purpose,” one of them responded firmly. “But he made mention of not stopping until they had reached the river. We heard nothing else of his plans. They left mostly in silence, sirs.” 

Leedo’s jaw clenched- the others wearing similar expressions of dread.

Reaching the river… What was on the other side of the river? Just more forests, until you reached the towns two days away.

The stable hands stepped away as they finished saddling each horse.

It took Leedo three attempted to get himself onto his horse, his back aching so fiercely, he couldn’t hold himself up, until he managed to build enough momentum to swing his legs up.

He leaned against the neck of his horse to take weight from his back as he urged it into motion with the others- none of them bothering with courtesies as they burst from the stable, racing towards the path that led to the river.

“Why would he travel to the river so late?” Keonhee questioned, voice raised over the wind and sound of hooves pounding as they all rode together at top speeds.

“It may explain why he brought so many guards,” Hwanwoong suggested, brows drawn down tightly. “The river is a vicious area at night… the extra protection may be a good idea.”

Varkolaks weren’t exactly attracted to water. It held no significance to them, like it did to humans.

But given that most humans clustered around any given body of freshwater, some varkolaks tended to make their nests and dens near the areas for easy hunting.

The river towards the East was a hot spot for varkolaks in this particular forest, especially during the summer months where entourages were forced to extend their trips by days to go around the shallow stream.

“Did the queen put him up to it?” Xion asked the open air, turning back from where he rode at the front. “Why else would he hide it from us?”

“The stable hands made it sound as if his goal was the stop _at_ the river,” Seoho said, practically glaring with how hard his eyes were. “He must be meeting someone… or something similar.”

“So late?” Keonhee pointed out, all of them finding none of these excuses to be satisfying.

No one said anything after that, simply focusing on urging their horses faster.

Leedo was too focused on keeping his breathing steady as every gallop of his horse jarred his entire body. It wasn’t particularly painful, but it made his muscles stiffen as he pressed a hand to his side firmly, which helped ease the discomfort.

He tried not to think. About anything.

But Sonhae’s eyes and terrified cries echoed in his eyes, and the thought that the last time he had ever seen the child… he had been crying in fear as Leedo was too slow…

No matter how many times Leedo had protected Sonhae as wholly as he possible could… Sonhae had always ended up hurt in some way. Superficially, yes- but hurt, nonetheless.

Was this some sort of foreshadowing he had ignored?

Had the fates long since been telling him that it didn’t matter what he sacrificed, what he risked… Sonhae was simply destined to be harmed?

Leedo swallowed a needle in his throat, staring at the mane of his horse and letting it guide him after the others.

If they had left… If they had never come here… would the fates have spared Sonhae?

If they had simply let life continue as they had always known it… If they hadn’t been so obsessed with creating a future… would Sonhae have been allowed to live?

They had always said they would never let Sonhae die for their cause… but by their very presence in his life, were they not making it impossible for him to ever live? By their very wishes, he had to die.

And they had been fools to ever think they could have it all.

Leedo had been placated in the knowledge that Ravn would rule for a time, until Sonhae was of age. That wasn’t good enough for the fates, was it…?

The fates did not deal in circumventive half-solutions.

They should have always known…

And now a child was dead… and something was wrong with Ravn, even if Leedo had no way of knowing that was true. He knew _what_ was wrong- his brother was dead.

His brother was dead… because of them.

No. Because of Leedo.

He’d told Ravn to give him Sonhae, he’d been foolish enough not to try and find one of the others to help protect him, he’d used his entire body and still wasn’t enough to stop Sonhae from being harmed-

_Because anything bad that happens was destined to happen anyway… If it happens, it was_ always _going to happen._

Was that true?

Whether they had been in his life or not… whether they were still wishing for a future or not… whether Leedo had ended his own life in exchange for Sonhae’s…

Were they always destined to end up here? With Ravn losing everything, with an innocent child dying, with the rest of them… doing what?

What could they possibly do after this?

Leedo gagged- both from the prospect of the future and the pain from riding, but he swallowed it stubbornly.

If it meant that Sonhae had died… Leedo no longer wanted their future. If it meant that Sonhae had always been born and lived to be a sacrificial lamb… Leedo would rather live the rest of their lives being hunted like animals.

The sun began to set, bathing everything in rose and gold.

Leedo stuck to the back of their group, leaned against the neck of his horse to take pressure from his side that grew more and more irritated, but there was no flaring pain to suggest anything had been made worse from the stress.

“Not far,” he heard Xion murmur, the evening playing a song of screaming insects and pounding hooves.

Leedo wasn’t sure what they were going to find.

But he prayed that whatever it was… that it was something they could handle.

But when had the fates ever been kind?

Leedo suddenly wished that his only concern was how he would survive a dinner alone with Ravn.

“There,” Hwanwoong announced, sitting up and pointing in the distance.

Leedo lifted his eyes and at a long distance, they could see a campfire through the dim light that had begun to turn to night.

With brief commands, they urged their horses faster, Leedo pulling ahead of Keonhee and Seoho, his heart clenching so hard, he feared it might burst. He didn’t know what he was bracing for, what he was afraid of, what he was dreading… but he knew that he just wished it would be assuaged.

He wished that this fear were over so that he could mourn Sonhae and give Ravn the comfort he needed.

He wished it was just Ravn and himself, and then maybe they could speak openly and freely.

They broke into a small clearing- not free of trees, but sparse enough to allow movement. A campfire burned in the middle of it, but Leedo frowned as he realized there were no tents set up. Just men standing around as their horses rested and a fire burned.

Men who leapt up as soon as they broke into the clearing, weapons drawn and shouting at each other in warning-

Leedo and Xion were the first there, pulling their horses to sharp halts, staring around at the men casted in shadows, looking and searching the faces of foreign and half-familiar knights and guards. 

“Xion?” one knight demanded, his sword lowering in confusion. “What are you doing here-“

Leedo’s eyes glanced off the knight as he dismounted with a bit of difficulty, hitting the ground harder than intended, making him wince. But he steadied himself, holding his horse’s rein as he searched the faces staring at them in shock, looking behind them-

He froze, eyes locking with Ravn, who stood just beside the fire.

He saw confusion in his eyes, but after a moment Ravn seemed to realize who he was seeing, expression going slack.

Leedo didn’t even need to move as Ravn made his way through the knights who parted out of his path.

He heard the others dismounting behind him, but he didn’t dare breathe, much less look away from Ravn who was staring at him like he was seeing a ghost.

But even behind the vulnerability that suddenly appeared in the prince’s eyes… Leedo knew something was wrong.

Very… very wrong.

He couldn’t place it, couldn’t name it… but he saw it in the tension around Ravn’s eyes, in the stiffness of his shoulders- no matter how much they sank with relief the closer he got to Leedo.

Leedo was prepared for Ravn’s embrace- a hug that came in the form of Ravn practically falling into Leedo, arms wrapping around him tightly as his face pressed to his shoulder. His arms shook, as if he wanted to hold Leedo tighter but was afraid to hurt him.

“What… are you doing here?” Ravn hissed in his ear, emotions clinging to his voice like tears on lashes. “When did you wake?” he demanded weakly. “I was there earlier-“

“It hasn’t yet been hours,” Leedo assured him, hearing the knights converse with the others about something he couldn’t make out, too focused on Ravn’s weak sigh of disbelief against his shoulder. “I tried to come find you… You weren’t in your quarters and the others didn’t know where you had gone…”

He felt Ravn stiffen, some of the warmth seeming to disappear between them.

Leedo wanted to close his eyes. He wanted to imagine that it was just the two of them. That there was some sort of privacy that would have allowed them to speak honestly, but there were too many eyes on them, too many people waiting.

Leedo pulled away, and felt his chest tighten when Ravn released him easily, standing at arm’s length but not meeting Leedo’s eyes, head hanging low as he stared at their boots.

“Ravn,” Leedo whispered, feeling how it made the other tense, as if he was preparing to tear himself out of Leedo’s hand that still rested on his arm.

Ravn did turn- pulling free of Leedo’s touch- but he turned to the crowd behind them, waiting. “I need to speak with him on a matter,” he told the knights, glancing at the others of his order, as if bracing himself. “Get them something to eat while they wait,” he told the guards, turning without waiting.

Leedo watched Ravn walk past him, out of the clearing and into the trees on the edges of the fire’s glow. He followed slowly, glancing back at the others.

His heart sank to an all time low, his throat closing up with dread.

Something… was going to happen.

His eyes met Seoho’s, their jaws tensed, and Seoho looking prepared to follow and shake some sense into Ravn. But Leedo gave him a look.

Even he didn’t know what the look meant. But Seoho nodded anyway, eyes hard and lips stiff with determination and nerves.

Leedo turned away, following Ravn into the trees- far enough away their voices wouldn’t be heard (at least, not by any human), but that the glow of the fire was visible and if he leaned, he could make out the others standing on the edge of the circle of guards.

Ravn stood with his back to the crowd, hidden among the trees and his face obscured by the darkness.

Leedo could see the hard set of his expression.

A kind of hardness he had never seen before. But he didn’t move, like a prey caught in the sights of a predator.

He was afraid, like a prey.

“What are you doing out here, Ravn?” he asked quietly, immobile as their eyes remained locked. “The river is dangerous so late… What purpose could you possibly have to be out here?” He paused, swallowed. “And why did you hide it from the rest of us?”

He almost didn’t voice the last question, not wanting to accuse, but rather than flinching, Ravn’s expression stiffened further.

All emotions had faded from his expression.

Leedo stared at him with as much familiarity as a statue. 

Ravn looked as if he was steeling himself against something.

“Sonhae is dead.”

The whisper was so quiet, Leedo would have missed it had even a breeze blown by. But he heard it like a needle being pushed into his chest as he stiffened. Ravn’s voice held such pain… and such _numbness_ … A combination that Leedo had never heard from any voice…

And it scared him. Much more than anything else ever had. 

When he looked at Ravn’s eyes, he saw something cold. Something empty.

And it wasn’t until this moment that he realized just how much losing Sonhae had taken from him.

“Ravn-“

His comfort was cut off with a sharp look from Ravn as he shook his head. He crossed his arms, as if cutting himself off. “Sonhae is dead… because of those monsters.” His fists clenched tightly. “I thought I had lost you to them as well… I thought they had taken everything from me, but…”

Leedo didn’t recognize Ravn with the anger that suddenly twisted his face.

“They killed a _child,_ ” he hissed quietly, voice tight with pain. “An innocent, defenseless boy who was _terrified-_ “

“I’m sorry,” Leedo breathed, barely able to speak through the stone in his throat as he stared at Ravn, eyes desperate with how much he needed Ravn to understand. “I’m _sorry,_ Ravn- I should have-“

“It wasn’t you,” Ravn scoffed, shaking his head angrily, glaring off into the darkness. “It has always been those monsters…” His lips curled with disgust, his eyes hardening against the pain. “You risked your life… It was those _beasts_ that killed him- baselessly and without reason. We weren’t even _coming_ for them-“

His voice didn’t fail, but he stopped, as if the anger had reached a breaking point.

Leedo felt as if… he was looking at a stranger.

He could hardly see Ravn through the grief.

He stepped closer, extending a gentle hand out to him. “Ravn… I know that you’re hurting-“

Ravn withdrew a step back, making Leedo freeze, blood turning cold. It wasn’t harsh or sharp… but it was a clear rejection.

Ravn stared at him with cold eyes that barely held enough warmth for Leedo to understand that this was Ravn trying to lessen his anger at him.

“Return to the castle, Leedo,” he said quietly- voice still twisted, but not quite as sour. “Take the others. Return to the castle, and I will be back, I promise.”

Leedo horrifyingly wondered… if this is what Ravn had felt when Leedo dodged his concerns.

But even more than that… Leedo feared what Ravn was planning.

“What are you doing out here, Ravn?” he whispered, sure that Ravn heard the dread in his voice because the prince’s lips thinned as he shook his head.

“Don’t concern yourself with it, Leedo. Return home… you’re still recovering-“

“I’m not leaving until you tell me,” Leedo hissed, desperation making his voice sharper, but fear was stronger than a desire to comfort.

Because this was not Ravn. Not the one that Leedo knew how to speak to and comfort.

“I’m worried, Ravn,” he confessed, hoping that honesty would loosen his anger. “What are you doing out here? Why did you hide it from us? What possible reason… Did we break your trust in some way?” he demanded weakly.

“My trust is not broken, Leedo,” Ravn assured him, but his voice held none of the usual warmth that such a statement might have carried. His eyes remained unmoved. “But I knew that I could not ask this of you all… not in good consciousness. This is me sparing you this, Leedo.”

“I did not _ask_ to be spared,” Leedo pressed, taking a step closer, sure that he looked frantic, but Ravn was speaking in riddles.

And Leedo was frightened. He felt like he was listening to a language he didn’t understand.

He didn’t know how to stop it. How to bring Ravn back from whatever edge he was creeping towards.

“We promised to be your support,” Leedo reminded him sharply, fingers curling into loose fists. “You said that you found comfort and purpose in us… When have we ever asked to be spared anything from you?” he demanded.

Ravn stared at him somberly, lips stiff, as if he was debating on what to say- whether to dismiss Leedo or address him.

Ravn wet his lips and looked away, glaring coldly behind Leedo into the dark trees.

“You said… that you mourned them,” he murmured darkly, voice viscous and quiet. “You confided in me that you hated this war… that, yes, you sympathized with them… You all believe them to be equal to us, just different.” His jaw clenched. “You regret each varkolak that you have killed.”

He didn’t look at Leedo.

But with this simple statement, Leedo understood it all. Everything.

“This is me sparing you from more of that,” Ravn muttered darkly. “I don’t want you to be forced to do what you despise, Leedo. So, I need you to return to the castle.”

Leedo didn’t move.

And he certainly wasn’t breathing as he stared at Ravn in disbelieving horror.

“You… You’re going to wipe them out,” he breathed, staring at Ravn.

This one was an accusation.

Ravn didn’t flinch, didn’t move, didn’t look at him.

“You’re here to try and hunt varkolaks down,” Leedo accused, voice raising. “You’re trying to wipe them out-“

“I’m returning a hundred years worth of favors,” Ravn snapped, finally looking at Leedo with anger blazing in his eyes. “I’ve already sent knights to gather anyone in the kingdom willing to fight. I plan to have these monsters eradicated by the end of the season.”

“ _Ravn,_ “ Leedo begged-

“I was willing to play their game,” he snapped loudly, voice dropping into a hiss immediately afterwards. “I left them alone unless they attacked us- I even believed what _you_ and the others thought, that perhaps we could have been wrong about them-“

His voice did threaten to fail this time, his lips pressing together as anger flared in his eyes, but Leedo could see the mask that it was.

All it was doing was hiding the pain there. The agony in his eyes and the grief in his soul.

“They killed an innocent, defenseless child,” he hissed weakly. “ _We_ were the threat, _we_ were the ones attacking them, but they chose _him._ ”

“I won’t defend them against Sonhae’s death,” Leedo said, quick but gentle for his own sake- the act of saying his name aloud to Ravn… “The varkolaks who killed him deserved their deaths… But Ravn,” he whispered, voice straining. “You are talking about the extinction of an entire race.”

“He was my _brother,_ ” Ravn hissed, hitting his chest as he glared at Leedo in agony. “They tried to turn him into a monster like them-“

“We spoke before,” Leedo broke in frantically, taking a step closer that Ravn retreated from coldly. “You asked me if I still mourned the varkolaks, even though they had nearly killed me. What did I tell you then, Ravn?” he demanded fiercely. “What did I tell you?”

Ravn remained silent, face turning colder, as if steeling himself against Leedo’s words.

Leedo swallowed, heart pounding painfully. “I told you that it would make me the worst kind of selfish if I only cared when I was unaffected by it.” He wet his lips briefly. “Hundreds of children are killed by varkolaks. I know how precious Sonhae was to you, but you need to think, Ravn-“

“So Sonhae was a straw breaking the camel’s back,” he snapped, lips curled in disgust. “Consider this vengeance for a thousand families who suffered like I have.”

“Vengeance is not what you should be looking for!” Leedo fought desperately, shaking his head uselessly. “Ravn, going down this kind of path is only going to destroy-“

“ _This_ is why I told you all nothing,” Ravn muttered, eyes icy. “Go home, Leedo. You will not change my mind. I tried to spare you-“

“You think I’ll regret the slaughter of a race any less because I did not personally cut them down?” Leedo demanded, voice rising as his nails dug into his palms. “Do you honestly think this is something that can be overlooked?”

“I’m not asking you to overlook it,” Ravn assured him, unmoving. “I was simply trying to make it easier on you.”

“You can’t condemn an entire race-“

“They killed Sonhae!” Ravn snapped, arms dropping to hold his fists at his sides stiffly, hands shaking. “Again and again, I’ve nearly lost you to them, and they killed a _child-_ “ 

“ _One_ ,” Leedo fought desperately, stepping closer. “ _One_ varkolak killed Sonhae. Would you wipe out humanity if it had been a human thief on the road that killed them?” he accused viciously.

Ravn was silent, though Leedo could see all the ways his body was shaking.

Was this it? Was this fate’s beautiful plan?

Give Ravn a way to have the throne without Sonhae’s death… kill Sonhae anyway… and even now that Ravn was directly in line for the throne… all he wanted was vengeance against the varkolaks…

Leedo didn’t know how Yonghoon had seen their future in all of this because at the moment, it was impossible.

“You admitted it was possible,” Leedo whispered breathlessly, chest aching and begging.

He hoped Ravn could see the desperate plea in his eyes.

“You admitted to me that you wanted to change how you viewed them,” he reminded Ravn weakly. “You confessed that perhaps your hatred was learned…. This hatred that you’re feeling is _learned,_ Ravn. It’s grief, it’s _helplessness_ making you feel as if you need to do something, but you need to _think,_ Ravn-“

“I don’t need to think,” Ravn muttered, shaking his head, grief clouding his eyes. “I began to question what I had been taught, and varkolaks have answered loud and clear each and every time I have encountered them.”

Leedo didn’t know how to convince him.

He didn’t know how to reason with someone so blind with grief. Especially when… there was so much to back Ravn’s beliefs. He had so many reasons to want them all dead, but Leedo didn’t know how to show him that Leedo had just as many to _not_ want them gone. 

_I’m one of them you’d have to kill._

Leedo’s throat and eyes burned.

Ravn glared at him, eyes bitter and aching. “How can anything… that would kill such a young child… defenseless- he wasn’t even _armed_ … How can anything like that be anything but pure evil?” he demanded in a weak whisper.

Leedo swallowed, staring at Ravn in silent regret and grief and pity.

“Some varkolaks are evil, Ravn,” he whispered shakily. “And some people… are evil. Is every human evil, Ravn?”

He made no response, lips tight and stiff.

“Are they, Ravn?” he demanded, stepping closer. “I need you to answer me. Is every human evil? Is every human a murderer who kills without care or remorse?”

Ravn’s lips were shaking. But anger swallowed up any weaker emotions.

For a moment, Leedo was unsure whether he would be attacked, but Ravn simply remained like a statue.

“They aren’t,” Leedo whispered, shaking his head slowly, eyes pleading. “You know they aren’t, Ravn. You know every human isn’t evil because _you_ are not evil.”

Ravn’s fist twitched.

“Do you feel the grief from seeing an innocent killed? From losing your family at the hands of another?” Leedo breathed, glancing to Ravn’s chest where his aching heart was beating. “All those families who have lost children? Do you understand how many innocents you will be killing if you do this?”

“ _I_ -“

“How does that make you different from those evil varkolaks?” Leedo demanded quietly. “How is it anymore excusable for you to try and end their race?”

Ravn’s apathy flared into anger, eyes blazing. “They started a war-“

“I told you,” Leedo whispered, shaking his head. “This isn’t a war, Ravn. We are living in a massacre. Is that the title you want on your name?” he croaked slowly. “That you were the king who committed genocide of an entire race?” His lips pressed together. “Is that who you want to see when you look in the mirror?”

_This person who would find any excuse to keep hating… That wasn’t who I had ever wanted to be. I looked in the mirror, and I felt like I was seeing a stranger._

Leedo truly believed Ravn would have struck him, had he been able to move from his cold glare of immobility.

“You are a good person, Ravn,” he whispered, taking another step forward. “I told you before that I followed you because I believed in peace-“

“They will never allow _peace_ -“

“ _We_ have never allowed peace,” Leedo burst helplessly. “Humanity has done nothing to warrant peace. Why is it solely the varkolaks’ responsibility to bring peace? Even when they do not attack, they are hunted. How is peace supposed to arise from that?”

Ravn was shaking. Parts of him were breaking away. And Leedo wanted nothing more than to embrace and pray that it was enough to break through the anger.

But he knew that this anger ran too deep. This wound… was not too close to his heart.

This wound was his heart being removed, ripped from his chest… and with it… may have disappeared any chance at peace.

Ravn looked like a shell of himself. And Leedo could have wept because this was _Ravn_. The _only_ person on this earth that Leedo ever believed capable of seeking peace…

Ravn was going to stop at nothing to wipe out those that took his final possession from him.

This had been the breaking point in his long list of burdens.

_If you cherish me, do not do this,_ Leedo wanted to whisper. But the words caught. They wouldn’t fall.

Because this wasn’t about Leedo. It wasn’t about bargaining… Nothing would change unless Ravn did. Bribing him would solve nothing.

“I told you…”

Ravn’s voice was shaking- quiet and weak and so, so angry. So bitter. So broken.

“I told you… that you were a better person than me,” Ravn whispered, head dropping as his fists shook. “This is the proof you needed to believe me,” he muttered, glancing at Leedo with too much hatred in his eyes. “If being the good person you believe me to be means letting the things that killed an innocent boy go free… then I do not want to be that person,” he hissed.

Ravn turned away.

He was walking away.

He was going to wipe out all varkolaks. He was going to do it because grief had finally managed to break the Raven Prince.

Ravn was walking away as a shell of himself, and Leedo stood helplessly as he held one last piece of Ravn in his hands…

Leedo had only one thing of Ravn’s… His cherishment. His affections…

They had once thought that might be enough… but Leedo didn’t think it would matter, in the end. If it would have made a difference, Ravn would have stopped after realizing that the others would never support this.

He had acknowledged reason… he agreed with Leedo’s logic, he saw his points… but a broken man didn’t care about logic.

All Ravn knew was the pain in his heart… and the belief that the pain would never leave while varkolaks remained alive.

Ravn was not going to stop until ever varkolak was dead.

Leedo lifted his eyes helplessly, heart rendering in half as Ravn began to step away from him-

Through the dark trees, he saw the campfire.

Seoho was staring at him, eyes too coherent not to have heard everything.

Behind him, the others were all facing him- faces pale and torn between horror and darkness. The other knights were busy chatting.

Leedo stared at them and begged for help.

Seoho’s lips parted, looking torn, but them they closed. His eyes hardened.

Seoho nodded to Leedo.

And Leedo’s eyes widened.

Behind him, Hwanwoong nodded to him, face set in grim acceptance.

Xion nodded slowly, eyes afraid but determined not to show it.

Keonhee nodded, expression pitying… as if he already knew the only way this could end.

Ravn was going to wipe out the varkolaks.

It was now or never. Their time of months had turned to seconds in the blink of an eye.

Because they either played their last card now… or they hid for the rest of their lives. And that was never an option.

They would die at Ravn’s hand as their true selves… or they would see a future where they lived as themselves freely. And this was the moment that tipped a scale.

The others nodded their consent. And Leedo saw them beginning to walk closer, expressions grim but accepting.

This was their moment.

Leedo caught Ravn’s hand, holding it tightly when he automatically tried to pull away, turning to glare at Leedo, a threat in his eyes that remained unspoken-

Leedo felt numb. But also like lightning was pumping through him. He was shaking, but he couldn’t feel anything. He was so, so terrified, but he couldn’t feel anything.

He stared at Ravn… and they both felt nothing. Grief and fear made them numb.

It made them willing to risk everything… just for a moment where the pain would fade.

“If you’re going to kill every varkolak…”

Ravn frowned.

Leedo felt bile burning at the back of his throat.

He felt his blood warm with biology and instinct. He blinked slowly, holding his eyes closed as his eyes burned.

When he opened them, Ravn paled.

For a brief moment, anger was forgotten as his expression went slack, pale, and horrified, all mixed with confusion and fear.

The red of his irises always felt like warm water had replaced his blood.

“You’re going to have to start with us,” Leedo whispered, feeling his blood cool and his skin pale.

He didn’t transform completely. But his eyes glowed red- visible in the darkness- as his skin turned white and veins stood out. The ache in his hands as his nail elongated slightly, teeth sharpening…

Ravn didn’t move.

He stared as if he were standing inside a waking nightmare.

The sort of face that came from an utter overload of information, a disconnect of the mind… the sort that questioned your sanity and reality.

Leedo felt an odd sense of calm fall over him, heavy and suffocating.

This was it.

There was nothing else. This was what it had all been leading up to. This was all they could do. This was their final move.

Everything fell into fate’s hands.

“… U… Us,” Ravn breathed, voice tiny and wispy, inaudible like he had mouthed it.

Leedo didn’t move, too afraid of breaking whatever spell that had kept Ravn from running.

This was the truth, finally coming out. Leedo wanted to crumple and sob. He wanted to turn back time and change everything.

He wanted to give up his future if it meant staying with Ravn and having Sonhae still alive. Because Leedo was selfish… and cruel.

And Ravn stared at him as if he were a stranger. A monster.

“Ravn.”

The prince jumped, jerking his arm free of Leedo as he clutched his wrist to his chest protectively, turning and stumbling, as if his knees were about to give way. It took everything for Leedo not to reach out to him.

The others had broken into their little bubble, now. A row of four glowing eyes staring at Ravn silently, guilt and determination and pity settled into their pale skin.

This was their truth.

“Y… You…” Ravn couldn’t quite speak, staring at them all, his eyes wide and his hands shaking and his skin ashen…

Leedo didn’t want to force him to speak.

“I’m sorry,” Leedo whispered, making Ravn whip around to stare at him, like he didn’t want to keep his back to him.

Leedo hadn’t even felt the urge to cry, but when he blinked, he felt hot tears drip.

“I’m sorry, Ravn,” he breathed as Ravn stared at him… the betrayal and fear there… “We… we can explain everything-“

“You….” Ravn stepped away until he could keep both groups in his eyes at once, as if he suddenly didn’t trust his backs to be to them. “You all…” His eyes flickered back and forth with the franticness of disbelief. “You were… turned-“

“No,” Leedo murmured, the others remaining silent as they watched, ready to speak when needed. “We’ve always been this,” he whispered, watching as Ravn’s eyes finally seemed to comprehend what he was seeing. “Since the beginning… since we were born… This is who we are, Ravn.”

“No…”

“We hid… Made ourselves look like humans… But since the beginning… we have always been varkolaks,” Leedo whispered, voice growing thick the more Ravn shook his head, refusing to believe it-

He looked to the others and back to Leedo, looking ill.

“You can’t… That’s not possible,” he whispered, fear mingling with anger that tried to flicker back into existence, disgust and rage-

“It’s a long story, Ravn… with a lot that needs to be understood,” Leedo murmured, his claws and teeth and skin changing back, leaving just red irises staring into the darkness helplessly. “We’ll tell you everything, Ravn,” he promised weakly. “We’ll explain it all-“

“No.”

This was not disbelieving. It wasn’t horrified or numb.

It was solid and dark and damning.

Ravn’s fear faded as he stepped away from them again, eyes flickering around them all.

“No,” he repeated, a bit breathless as he shook his head, betrayal and anger finally finding something to cling to. “No, I don’t care- I don’t care what you have to say,” he hissed weakly, eyes lingering on Leedo.

They flickered- as if he was trying to reconcile the person he had chosen to cherish… with a monster.

“Ravn,” Seoho tried to speak, voice softer than Leedo had heard in all the years they had known each other-

They all jumped at the sound of a blade being drawn, Ravn standing before them with his sword out, held out with hatred in his eyes.

The anger… had morphed to hatred.

His hand on his blade shook as he looked between them.

“Not another word,” he hissed, voice trembling despite the absolute disgust painted there. Leedo was sure that if he had enough room for more emotions than hatred, he might have been crying, his eyes shaking.

They all stood still, their features retracting slowly back to human.

Ravn stared at them like they were nothing but strangers. Monsters…

In the end, it hadn’t mattered… had it?

“Drop your swords,” Ravn breathed, teeth gritting when his voice came out weakly. His grip reaffirmed on the sword that kept shaking. “All of you!” he snapped, nearly breaking.

Leedo didn’t bother wondering how Ravn thought they would attack. Or that taking their swords would really make a difference… He lifted his hands slowly, Ravn’s eyes flashing to him at the movement.

But Leedo simply moved slowly, unlooping the belt around his waist and holding up his sheathed sword.

He threw it to the ground, far enough away to be a surrender.

There was a moment of silence before the others followed, all discarding their weapons, though Ravn was still glaring bitterly at Leedo.

“We are not a threat to you, Ravn,” Leedo murmured, making Ravn jerk forward, a threat.

“Shut up.”

“We are still the same people you’ve known for a decade-“

“I said _shut up_!” he snapped, taking another step, eyes sharp and wet as he sneered, betrayal overtaking hatred for a moment-

And Leedo got a firsthand view of how shattered Ravn was inside.

“The only thing we ever hid from you was our physical appearance,” Leedo went on, speaking over Ravn’s shout, ignoring the sword aimed at him. There wasn’t much point in worrying about choices at the moment. “Everything you know about us is true. We are everything you’ve always known-“

When the tip of Ravn’s sword pressed to his chest, hard enough to threaten to pierce through the leather of his vest, Leedo fell silent.

But fear still wasn’t there.

There was still a peace there. And he knew that it showed on his face- that calm- by how twisted Ravn’s expression became, agony and betrayal and hatred and a million shattered pieces now that he had lost _everything._

“If you say another word,” Ravn hissed through clenched teeth, both hands holding his sword so tightly, it shook against Leedo’s chest, “I’ll cut your heart out.”

There were no physical tears in Ravn’s eyes.

But Leedo stared at them calmly, wondering where this peace had been all these years. Maybe it was the freedom of knowing that this was it. There was nothing else they could do.

Either Ravn would kill them or he wouldn’t. There wasn’t anything they could do. So Leedo may as well say all the things he never could for years… so many years…

“Your Highness?” a voice called from a distance, making all of them turn sharply. At a distance, a knight- Gohyun- stood, looking concerned. “We… heard shouting, Your Highness-“

“Get the guards,” Ravn ordered, voice as dark as night as he continued to glare at Leedo with such contempt, it made his stomach roll. “Seize these five.”

Leedo’s chest clenched, waiting for Ravn to reveal them. Once he did, Leedo wasn’t sure if the five of them could fight there way through an army of knights and guards trying to kill. He wondered if he could get the others to run before the fight started… maybe give them a head start-

“Y-Your Highness?” Gohyun questioned, eyes widening as he drew closer, taking in the sight of Ravn holding another knight at the tip of his sword. These knights that he _knew-_ they had trained together since before Sonhae’s birth. “Your Highness, what are you-“

“Do it, Gohyun,” Seoho said, hands held open at his sides to show surrender, Gohyun staring at him as if the entire world was falling. Seoho nodded calmly, expression grim. “We’re traitors. Go get the others-“

“I do not need your help,” Ravn snapped, turning dark eyes onto Seoho, though his sword remained against Leedo’s chest, trembling. “Say another word, and I’ll cut your head where you stand,” he hissed, lips twisting.

Seoho merely nodded, staying silent as Gohyun slowly backed away, hesitating for only another moment before racing back towards the others, calling for their aid.

“Is the sword necessary?” Hwanwoong asked quietly, hands raised nonthreateningly, looking distastefully at the way the sword piercing Leedo’s armor. “We’re unarmed. We aren’t even fighting you-“

“ _Shut… up_ ,” Ravn hissed, though this one came out as more of a plea than a threat, though there was still so much pain and anger there.

He didn’t look at any of them, clearly reeling.

Leedo wanted to say something. Some sort of comfort, an apology, an explanation…

“I have one request,” Leedo murmured, the sound of the knights rushing through the tree growing louder.

He flinched when Ravn pushed the sword hard enough to break skin, making Leedo stiffen. “ _You_ do not get to speak,” he hissed bitterly, brokenly, glaring at Leedo through eyes clouded with agony. “You do not get to request a damned _thing_ from me-“

“Don’t kill us without listening,” Leedo whispered, unminding of the sword which only seemed to make Ravn more desperate. “If the past decade ever meant anything… If _we_ ever meant anything to you… give us this.”

Xion was the first one grabbed, a startled cry as he was forced to his knees, ropes tied around his wrists that were being forced behind his back.

Ravn dropped his sword, making the sting sharper. He stared at Leedo with abhorrence.

“You’re the one who destroyed a decade,” Ravn muttered, loathing coating his words. “And I take no blame for anything that comes from that betrayal.”

Keonhee and Hwanwoong were forced to their knees, no one fighting as Xion was blindfolded as well, given that their bindings were limited.

“Do not hurt them,” Leedo ordered, voice hardening as Seoho was also forced down, two guards rushing towards him.

“What authority do you think you have to order that?” Ravn snapped lowly, lowering his sword completely as Leedo was grabbed and forced to his knees, a silent gasp catching as they bent him, wrenching his wounds.

Leedo looked up, though, and met Ravn’s cold eyes.

“Empathy,” he panted as rough rope dug into his wrists painfully tight, his back burning with the position. “Humanity.”

“Do not speak of humanity,” Ravn spat, stabbing the tip of his sword into the dirt angrily-

“Look me in the eyes and tell me we never had humanity!” Leedo snapped, jerking his head away when they tried to blindfold him. “Tell me every moment we shared wasn’t humanity-“

Hands grabbed him on either side of his head, holding it still as he glared up at Ravn.

“Tell me that we aren’t the proof of what I told you!” Leedo demanded, a rough strip of cloth forced over his eyes, but he could still hear everything. Ravn breathing, the men muttering, the rough sound of clothing. “Tell me you can look at us and call us _mindless-_ “

It wasn’t Ravn. This, Leedo knew because he didn’t hear Ravn move.

But a fist struck him his temple, hard enough to have him topple, landing hard on the dirt with how much his abdomen burned and ached, the hole in his side throbbing as the earth spun for how hard he was hit-

He heard one of the others yell his name- it sounded like Keonhee, but Leedo was trying to force his head to stop spinning.

It wasn’t until this moment that he realized just how weak he was. He’d woken up only hours ago and hadn’t stopped since then, ignoring and numbing the messages from his body that he was pushing himself too hard. The running, the riding, the anger, the way his lungs suddenly seemed as if they weren’t getting enough air-

The world kept spinning, making him feel as if he were about to be sick as he curled around the wound on his stomach-

“-the hells is wrong with you!” he heard Hwanwoong shouting. “He’s not even recovered from before! He’s already bound- What the _hell_ do you think you’re accomplishing-“

Hwanwoong suddenly cut off, and for a moment, Leedo was afraid they had struck him, too.

But when the spinning stopped, he realizing he had fallen unconscious.

Once again… he couldn’t tell if he was grateful to stop having to think… or if he was terrified to lose connection with reality.

He didn’t get time to decide before the world seemed to flip and he was slipping into a dark ocean of unawareness.

~~~~~~~~~~

Leedo awoke smelling dirt.

For a moment, he didn’t move, unsure of what his surroundings were. He shifted ever so slightly and found himself still tied up, his body laying on its side with his hands bound behind his back.

When he opened his eyes, he found only darkness behind his blindfold.

His head ached and his body burned, but he didn’t move, breathing in the scent of dirt, but through the earthy musk, he could smell the others… as well as a foreign scent nearby.

He heard them breathing- able to recognize each of their patterns and pitches of breath. They were nearby- within three meters, scattered behind and around him, silent. He could also hear someone in front of him- a foreign breather who was standing, he realized, as opposed to the others who sounded as if they may be sitting on the ground.

Leedo swallowed, wondering if he should continue to feign unconsciousness.

He didn’t hear any panicked breathing, but each sound was even and calculated, as if purposefully forcing themselves to be calm.

He took a deep breath, nose wrinkled as flecks of earth tried to enter, and he coughed quietly, turning his face away to breathe freely-

The sound of a sword being drawn reached his ears as he half-rolled onto his back, unable to go fully without crushing his arms.

“Oh, stop it,” Seoho’s scolding voice sounded directly behind Leedo. “What damage do you think he’ll do?” he scoffed. “Put the damned weapon away- Do we look like threats at the moment?”

Leedo would have smirked at such boldness in such a situation, if not for his heart trying to find a rhythm that would not force him into a panic. His eyes flickered around, despite being unable to see.

The guard or knight standing before them made an annoyed noise, the weapon sheathing loudly. “We may have been friends before, but you’ve admitted to being traitors,” he muttered, stepping closer to Leedo, who stiffened.

Based on the voice, it was Hayoon- a knight they had interacted with regularly around the castle.

“So shut up,” he threatened, sounding just next to Leedo. “Before I have to hurt you.”

“Until we attack you, you cannot touch us without the prince’s command,” Hwanwoong reminded him, voice tinged bitter.

Had Ravn been here before? Had he spoken with the rest of them?

Leedo braced himself for the guard’s touch, but he still stiffened as a rough hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him upward in an awkward sitting position. “Stand,” Hayoon ordered, gripping Leedo’s arm and pulling him upward sharply.

He stumbled to his feet as best he could with how sore and stiff his body was from laying in one position, the knight already dragging him over somewhere- in the direction that the others were. Leedo forced his legs to function, though one was half asleep-

“Wait.”

Even had the knight not stopped where he stood, Leedo would have frozen in place as Ravn’s dark voice sounded behind them.

His stomach dropped as his heart stalled, the entire world seeming to come to a screeching halt at a single word as the knight turned, dragging Leedo with him.

Leedo was sure he was facing Ravn directly, but he could see nothing. He could hear him, though. Deep, even breaths and boots that shifted on the leafy ground.

“Your Highness?” Hayoon questioned, looking for his next direction.

Leedo turned his face to where he was sure Ravn was standing, though his eyes were covered completely.

There was a long moment of silence where Ravn’s breathing turned slightly harsher, as if emotions were mounting.

“Don’t tie him up,” Ravn ordered, voice so flat and detached, it made Leedo’s muscles seize. “Leave him there.”

The knight didn’t hesitate on this direction, pushing on Leedo’s shoulders until he fell to his knees on the dirt, not even wincing at the jarring impact as he continue to stare at Ravn without seeing.

He didn’t know what he was hoping for, what he was expecting… but they weren’t dead yet. That had to mean something.

But Leedo felt no hope. That little butterfly of warmth that would beat in his chest… there was nothing left but an empty glass container covered in moss.

The knight stepped away from Leedo, who remained immobile and silent.

“Leave and join the others,” Ravn ordered, his footsteps approaching in Leedo’s direction.

“But Your Highness,” Hayoon said, sounding shocked-

“That wasn’t a request.”

Leedo forced himself not to shift as Ravn approached and the knight scampered off like a frightened dog at the sharp tone that sounded like a dagger being revealed from beneath a cloak.

Ravn continued moving forward, each and every one of them silent, as if a single sound might break some thread holding everything together. A cold aura settled across them all as he approached.

When he was close enough, Leedo lifted his head, staring up at where Ravn’s face would be. He didn’t know if he was wishing for discomfort from the prince or pity or… or maybe just an understanding of regret.

Because Leedo did regret it. Not what they did, not what they fought for… but for Ravn’s part in it.

He regretted the pain that had gathered inside of Ravn… and for what it made him think he needed to do.

Leedo considered speaking first, when Ravn remained silent at length, but he held his tongue, knowing that the only thing he could say was an endless apology, and that was not what Ravn wanted or needed at the moment.

So he waited to see what Ravn did want.

He heard the rustle of clothing, a finger slipping beneath his blindfold and tearing it off.

He blinked, expecting to find sunlight, but it was still the pitch black of night- the moon far enough along on its path in the sky that it barely aided them with any light.

In the dim lighting of the stars and the sensitivity of his eyes, Leedo took in his entire surroundings.

They weren’t at the camp, and he saw no campfire shining at a distance. Were they away from the site? He strained his ears and heard nothing else but Hayoon’s retreating footsteps.

From his peripheral, he saw Keonhee and Xion tied to trees- their arms pinned at their sides and blindfolded, though neither seemed harmed or fearful.

He could hear the others behind him, and assumed they were in the same position.

His stomach twisted at the thought. That in a single night, they had lost everything within their friendships.

None of it was more sickening than looking up into Ravn’s eyes that stared down with such contempt… Leedo truly couldn’t see the person he once followed.

It felt like looking at a stranger.

“Show me,” he ordered flatly.

Ravn’s quiet, sneering tone met Leedo’s ears like metal screeching painfully.

And Leedo did not ask what Ravn was asking for.

He blinked, feeling that sensation of warmth, his eyes glowing red as he stared up in the darkness.

Ravn’s impassive expression tensed, lips curling in a disgusted sneer.

“You lied to me.”

Leedo didn’t flinch at the sound of his voice, staring back at Ravn in equal impassiveness, though he was sure there was more than enough to read in his eyes.

“We did,” he answered back, steady and quiet, almost a whisper.

Ravn crushed the blindfold in his hand, fist shaking, his entire countenance warping in anger despite no visible change taking over. “You admit it?” he demanded lowly, speaking slow and even, though Leedo could tell he was anything but composed.

Leedo… was tired. But not so tired as to finish tearing down what he’d already destroyed. He didn’t want to keep causing Ravn pain, no matter how much he wished this whole thing would be over.

But there was no more reason to lie. No more reasons to hide. And even if it hurt, Ravn deserved the truth now, more than anything else.

“Is there anything to deny?” Leedo asked tiredly, not moving as he met Ravn’s eyes. “We lied to you, Ravn. There is nothing to deny there.”

This was the helplessness. The fact that it was all out of his hands. All he could do was tell what they had done… and hope that it ended quickly.

He hoped that Ravn could see he was sorry.

Ravn stared at him, anger hiding hurt. “Do you regret none of it?” he muttered, glaring sharper as his fist shook-

“I regret all of it,” Leedo assured him quietly, eyes earnest. “That does not change the fact that it happened… but I’m _sorry,_ Ravn,” he pressed, throat tight. “I’m sorry that this is how it happened. I regret all of it-“

He stopped.

Ravn looked prepared to turn away, maybe scoffing in disgust.

But Leedo swallowed. “That’s a lie,” he rasped, shaking his head to take back his words, tongue heavy as he stared up at Ravn. “I don’t regret all of it.”

Something darker flashed in Ravn’s eyes-

“I regret every part that caused you pain,” Leedo affirmed, nodding slowly, voice thick. “I regret that we had to hide, and I regret how you found out.” He swallowed. “I regret that I couldn’t share my real burdens with you like you shared yours with me.”

“Don’t you _dare-_ “ 

“I don’t regret coming to you.”

Ravn fell silent, as if Leedo had slapped a hand over his mouth.

Leedo was honestly waiting for his sword to be drawn again.

But by God, Leedo had waited a decade to say exactly what he thought, and he was going to say it.

For once in his damned life, he wanted to say the truth.

“I don’t regret knowing you… or learning to trust you,” he said before Ravn could interrupt with an outburst. “I don’t regret the time I spent with you- I only regret that we had to hide and lie to you.”

Ravn did scoff this time, rolling his eyes as he turned away, as if the idea was ridiculous and laughable-

“So everything these liars told me?” Ravn demanded, eyes casting over the others in the back. “All this talk of peace and futures… That’s the only piece of truth in this? You spend decades _lying_ and hiding-“

So the others had already told part of their story.

“The only thing we hid from you was our physical appearance and our purpose,” Leedo said, louder to speak over Ravn’s indifference and anger. He leaned forward, straining his arms behind his back. “Everything you knew us as, everything we promised you, everything we were- that was not a lie, Ravn-“

“Not a lie?” Ravn hissed, whipping back around to glare, storming back over until he stood above Leedo once more. “Name a single way you could have _ever_ told the truth-“

“Our loyalty was to you- We _trusted_ you-“

“You _used_ me,” Ravn snapped, fists clenching, looking as if nothing would bring him peace but striking Leedo.

And Leedo saw the anger bleeding into aching.

“You had an agenda to fill,” he hissed, hurt and pain bleeding into his eyes, despite the anger in his countenance. “I was a means to an end-“

“You were the _only_ way,” Leedo fought, sitting up further, still retrained. “There was one way to stop the bloodshed, and it was _you._ That does not negate everything that happened to us- We may have arrived thinking that we were only here to create our future, but that _changed,_ Ravn-“

“I don’t _care_ what changed-“

“You _have_ to care,” Leedo pressed, not quite a beg. He had never felt so calm, yet so out of control. “Because you cannot understand where we stand now if you don’t understand that it has long, long since stopped being about creating our future-“

“I don’t care-“

“I wanted you _happy._ ”

Ravn recoiled as if he’d struck him.

Leedo stared him down, hoping that Ravn could see every part of the turmoil inside of him. “Long before you ever confessed to me, I swore that I would see you safe and content before I ever thought about seeing you on the throne.“

He swallowed, tasting dirt and iron.

“I was prepared to give up that future if it meant you were happy-“ 

“You knew how I felt about you,” the prince hissed, making Leedo pause. His teeth ground together while his hands shook. “You knew, and you still-“ He took a sharp breath. “You _used_ me-“

“He didn’t.”

Leedo couldn’t stop himself from looking away, head whipping to Seoho behind him- Ravn looking over just as sharply as Seoho’s lips turned down, maybe anger or maybe distaste.

“We couldn’t speak freely with you,” Seoho told him firmly, eyes hidden behind his blindfold, but that didn’t seem to faze him in the slightest. “But he told us what he couldn’t tell you. And the only reason he ever hesitated after you confessed… was because he was so utterly repulsed by the idea of using you.”

“He did-“

“Caring for you while following you towards our future is different from pretending to care for you _because_ you’re the key to our future,” Seoho said sharply, snapping in a way that he had never at Ravn. “Pledging our loyalty because you happen to be part of our future is different from manipulating you into choices that would benefit us. We never manipulated you, Ravn. We only spoke the truth.”

“Leedo-“

“He couldn’t tell you everything,” Seoho snapped, voice tense. “We had weights we couldn’t share with you, but his emotions towards you were _always_ true. Do you honestly think Leedo is capable of-“

“I never thought any of you were capable of something like this,” he hissed angrily, turning away from Seoho, shaking his head. “Do you honestly think that this is something that can be reasoned away?” he demanded, voice rising. “You used and lied to me for _years_ -“

“We were being hunted like _animals,_ Ravn,” Leedo snapped, making the prince turn to him, eyes blazing. “Varkolaks were nothing but beasts to humans- Would have stood by if it was your race being threatened with extinction?”

“You’ve only proved everything that we’ve ever accused varkolaks of,” Ravn said darkly, eyes flickering across them all. “Manipulative-“

“Mindless?” Leedo accused sharply, making Ravn look to him. “Are we mindless, Ravn?” he demanded, jerking his head to the others. “Do we seem uncontrollably murderous to you? The very existence of our betrayal is proof that you’re wrong about them-“

“Sonhae is dead!” Ravn yelled, voice echoing through the trees.

Leedo flinched, the name cutting through his chest-

“Oh, do not act as if you were not _waiting_ for his death,” Ravn snarled, shaking his head in disbelief. “They admitted that you all needed me on the throne- Sonhae was an obstacle in your way! You probably rejoiced in my father’s death-“

Leedo would have laughed if Ravn were not so deathly serious.

“ _Never_ , Ravn-“

“Did you let him die?” Ravn hissed, eyes hardening to hide the pain there. His voice dropped to a mere whisper. “Did you let Sonhae die-“

“We cared for Sonhae just as much as you did!” Leedo snapped, indignation flaring as he rose to kneel up, head tilting to glare up at Ravn. “Sonhae was an innocent child- We protected him as ardently as we ever swore to-“

“He was standing between you and your future,” Ravn hissed, stepping forward. “I don’t care how long you bided your time, you eventually needed him gone!“

“We agreed we would _never_ let him die for us,” Leedo fought, wrist tugging weakly. 

“Are you forgetting why Leedo is currently injured?” Hwanwoong snapped, the sound of bark flying from the tree as he yanked on his bound hands, lips twisting in anger. “Are you forgetting the number of times he nearly died for Sonhae? Hours ago, he was on the brink of death-”

“Intended or not, you _benefited_ from his death!” he accused, voice wavering dangerously as his glare slashed across them all. “Whether you planned it or not, you wanted this-“

“I would have died for him,” Leedo hissed, gut twisting, legs shifting with the urge to stand, to equal out their footing because…

Ravn could hate them for their lies. He could toss them aside for their betrayal.

But Leedo would never… never be able to leave behind the weight of Sonhae’s death.

Ravn stared down at him, cold but not unaffected.

Were there not anger to stop him, Leedo was sure he would have seen his tears fall.

Sonhae’s death was not a callus on Ravn’s soul. It was a tender, aching wound that he was violently trying to protect from further pain.

“I would have died for Sonhae- I _tried_ to die for him,” Leedo snapped, wishing he could move, wishing for a way that Ravn could read his mind. “I _thought_ I had died for him- I thought I had succeeded in keeping him safe-“

“You were the reason he was in danger,” he uttered thickly. “ _Your_ kind-“

“I would have killed as many of my kind as it took to protect him!” Leedo shouted, heart wrenching. “I would have killed as many humans as it took- because Sonhae was innocent! We swore he would never become a pawn in our game! He was never a sacrifice we were willing to make-“

“But I was?” Ravn accused in a whisper, voice failing halfway through.

Leedo couldn’t see well enough in the dark. But the prince’s voice was thick.

“You weren’t a sacrifice,” Xion fought, voice quieter and weaker than it usually was. “You were a puzzle piece. We did nothing to bring you to the throne- We killed no one and wished death on no one. We simply were told to be near you, that we would be necessary for you when the time came.”

“What time?” Ravn demanded. “The only way I could have ever come to the throne was at Sonhae’s death-“

“Sonhae’s death wasn’t necessary for us,” Keonhee said, voice a weak whisper that was weighted and pained. “You were set to take the throne temporarily until he was old enough. _We_ had no need for him to die.”

“Who else-“

“Fate is not kind, Ravn,” Seoho told him darkly, anger still staining his voice. “We were placed in a position to kill countless of our own kind, all for the sliver of a chance we might see a future that was no longer needed. We were taunted with a child we could easily kill and bring you to the throne through… We didn’t. We cut off every easy chance we were presented-“

“He’s still-“

“And we did that-“ Seoho continued, speaking over him loudly, “because we weren’t willing to turn you and Sonhae into pawns. We always knew we wouldn’t sacrifice anyone for our future. Fate was the one who threw us all to the dogs again and again-“

“It doesn’t matter what label you place on it,” Ravn scoffed, fist clenching. “The end result remains the same.”

“Does it _look_ as if I am rejoicing at Sonhae’s death?” Leedo accused, earning Ravn’s anger turned to him. He glared back. “Do you think I would be so desperate to protect him if I desired him to die? Do you not think that an innocent boy’s death will not haunt us-”

“Do not speak of haunting,” Ravn hissed, storming closer to Leedo aggressively, fists shaking and eyes blazing. “Do not act as if you will ever mourn him like I could-“

“We cared for him-“

“You _wanted_ this-“

“We wanted _peace, Ravn_ ,” he cried, shaking his head. “ _That was all we ever wanted-_ ”

“He’s still _dead,_ ” Ravn spat through gritted teeth, and when he turned, Leedo saw the damp on his cheeks. His voice dropped to a harsh whisper. “Regardless of your intent, your actions- Sonhae is _dead._ Fate or not, you were involved and my brother is _dead-_ “ 

“I would have traded my life,” Leedo pressed, fists clenching behind his back as he stared at Ravn helplessly. “From the moment I knew, Ravn, I cursed the fact that I couldn’t die for him- I wanted to die for him, Ravn, because he did not deserve to die- and you did not deserve to lose another-”

Ravn laughed, weak and wet and rough. “Don’t act like you ever cared-“

“I would have traded my life to spare you that,” Leedo hissed, chest twisting violently. “I told you, Ravn- I wanted you free of burdens before I ever wanted you on the throne. I would have rather died inside this war than hurt you to end it. I would have given my life for Sonhae without thought-“

The sound of a blade being drawn made the others tense, pressing closer despite their bindings-

Leedo stared down the length of Ravn’s blade that pressed to his chest twice in one evening.

Leedo didn’t move as Ravn glared down at him, teeth bared in agony and grief.

“You would trade your life?” he hissed, accusing and damning-

Leedo swallowed around his dry throat, eyes unwavering. “I won’t stop you from killing me,” he murmured, voice low and gentle. “But it won’t bring Sonhae back.”

Ravn’s hand twitched, pressing closer.

“The same way killing a hundred, a thousand varkolaks won’t bring him back,” he whispered, voice catching. “The only way that children like Sonhae will stop dying… is when this bloodshed ends.”

“It _ends_ when I’ve killed the last of you monsters-“

“No,” Leedo whispered, shaking his head slowly. “The only thing that will do is make a thousand more innocents die.” 

Ravn growled, his grip tightening on the sword as if he were about to run Leedo through. He felt it pressing harder, sharp tip reaching skin.

“We always knew… that there was a chance we would die when we revealed ourselves,” Leedo murmured, surprised by how even his voice came out. “We were prepared for that, Ravn. We have always been prepared to die for our future… for peace.”

He swallowed, wincing when the sword pricked skin.

“But our own lives were the only ones we ever gambled with,” he pressed quietly. “We were prepared to die for our future, and we were prepared to die for you and Sonhae… if it meant keeping you safe.”

“You have all the proof you need, Ravn,” Hwanwoong said quietly, voice a little unsteady. “Our actions of the last decade… You can’t let grief make you turn a blind eye to those. You can’t dismiss everything you know of us just because it doesn’t align with the story you want to assign-“

“You all lied,” Ravn repeated, as if it were a shield he was clinging to. “You lied and Sonhae is dead-“

“Will it make you feel better if I die?” Leedo asked softly, Ravn’s eyes snapping back to him.

From here… he saw more tears clouding his eyes.

“We’ve told you everything,” he murmured, glancing down at the silver blade to his chest. “I have no more defenses, Ravn. If killing me will bring you peace… I won’t stop you.”

He tilted his head back without losing sight of Ravn, exposing his throat.

Ravn stared at him with a million emotions flooding over his cheeks. Grief and pain and anger and regret and hatred and betrayal-

Leedo could feel the sword trembling. 

“But I need you to understand one thing,” Leedo said quietly, having to look down to see Ravn. He wet his lips that were cracked. “I cherished you, Ravn.”

A pained gasp was cut off as Leedo flinched, the silver of the blade burning his chest when it shifted forward like a threat.

Leedo’s head dropped, breathing shallowly through the pain.

“Whatever you may think we lied about… I never lied about that,” he hissed, swallowing thickly. “Think what you want, but do not think I ever twisted that. I knew that I would lose it one day, and I’m sorry.”

He looked up, but Ravn’s face was hidden in the shadows with the stars backlighting him.

“I was selfish,” he confessed quietly. “I should have rejected your confession and only given you that much pain. But… I was selfish. And I wanted to have that for as long as I could-“

“Shut up,” Ravn hissed.

His voice was shaking too much to properly conceal the tear Leedo saw sink into the earth.

“I’m sorry,” Leedo repeated…

The pain of claws through his chest… had been nothing compared to the muscle slowly tearing itself apart as he felt the tremors of Ravn’s hand travel down the blade.

“I should have spared you that… and if I could do it over, I would, but…”

He wanted to stop.

But he wanted to be selfish one last time. To say the things he always wanted to say.

“But I don’t regret it,” he said, and he sounded fearless when he said it, but he felt anything but. “I don’t regret being with you, even if I ruined it all in the end. Because for a time… I was happy. And I know you were, too.”

The clearing was silent, even the sounds of the others shifting around quieting down until Leedo felt as if he’d gone deaf.

Ravn was silent, his expression hidden but his hands trembling on the sword that began to waver.

Leedo didn’t raise his hopes, waiting for the sting in his chest to become a burn that ate him alive.

He wondered if he could bargain for the others… If killing him would buy them time to escape or maybe sate the prince’s need for revenge.

Leedo wished it had gone another way.

He wished that Ravn was not facing down yet another pain, yet another burden, yet another thing being taken from him. Were it up to Leedo, Ravn wouldn’t lose them.

Were it up to him, he would stay at Ravn’s side.

He would stand and push the blade away. He would embrace Ravn because he wasn’t angry, he wasn’t insane… He was grieving. He was pained. He was at a breaking point of his world falling apart and being helpless to do anything about it.

Leedo wanted to be able to hold him up again. To let Ravn collapse under the weight until enough of it had bled away for him to be able to stand again.

But Leedo… would also die, if it meant Ravn got some semblance of peace. Even if it was a half-peace. A lie of peace. A temporary peace.

Because they had hurt him. They had taken the last pillar of his life and knocked it down.

But that didn’t mean Leedo didn’t wish for one more moment of that short-lived happiness.

Because here, at the end of it all, he wanted to be selfish.

He was going to say… what he wanted to say.

“Don’t… keep me as a burden,” Leedo whispered, staring up at Ravn, throat tightening dangerously.

He had a moment to speak this time.

He would not waste it.

“Whether I would be nothing to you or a ghost that would haunt you for the rest of your life… don’t,” he requested weakly. “You can put me down, Ravn. Don’t keep me as another burden.” 

The sword dipped, removed from Leedo’s chest for a moment before trying to right itself. It didn’t touch him this time, merely hovering an inch from his chest.

“I want you to live without burdens, Ravn,” he whispered, eyes burning. “And the path you’re so desperate to take… will not leave you at peace. So please… I can’t ask it for myself… but for the sake of your future that I am no longer a part of…” He swallowed. “Please…live without burdens.”

He heard a leaf flutter from a tree.

He blinked slowly, the sound of a sword tip hitting the dirt stabbing at his ears. 

When he opened his eyes, Ravn was several feet away, his sword limp at his side as his head was bowed, eyes hidden in darkness.

Leedo didn’t breathe.

“Go,” Ravn breathed, voice ragged and tired and broken.

He lifted his sword with difficulty, sheathing it slowly.

“If I ever see you within this kingdom again,” he whispered, tight and pained and broken, “I will kill you myself.”

Ravn’s back turned to them, head still hung low, fists shaking.

“Never… _Never_ let me see your faces again,” he hissed lowly. “I don’t care what you do… but the next time I see you… I _will_ kill you.”

Leedo breathed in, his lungs seeming to stick together like he had inhaled honey-

Ravn walked away.

The only sound was his boots against the dying leaves, every echo growing more and more distant with every step.

Leedo thought that it was painful to have his heart twisting and ripping and clenching… but the hollow, cold cavern currently sitting in his chest was suddenly a hundredfold worse.

He was shaking.

His breathing was uneven.

He stared into the darkness, but he saw no signs of anyone. He listened, but all he heard was his own frantic, ragged breaths as Ravn disappeared.

He forced himself to his feet, legs shaking with strain and weakness.

There was no victory here. For anyone.

No one spoke. Leedo tried to walk- either forwards or backwards- but his knee buckled, barely able to save himself before he fell, locking his legs.

He felt like he was suddenly sitting on one end of a scale with nothing to counter his weight. He was just sitting, staring up at a blank platform.

He… was alone. 

They… were alone. 

He heard the sounds of the others snapping their bindings effortlessly, sighing as their arms were freed, taking unsteady steps away from the trees they had been bound to.

Leedo didn’t have the strength to try and free himself.

And Leedo never realized the rain began until he blinked and hot droplets flooded down his cheeks.

It hurt, to be helpless.

It hurt even worse… to be left behind.

He laughed at himself, at the thought that they ever could have faced a best-case scenario. He cursed the part of himself that had always clung to hope, that had believed they might reveal themselves and be able to work through their pasts.

They were not dead.

Ravn had not killed them.

Was that the best they could have ever hoped for? Was their future nothing but a fever dream they’d been thrown into the impossible chase of? Was this what the fates were so desperate to bring them to?

Was “not dead” all they were ever going to be capable of?

Was this why fate had kept him alive?

Leedo was no stranger to the fact that living would always be infinitely more painful than death.

And a life alone… was the worst pain of all.

He just wondered what any of them- Ravn included- had ever done to deserve it.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Is it wise to stay in the kingdom?”

Leedo stared numbly at the wall, a blanket pulled up over his shoulders where he lay, his back to the room.

He heard Keonhee drinking tea, the scent of lavender and honey filling the cabin. “The only place we have to go is the North,” he murmured around the hot liquid, voice uncharacteristically heavy and muted. “There’s nowhere outside the kingdom for us.”

“We either die here or somewhere else,” Seoho muttered, probably still folded over the table, lay his head down heavily. “Maybe we’ll move on, but… Not now.”

Leedo didn’t need to see to know Seoho was looking to him.

“Stay as long as you need,” Dongmyeong assured them, trying for gentle and hospitable, but his voice was too weighted with the recounting of events. He was still sitting in the corner with Xion, forcing his brother to drink a calming tea, no matter how the other tried to avoid it like a picky child. “There’s enough protection here for you.”

“You’re lucky to have escaped with your lives,” Harin murmured unhelpfully, the statement followed by an offended yelp when Giwook swatted at him.

There was the sound of something crackling with flames and then the scent of burning herbs filled the space.

“Kanghyun, is now the time?” Dongmyeong demanded distastefully.

“There are twice as many auras right now,” he defended absently, as if not really paying attention. “And no offense, but their auras are twisted after everything from tonight.”

Dongmyeong clicked his tongue but said nothing.

The cabin was quiet- everyone scattered around, wrapped in blankets or drinking tea or resting their heads.

Leedo wished that sleep was faster coming. The cabin was warm, and nowhere else would ever feel as safe… but he was lucky to remember to breathe, much less relax enough to fall asleep and be free of the gaping wound in his chest.

The tea that Yonghoon had forced down his throat had tasted like burnt rice, but it had succeeded in taking away the aches and pains flooded through his body.

At least, the physical ones. 

“I think you’ve all done enough talking for the night,” Dongmyeong said, sounding like a mother trying to lay her children down. “You should rest.”

“Can you reread the future?” Hwanwoong asked suddenly, instead of complying, the sound of his chair creaking, as if he had straightened. “Now that… we’ve failed. What is in store?”

There was a long silence.

“That is a question for tomorrow,” Yonghoon answered on their behalf, walking around the cabin. “We won’t do any readings now… That shouldn’t be your priority at the moment.”

“Ravn is threatening to systematically wipe out varkolaks,” Xion reminded him bluntly, some fire back in his words. “I think that’s a pretty big priority.”

“It’s not a priority that will disappear in the next eight hours while you sleep,” Giwook assured them firmly. “Believe me, we know when readings are urgent. This one can wait until you’re all rested.”

Seoho sighed, sounding exasperated. “You witches like to think you’re mature.”

Kanghyun chuckled, like it was amusing. “We’re the balancing weight for the scales of nature and magic,” he reminded him. “I like to think that comes with a certain level of maturity.”

“How blasphemous is it to curse the fates in your presence?” Keonhee muttered, setting his cup down.

It didn’t really matter. Leedo had been doing it since he laid down in the bed Dongmyeong offered him.

“And you wonder why I’m burning so many things,” Kanghyun sighed, standing and walking to the fireplace again-

“Sleep,” Yonghoon ordered, moving quickly to stop Kanghyun from burning anything else. “The night will be over when you wake.”

The night would be over…

Leedo closed his eyes, but opened them again when all he saw was a tormented face obscured in shadows.

The nightmare however… it was only just beginning.

Or maybe it was simply never ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for more cliffhangers ㅠㅠ   
> I’m sorry for hurting you guys ㅠㅠ   
> But I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! I had too much fun writing it, and I’ve been waiting to get to the more plotty parts! 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought, lovelies~ 
> 
> I’ll try and have the next chapter up as soon as possible, but I’ve hit another busy spell, so fingers crossed!! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! I’ll see you in my next chapter!   
> -SS


	6. Struggle Under the Counterweights: The Ease of Anger Against the Pain of Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY, LOVELIES!!! >w<  
> I swear I never meant to take this long, but my workload just suddenly blindsided me and I had zero time to write for several days!!   
> However! I wrote 14k of this in the span of four hours, and I edited it super fast, so hopefully there’s no major errors!! 
> 
> I’m sorry for the wait, but I hope you guys can enjoy it anyway! Sorry to leave you for so long on such an evil part lol~ 
> 
> I’m really hoping that the next chapter won’t take so long!!   
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter!! I was so blown away by the comments on the last chapter- thank you guys so much!! 
> 
> Please enjoy! Stay safe, lovelies!   
> -SS

Leedo woke up, eyes staring sluggishly at the wooden planks that created the wall of the cabin.

He could feel Keonhee laying beside him, an arm pressed to the small of Leedo’s back as he tried to splay out in his usual animalistic pattern, impeded by Leedo presence.

Instead of shoving him away, Leedo paused, breathing deeply and closing his eyes, wishing to fall asleep again where everything was dark and he didn’t need to think.

It was quiet in the middle of the night.

The cabin was dim, only the glowing embers of the fire giving him light to see by.

Despite his turmoil, he took comfort in the presence and familiar sounds of peaceful breathing that filled the cabin, no longer strained with a need to be forcefully calm.

He rolled over slowly, taking a moment to stare at Keonhee with his face buried in his pillow, but lifted his eyes to quickly scan the sleeping cabin.

Dongmyeong and Yonghoon squeezed into one bed, Giwook and Kanghyun asleep on the floor, and the other two beds occupied by Xion and Hwanwoong curled together- the younger somehow able to disappear among Hwanwoong’s arms. Seoho slept alone on one, and by the time Leedo’s eyes reached him, he could see well enough in the dim lighting to see that Seoho was also awake.

Part of Leedo wanted to roll his eyes and call him creepy for just staring off into the darkness, but he remained silent, staring at the glimmering reflection of his eyes.

Maybe it was the privacy of nighttime, or maybe it was just the breaking of a dam they had been reinforcing for nearly a decade, but he could see the way Seoho’s eyes shimmered in the dark. Had he a candle, he was sure he’d see wet streaks down his cheeks.

Ravn had lost everything.

So… had most of them.

Maybe the castle wasn’t their first home, but it was their only one. Maybe Ravn hadn’t been their first friend, but he was the dearest. Maybe their lives weren’t ended, but they were over.

They had nothing left outside of this life. They had the scorn of their species, they had banishment to the North, they had a life of hiding and hoping that a fight would pass them by to spare them taking another life.

That was all they had left.

The castle had been their home, they had set their roots there. Being banished meant they either stayed in a warzone or returned to the solitude survival of the North.

Losing Ravn- and they _had_ lost him- was not just the loss of their future.

At the moment, the future was the last thing on anyone’s mind. None of them were mourning their failure in any way but regret that they had hurt the person they wanted to protect.

Sonhae was… gone. That innocent child they had cared for…

Ravn was… lost. That kind prince they had followed…

And the rest of them were… existing in a limbo. They’d spent so long waiting, and within an instant it was all over.

Not just their future. But their present.

They mourned their present, their wounds that would never be physical, their aches that would never be healed… They mourned the losses they had created.

There was a war in Leedo, albeit a quiet one. Between the part that wanted anger and rage, the part that wanted to stop existing, the part that wanted to simply lay in hopelessness because _what had it all been for?_

Was this truly where they were fated to end up? Scattered and broken and having nowhere to go? Or was this just… a failure on their part? Could Leedo have done more… or had he done too much…

Would they have been spared this if he had never accepted Ravn’s affections?

If he hadn’t been selfish, maybe… maybe things would have been different.

Maybe, _maybe, maybe-_ They didn’t _know_ anything. And they could never know what a change in actions may have brought.

Grief and regret were weights on all their chests. They had all lost immeasurable pieces of their lives. Their happiness. Their present.

And somehow, Leedo couldn’t help but think he had been the cause of those losses.

Leedo wasn’t sure if it was pity, respect, or a simple desire to no longer look, but he turned away from Seoho’s quiet nighttime sorrow, rolling back to face the wall.

He stared at it blankly for a moment, fighting his own tide of hopelessness that threatened to drown him.

Their next step was entirely unknown to them.

There was the irrepressible urge to keep going, as they always had- never rest, never pause, always keep moving because if you stopped… if you stopped, you may crash and not stand again.

Burdens were always harder to pick back up once they were placed down.

He curled the blanket higher to his neck and closed his eyes, listening to the even breaths and the one, singular breath that stuttered here and there quietly.

There wasn’t peace among them. Not anything even close. But the tears were quiet and the others’ burdens hadn’t kept them awake… But looking to the bright side was proving continuously impossible as more and more darkness surrounded them.

There was nothing peaceful here, but there was quiet.

Under the crushing weight of their current fears and sorrows and bruises, they were quiet… And that would have to be good enough for now.

~~~~~~~~~

The next time Leedo woke up, it was full light outside and he was alone in the bed.

Turning over, blinking the light out of his eyes, he scanned the cabin and found most of them milling around, talking quietly over small plates of breakfast and cups of tea.

He wanted to voice the question of how the hell he’d slept through them waking, but knowing Yonghoon, he probably slipped something into Leedo’s tea last night to help him sleep.

The absence of the witches didn’t go unnoticed, however, as he sat up, rubbing at his eyes as Xion was already shoving a cup of tea into his hands. “Dongmyeong said drink it,” he ordered flatly, turning away without waiting for Leedo to get a good grip, making him glare blearily at the younger as he caught the cup.

He groaned, his head and body beginning to ache again as he sipped the root tea that tasted of blueberries. As expected, the warmth of it shot through him unnaturally, warming his blood and calming the bundle of nerves that was permanently shriveled in his chest.

Part of him wished they’d had the witches along with them to the castle because they did prove useful outside of giving vague futures and half-answers while shoving incense under your nose.

“They all stepped out,” Seoho told Leedo from where he sat on the edge of his bed, an empty teacup sitting beside him. There were no signs of his nighttime troubles, and Leedo said nothing as he nodded along. “Something about gathering things that required all of them. They should be back soon, by now.”

Leedo merely nodded, staring down at the dark liquid that was steaming gently, letting the tiny water droplets cling to his skin that seemed more chilled than usual.

Keonhee’s eyes were red where he was glancing curiously along the row of vials sitting on a shelf. Hwanwoong’s claws were out, his skin pale where he continued to doze while leaning against the wall.

Xion and Seoho were both paler, their veins more prominent and their eyes flashing between different colors with every blink…

Leedo hadn’t seen some of them unhidden in… years. He’d almost forgotten what they looked like, barring last night’s actions. It had been so long since they had been safe enough to simply wander in their true forms…

Leedo stared down at his hands wrapped around the cup- human skin and shortened nails and hidden veins.

He imagined shedding his hiding completely…existing in his true form…

He swallowed when the idea made his skin tingle, as if warning him.

Leedo shook his head sharply, nearly spilling his tea, but it knocked the odd thoughts loose as he told Keonhee not to touch anything if he didn’t want Giwook to attack him.

Drinking tea proved to be enough of a distraction for him to ignore the world for a moment, focusing on the heat of it going down and the taste of it that clung to his tongue delicately.

Distantly, he registered the others moving to and froe, but it buzzed like background noise, highlighted by the heavy clouds that seemed to hang in the air that they breathed. No one was exactly moping, and no one spoke a word of darkness, but the cloud in the air was like a thin smog, making it just that much harder to breathe.

It was obvious things were wrong.

They had just gotten very, very good at pretending they weren’t.

His tea distracted him from worries and from panic for long enough that by the time he was setting it aside, finished, the door creaked opened.

They all paused, glancing over, their heavy cloud clearing ever so slightly as the witches filed in.

Empty handed.

“I thought you were going to gather supplies?” Keonhee questioned, stepping away from the shelf when Giwook glanced his way suspiciously.

“Did you not find anything?” Xion asked, frowning as Dongmyeong glanced his way and then away again, sitting at an empty seat in the table.

“We did look for some things,” Harin assured them, nodding. “But we were namely trying to see what was happening next.”

“Happening where?” Hwanwoong asked, no long seeming sleepy as he sat up. “In the future?”

Dongmyeong chuckled, though it was appropriately heavy. “This is why it’s dangerous to tell the future to anyone,” he sighed, as if amused.

Hwanwoong frowned, looking slightly affronted. “What does that mean?”

“Obsessing over the future is never a wise decision,” Kanghyun said, standing at the table quietly. “But it’s human nature to obsess over what will happen, especially when you think you know what will.”

“We aren’t human,” Seoho reminded him flatly.

“Sentient nature, then,” Kanghyun corrected, shrugging like it didn’t really matter. “If you spend your entire life trying to avoid or reach a certain future, you will most certainly ruin everything.”

“You think we were too focused?” Xion demanded quietly, brows pulled down. “That’s why it failed?”

“I never said the future would fail,” Kanghyun assured them, shaking his head slowly. “But everything will be ruined.”

“So… the future may still happen,” Keonhee began slowly, glancing around for someone to correct him. “But… we may have ruined it for ourselves.”

“Again, not exactly what I’m saying,” he responded, shaking his head.

“I don’t think anyone in all the earth ever knows exactly what you are saying,” Hwanwoong sighed, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling. “Witches and riddles.”

“It’s not a riddle,” Leedo murmured, fingernail tapping against his teacup gently as he stared off at the ground. He was aware they were looking at him.

He couldn’t muster enough emotions to care.

“It doesn’t matter,” Leedo said, a bit firmer, but not looking up. “If you make your decisions purely based on reaching a future, everything will fall apart- whether that future is realized or not. Trying to manipulate fate never ends well. We either see the future or we don’t. And no amount of planning and obsession is going to make it more or less possible.” 

He tried to fight off the vines of bitterness that tried to enclose his heart.

“Whether peace is established or not… we’ve lost the thing that would make it worth it.”

His jaw twitched, unwilling to look up at the others.

Whether they had ever managed to make it through to Ravn, whether he did eventually establish peace, whether his heart healed… It didn’t matter. Ravn was already lost to them.

Even if they lived the rest of their lives in peace… part of them had been lost. And they were never going to get that back.

“So we may as well forget about the future,” Leedo said, clearing his throat slightly as he glanced up. “It either happens or it doesn’t. Either way, we’re separate from it all now.” He pointedly didn’t look at any one person’s expression aimed at him. “So what did you find out?” he questioned, looking to Yonghoon.

For a moment, he thought the witch may press further on Leedo’s thoughts, but he simply nodded slowly, addressing the room at large. “We followed the grapevine of the forest,” he told them quietly, “looking for any signs of the prince’s current plans.”

Leedo suspected as much, expression grim as he leaned his elbows on his knees, fingers lacing tightly.

Part of him wanted to shake his head and walk away. It didn’t matter what Ravn was doing. And really? Leedo didn’t want to know.

The darkest part of his heart wanted to live the rest of his life without ever hearing about Ravn ever again.

“And?” Keonhee prompted when they all took a beat too long to respond, looking anywhere but the varkolaks before them.

“According to word around the forest, he returned to the castle with his men,” Giwook told them, gesturing in the general direction of the fortress. “They haven’t left it all day. It took a bit longer, but… we heard word that he’s discontinued the order to eviscerate varkolaks.” 

There was no breath of relief. Leedo’s grip on his own hands tightened, eyes darkening.

“Did they say why?” Seoho questioned, straightening. “Whether it was pity or…”

“Not such details,” Dongmyeong said quietly, shaking his head apologetically. “Whether he reissues the order later, we can’t say. But for now, it seems like he’s keeping to himself.”

Leedo wanted to laugh at it.

He felt sick. He swallowed, a bout of nausea and disgust making his stomach roll and his mouth salivate with a desire to vomit.

The war inside of him suddenly increased tenfold- the anger and bitterness at watching their lives crumble weakly, and the regret and sorrow boiling in his blood that threatened to burn him inside and out.

He wanted to curse Ravn. He _did_ curse him- he felt anger bubbling at the thought that the prince had tossed them aside so easily. But he felt regret, he pitied him… because they had lived a lie around him, regardless of how genuine they had been.

He cursed Ravn. And he cursed himself for cursing Ravn. And he ached for everything and he wanted to feel anger instead of the gaping emptiness in his stomach, like something had been ripped from him.

“We may… be able to hope… that even if you didn’t change his opinions,” Dongmyeong tried to comfort, “that perhaps you at least stalled his hand in his quest for revenge.”

Leedo stood- too sudden and too loudly as the others looked at him, mixtures of startled and concerned and grim.

He didn’t look at any of them. He simply walked to the door of the cabin, opening it quietly and closing it quickly behind him, standing out in the mid-morning dimness within the canopy of trees.

“Should we-“ He heard from within as he stood outside the door, staring blankly into the trees.

“Leave him,” he heard Hwanwoong’s voice steadily. “He knows better than to wander off. He’ll be okay.”

Leedo wanted to wander. He wanted to shed this stupid human form that had caused so many problems for him, that had been the cause of so much loss- It felt like wearing a skin that wasn’t his, suddenly.

He stumbled a bit when he walked away from the door, putting distance between himself and the cabin. The grass tugged at his pants, and Leedo stared at his hands once more.

He’d never felt uncomfortable in his human skin… he’d always found it easy to hide, he felt comfortable in keeping his true self hidden away… He’d even come to think of his human form… as the easier skin to wear. He’d worn it for so long…

He hated Ravn. He wanted to, so _badly_.

_I told you… that you were a better person than me. This is the proof you needed to believe me_.

Leedo didn’t go far- just as far as the closest cluster of trees where he collapsed among the roots, back to the bark as he curled over his knees, hands pressed to his eyes tightly as his lungs tightened.

Leedo no longer wanted to be the better person.

He’d spent his entire _life_ being the better person- the one who ran from fights, who held himself back from unnecessary deaths, who forgave people who hurt and scorned him again _and again and again-_

The first sob tore from his throat painfully, taking him by surprise, too loud and too broken for Leedo not to immediately curl tighter in an attempt to keep the others quieter. 

He’d been the better person for so long. He’d thought that following Ravn might ease that burden, that there might be someone who could struggle with him…

And now… here he was. Still the better person, but drowning in the overwhelming urge to just _hate._

Hatred was so easy.

It took away responsibility, it took away burdens, it erased morality and all the cares for who he was affecting. Hating would be so _easy_. There was so much pain in his heart, it would be so easy to let it take him, like it had taken Ravn.

He could label Ravn as his own traitor, someone who had thrown them aside despite all their history. He could twist the ache in his chest into anger and aim it at the prince. He could label Ravn and every other human as his enemy, as loathsome monsters.

He could hate so many people so _easily,_ and it would save him so much heartache. It would stop everything from hurting _so easily-_

Another cry left his lips, successfully muffle by his knees as he curled tight enough to restrict his breathing, trying to cry hard enough to dislodge the icy stones of emotions that were burning freezing scars into his chest.

He wanted to hate so _badly._

But all he felt was pain and regret.

He could only muster hatred for the one who took everything from him.

And that was himself.

~~~~~~~~

The others left Leedo to his own devices, save for the cups of tea and small plates of meals that would appear occasionally at his feet when he blinked- bleary eyes and head aching and mouth dry from tears that would stop and then begin again.

He was exhausted.

Maybe he wanted to move back into the cabin and just lay down, but his limbs would barely cooperate enough to lift the food and drinks to his mouth, much less carry his weight.

The first cup of tea was clearly just tea. Gently minty and fresh.

Near noon, another appeared, tasting like peach- delicate and syrupy. After drinking it, Leedo felt his stomach settle and his muscles stop aching. He stopped tensing and curling, simply laying over his knees and breathing quietly. His mind felt a bit lighter, the pleasant buzz of non-thought shifting into a quietly flowing stream that didn’t pause on any give obstacle.

It was evening when the next cup appeared with another little dinner of bread and meat.

Leedo almost didn’t eat it, simply staring at it blankly as his body slowly remembered how tired he was.

The tears on his skin were irritating, the setting sun was too bright, his rear was numb, and his fingers were permanently wrapped in his hair, just holding onto it.

Somehow, it was almost worse to still feel the tugging in his gut without the actual anxiety and emotions associated with it. It made him feel empty. Hollow.

He knew that this tea was meant to help him sleep. He knew that once he drank it, he’d probably pass out within the hour. Which is why he didn’t drink it immediately, staring off into the forest with dark eyes.

He was so… tired.

He wished he could see Ravn. And then he became angry at the thought of seeing him again.

Ravn threw them aside.

But they’d lied to him.

But he didn’t even give them a chance.

But they never gave even an inkling of what to expect.

Ravn hated them.

They… they regretted everything they’d done to him.

Leedo hated him.

He missed him.

Leedo drank the tea in one go- a bit more bitter than the others, a hint of lemon on his tongue as he pressed his forehead to his knees, breathing tightly as more tears spilled over.

He’d spent so long bottling everything up. He’d had a moment to release it, in Ravn’s arms, once. And now it felt like trying to empty a bottle that kept refilling itself. He could sob until he had nothing left to give, but more would come, regardless.

It never ended, did it? This pain, this betrayal, this regret… It was never going to go away.

This was his burden for the rest of his life, wasn’t it? Because he wasn’t capable of putting Ravn down. Not really.

His eyes drooped as the sky turned rosy gold. His breathing slowed. He leaned further into the bark of the tree to support him as his head nodded off to the side.

He was grateful for the darkness that greeted him without dreams.

Leedo partially woke up back inside the cabin, Keonhee once again digging into his back as the others scattered around, sleeping peacefully.

No sooner than he accounted for them all did he fall asleep again, not even awake long enough to feel an inkling of regret or agony.

~~~~~~~~

The witches were all there when he woke up to morning light glowing around the cabin.

Dongmyeong smiled kindly at him as he sat up, rubbing sleep from his heavy eyes. His head felt lighter, and his swollen eyes were a result of his tears, not a fitful sleep.

He felt a bit more grounded, even if his chest was still a knot of conflicting emotions and icy stones.

“Tired of tea yet?” Dongmyeong teased, smiling as he brought over a cup.

Leedo managed a grateful smile that probably looked painful as he took it. “What’s this one going to do?” he questioned, already taking a sip of mint. “Fix my attitude?”

“Magic does have limits, you know,” Giwook muttered from the table, grinning quietly as Leedo chuckled.

“It’s just regular tea,” Dongmyeong assured him, waltzing away. “But even regular tea can be healing, if you use it right.” 

Leedo chuckled, the others rolling their eyes.

_Witches._

But the tea was good and calmed Leedo’s stomach enough to settle and watch the others simply staring off, not seeming to carry any particular thoughts or worries aside from the general thickness that had penetrated the air around them.

There was still the rumbling in his blood, that pull of morality and instinct. The parts that demanded retribution for his agony and the parts that held that pain delicately, like a gift given. Perhaps that pain had made him miserable, but it was proof that he had once been happy.

Was it better to have and to lose… or to never have at all?

Leedo… did not think he would ever give up knowing Ravn, if it meant sparing himself this pain. He had gained too much knowledge of the world and himself…

His grip tightened on the cup.

He had been too happy for too long… to ever consider erasing Ravn from his mind. Even if the thought of him carried pain and confliction that felt like it could kill him if he dwelled too long.

It still hurt so much. Too much for any tea- magical or otherwise- to ever fix.

Everything was like alcohol. It numbed and eased the pain, but it did nothing to heal. And the moment the stimulus left, the pain would return full force until he found another drug to dull it.

Was that… what the rest of his life would be?

A finger was suddenly stuck to the center of Leedo’s forehead, making him blink hard, looking up as the fingertip continued pressing between his brows, smoothing the glare there.

Giwook’s lips were quirked as he offered a tiny smile when Leedo’s face smoothed over. “Remember how it’s bad to obsess over the future?” he asked, dropping his hand, his finger touching Leedo’s hand that he hadn’t realized was practically crushing the teacup.

He loosened his grip, holding it gently.

Giwook smiled a bit wider. “It can be just as bad to dwell on the past.”

“It’s only been-“

“The present cannot ruin the past,” Giwook told him firmly, lips quirked knowingly as he stepped away. “The past remains untouched, unless we warp it ourselves.”

Leedo frowned once more, and Giwook sighed, stepping closer and pressing between his brow to smooth it out, and Leedo gave in, even as confusion settled in his blood.

“Memories are encased in time,” Kanghyun spoke up as Giwook lowered his hand again, a bowl of gently smoking incense sitting on the table in front of him. “Good or bad… The only thing that can change them is our pain or desires warping them. Perception is controlled by you.”

For a brief moment, Leedo was still just as confused.

And then he realized what they were trying to say.

Leedo had been happy. Ravn and the memories of the castle, the knights, the princes… all of those had been happy, despite the uncertainty hanging above them all.

Those memories would always be happy… unless bitterness and regret- _Leedo’s_ bitterness and regret- colored them into painful, ugly regrets. 

Ravn could remain the same person Leedo had always known him to be, in his mind. Those memories could continue to be providers of strength, as they had been. If they turned painful… those were Leedo’s own projections warping them.

The moment Ravn had embraced Leedo and he placed his burdens down for the first time… had been a miraculous experience. But looking back, all Leedo could see was everything he’d selfishly grabbed at and eventually lost.

All he could see, when he looked back, was everything he’d lost. It was impossible to think of it all as everything he’d been lucky enough to have.

That must be the ultimate sign you were a better person…

When you could look back and see what you’d been lucky enough to have, that was when you became a better person.

“Emotions are hard,” was all Leedo responded, a bit dry.

But Giwook chuckled, as if that were obvious. “Absolutely,” he assured Leedo, stepping back to the table. “But so is life. It takes practice to navigate anything, ourselves included.” He shrugged, gesturing around. “The five of you have spent the better part of a decade pretending to be something you weren’t.”

“We didn’t,” Leedo corrected, shaking his head slowly, setting the teacup aside. “We changed nothing about our personalities. We only hide our physical appearances-“

“You may have acted genuinely,” Dongmyeong said gently, glancing around at the others who were all watching the conversation quietly. “But you carried burdens that shaped who you are now. You are not the same people you were at the beginning of this quest. And it will take time for you to reconnect with yourself and the parts that have changed.”

Leedo almost fought him, just for the hell of it, even as he instinctively and inherently knew that Dongmyeong was right. He wasn’t the same person he was at the beginning of it all.

From the moment he’d met Ravn, he had become a completely different person.

The war inside of himself fought over whether he wished he’d stayed who he’d once been.

The Leedo before Ravn would have happily cut his past off- as he had done with his father and mother. He’d run away and never look back, ripping out those roots- even if the resulting wounds felt like they would never heal.

He wanted to keep these roots, though.

He didn’t want to forget Ravn, even as his aching heart and boiling blood demanded that he hate and scorn and curse him. Leedo didn’t know which he wanted more… He didn’t know which to choose.

He supposed he didn’t know himself. Not like he thought he had.

The day crawled on, everyone taking turns exiting the cabin and wandering outside in pairs. Leedo mostly stayed put this time, sitting on the bed and staring off, or laying down and staring at some far away object- his mind either wandering or staying blissfully blank and staticky.

Idly, he wondered what Ravn was doing… but that thought caused such a sharp spike of anger and pain and frustrations, he rolled over, pulling the blankets up and over his head. The position was prime for napping, the exhaustion of fighting and riding out the waves of emotions assaulting his head setting in as he blocked out the light of the cabin.

He didn’t intend to, but Leedo stayed there long enough to doze off- warmed by his little cave made of blanket and blocking out some of the quiet noises of the cabin.

He lost track of time, but he was very much asleep when he suddenly woke up, opening his eyes slowly and still staring at the inside of his blanket.

“-actually be okay?” Xion’s voice whispered, so quiet that Leedo’s half-asleep brain garbled the words for a minute.

There was a long pause before a quiet sigh followed. “It’s always been different for him,” Seoho’s voice responded quietly, gentle in a way that took Leedo off guard.

“All of you are going to need time to adjust,” Dongmyeong’s voice comforted. Leedo could imagine him sitting beside his brother, resting a comforting hand that Xion would have shaken off at any other point in his life. “Everything ended up happening so quickly… It’s a shock factor more than anything right now.”

“It’s not just shock,” Seoho assured them, tongue clicking quietly. “We were prepared for anything for years. It’s just the reality of it all… Even if we told ourselves we weren’t holding to hope… we hoped it might be different.”

“I thought… that Leedo might have made a difference. That the prince might at least listen to him,” Xion murmured, his voice tinged curiously shocked. “He… He was such a good person-“

“It has nothing to do with being a good person,” Seoho muttered, self-assured enough to silence the pang that shot through Leedo’s chest. “Leedo could have chosen a hundred different paths… So long as Sonhae died, Ravn was never going to be stable enough to think clearly.”

“… I don’t suppose you have any spells that bring back the dead?” Xion asked, serious enough to have Dongmyeong scoffing quietly.

“Not in the way that would benefit you, nor that is pretty to see,” he assured them, sighing weakly. “Maybe if we had tried to look further into the future-“

“Don’t try and place blame,” Seoho huffed, his rolling eyes practically audible. “There’s no blame here that wasn’t here a hundred years before any of us. It’s the history of centuries that’s to blame. Ravn had enough evidence in his mind to convince himself death was the only option.”

“But he stopped, right?” Xion murmured, sounding unsure. “It’s been a few days, and we haven’t heard anything about him trying anything further.”

“We don’t know how permanent this ceasefire will be,” Dongmyeong sighed quietly, sounding dejected. “Ravn could take back up arms at any moment.”

“We should face him,” Xion pressed, voice hardening. “He’d never actually kill us. If he could, he would have never let us walk away. We mean too much to him.”

“We can’t take that bet,” Seoho said, voice tight. “Ravn was overwhelmed that night. Leedo managed to talk enough sense in him that he hesitated. For all we know, this distance will only make him capable of doing what he couldn’t, before.”

“He won’t,” Xion repeated, voice hard, and he sounded so sure of it, Leedo wanted to laugh.

Leedo had looked into Ravn’s eyes and he’d seen a stranger. He didn’t know if he believed Ravn capable of actually killing them, but he was too unsure to ever bet his life on it. Ravn held a pain that none of them were capable of understanding or anticipating.

The bitter part of Leedo muttered that Ravn would never understand the pressure and weights that they had carried with their secrets. They had never felt _pleasure_ in lying to him- a fact that Ravn had been unwilling to contemplate like the rest of them had.

“The reason Ravn wouldn’t listen was because he was emotional,” Xion reasoned, sounding so confident. “The more time passes and the calmer he gets, the more likely he is to realize the mistake he made.”

“He didn’t make a mistake,” Seoho said, sounding almost like a reprimand. “We lied to him-“

“Those scales don’t balance out,” the youngest fought, sharper this time, as if annoyed at the scolding. “The parts that we lied about aren’t equal to the evisceration of ourselves and an entire race. Leedo practically _died_ to save Sonhae-“ Leedo swallowed at the way his voice suddenly wavered- “how can Ravn _ever_ sit there and claim he _wanted_ it-“

“You’re right that Ravn was emotional and not thinking clearly,” Seoho broke in, firm enough to have Xion huffing, but staying silent. “And maybe in our eyes, the lies we told aren’t an equal crime to Ravn’s reaction. But you have to see if from his point of view. He thinks our race makes us who we are. He can’t trust anything we’ve done because suddenly, we aren’t who we said we are.”

“If he’d just _listen_ -“

“Logic doesn’t have a place here,” Dongmyeong said, Xion practically growling in frustration. “If logic mattered, he would have never tried to kill every varkolak to begin with. You all did well,” Dongmyeong assured them gently. “You handled it-“

“Leedo handled it,” Xion corrected, torn between annoyance and frustration. “He’s the one who always seemed to know what to say.” A tense silence. “They were special to each other,” he murmured, sounding confused. “I don’t understand… how Ravn couldn’t give that a chance.”

Leedo’s grip tightened on the sheet beneath him, eyes staring at the threads blankly.

“We said it before,” Seoho said quietly. “Their feelings would either make it easier to convince him, or it would make the betrayal a hundred times worse.”

“We _didn’t_ betray him!” Xion snapped, the sound of a cup slamming against the wooden table angrily. “And if he really cared about Leedo that much, he would have given him a _chance,_ instead of throwing him aside in a moment- He didn’t even _try_ to understand!”

The anger in Xion’s tone was one Leedo hadn’t ever heard before. The youngest was always quieter- a bit emotional, but never prone to outbursts of anger. His anger was shown in quiet glares and bitter silences. His voice was never raised.

In the other hand was a knife being rammed into his chest at the thought that Ravn and he had never meant a thing-

“They loved each other.”

Seoho’s softer statement- _knowing_ statement- was the knife twisting sharply, making Leedo close his eyes against the sudden urge to be sick.

“Whether they knew it or not, were willing to say it or not… those feelings were real. And they were deep,” he assured the youngest, sounding so _sure of it._ “And it’s precisely the fact that Ravn felt so deeply for him that it hurt too much to bear, on top of everything else he was undergoing.”

Leedo knew this.

That _exact_ face on Ravn- the one that wore anger like a shield against a tender wound that was slowly bleeding out without any hope to stem the blood. The one that was twisted with the effort it took to keep hatred in his eyes, instead of falling apart like crystals shattering against the ground.

Pain upon pain… And all of it aimed at Leedo, his final betrayer.

Leedo had seen that firsthand. And it was all he could see when he looked back.

“Ravn didn’t lash out in anger, he was clinging to the last pieces of his sanity,” Seoho said, dark enough to make Leedo’s heart stopped. “He’d just lost everything. Leedo was the last thing he’d had. He was confused, he was hurt, and he was trying to defend himself against that.”

There was an angry silence.

“Leedo lost everything, too,” the youngest muttered darkly. “We all did.”

“Pain makes you selfish. People don’t tend to see others while they’re hurting,” Dongmyeong said gently. “You have to understand-“

“I understand,” Xion huffed, stiff. “That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Whether they were aware Leedo was awake or not… they said nothing else, their heavy silence laying over him like another blanket when there was nothing more to say. It was suffocating.

His thoughts became a buzzing white noise as he continued to stare at the inside of his blankets.

When he blinked, hot tears slipped across his face, making him swallow.

He’d felt pain before. He’d felt anger and hatred and every other burning emotion that made every kind thought turn to ash.

He’d never experienced the empty, hollow chasm that was his chest, feeling like every emotion he felt was just being thrown into an abyss that would never fill, no matter how much dark, bitter anger he tried to shove into it.

He was at the bottom of an endless hole he’d never fill.

He shut his eyes, hoping it would help, but it didn’t. It only created a canvas for every flashing image that passed across his vision.

Most of them were painful. Some of them were happy. And those hurt worse than any others. 

~~~~~~~~~

Leedo didn’t mean to sleep past dinner, through the night, and deep into the morning, but when he woke up sometime near noon, he felt like he’d been transported from another world.

He sat up quickly, his body seeming to realize that he’d been unconscious for much longer than he was supposed to be- looking around a bit franticly as his eyes stuck together with sleep and disorientation.

He felt a bit ill from the sudden movement, blood sluggish and skin warm, as if he were fighting off the flu.

Surprisingly, only Hwanwoong, Harin, and Yonghoon were in the cabin, all of them sitting at the table and speaking quietly over a plate of what resembled a mixture of berries and wildflowers.

They looked slightly alarmed by his sudden awakening, but none of them said anything as he relaxed, dropping his head to rub at his eyes that felt thick and tired.

“I think you’re going to make yourself sick,” Hwanwoong said quietly when Leedo swallowed roughly to rid his throat of that nasty coating. “You’re going to develop a fever at this rate.”

Leedo felt like he was fighting off some cold or flu, but when he touched his forehead, it felt normal. His body felt tired. Achy. But that could just be the constant stream of discomfort and sleeping in weird positions because it was the only moment he got a break from the onslaught of _what ifs._

“Kanghyun took Xion and Keonhee out to search for some more ingredients,” Harin said, warm smile in place. “When they get back, we should have enough to make you something to ward off anything weakening you.”

Did they have something that would ward off emotions? Memories? Because Leedo would take that in a heartbeat.

“Maybe we need to get you some different clothes,” Yonghoon mused, leaning on his hand and frowning in concentration. “The weather has begun to change ever so slightly towards the cooler evenings. You may just be being a bit more vulnerable to an end of spring cold.”

Leedo didn’t know what he was feeling. But he nodded anyway, standing with difficulty with his body sore, as if he’d spend three days sparring and losing.

He didn’t spend his every waking moment thinking of Ravn. But even when he wasn’t thinking about everything that happened, Leedo still felt as if his burdens were suddenly so great, he couldn’t breathe.

He wished he could at least get the closure of seeing Sonhae’s grave.

He didn’t even have that to comfort him. He’d never even seen the child one last time.

With a quiet murmur to the others, he left the cabin, only going as far as directly to the left of the door as he sat in the shade and leaned against the worn wood of the cabin.

The ground was soft with grass, and when he leaned his head back, the trees were thick enough to keep the sun from blinding him as he stared up at the clear blue of the sky. It was a nice day. The kind of day they would have been happy to practice for hours in the weather of. They’d push it deep into the night, long after the sun had set because the breeze was good and the air was fresh.

Leedo closed his eyes, letting his head hit the wood with a _thunk._

It wasn’t just Ravn he’d lost.

Leedo heard the footsteps approaching before he could even tell who they belonged to. He didn’t move- neither in the mood to invite them closer nor tell them to go away. He was too tired to argue with anyone

The open wind made him feel better than the air of the cabin did.

The footsteps were Seoho’s.

Leedo very pointedly did not think of the last conversation he’d overheard, wetting his lips and keeping his eyes closed as Seoho’s steps eventually paused directly beside Leedo. He still didn’t move, feeling Seoho’s eyes staring at him- probably internally calling him an idiot for whatever reason he deemed worth it.

The breeze rode through, lifting his hair as he heard Seoho squat beside him, a quiet sigh with the effort of it leaving his lips.

“It’s called a depression.”

Leedo didn’t move, though his brow twitched, face remaining lax and facing the wind.

Seoho shifted on the balls of his feet. “This slump that you’re in?” he said quietly, like he was only speaking for the two of them. “It’s a depression. It has nothing to do with what you could have done, and it won’t be fixed by just letting it overtake you.”

Leedo took a slow breath, almost acting like he couldn’t hear.

But Seoho knew he could. And the older waited, as if he would stay here all day. Which, knowing his prideful nature, he would.

Leedo continued to stare at the back of his eyelids. He wet his lips slowly. “I’m tired,” he mumbled in lieu of answering.

“I’m sure,” Seoho replied without missing a beat. “Because you just had everything you took a risk for ripped away from you.”

Leedo cracked his eyes open, squinting at Seoho with an unimpressed, flat glare. “Thank you for the reminder,” he muttered, closing his eyes again.

“I’m saying that you’re not going crazy,” the other huffed, knocking a fist against Leedo’s forehead just on the side of too rough. “You’re working through everything happening. It will pass and become manageable. Just like everything else did.”

Leedo was tempted to simply hum, agree, and convince Seoho to leave him in peace.

But instead, he swallowed and opened his eyes again, half-lidded and tired.

Seoho stared at Leedo as if he was the most inconvenient aspect of his day, lips quirked in annoyance and posture ready to leave the moment his job here was done.

But, as always, his eyes that were sharp and flat were also intent. Insisting that Leedo listen, and threatening a smack around his head if he didn’t.

Leedo chewed the inside of his cheek as he stared up at the sky, watching a bird flash across the blue and disappear into the trees.

“Everything else… wasn’t _everything,_ ” Leedo murmured, voice rough from the sleep. “Running from home wasn’t losing _home._ Leaving my parents wasn’t leaving behind anyone I truly _cared_ about. Leaving the North to come here wasn’t leaving anything _important_.”

He’d mourned his parents’ passing, but he never felt enough to be tortured by it. He had no home, before. He’d wandered, looking for a way to live, never bothering to even search for a purpose.

And then he was here.

He blinked slowly, tiredly. “Losing everything before… wasn’t painful because it _wasn’t_ my everything,” he muttered, dropping his head to stretch his neck. “We built a home there,” he whispered, a bit of a hiss for how rough his voice was. “We had friends- We created a family, with support and structure and faith in each other.”

His fists clenched weakly, shaking with the effort to hold them, his muscles achy and struggling.

“I had everything I’d never had before.” He rolled his lips. “Why didn’t we just stay there?” he muttered, shaking his head slowly. “Why did we have to fight for a future when our present was just _fine._ ” 

“Because our present was a lie, no matter how inconsequential or seemingly small,” Seoho said, as quick as ever with a retort that made Leedo’s nails dig into his palm. “And because we were people who cared enough… to try and get that kind of present for everyone else who was robbed of it.”

Leedo cursed under his breath, eyes burning as he glared at his knees.

“You aren’t the only varkolak living with nothing,” Seoho reminded him needlessly, leaves crunching as he stood, stretching his legs. “We built a home there. Our goal was to accomplish a future where every else like us could have a home like that as well.”

“Fat lot of good we ended up doing,” he muttered bitterly, tongue tasting like ash at the reminder of what they had cost their race.

“We did enough,” Seoho stressed, voice sharpening in warning. “We changed Ravn’s mind. _You_ succeeded in doing that,” he pressed, pressing the toe of his boot into Leedo’s side to gain attention. “Had Sonhae’s death been evaded, we would have succeeded, I truly believe that.”

“We-“

“But even now that we’ve failed at creating that future immediately,” he went on, not letting Leedo’s sulking interrupt, “we’ve done enough. Ravn was going to wipe out the entire race. _You_ stopped that.” 

“I _delayed_ it,” he huffed, lifting tired eyes. “He could take away that ceasefire any moment-“

“Delaying it for weeks is better than losing it all at once,” the other said firmly, glaring. “If you delay something long enough, it stops being a threat. If our fate is to spend the rest of our lives just delaying extinction, then-“

“Please, do not talk about fate,” Leedo begged, rough and sharp but bordering too far into a plea for Seoho to ignore it as he rubbed his eyes roughly.

Leedo cursed again, not looking up at the older as his eyes continued to burn and sting. He ran a rough hand through his hair, holding it there for a moment, another wave of tiredness washing over him like ice water.

He breathed out shakily, feeling like the world was spinning too fast.

“Will you give me a moment?” Leedo questioned, voice steady but neither of them fooled into thinking he was going to need only a single moment.

Seoho was silent before sighing quietly. “If you spend your time only listening to your own thoughts and succumbing to your own exhaustion, you’re only going to stay inside this dark tunnel.”

Leedo didn’t move, listening to boots enter the house and the door close quietly behind the older.

He knew he had an entire cabin of people who would listen. They would help share his burdens- these people who could know each burden, and who understood more than anyone else in this entire world ever could. He could go to them, get comfort from them.

But comfort seemed impossibly far away.

He was much… much too exhausted to ask for comfort.

Instead, he curled over his knees, closed his eyes, and imagined himself standing in a dark, damp tunnel that he couldn’t decern which way was the correct one to follow. Instead, he simply collapsed to his knees in the tunnel and leaned against the dark walls, waiting for something to show him the way.

Fate had brought him this far, it had taken this much from him.

Why not let it take the rest, if it desired it so badly?

_Some fate wants you alive. I don’t know what part you play in everything, Leedo, but the fates refuse to let you out of it_.

Leedo did not appreciate being a piece in a game of chess.

But that had been his part in this from the beginning, wasn’t it? They were only ever part of Ravn’s life because of their part in fate’s game, weren’t they?

_And part of me is sure that it is only you they care about keeping in this._

Why him? Because he was the one Ravn would choose? Because fate knew Ravn would inevitably become more to him?

Did fate honestly rip him from death’s door… just to thrust him into a life of regret? Was death too kind?

Leedo had spent a lot of his life cursing fate, but he never thought all that anger would come back to him in the worst karma imaginable.

He only wished that Ravn had been spared the consequences of his defiance.

Another burst of bitterness nearly swallowed his heart as his fists clenched and his eyes burned fiery tears down his cheeks. He ducked his head further, feeling sick.

He wanted to hate him so badly.

He wanted to want Ravn to suffer like Leedo had spent a decade suffering- how he would spend the rest of his life suffering… Not because of what he had done, but because the fates found him amusing.

Part of him so desperately wanted to watch someone suffer with him, and Ravn was the easiest target that his tangled, angry, aching heart burned at.

The thought of him only made him weep into his knees yet again, a wave of weakness rolling through his stomach as he sucked in sharp breaths through his teeth, loud and uncaring of who might hear.

All the physical wounds, all the regret, all the fear of the future-

Why did it all hurt so _badly?_

And why was he the only one destined to suffer such pain?

Why crime had committed in a past life that he was forced to suffer alone?

~~~~~~~~

Leedo woke up, not remembering how he got into the bed, but he had stopped panicking over waking up where he hadn’t gone to sleep. It did surprise him that the windows were dark- not lit with morning light.

It seemed like he’d slept through dinner, but no one had yet gone to bed themselves as he rolled over with stiff difficulty.

Everyone but Dongmyeong and Kanghyun were present. Leedo swallowed the dryness of his throat as sat up, bleary eyed as every gaze in the cabin fell on him. He didn’t feel embarrassment, but he had to wonder how the others must be thinking of him, given his lack of control of late.

“Sleep well?” Keonhee asked, holding a small jar that Giwook was stuffing greens into. His voice was delicate, not unlike the voices they had used after the first time Ravn had embraced him-

He shook his head sharply to clear it, and then realized how that must look as an answer. “Yes,” he muttered, voice rough as he ran a hand through his hair, clearing his throat of the sleep there.

He felt unsteady. Like standing would cause him to fall over without reason. He rubbed his forehead that felt tight with tension.

“Yonghoon was suggesting we all take a trip West,” Hwanwoong explained quietly, conversationally as he tied twine around bundles of dried grass. He glanced up at Leedo, checking his reaction. “There’s another group of witches over there that are supposedly quite friendly. After everything… Well, it would give us something to do while we-“

“While we what?”

Leedo didn’t mean to interrupt, but the phrasing of the sentence made his stomach plummet as Hwanwoong blinked, frowning in confusion at the question.

He felt like his words were just a loud buzz.

“It gives us something to do while we wait?” Leedo questioned, brows drawing down as his blood suddenly felt too warm. “What exactly are we waiting for? We already know the future is lost. Nothing is going to _miraculously_ change _-_ “

“Leedo _._ ”

He looked over and found Seoho staring at him sharply.

Leedo’s lips thinned, stomach twisting as he found himself glaring back. It wasn’t until this moment, hearing his name said so sharply, that he was reminded that he really didn’t need that name anymore.

They weren’t knights anymore. They had no reason to keep those names they had taken.

But more than that, he glared because Seoho’s gaze wasn’t the worried, firm stare from yesterday.

This one was a warning. A hand against his shoulder, telling him to stand down.

“He meant that it would give us something to do while we _recover_ ,” Seoho said flatly, though his voice was dark. “I know we’re all struggling through things,” he continued, a warning still clinging to his words despite how they softened. “But you cannot start taking it out on the people here.”

The words were chastising. They made Leedo feel like a child. They made his stomach knot itself a hundred different ways that made him sick.

Mostly, because he knew Seoho was right. But he tried to convince himself that it was because the scolding was unfair.

He stood, not meeting anyone’s eyes as he strode for the door, suddenly feeling as if he couldn’t breathe, his lungs thick and skin too warm for the small cabin.

“Leedo-“

He ignored Harin’s placating call, reaching for the cabin door-

His hand hadn’t even touched the wood before it swung open, making him stumble back- his instinct telling him to lash out, but he merely stared face to face with Dongmyeong and Kanghyun who nearly ran into him, jerking to a halt, clearly just as shocked by his appearance as he was.

Leedo nearly brushed past them, not feeling like explaining himself or listening to anything they might try and comfort him with.

But their eyes made him pause, forgetting his anger for a moment as he registered the boarding panic in their irises.

He wasn’t the only one to notice, everyone tensing and standing behind him, chairs scraping slowly as the entire cabin held its breath.

Dongmyeong made no excuses, no question of what was going on. He simply swallowed, breathing heavily as if they had been running, hands twisting together.

“It’s the prince,” he whispered, voice weak.

Leedo’s mind seemed to shut down as a loud white noise filled his ears, watching Dongmyeong and Kanghyun step further inside, shutting the door tightly.

_He’s dead._

_He’s gone._

_He’s going to kill them all._

_He’d gone mad._

_He knew exactly what he was doing._

In an instant, every horrific fear flashed through Leedo’s mind like the whine of an explosive before it blew.

“What happened?” Seoho demanded before anyone else had the voice to, but Leedo didn’t check his expression. He wasn’t sure what he’d find. “Did you see him-“

“We- We didn’t see him,” Dongmyeong said, shaking his head. “But we were going to track through the forest and see if there was any other news. We didn’t think we’d find anything-“

“The varkolaks are celebrating,” Kanghyun broke in, eyes grim and lips set in a tense line that was uncommon to find on his face. 

“Celebrating?” Xion demanded, paling slightly. “He’s not… Is he d-“

“Not dead,” Kanghyun said, voice calm but emotionless as he shook his head. “But word spread like a wildfire that the prince was riding through the southern part of the forest… alone. Varkolaks responded to that call.”

The cabin’s air suddenly felt like stone.

“A small family… only three of them attacked,” Dongmyeong continued, swallowing. “Word has spread that… they didn’t kill him, but… they managed to…” He spread his hands in lieu of speaking, as if they should be able to infer his meaning.

Leedo didn’t want to infer anything.

He didn’t want to think. Or hear. Or sit here as they continued to speak about him-

“They turned him?”

Keonhee’s voice was breathless. Flat. Disbelieving. Like a stone was suddenly sitting on his chest.

Leedo didn’t need to look to know Kanghyun was nodding.

“The varkolaks are very pleased with themselves,” he murmured heavily. “According to the rumors, the prince escaped-“

Escaped.

“-but he was still alive,” he continued quietly. “But heavily wounded. And there was definite Intent.”

“When was this?” Hwanwoong demanded, voice shaken but trying to remain steady.

“Not even hours ago,” Dongmyeong assured him, glancing to Yonghoon and back to them. “But by this time… either his wounds would have killed him or the transformation would have begun-“

“Where?” Keonhee questioned, struggling to regain his confidence. “You said the southern part of the forest?”

Leedo breathed in.

“Yes, but-“

“How far?” Hwanwoong demanded, the sound of feet moving and shuffling.

Leedo breathed out.

“Near the river, not even a mile away from the far side from the castle-“

“Are the varkolaks trying to find him?” Xion asked, his tone coming out softer, uncertain, as if he was afraid-

In.

“We haven’t heard word of there being a hunt. I think they’re finding it more amusing than anything. But perhaps later they’ll try to search for him, if they don’t think he’s already dead-“

Out.

“Then we have to find him first. “

Leedo stopped.

He lifted his head and found the others moving towards the door, his eyes feeling heavy.

“Where are you going?”

It came out like a whisper, his voice dull and weak.

He felt numb. He couldn’t quite feel his fingertips, and when four pairs of eyes turned to him, he didn’t even blink under their dark confusion. He hadn’t even realized he was the only person standing still.

Leedo stared back, feeling that gaping hole in his chest suddenly grow wider. Colder. Deeper.

“What do you mean?” Hwanwoong questioned, looking around for anyone else who might be confused. “Ravn’s been _turned_.”

Turned.

Leedo expected the phrase to create another tear in his heart, but he didn’t feel anything. It felt like everything inside of him had fallen silent.

He swallowed something that tasted like fear.

“So…?”

Keonhee made a noise that may have been a laugh- disbelieving, confused, and shaken. “ _So_?” he repeated weakly. “He might be dying out there-“

Leedo knew this.

He knew this…

Ravn might be dead. Dying. Turned into one of them. Infected with something that could possibly kill him, like it had killed his brother.

He might be just like them…

Leedo didn’t even feel anger. Not justice or satisfaction or fear or regret. He didn’t feel anything, and he clenched his fists in an effort to spark some sort of emotion. It failed. 

“We don’t have time to talk it out,” Seoho said, looking at Leedo darkly, eyes sharp. “Stay here or come. But we have to leave now to have a hope of finding him before anything else does.”

Leedo couldn’t have moved, even if he had wanted to.

He watched Seoho open the door. He watched them all run from it like there was a fire behind them. He watched Kanghyun and Harin exchange a glance before they ran after them. He watched the door slam shut, loud and jarring. He flinched. But he didn’t move.

Ravn might be dying.

He might be just like them.

Just like the monsters… that the prince wanted to kill so badly. Just like the monsters that killed Sonhae. Just like the monsters that had lived among him… and then betrayed him.

His fists shook.

This should have everything Leedo had been waiting for. Revenge, justice, satisfaction…

If any of the three remaining witches noticed the salt water slowly filling his eyes, they said nothing.

The others… were dropping everything to run to Ravn’s aid.

For nearly a decade, Leedo had done the same without hesitation. Why… Why couldn’t he do it now? Why couldn’t he feel _anything_ , much less a desire to run through dark forests in search of a body that had once meant so much to him…? 

He wondered if Ravn would follow through on his threat. He doubted he would be strong enough at any level of strength to actually kill any of them… but would he try? Would he want to?

Why had he been riding the forest at night? Why alone?

Why was Leedo just standing here? Why couldn’t he just feel _something-_

He’d felt so much for so many days, why was is suddenly _gone?_ Once again, the gaping, hollow wound in his chest proved so, so much more painful than any physical wound inflicted.

Had he the strength, he might have fell to his knees, curling over the icy, dark hole in his chest.

But he couldn’t even do that.

He just… stood there. Helpless.

He didn’t mourn. He didn’t hate.

He just… stood there.

~~~~~~~~~

Giwook eventually touched Leedo’s arm, having to guide him towards the bed- practically dragging him for how much Leedo’s legs cooperated- urging him to sit.

He did, feeling like his body was a toy soldier- mechanical and stiff arms that only moved in straight lines. He felt like a puppet with its strings cut.

He wondered what he might be feeling, if he could feel anything. Would it be anger?

Wasn’t this just fate laughing at them? Or was it fate finally giving them justice? That Ravn had been so adamant for their extinction, and now he was one of them-

Or was it just sadness…? Was it just pitiable that Ravn had lost everything, even his humanity? Was it just another sword in his chest that even in their absence, fate had not finished taking and _taking_ -

A cup was held to his lips- smaller and thicker than the regular cups, holding what looked like only a mouthful of blue-tinged tea.

“Drink it,” Yonghoon said, voice heavy and solemn, eyes undoubtedly pitying, though Leedo didn’t look at him, staring into the depths of the cup. “It’s stronger than the teas we’ve been giving. It will put you to sleep till morning.”

The Leedo of so many years would refuse, unwilling to sleep while the others were out there, facing some danger- forcing himself to stay awake until he knew they had arrived safe.

But Dongmyeong had been right.

Leedo didn’t recognize himself anymore. And even if the back of his mind told him to wait and ensure the others returned safely… he knew that seeing them return would likely mean Ravn would be with them.

Harin and Kanghyun had gone with them… They were together as four… They were as safe as they could be.

And Leedo felt a tired gag at the thought of facing Ravn again, when he was so convinced their lives had lost their connective strings.

He lifted a hand, cupping the bottom and drinking the small amount in a single swallow, the taste of burnt herbs making his nose wrinkle as he suppressed a cough at the rough flavor.

Leedo wondered if Yonghoon was worried about his reaction to Ravn. Or maybe he knew that Leedo would be useless in this state. Or maybe he just wanted the man to rest. Or maybe they just didn’t know what to do, so they told him to sleep.

Whatever the reason, Leedo closed his eyes to grimace at the taste, and he didn’t open them again, falling back and hands laid him down against the bed- the world spinning for just a moment before he fell, once more, into a dreamless sleep.

He almost wished he would dream. Maybe it would let him feel something.

The numbness was almost more frightening than the anger and pain.

The best part, though, was that he fell asleep too quickly to even begin to fear what he would face when he woke.

But he still saw angry, weeping, shattered eyes staring down the blade of a sword at him.

~~~~~~~~~

Leedo didn’t open his eyes when he woke.

He stayed entirely still. There was no one in the bed with him. He could tell that the sun had risen, light shining outside his closed eyes.

He heard them all breathing and knew they were awake- accounting for each person who had left the night before. No one was speaking.

He could smell them all, through the scents of teas and burning herbs.

Leedo could smell _him._

The scent made his stomach roll, the distant familiarity of it heating his blood that suddenly felt like it was moving much too fast for how still he was being.

He could stay like this. Never open his eyes, never face the life they had been forced to leave behind. He could just sleep forever and never have to see that painful face again.

The numbness of last night seemed to have faded, though everything felt muted- like staring through glass. But he felt his blood heat and his heart race and stomach ache like he’d been struck.

The chasm in his chest wasn’t just cold- it hurt.

It hurt because he knew when he opened his eyes, the entire process of being hurt would start all over again.

His eyes opened without him telling them to, staring up at the ceiling through heavy lids.

The beams of the cabin were a dark wood. Leedo breathed in.

Out.

Sluggishly, he rolled onto his side, facing towards the open cabin. Almost subconsciously, his mind ignored the people sitting- scattered around and drinking tea, like he had witnessed every morning they had been here.

It looked passed the edge of the table, to the bed sitting against the opposite wall of the cabin.

By nature of his prone position, he couldn’t see everything, but he saw enough.

Leedo saw a rise in the blankets that led up to a pillow where a head rested, propped up to make it easier to breathe.

Keonhee sat at the head of the bed on a chair, reaching back to flip over a damp rag that laid across Ravn’s forehead.

When he moved back, Leedo could see Ravn’s face.

The prince was very obviously unconscious, but far from peaceful- his skin pale and his hair soaked with sweat that dripped down his temple. Every muscle of his jaw was tensed painfully tight, his chest moving in such a way that made it seem difficult to breathe.

Even from here, Leedo could see his throat working as he swallowed dryly, hearing a crackling, sticky noise every time Ravn breathed in. 

Leedo… had never actually seen someone be turned before. It wasn’t the way of varkolaks to try and turn humans into their own kind. They found it much more agreeable to simply kill them. And Leedo tended to avoid most varkolaks cruel enough to turn people.

He knew, though, that it was far from a painless process. A foreign substance attacking a body that tried to fight back, but that was as weak as a newborn fawn against the onslaught of changes.

Leedo didn’t know why he hadn’t suspected Sonhae’s fate the moment Seoho had said he’d been cut with Intent. He didn’t know if it was common for people to die while being turned, but someone so young… It wasn’t hard to believe their bodies were incapable of handling such a traumatic change.

Because it was traumatic, in a way.

It was physically painfully, not to mention the mental taxation that came along with him. It filled the body with a venom that broke down everything that made you human and reshaped it into something else.

A monster, according to some.

When Keonhee removed the cloth, rewetting it, Ravn’s head turned in stressed discomfort, giving Leedo a direct view of his face, rather than just his profile.

He could see pale veins visible against Ravn’s neck, his body stiff and tense beneath the blanket as he sweated out a vicious fever that made everything around him damp. His hair was soaked, his teeth clenched, and his muscles tensed to the point of snapping as he labored to breathe.

It wasn’t the kind of pain and anguish that Leedo was accustomed to seeing on Ravn’s face. It made him look different.

But it was startling… because it was so obviously Ravn he was staring out.

Seeing the prince in the light, pained but not appearing like some stranger, made Leedo feel ill. He felt like there should be pity in his chest.

Ravn was being broken down to nothing and rebuilt before his very eyes. He was watching as the very last piece of Ravn was taken.

He didn’t know what he felt, though. He just stared. His mind almost couldn’t comprehend that it was the same person he had stared up at just days ago, unable to recognize him as the same person he’d confessed so much to.

Leedo had explained so much to him… he’d tried to explain even more… He’d begged Ravn to understand, to listen, to just give them a chance…

Ravn stared at him with the eyes of a stranger.

And it hadn’t mattered.

“Yonghoon says he’s not currently in danger of dying,” Hwanwoong murmured, suddenly standing beside Leedo’s bed, holding out yet another cup of tea. His eyes were aimed at Ravn. “His wounds were severe, but Harin had elixirs more potent than the court physician could ever hope to produce. He’s struggling through the transformation, but… he’ll live.”

Leedo didn’t move for a moment before sitting up slowly, his head aching from being so deep asleep, but he didn’t tilt as he accepted the cup just to have something to do.

“What happened last night?” Leedo murmured over the rim, staring at the tea instead of risking being able to see more of Ravn.

The prince’s ragged breathing filled the cabin, though.

“While you were sleeping like a princess?” Hwanwoong asked, trying to smile, but it all fell flat.

Leedo merely hummed, unable to fake a smile.

The other sighed quietly, leaning against the wall. “We found him easily, once we reached the area Kanghyun directed us towards,” he reported quietly. “The scent of blood and everything… it made it easy.”

A pause, only broken by Leedo’s quiet sips.

“We brought him back here… He was badly cut up. A lot of deep scratches that Giwook was worried would take something stronger than they had materials to heal, but Harin and he managed it.” His legs shifted. “He’s been fighting the fever all night. His entire body is in pain with the transformation… He hasn’t regained consciousness yet, but Dongmyeong is working on something to ease the pain, which may hopefully wake him up earlier.”

Leedo forced himself to swallow another sip of hot tea, everything suddenly tasting like ash.

Hwanwoong glanced at him, a question in his eyes.

He could feel the weight of Hwanwoong’s presence suddenly multiply, knowing what was coming before the other even opened his mouth.

“Would you have really done it?” Hwanwoong murmured, almost like he was talking to himself as he stared off in the direction of the prince.

Hwanwoong’s arms were behind his back leisurely, but Leedo felt anything but at ease. He stared into the bottom of his cup, grip tightening.

“Would you have left Ravn out there? If the rest of us hadn’t been here… would you have left him?” he whispered.

It wasn’t accusing. It wasn’t even disappointed. It was genuine and ever so slightly confused. As if an expectation had been changed.

Leedo swallowed more ash, wetting his lips, unwilling to look up.

“I don’t know,” he whispered back, voice rough and weak.

A quiet breath, followed by a gentle sigh. “I know you don’t,” Hwanwoong murmured. “If you knew, you would have followed us.”

They couldn’t know that.

“I probably would have left him,” Leedo confessed, unsure who could hear him. A stone appeared in his throat, making him wince. “I don’t want… all of this. I wanted it to be over.”

Even as he wished to see Ravn again, he wanted to forget the man had ever existed.

“It’s happening regardless,” Xion spoke up where he sat at the table, not far away. He looked at Leedo, eyes calm but burdened. “I suppose fate wasn’t done with us.”

Fate had torn Leedo back from death while letting an innocent boy die.

He had been a fool to think that fate was done with them.

“We had a chance to be done with fate,” Leedo muttered around his cup.

“At the cost of leaving Ravn to die,” the youngest reminded him quietly. “And we couldn’t let that happen.”

_He swore to kill us._

_He threw us aside._

_He looked at me as if I disgusted him-_

Leedo could think of a thousand reasons to want Ravn to stay away, even at the cost of the prince’s life.

For the life of him, Leedo didn’t know if he meant a single one of them.

He didn’t know where pain began and hatred ended. And he suddenly understood Ravn so much more. Even as he didn’t understand him at all. It was a tangled web that Leedo had been too exhausted to untie, beginning from the moment he woke up and heard of Sonhae’s death.

The others had forgiven Ravn so easily. Though, perhaps “forgive” was the wrong word. They had put aside hurt and pride and could see Ravn as Ravn. Their friend. Their brother in arms. Their family. A lost friend that they wanted to save.

Leedo risked a glance up.

Even as he stared at Ravn, all he could think of was that twisted stranger he had stared up at. Even as he was forced to relive every embrace and quiet word and gentle look and hesitant touch just by nature of seeing Ravn’s face, Leedo could only see the eyes that stared at him as if nothing would ease his pain but Leedo’s death.

The sword against his chest, the ice in Ravn’s words, the disgust in his eyes as he stared at Leedo like he was some _thing-_

A monster. 

In an instant… he had gone from someone so wholly cherished- someone to whom Ravn had promised his future and more… to someone Ravn would have loved nothing more than to kill.

Ravn saw them- saw _him_ \- as a monster.

And Leedo once more felt the urge to prove him right, to give in and let Ravn suffer the consequences of those beliefs. To prove him right and let him die because that was all _monsters_ like them were capable of, right-

Ravn was one of those monsters now.

Leedo shook his head sharply, pushing the cup away before he dropped it.

“I’ll be outside,” he muttered, unsure if anyone even heard him, but no one stopped him as he walked from the cabin successfully this time, not even glancing back as he closed the door.

Leedo did not look at Ravn. He wished he could burn the man’s presence out of his mind.

He was tempted to climb one of the trees filled with low hanging branches, but the effort of it wasn’t worth the solitude it would afford him. Instead, he walked to the nearest cluster of trees, sitting on the roots again and staring off into the woods.

Even out here, he could smell Ravn, his scent clinging to the grass and leaves. Maybe if he looked hard enough, Leedo may find blood scattered across the ground.

What was their future now?

He leaned back into the towering trunk of his tree, head tilted back and hitting the hard wood.

When Ravn awoke… what happened? Would he try and kill them? Clearly, he would be too weak to. So what would they do? Keep him alive and send him off once he woke?

Leedo already knew the others didn’t intend anything of the sort.

Then what? Would Ravn accept who he was now? Would he fight? Flee? Wither away like a flower shoved into the snow? What was their part in this?

Leedo of weeks ago would have never left Ravn’s side.

Now, he wasn’t sure if he could bear seeing, speaking, thinking of the man ever again. He cursed Ravn and he cursed the fates and he cursed himself. He cursed his pain- he just wished it would end.

He didn’t know _what_ would cause it to end, but he wished that miracle would appear.

Leedo wished the pain would stop for a single moment without robbing him of every sensation and emotion, ripping them from his chest and leaving him feeling like a shell.

He didn’t cry. Not again. He simply stared up at the sky, watching it change from bright blue to a colder azure to the barest hints of gold at the edges of clouds.

The breeze was gentle today.

No tea appeared for him, but he heard the door of the cabin open. Leedo simply remained where he was.

“Dongmyeong gave him the potion he mixed,” Seoho’s voice reported to him, a little emotionless and reserved. As if he was also having trouble knowing what to feel. “His fever has already started going down… They think he may wake before morning.”

So little time…

Time had never been kind to them, had it…

“Will you come inside?”

Leedo managed a weak, flat chuckle that held no humor as he tilted his head enough to look back at the older who stared at him calmly- no anger, no firmness, no annoyance. Just calm. Honestly, Leedo felt a little manic. Off balance.

“Aren’t you going to tell me I have to?” he questioned, knowing that the others were hyperaware of his every move.

Seoho merely shook his head quietly. “I can’t force you to do anything.”

“Yes, you could.”

“Well, I do not want to,” Seoho amended, not even taking a hint of annoyed banter to his voice. “You lost something different from the rest of us, Leedo-“

“I don’t need a reminder of what I lost,” Leedo said, a bit stiff, swallowing around a dusty rock in his throat.

“I’m saying that… I understand why you don’t want to see him,” Seoho continued patiently. “I know why you hesitated to go after him. I won’t reprimand you for those things. I just wanted to know if you planned on every breaking through them.”

Leedo didn’t know.

There were so many things he didn’t know. Things he wanted to do, things he knew he couldn’t, things he was sure were wrong-

There was still so much he’d never said.

“I might,” he managed to respond, looking away from Seoho. “I don’t know yet.”

“If you’re planning on spending the night out here… at least come get someone so we don’t find you carried off in the morning,” Seoho requested, the sound of feet shifting backwards.

Leedo hummed, understanding that they were all on a different kind of edge now.

Seoho’s shuffling stopped before it had gone far. “I won’t make you go anywhere,” he said, just as calm and patient as before. “But if you ask me my opinion… I think that you should be there.”

Leedo expected as much, scoffing a laugh as he leaned his elbows on his knees. “And what good would that do? Closure?” he questioned, lifting a brow as he glanced back.

Seoho stared back, shrugging. “Perhaps. Everything was ripped away so quickly… maybe it would help. But I don’t know.”

“Then what reason do you think I should go back for?” he posed with a tired sigh, already drained from speaking of it.

“Because he still means too much to you.”

Leedo stiffened, grateful that he wasn’t facing Seoho. He wasn’t sure what expression he might have made.

“He hurt you. In a different and more personal way than he could ever hurt any of us,” Seoho went on, once again sounding so sure of himself. As if this was common fact. “We’re going to have to help him, Leedo. You’re free to keep yourself removed from that process… but even after everything he’s done, you’re still conflicted. Those emotions aren’t going anywhere soon. I think it would be beneficial if you were able to-“

Leedo’s ears cut out as his fist clenched.

Ravn would be around for a while. They planned on helping him.

Leedo never wanted to see him again.

But it took everything not to follow Seoho back inside because it was _easier._

It was easier to justify the emotions and the pain when he could see Ravn, could be reminded of exactly the person who had casted him aside. Instead of seeing every memory that was warm and distant, he could see the exact face he had looked up at, helpless to guide away.

Maybe he didn’t want to hate Ravn. Maybe he did. He didn’t know.

But when Seoho walked away, apparently having said his piece, Leedo didn’t follow. Not until his legs and back had gone numb from the position. Not until night had long since turned the sky dark. Not until his stomach began to rumble from a lack of food.

Only once all three of those factors weighed on his mind did Leedo force himself to stand.

His plan: enter the cabin, tell them that he planned on spending the night by the trees, grab something to settle his stomach, and walk out. No further update had been given on Ravn, so Leedo expected to simply avoid looking at that side of the room.

Leedo pushed the door open, and every head turned to him rapidly.

In an instant, he took in the others- their eyes intent and worried and gentle as they stood at a distance from the bed on the left.

He didn’t mean to. But Leedo looked.

And he saw Ravn sitting up, one hand pressed to his chest and the other held in front of him, as if he had been staring at his skin.

It was impossible to describe what Ravn’s expression was upon the moment Leedo entered- something angered and helpless and fierce, much like that night.

But when every head turned, Ravn’s turned with them, their eyes meeting.

Ravn paled in a way that had nothing to do with his new biology, his face going slack as his hand dropping to his lap limply.

The eyes that stared at him in shock were familiar. They weren’t hard or angry or bitter…

They were just open and vulnerable.

In the split moment of realizing who he was looking at, Ravn looked like the same person Leedo had happily pledged his life and more to. Not the stranger that pressed a sword to his chest.

And it was exactly that familiar, vulnerable expression that made Leedo slam the door shut, practically crushing the metal knob in his fist that clenched painfully tight, his lungs screaming for air he hadn’t realized he wasn’t getting-

It looked like him.

It _was_ him, but he looked like he _used to_ -

Leedo gasped in breaths, his other hand pressed against his eyes that were already damp, the metal finally warping under his death grip. He could practically feel the burn of the blessed blade piercing through his armor.

It looked just like the Ravn he once knew.

The Ravn that he had lost in the cold eyes of a stranger who looked at him like he was nothing but an animal to be put down.

And anger suddenly flared like fire across dry kindling, almost frightening Leedo for how fierce it finally managed to blaze- accomplishing all at once the rage that he had tried to muster for days.

He looked like the Ravn that had offered his affections. The one that whispered that Leedo was someone marvelous, someone who had aided him in every aspect of his life. The one who had held and kissed Leedo more gently than anything he’d ever experienced. The one that smile with warmth and fondness, the one who had embraced Leedo and hurt with him. The one that wished for just a moment. The one who had cried as he held Leedo’s dying body in his arms.

And it suddenly seemed like such a mockery.

How _dare_ this prince destroy that person?

How dare he let his grief destroy the last good person on this earth? How dare he taint Leedo’s once warm memories, forcing him to stare down a sword and the cold eyes of a stranger every time he closed his eyes?

It seemed like dirt smeared across a beautiful tapestry.

Leedo felt _anger._

Anger and hatred over the Ravn that had ripped away the person Leedo had pledged himself to.

How dare he choose to destroy someone who had continued to be so kind despite his pain? How dare he sully the person Ravn had once been? The person Ravn had been so eager to return to?

How _dare_ he force Leedo’s last memory to be of hatred and disgust?

How dare he stare at Leedo- after becoming one of them- as if nothing had changed? How dare he wear the same expression from the moment Leedo appeared in the woods after his near death?

How _dare_ this cruel stranger look anything like the Ravn Leedo had lost?

He shoved the door back open.

They had been talking.

“-have to listen to us,” Hwanwoong was saying firmly, pleading and gentle. “We-“

Ravn was speaking over him. “I don’t want to hear it-“

Both of them fell entirely silent at Leedo’s reappearance.

And Leedo watched Ravn’s tense, pale expression fall lax again, as if he had just been struck, as if he were seeing a ghost.

How dare he… when he was one who killed any one of them.

Leedo felt bile burning at his throat and tears of anger burning at his eyes. Neither managed to manifest.

Ravn’s mouth slowly closed, his eyes beginning to darken, as if raising his shields. Defensive.

“We can help you, Ravn,” Keonhee said firmly, using the momentary shock to speak. “We can explain it all, you just have to listen. You… You know you were turned. You know what you are now.”

Leedo was surprised when Ravn didn’t snap back, nor did his eyes flare with anger. He was still staring at Leedo, as if both were afraid to look away and possibly make themselves vulnerable.

Ravn looked… empty. Even as his shields raised, it was like staring at a foggy moor- blank and chilled.

“I don’t need you to tell me what I am,” Ravn whispered harshly, rubbing a hand over his upper arm, like there was an ache there. “I can tell that… that I’m…”

His skin was paler. Along his neck, blue veins were visible. When he spoke, Leedo could see the tips of fangs. His claws were retracted, and his eyes were still brown.

In the back of his mind, behind the anger and racing blood, Leedo wondered if hiding would be easier for him, as someone who was turned instead of born.

But he didn’t dwell on that.

What he did do was speak.

“How are you feeling?” he questioned, his voice coming out a gnarled, twisted version of itself that he had never heard before.

Gods, he just wanted to be _angry._ And he finally had the strength- the _fuel_ , in the form of Ravn’s presence- to send that anger blazing hot enough to burn every regret to dust.

It was so much easier to not have to think, to just want to hurt-

“Leedo,” Seoho said gently, but it was a soft warning to stop before he started.

Leedo just wanted to hurt.

He just wanted to stop being the only one hurting.

He wanted Ravn to understand what he had done when he threw them aside.

He wanted Ravn to understand that his actions had not been harmless, they had not been justice.

He just wanted to be the one hurting, instead of being hurt, for once in his life.

“Are you feeling very murderous? Evil?” he snarled, feeling his blood burn hotter and his fingers ache as his claws crawled out. “Having any uncontrollable urges to destroy all of humanity? No?” he challenged viciously.

“Leedo,” Seoho snapped, sharper this time, a dangerous flash in his eyes. “Now is not the time-“

“When _would_ be the time?” Leedo snapped back, stepping further into the cabin, feeling like he was shaking. “After he’s accepted who he is? How the _hells_ could he ever do that when he doesn’t even understand a _thing_ about who he’s become?”

“Leedo,” Dongmyeong tried to intervene gently-

“Have you accepted who you are now?” Leedo demanded, turning to Ravn who was staring at him with stony eyes.

They weren’t cold.

They were just blank. Tinged with anger, but not enough to color them dangerous. Tired and weak, from a man who had only just awoken from trauma.

“Do you _understand_ that you’re nothing but a mindless monster?” he demanded, voice rising as he took an unconscious step towards the prince still sitting on the bed.

He was shaking. He could feel it from his marrow to his skin, a tremble that threatened to break him apart.

He was just finally so _angry_ -

“Do you _realize_ that you’re now just a monster for them to kill? An animal that only knows how to hunt and kill and _die_ \- because that is all they will ever _let_ you be?” Leedo snarled, another step that brought him closer. “Does that _feel_ like what you are, right now-”

Seoho was suddenly in front of him, an arm across his chest to pin him in place, red eyes as dangerous as jagged rubies. “Stop,” He hissed, a final warning. “Your anger has no place here-“

Leedo pushed his arm away, forcing Seoho aside for a brief moment, but it was enough for his eyes to meet Ravn’s like a branding iron pressed against hide.

“Now that you’re one of us, do you understand?” he practically shouted, a snarl caught in the back of his throat. “Because of _people_ like you, you will live and die like an animal- guilty by association for the crimes of your race-“

Seoho wrapped an arm around Leedo’s chest from the front, dragging him back to the door silently, a dangerous aura radiating that Leedo didn’t fear. He didn’t struggle hard- knowing that even if he did manage to shake Seoho off, the other would just grab him again.

“And when the humans decide that the death of their prince _hurts_ enough-“

Ravn was staring at him silently, eyes stony but holding a horror, a discomfort, a pain inside of them.

Leedo pushed against Seoho, knowing he wouldn’t break from his hold, but the burning in his eyes grew to a peak.

“-then they’ll wipe you out along with us!” he snarled as Seoho yanked the door open.

Ravn flinched, looking away to his hands that shook in his lap-

“ _And it doesn’t matter whether its your mother or friend who finds you because humanity’s hatred of you is now stronger than any love they ever felt for you_!”

Ravn’s eyes snapped up.

The stone and fog had disappeared.

There was only pain now.

And for a brief moment… Leedo felt so good about it. Content with the knowledge that he had managed to hurt him just as deeply.

And then the door slammed shut between them.

And Leedo’s stomach instantly twisted painfully as Seoho kept shoving him until they were standing among the trees- the cabin glowing in the background as Seoho pushed him away, the two of them standing at a distance from each other.

Leedo didn’t move. His chest was heaving and his limbs were shaking and his blood was burning. And his stomach rolled in discomfort.

He’d once wished that it hadn’t been Ravn he had hurt, no matter how unintentional…

“ _Do not_ say a word,” Seoho hissed, eyes flashing dangerously as he glared at Leedo, a hand held out in preparation to stop him if he moved. “If you even think of moving from that spot, I will break your legs.”

“What was wrong about what I said?” Leedo demanded, the tangle of knots in his stomach climbing into his chest and wrapping around his heart uncomfortably. “He’s one of us now- You think just because he was _turned_ , he’ll escape the life _he_ decided we deserved?”

“I told you that it wasn’t the time-“

“He doesn’t get the courtesy of time!” Leedo shouted, feeling his eyes glowing and his nails sharpening. “No one ever held our hand through our lives- He does not get that courtesy when mere _days_ ago he was plotting to wipe out an entire race! A race he is now a _part_ of! Oh- now that he’s the one on the wrong side of history, he forgets everything-”

“You never gave him time to figure out what side he was on!” Seoho snapped back, fists clenching. “There are varkolaks that hate and there are those that don’t- I’m not saying he’s not in the wrong, but do you honestly think you’re in the right with how you handled that?”

“Did I lie to him?” he demanded, scoffing bitterly. “He was clear on how he views us- He doesn’t get to change that just because-“

“Before, you wouldn’t have cared what made him change his mind.”

Leedo’s tongue tripped over itself, falling silent as dark eyes glared at Seoho who suddenly seemed too calm.

“Wasn’t that the whole point of our mission?” Seoho asked, arms crossing tight over his chest. “To make him change his mind? To get him to understand that varkolaks were more than he thought…? Is it now possible he can accomplish that, now that he’s turned?” He jerked his head towards the cabin. “Have you never considered that this is a viable base for our future?”

“I don’t want that future if it comes from _him_ ,” Leedo snarled, turning away and suppressing the urge to punch through the tree before him.

“Well, then it’s a good thing we were never selfish enough to think this future was for us.”

Leedo turned rapidly, finding Seoho looking far too calm and self-assured as he crossed his arms, staring at Leedo like a parent waiting for a child to finish their tantrum.

It made more anger flare.

And it made the vines around his heart squeeze tighter, thorns beginning to pierce.

“Selfish?” he hissed, still clinging to anger as Ravn’s pained, agonized eyes flashed across his mind.

“Were you not prepared to die, if it meant that our people stopped living to be hunted?” Seoho questioned, brow raising stiffly. “Did you not understand, like the rest of us, that we would likely not see that future? But did we not agree to be a catalyst- giving our lives for the sake of millions?”

Leedo bared his teeth, wanting to snap back, but the words clogged his throat.

“Our future was never for _us_ ,” Seoho whispered harshly.

That had been what he accepted. He had lived with that knowledge faithfully and honestly. Genuinely, he would have died if it meant others lived in peace.

But he wasn’t dead. He was hurting and hollow and shaking.

“It’s what he deserves,” Leedo hissed, his voice coming out petulant and weak as he turned his back on Seoho again, feeling his hands shaking harder. His eyes burned.

_Ravn’s face stared at him, vulnerable_ -

“It doesn’t make you evil because you want to hurt someone.”

Leedo froze, not moving, but his lungs breathing too rapidly.

“I’m not sure if you’re trying to prove to Ravn that you can be as cruel as he was… but neither of you are evil because of the pain you inflicted,” Seoho murmured, voice almost bordering on warm-

“He threw us aside!” Leedo shouted, echoing voice bursting from his chest.

“Yes,” Seoho answered calmly, eyes dark.

“He was going to wipe out an entire _race_!”

“Yes.”

Leedo snarled, fists clenching, claws digging into his skin. “He never even gave us a chance! He threw away a decade in a moment-“

“I know…”

“So don’t you dare act as if his grief didn’t turn him into someone he’s never been before!” he shouted, throwing a hand down with claws that broke through bark of the nearest tree.

“It did,” Seoho acquiesced, staring at Leedo through the darkness like he could see through every outburst.

“He deserves to suffer for that!” Leedo shouted, eyes burning and stinging as he glared through the night. “He looked me in the eyes, he _told_ me I was nothing but an animal-“

“I know,” Seoho murmured.

He felt like something was about to break. 

“I looked at him that night and I didn’t even _recognize_ him-“

“I know…”

“I want him to know _exactly_ what it felt like! I want him to understand a _fraction_ of how it feels to be thrown aside like you’re suddenly some _monster_ after you spent a decade caring so much you felt like you would _die_ -“

“And you still care about him.”

Several things happened at once.

The vines around his heart squeezed so tightly, Leedo through he might die. The tears burning behind his eyes broke free, turning Seoho into nothing but a blur of darkness. His shaking fist slammed into a tree that he ended up leaning into because like a candle being blown out… everything stopped.

“ _Of course, I still care_ ,” he hissed through teeth gritted hard enough to shatter them, his fist shaking against the splintered wood.

His breaths trembled. He watched tears drip into the dirt at his feet, making him want to laugh.

How did he always end up here?

“I spent a decade… enraptured by him.” His voice trembled as he pressed his fist harder into the wood, feeling it bite into his skin. He glared hard enough to cause more tears to drip angrily. “And even if only a _fraction_ of that was spent… feeling anything more than camaraderie…”

A sob built in his chest, but he swallowed it down, squeezing his eyes shut as the world spun.

“I’m so… _tired_ of this,” he hissed, claws digging into skin. “I’m tired of trying to convince myself I could ever put him down. That the pain would ever stop, that the wounds would ever heal- _They’re never going to.”_

He sucked in a breath that sounded pathetic as he hit the tree again, hardly even a tap.

It still hurt.

“And the only time it isn’t hurt so badly I feel like fading away, is when I convince myself that I hate him,” he hissed, the words suddenly tasting like ash in the presence of another.

For the first time, he voiced it without filtration.

And shame suddenly blazed through him like anger once had.

“If I hate him, then I can at least get pay back for the pain he caused,” he croaked weakly, voice rough. “If I hate him, then it isn’t just me being left alone and scarred for the rest of my life. If I hate him, I can convince myself that I can move on… But I don’t,” he hissed angrily.

A sob escaped- rough and choke. But only one.

“I _don’t_ hate him,” he snapped weakly, spots dancing for how hard he closed his eyes against the world. “I can’t even stop missing him, much less convince myself I never want to see him again-“

For every thought that he didn’t want to see him… Leedo knew that it accompanied by the crushing urge to get one more chance to. Even as he covered aches with anger, even as he labeled longing as hatred… he knew that never seeing Ravn again would have been the worst punishment of his life.

“I know we betrayed him,” Leedo hissed weakly, finally opening his eyes and staring down at the grass, watching tears cascade like falling stars. “I know we hurt him int the worst way possible, at his most vulnerable, when he couldn’t find footing… I know that it was our fault, but I can’t… I can’t just move past it…”

Insects were singing quietly in the woods.

“The way he _looked_ at me,” Leedo whispered hoarsely, shaking his head, making more droplets fall. “As if I was suddenly worthless. A monster. As if… nothing about us had ever mattered…” He swallowed painfully.

Seoho was so quiet, Leedo could convince himself he had left.

“I wanted to him to know what that felt like,” Leedo whispered roughly, swallowing. “I wanted him to understand that he is now worthless… because he is like us.”

He had never wanted to hurt Ravn. He had wanted to take away his every pain and burden.

But then he’d looked up, and he didn’t recognize Ravn. 

But when Leedo looked behind himself, he couldn’t recognize himself, either. 

He saw someone angry and loathing and full of hatred… someone wanting to hurt, someone cold and cruel… and he suddenly couldn’t see the difference between himself and Ravn.

Losing Sonhae had forced Ravn into such grief, it made him cruel.

Losing Ravn in such a way had turned Leedo’s morals into a scoreboard… A fence that he thought was keeping him from healing his pain, instead of the things that had once guided Ravn away from his taught mindset of hatred.

Ravn had once loved him for what he stood for.

Leedo had once loved Ravn for the person he continued to be, despite all his hardships.

It was… ignorant and foolish of him to think that any person could undergo that forever, that there would never be a breaking point.

He’d wanted to hurt Ravn. Because he was hurting.

How was that different from Ravn wanting to hurt because he’d lost yet another piece of his life?

How could Leedo stand here, claiming superiority and justice… when looking at Ravn was staring into a mirror?

Leedo cursed weakly under his breath, finally pushing from the tree and scrubbing at his eyes, the vines beginning to work their way around his lungs slowly, forcing his breathing to slow.

“Can I hug you… or will you bite me?” Seoho asked, his voice closer than it had been before.

Leedo choked on a laugh that didn’t hold any humor- slightly manic- as he struggled to stop tears from falling harder. He kept his face hidden behind his arm, continuously wiping at his soaked cheeks.

He felt like his hollow chest had been torn open, putting everything on display. He felt naked and vulnerable and exposed.

But for once… he did not feel afraid. 

“When have I ever promised not to bite you?” he croaked, the words nearly breaking his voice as he dropped his head.

Ravn’s eyes flashed in his mind, pained and shocked and lost-

Ravn had lost everything. His family, his home, even his humanity…

Perhaps his quest for revenge had been misguided and wrong. But Leedo had lost only a fraction of that, and he had broken quicker than Ravn had ever begun to crack.

Seoho’s embraced was tight and firm, both of them falling still and silent. Leedo almost wanted to laugh at the thought that the last embrace he’d received had been from Ravn. The things he had felt while in that embrace…

It was most definitely different, hugging Seoho. Because Seoho knew everything- from start to finish, he understood it all. And he held Leedo as someone with the knowledge of _everything._

Ravn had never known more than a fraction of Leedo’s true life. His past and his motives and intentions…

Leedo had convinced himself they hadn’t hidden much… but they’d hidden _everything._

Ravn was here and frightened, and Leedo was still so angry, but it was all internal and icy, not burning. It was fizzling and crackling, like a hot log being slowly doused in water.

Seoho said nothing- there weren’t any words that could be offered. He’d said what needed to be said, and Leedo has said the things he had been holing up in his chest ever since that night.

And he didn’t mean to… but Leedo cried harder, forcing himself to be quiet, though his body shook with the force of those suppressed sobs.

He thought he’d been in pain, struggling, suffering… alone.

But when he leaned forward, Seoho was in front of him, holding him up without comment.

Keonhee’s presence in the bed beside him, Xion’s anger on his behalf, the dozen different hands that gave him tea and food, the dozens of eyes watching him quietly to ensure he didn’t stumble or break…

All of them, waiting- not to mock or pity- but to catch him should be fall.

Leedo had never been alone… had he.

He’d just been too hurt to see outside of himself.

Leedo looked back on Ravn… and he saw a dirty, cracked mirror. Shattered, smudged, broken…

But… perhaps… not irreparable. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!   
> One day I will not end on a cliffhanger, I promise ㅠㅠㅠ 
> 
> I’m going to try my hardest to get back on schedule, but thank you all so much for being patient and all your support!! It really does mean the world~ 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter because I wrote and edited it super fast lol~
> 
> Stay safe, lovelies! Thank you!   
> -SS


	7. We Come to Understand, But What Use Is Forgiveness in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone giving this so much loved, you’re all amazing!!!! >w<  
> Thank you so much for your patience!! I’m trying hard to keep on schedule, so thank you all for understanding! 
> 
> I’m having so much fun with these chapters, so I hope you enjoy this one too! Please let me know what you think~
> 
> Have an amazing day, and be safe, lovelies!  
> -SS

Seoho stayed with Leedo that night, both of them sitting against the trees in silence.

It wasn’t an unwelcome silence.

And when Leedo opened his eyes to the very beginnings of morning light peaking through the trees, he felt drained. Empty.

He felt like… a piece of meat cleaned too rigorously.

His skin felt raw and sensitive… but it felt like something had been unclogged, scrubbed off, removed… Like a pile of forest debris blocking a river that had finally grown strong enough to wash it away.

He was exhausted. His mind and body ached.

But he no longer felt… dirty. Stagnant. His shoulders were heavy, but they were tired in a way that felt like the ache of finally placing a weight down.

He closed his eyes, but it wasn’t to block out the reality around him this time. He closed his eyes, resting his head against the tree behind him, letting it take his weight as he felt the warmth of the rising sun on his face.

For once, he welcomed it. He let it soak into his skin, warming it and feeding on it like a flower reaching towards the sunlight.

It felt like a reminder- gentle, but firm.

He was not some monster crawling around in the dark. He was not some night creature crawling in shadows, waiting for easy prey.

Leedo sat in the sun, and he basked in it… perhaps for the first time in his life. 

He cracked his eyes open once more after his skin felt like it had turned less clammy, less raw under the gentle morning light. Blinking away the sleep, he forced himself to sit up, groaning as his back ached slightly, but…

In truth, he felt lighter than he had since long before the night it all fell apart.

Blearily, he looked across the small distance between trees, watching Seoho’s eyes crack open, one peaking at Leedo curiously, appropriately tensed in preparation for another altercation.

“Feeling any better?” he questioned as Leedo sat there like a child, rubbing at his face as he crossed his legs in the dirt.

“Better” may have been the wrong word. But it was close enough for Leedo to nod slowly.

“Yeah,” he rasped, voice scratchy from the yelling and endless tears. He swallowed, massaging the back of his neck while avoiding eye contact. “I…” His throat stuck on a stone lodged there. “For last night, I’m-“

“Don’t apologize.”

Leedo looked up, genuinely taken aback to find Seoho standing slowly, dusting the dirt and grass from his pants, expression calm.

“What you did was wrongly timed,” Seoho assured him, glancing down at Leedo, and there was the barest hint of pity in his eyes. “But it wasn’t something for you to apologize for. We don’t have the right to demand that of you.”

Because Leedo had lost something different than them. Even now, Leedo was facing different demons than the rest of them.

“You aren’t alone in your anger, trust me,” Seoho assured him, offering a hand down to him, expression carefully reserved. “We may not have hesitated to go after Ravn, but we haven’t forgotten what he did. There are so many things that need to be addressed, it could take years.”

Leedo stared at the hand for a moment, eyes a little wide.

He’d expected, at the very least, a scolding for his reckless anger.

Seoho’s jaw worked for a moment. “But never think that we aren’t on your side, Leedo,” he said firmly, eyes twitching towards that hardness that demanded that he listen well. “Regardless of how much we will follow Ravn, we are always on your side before we are on his.”

The five of them had been all they had for years, until they had become close enough to Ravn to place that amount of faith in him. All their secrets, their burdens, their fears- all the things Ravn could never know- had been entrusted to each other.

And Leedo’s chest tightened at the thought that he seemed to have forgotten that in his lost feelings after that night.

But the thought of drawing that line between Ravn and the rest of them… no matter how firmly Leedo had drawn the line himself… Now, in the light of day, when he no longer felt like he was drowning with water choking his every breath…

“There… There are no sides,” Leedo said, dropping his eyes even as he accepted the offered hand, holding on tightly as Seoho pulled him to his feet. He stared at the dirt, a fist clenching at the memories of the last few days.

He wished this sudden clarity could have existed before Ravn’s reappearance. But then again, maybe it would have been impossible to achieve without Ravn’s presence breaking down every wall Leedo had been frantically trying to build around his pain.

Closure, Seoho had said.

It didn’t feel like closure. But… it felt like clarity.

“There cannot be a line between us,” Leedo murmured, shaking his head slowly, throat aching. “Ravn…”

In the light of day, in the clarity of his mind, his stomach plummeted as the weight of the situation slamming into his midsection.

“Ravn is one of us now,” he rasped, voice thick and rough and heavy.

_Ravn was a varkolak now._

“Even if… Even if he continues to scorn us, even if we part ways as enemies at the end of it all…” He swallowed the stone in his throat painfully as he looked up. “We cannot create battle lines. Our fight… is not against Ravn.”

It wasn’t Ravn himself.

Perhaps their grudges were against Ravn, but in terms of the battle they had fighting against their entire lives… Ravn was just as much a victim as any of them, even if his actions had turned him into something else.

Their battle was still against hate, against stubbornness, against ignorance… And creating those lines against Ravn would only harden those enemies into stone. 

Seoho stared at him evenly, analyzing and processing before he scoffed ever so gently, halfway rolling his eyes. “You couldn’t have discovered this revelation a few hours earlier-“

Leedo swiped at him, but Seoho leapt away, a quiet chuckle there as he grinned at Leedo- his eyes still heavy, but his expression light enough to have Leedo’s chest unlocking in a rush of oxygen as he rolled his eyes.

“Every time you manage to make yourself less of an ass,” Leedo muttered, shaking his head as Seoho looked offended, “you open your mouth again and ruin it.”

“You didn’t find me so bothersome while you were sobbing against my shoulder-“

Seoho leapt back, a more genuine laugh leaving his mouth as Leedo didn’t stop at a single attack, half-chasing his around the trees for a few seconds, just to prove that he wasn’t amused.

It only ended when Leedo got tired and stopped, continuing to glare as Seoho chuckled triumphantly, standing a safe distance away as he lifted his hands, signaling a truce.

Leedo kept glaring, even if his chest was… It was a sensation he felt like he hadn’t experienced it in a long time.

Seoho’s smile faded to something smaller, though his voice remained light. “We should go in and meet back with the others,” he said, glancing behind Leedo at the cabin.

The light in Leedo’s heart suddenly shriveled, a way of icy fear washing over him in an instant.

It was easy to be brave when you forgot you would have to be brave again.

The images of seeing Ravn’s face flashed through his mind- everything from his icy anger, to his blank shock at seeing Leedo, to the pain and horror that flashed across it as Leedo yelled his chest empty.

“He’s not in there right now.”

Leedo blinked, probably staring at Seoho in a little bit too much relief as Seoho jerked his head towards the East.

“Ravn and Yonghoon left just as the sun was rising,” he informed Leedo. “They’re likely talking out certain things. Ravn did not exactly look happy, but…” Seoho paused, lips thinning for a moment as he glanced East.

Leedo followed his gaze, but all he found was the rising sun.

“As much as what you said was untimely… I think it did make a difference,” Seoho assured him, voice quiet as he stared off. “We’ve always been so concerned with not making ourselves to be the enemy… we’ve been afraid to be aggressive this entire time. I think this made Ravn realize just how far he’d gone.”

_Did it really matter what Ravn realized or not?_ Leedo couldn’t help but think cynically. Ravn was already turned to a varkolak, they were already traitors to the crown, and the chasm between the two of them had grown so far apart, it was impossible to see the other side.

Even if Ravn explained everything, even if they revealed their entire history and intentions to him… would there ever be a way to fix this? Was there even anything _to_ fix, or was it just something that had disappeared into dust, with nothing left to piece back together?

Leedo was tired of being cynical.

His stomach gurgled quietly, making the two of them exchange a quick glance that nearly changed into laughter, though their chests were too heavy to voice it.

“Let’s eat something before Ravn and Yonghoon get back,” Seoho said, already walking past Leedo slowly. “And reconvene with the others.”

Leedo stared at their resting place from the night for a moment before following Seoho quietly, legs stiff and chest heavy, but still… still with a clarity he’d been missing for days on end.

As difficult as it was, he could breathe again.

How that would change the next time he saw Ravn, he didn’t know.

They pushed open the door of the cabin, finding the others already awake and sitting around, no one speaking, save for Keonhee and Xion who both sat on the edge of the bed Ravn had been in last night.

The cabin wasn’t torn to shreds, none of them wore heavy bags under their eyes, and no one looked as if someone had died.

Which was a million times more than Leedo was expecting to find upon coming back inside.

They all looked up at their entrance, Hwanwoong standing rapidly, staring at Leedo with eyes that begged to ask a hundred questions but not knowing if it was safe to. It took barely a moment, though, for him to read Leedo’s posture and expression enough to realize that things were not as fragile as they had been last night.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as Dongmyeong stood, smiling quietly as he prepared a cup of tea, looking grateful for something to do.

Leedo swallowed, feeling his skin crawl with embarrassment and shame, but he shook it off silently, nodding. “Fine,” he murmured, an apology on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it down. “I… I’m okay now,” he assured them, the implication that last night’s storm had passed.

Hwanwoong continued staring in concern for a moment before nodding, scanning Leedo quickly before sitting back down. “Ravn and Yonghoon left earlier,” he told them as Dongmyeong pushed a tea into Leedo’s hands, going back to make one for Seoho. “We aren’t expecting them back until much later, though.”

“What are they doing? Talking?” Seoho questioned, walking further in, frowning as he leaned against the edge of the table, one hand braced on it. “What happened after we left?”

“Not much…” Keonhee said, standing from where he sat with Xion, the youngest glancing between everyone with concerned tension around his eyes. Keonhee’s own eyes were strained, but he stood with enough confidence to have Leedo relax slightly. “After you left… things got a lot quieter.”

“Ravn fought us beforehand,” Hwanwoong explained, glancing to Leedo and then away. “He woke up, and we tried to explain everything to him and keep him calm, but… of course, this is not something easy to go through.”

Leedo pointedly didn’t let himself think about it.

“He fought us for a while, asking what part we’d had it, demanding we find a way to turn him back, insisting that it couldn’t actually have happened… and, of course, he tried to refuse any help we offered him,” Hwanwoong murmured, wincing ever so slightly.

“After you showed up…” Xion stared at Leedo, unblinking, but as if he thought that looking away would tear something apart, “he got quiet. He refused to say much else. He asked to just be left alone.”

“What you said… tore him up a bit,” Giwook added gently, as if unsure if his input was allowed from where he sat at the table, expression quiet. He was also kind enough to ignore the twitch in Leedo’s expression. “It very clearly broke through whatever walls he was using as protection… We all knew it was useless to keep pushing him. We told him to rest and spent the rest of the night just sitting around.”

“When he woke up, Yonghoon told him they should go on a walk,” Keonhee said, jerking his head towards the same direction Seoho had pointed. “To explain some things and to give Ravn a chance to clear his head. I think Ravn was just glad to get away from us…”

“He acts as if he’s afraid of us, now,” Xion muttered, drawing his legs up and resting his chin on his knees, eyes withdrawn. “Not as if we would attack him… but as if he understands what he’s done… and he cannot stand to look at us anymore.”

“It’s understandable,” Harin said quietly, glancing around calmly. “Especially once Leedo said his part… I think Ravn truly realized the extent of what he threatened to do. Regardless of his feelings of betrayal, he now understands the weight of his actions.”

“A little late,” Xion murmured, tucking his chin down, but he sounded more regretful than angry.

“Everything is tainted by our lack of time,” Seoho said firmly, glancing back at Leedo before facing forward again. “Ravn’s revenge, our revelation of the truth, the clashing of those two moments, the aftermath with Ravn’s reappearance… There has never been time to think or plan or process…” He shook his head firmly. “We have barely been able to breathe.”

“Time has never been our friend,” Hwanwoong murmured heavily, expression tense but gentle. “We’ve been fighting against it as ardently as everything else. We have to make allowances for that.”

“What does Yonghoon plan on speaking with him about?” Leedo asked, glancing at Kanghyun and Giwook. “Does he think Ravn will even listen to him?”

“He hopes he will,” Giwook said, nodding slowly, resting his chin in his palm. “His hope is that having one of _us-_ people who were removed from the situation- explain everything might prompt him to listen. And none of us exactly felt like having to do it, so we made him do it,” he added, wincing as he tried to chuckle.

Leedo cracked a smile as Hwanwoong huffed a disbelieving laugh.

“But it is true that most of Ravn’s explosive emotions are stemming from his emotions connected to all of you,” Kanghyun assured them, playing with a stray piece of dried herb on the table. “His aggressiveness will plummet in the face of someone like Yonghoon, whom he holds no emotions attachment to.”

Everyone was silent in the face of the sudden insight.

“Are you sure?” Keonhee asked, frowning. “Even if we make it worse, Ravn cannot exactly be very emotionally stable after undergoing that sort of transformation, regardless of who he speaks with.”

“I am sure,” Kanghyun said firmly, gesturing into the air in front of him. “Ravn’s aura are entirely and easily visible- likely from the fact that he was human with very limited experience with magic.” He shrugged, like it wasn’t important. “But the moment any of you left his sight, those auras changed drastically. He is very much affected by your presence.”

Sometimes Leedo didn’t understand witches. And sometimes he couldn’t help but be in a bit of awe.

“So what does that mean for our plans?” Xion asked, lifting his head curiously to frown. “If we cannot even be in his sight without inciting an extreme emotional reaction, how could we ever help him? Do we have to find others who are trustworthy enough and hand over his care to them?” he demanded.

“Oh, no,” Kanghyun said, shaking his head with an expression of distaste. “No, the prince will never heal in the hands of another. If you expect him to ever move forward, you will have to be involved in the process.”

Leedo was back to not understanding.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Leedo demanded, stepping forward as his stomach twisted itself into knots. “We were never supposed to see him again- how can his recovery depend on us that much?”

“Did you read the future?” Hwanwoong questioned, equally confused, frowning deeply.

“No,” Kanghyun said, huffing as if it were a ridiculous thought, shaking his head. “But like I said, his auras are extremely easy to read. And they’re also very distinct to follow the influences and paths of. Ravn’s are very clearly intertwined with the rest of yours. Therefore, if you want any progress made… you must be involved.” 

Keonhee’s brows dipped. “So you’re saying… that-“

“Ravn still feels very strongly about all of you,” Giwook explained, taking over. “That influences his negative emotions heavily. But, that does not mean his emotions _towards_ you are entirely negative.”

Seoho glanced back at Leedo, which he wanted to hit him for.

The more he looked at Ravn, the more he saw that cracked, dirty mirror.

The thought of never wanting to see Ravn again, wanting to curse him… mingling with the part of him that couldn’t let go, the part that regretted, the part that longed for that life back.

The part of him that lashed out, only desiring to hurt, because the pain had come from Ravn, someone so close to him… and that had made it all the more agonizing, no matter how understandable.

They had suspected that their intimacy would either make him more open to understanding or have him lashing out harder than ever. They hadn’t considered the fact that both of those may occur simultaneously.

“So… what is our plan?” Seoho questioned, glancing at the others to see if anything had been formed in his absence. “With all of that in mind?”

“Yonghoon is convinced that Ravn can return to being king,” Hwanwoong said, fingers laced and wringing each other gently, not nervous but jittery.

Leedo blinked, the statement taking him by surprise.

“If we can teach him to hide effectively, there’s no reason why he can’t live the rest of his life pretending to be human,” Xion murmured, as if tired, laying his head on his knees. “Same as we did for a decade. And it seems to be easier for Ravn to hide… probably because there’s some part of him that remembers being human. Or something like that.”

The youngest’s voice was flat, and Leedo understood that sensation of not feeling anything, despite having so many emotions that should be experienced.

“That’s it?” Seoho questioned, glancing around, accepting the plan much easier than Leedo. “We teach him to hide and send him on his way?”

“There is the small chance that he returns to being king and, in turn, continues hunting varkolaks,” Harin said, a warning despite the fact that his tone implied he didn’t think it likely. “But, given everything… Kanghyun doesn’t think him capable of going down that path.”

Kanghyun nodded, sticking a finger out and playing with the flame burning in a bowl of whatever he decided to light.

“His auras are very clear,” he assured them absently. “Even now, no matter how much anger he carries, he shows no capability of trying for mass extinction.” He glanced up at Leedo. “What little chance there was practically evaporated the moment Leedo walked in last night.” 

Leedo wished they would stop bringing things back to him.

He didn’t want Ravn to feel differently about him. He didn’t want Ravn looking at him differently, feeling different things than he felt for the others.

He didn’t want to be different in Ravn’s eyes. He didn’t want any reminder that there had ever or could have ever been a way that he was ever different in Ravn’s eyes.

_And it doesn’t matter whether it’s your mother or friend who finds you because humanity’s hatred of you is now stronger than any love they ever felt for you_!

Leedo felt a flash of numb drive through him, but it cleared into a spike of regret.

He did not want to be special to Ravn. At best, he could hope that they parted this as unwilling allies. At worse, they remained enemies, as their natures had always supported.

“Do you want to go?”

Leedo took a moment to respond, staring off before jerking back into reality to realize that Seoho was addressing him, looking back at him with a neutral expression that neither mocked nor enabled.

“What?” he questioned, finding the others also watching him, mixtures of dark concern and gentle worry clouding their eyes.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Seoho clarified slowly. “If we stay here and help Ravn… do you want to leave? Some of us would go with you.”

Leedo stared at him, vaguely seeing the others all nodding their assent behind them.

It made his gut twist sickeningly- it felt like running away. It felt like abandoning them, like he did when they went after Ravn. It felt wrong.

And most of all, it made him realize that he didn’t actually know what he wanted.

He didn’t know if he could handle seeing Ravn again. But that didn’t necessarily, inherently mean that he didn’t _want_ to see Ravn again.

He missed him.

He cared for him- He had admitted as much to Seoho just the night before. And even here, in the light of day, Leedo could admit that. He did not hate Ravn.

Perhaps he hated what he had done, perhaps he hated who he had become that night… but he did not hate Ravn. Not the one that existed in his memories… and not even the one who had stared at him just the night before.

He did not even _want_ to hate Ravn anymore.

But he knew that anything more than what they were right now was becoming impossible. He could accept that.

_We are always on your side before we are on his._

Leedo had convinced himself he was alone. He had convinced himself that he was aching too badly for anything to ever pierce through.

He had forgotten what he had, as he now stared out at the four of them, all waiting on his answer, ready to follow him away from here until Ravn was taken care of. These people would do anything for him.

They _had_ done everything for him.

“No,” Leedo murmured, shaking his head slowly, tongue a little tangled. He glanced around, shaking his head again. “No, I… I want to stay.”

Because he would not abandon the others again, nor would he force them apart just to accommodate him.

Because he didn’t know what he felt.

Because his confusion was thick enough for Leedo to simply set his feet in the ground and refuse to move.

Because he didn’t hate Ravn… and that scared him.

In a twisted, masochistic way, he wanted to see Ravn again, just to see what would happen.

But he also knew that he likely wasn’t strong enough to go through that again-

The door opened.

And even before the noise had completely reached Leedo’s ears, he stiffened, like a sixth sense screaming at him to run. He saw everyone in the cabin stand- on edge- as he himself turned quickly, hoping against hope that the fates gave him one singular moment of rest-

Yonghoon stood with his hand on the door that was opened, prepared to let Ravn inside, who froze with his feet stuck to the dirt.

Everyone fell like statues, Yonghoon looking at Leedo with such a mixture of apologies and shock that Leedo couldn’t even bring himself to place blame.

Dongmyeong, however, glared. “You said you would be gone hours-“

“Our conversation went easier than I expected,” Yonghoon said, voice stiff as he glanced between the witch and Leedo. “I thought you would still be-“

“You didn’t think to inform anyone?” Giwook scolded, scowling-

Part of Leedo told him to run without even looking.

But he didn’t do that because his eyes were already locked with Ravn’s.

The prince looked pale- outside of his new skin tone- with his eyes tired and his expression heavy. Ravn was someone equal in build and height to Leedo, but he looked… small suddenly. Sickly.

He stared at Leedo, but there was no stony anger or cold walls or even vulnerable regret.

Ravn stared at him blankly, dully, as if Leedo was looking into an empty shell picked up from the sand. He stared like he was tired.

He stared at Leedo like the moment that Leedo had watched the burdens become finally too heavy for the prince as he sought comfort from the knight. It was like looking into the past.

And instead of anger… it only brought pity this time.

And suddenly, Leedo didn’t know what he had been afraid of.

Leedo took a breath, knowing that the world would continue to stand still until someone made a move, so he walked forward, looking passed Ravn as if he weren’t even there. He made it to the entrance- enough room for him to pass between Ravn and the door if he turned to the side.

He did, holding his breath while passing, like there was something that might transfer between them as he continued to not even allow his eyes to wander as he slipped between Ravn and the space between the door.

Leedo had made it passed, legs carrying him a step away from the cabin-

A hand reached out quickly, but it barely brushed his elbows before retracting quickly. On instinct, Leedo looked back, expecting to see Seoho trying to convince him to stay.

Instead, he saw Ravn’s clutching his arm to his chest as if burned, his body turning away from Leedo, as if trying to hide the fact he had reached out. The prince didn’t hesitate, hurrying into the door like it might make Leedo forget what he had seen.

Leedo froze for a moment, but his legs continued carrying him away. He forced himself to turn away once Ravn had disappeared into the cabin completely.

He didn’t know what Ravn could have meant by trying to stop him. Was it to fight? To talk? Just… because? He couldn’t very well expect Ravn to understand himself any more than Leedo understood his own emotions.

He didn’t think that Ravn was trying to start an altercation, though. Yonghoon said their talk had gone smoothly, but that could mean any number of things- whether he got through to Ravn, merely got Ravn to comply, or managed to pin Ravn down enough to understand that they weren’t a threat to him.

It was a good thing Leedo didn’t mind sleeping among the trees as he settled back against the familiar divot in his chosen spot away from the cabin.

No one came after him, likely because he hadn’t left in an emotional burst- or perhaps they were just busy trying to speak with Ravn.

Idly… Leedo wondered what Ravn would do if he had been brave enough to stay and talk- to join the others in insisting that they were only trying to help, to explain what his new life would be as one of them, to stand there and not be afraid or back down…

What would Ravn do? Would he be able to look at Leedo? Would his presence only aggravate him into anger?

He sat by the same trees- not hiding, but thinking.

Learning to hide wasn’t something every varkolak knew, or was even capable of doing. In the eyes of most, it was a disgusting ability- a faux pas to take on the appearance of those bastards who hunted them. They even refused to use it for a hunting tactic, to try and lure humans closer.

Humans were, in all levels, disgusting to some.

However, if one had the innate ability, it was relatively easy to learn. The only catch came in how long you were able to sustain that form. For some, it became harder with time as they fought instincts- like Keonhee and Hwanwoong. And to some, it was as easy as breathing, like Leedo.

Xion had once laughed at how comfortable Leedo was in his human skin, asking if he hated being a varkolak that much. He had laughed and hit him at the time, but… perhaps there was something there, an innate desire to stop being the race that had brought him so much heartache.

But now being human was just as painful, so there wasn’t much point in being philosophical about it. Being human was easier, after so long. It was simpler to just keep this appearance, rather than switching back to his true form.

But Leedo was too conflicted and too tired for self-analysis, so he shook the thoughts away, leaning his head back and staring up into the morning sun. He closed his eyes, soaking in it for a moment, letting it warm his skin after the shock of suddenly seeing Ravn again.

The sun felt nice.

Harin came out at some point, leaving a plate of food and asking if he needed anything- the implication going beyond a cup of tea or a snack. But Leedo simply shook his head, thanking him.

“What’s going on in there?” he questioned before Harin could leave.

“Mostly silence,” Harin told him, glancing back. “No one’s eager to push any subject, and the prince is… well, the transformation is never pleasant.” He winced sympathetically. “We’re trying not to overwhelm him, but his talk with Yonghoon has seemed to at least convince him of his new reality. He’s hesitant about the others, but the walls seemed to have come down. Now, he’s just… well, tired.”

His shoulder raised slightly, as if this was an expected occurrence. And it was.

Mentally, physically, and emotionally, Ravn was being stretched to his limits.

And once more, Leedo felt a pang of sympathy that made him feel more sick than anything else. But it wasn’t anger and it wasn’t apathy, so he allowed it to pass through him like a hot drink burning its way down.

Ravn… did not deserve this.

Perhaps he had done something wrong, perhaps he deserved a punishment of some kind… but not this. Leedo had lived his life as a varkolak… and he would not wish it on anyone. Especially not someone like Ravn, who had already undergone so much.

He had asked the fates to take away Ravn’s burdens.

Instead, they increased a hundredfold. But perhaps that was Leedo’s fault, practically painting a target on Ravn’s back by association.

Harin left and Leedo napped- not because he was hiding, but because he was sleepy from sitting in the warm noon sun.

When he opened his eyes, the sky was painted a rose gold and his clothes were warmed from the sunlight that had been gathered in them, even as the afternoon began to turn cooler with evening.

The clouds were dyed an array of peaceful, soft colors that Leedo allowed himself to get lost in, his vision swirling with pinks and purples that overlapped in fiery orange and crimson outlined in gold.

Leedo had never thought of a sunset as beautiful.

Pleasing, maybe. Appealing, sometimes. But emotionally moving? Leedo had never appreciated a sunset before. He wasn’t even sure if he’d ever really noticed them before, either.

He noticed ow, staring at it and realizing once more that the sunlight felt like drinking another endless cup of warm tea. 

And for a moment… he wondered if this was what it would be like to feel peace. Or perhaps it was just the closest thing he would ever find.

The door of the cabin opened, but Leedo didn’t look away from the colors painted across the sky like faded pigments dripping with rainwater cascading over the clouds. He waited for the person to approach, but their footsteps stopped just outside the cabin door, like they hadn’t taken another step.

He didn’t look, sure that it was just one of the others getting some air. Or maybe they were staring at the colors splashing across the edge of the horizon, too.

They only paused for a moment, walking across the grass with hesitant, jerking steps like they were physically fighting the urge to turn back around.

This made Leedo frown, not sure why any of them would be approaching like that. He sat up, prepared to turn around, but he hadn’t even fully lifted his torso before he froze, every muscle in his body tensing as a familiar scent caught in the breeze.

Ravn’s scent had never smelled like anything but Ravn. There was no description like fruit or smoke or lavender that he could liken- it was just what Ravn smelled like. This scent was like someone had taken that scent and covered it in dirt, hoping to conceal it.

Leedo’s stayed where he was, not looking back, though his body was like stone against the tree- like one of those ancient legends about princes who were turned into statues that would only be freed with a witch’s spell.

Ravn’s footsteps continued to approach, and Leedo could hear all the ways they were exactly the same- the same gait, weight, pattern- but the rhythm was wrong, with no confidence and every other step stuttering, like he wasn’t sure where he was supposed to be going.

After a few more steps, it became painfully obvious that Ravn was approaching him.

Leedo now had two options: run or stay.

He’d run every time before this. The back of his mind was screaming about why Ravn would suddenly choose to approach him, after only hours. Shouldn’t he need more distance? Shouldn’t he still be angry? Or at least evasive?

Why had he reached for Leedo before…?

Leedo’s eyes remained glued to the tree in front of him as his heartrate skyrocketed, his skin suddenly feeling too tight. He could run. He could keep running and never have to see or account for Ravn until they released him like an injured animal back into the wild.

Leedo could keep running. He could decide to never see Ravn again.

Why did Ravn… want to see him again?

It wasn’t a decision made so much as a lack of time that pinned Leedo in place, indecision becoming his enemy as the footsteps stopped mere feet behind him, shifting uncertainly.

Leedo held his breath as the seconds suddenly seemed like hours. If he looked up, he would see Ravn stand above him… just like that night.

He didn’t look, Ravn entire outside of his vision, even if his presence pressed against Leedo like warm body.

“May I ask you… a question?”

Ravn’s voice was barely a whisper loud enough to break the silence of the forest, breathy and uncertain, as if he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t be lashed out at. It was soft and gentle, like his voice when he had talked about so many burdens and fears. The voice he reserved for his lowest moments, his most vulnerable emotions…

And Leedo’s fist clenched where it rested against his knee, stomach flipping and chest clenching without reason or consent.

He could ignore him. He could run. He could straight out refuse.

He could keep hurting Ravn.

But that wasn’t what he wanted anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to be special, maybe he didn’t believe they could ever fix what was broken, but… he didn’t want Ravn to suffer. Not really.

“You can ask,” he replied quietly, surprised by how calm his voice managed to come out, making him sound detached, despite that being the entire opposite of the sea storm raging across his chest. 

There was a pause where Leedo was almost sure Ravn would turn and run without ever actually voicing his question. He could hear him shifting around, and the air between them grew heavier and thicker with every passing moment.

Leedo wondered where the others were, if they knew he was here, why they would have ever let Ravn just walk out to Leedo… But knowing them, if Ravn had said the right thing, they would have let him. They knew Leedo was not in danger from Ravn, not really.

Or, hell, maybe they were just trying to ensure the two of them made some sort of progress. They were nosy like that.

“Will…”

Ravn’s voice failed before he even made it passed the first word, swallowing thickly and his fists clenching. Leedo wished he could see his expression, but at the same time he had no intention of ever turning around because he already knew that it didn’t matter what expression Ravn wore- Leedo would crumble.

He knew Ravn was hurting- far worse than he had ever hurt before. And in a time when he needed them more than ever… they couldn’t be there for him. By a mutual decision, they couldn’t be there.

“Will I need to… drink blood?” he practically whispered, voice sounding on the verge of falling apart. And Leedo knew that fragility went far, far beyond a squeamish question about his nature.

But Leedo still frowned, almost turning around before he stopped himself, leaning harder against the tree, like a physical reminder to stay still. His throat worked for a moment before he swallowed the part of him that felt like honey had replaced his blood in a sticky, viscous flow.

“Didn’t you speak with Yonghoon this morning?” Leedo questioned without looking, his voice once more coming out detached and unaffected.

_“I wasn’t untouched by those things.”_

_“It wasn’t until that moment that I think…. I truly saw you as someone reachable. I realized that you were someone affected and… and human.”_

Leedo’s stomach suddenly wrenched, his fist twitching at the thought that Ravn may be able to so easily believe his act… because he had already believed Leedo to be someone above it all.

“It… never came up,” Ravn murmured, and Leedo could practically imagine his hands twisting each other tightly, moving as little as possible to avoid making it obvious. “I didn’t want to ask…”

Another thick pause where Leedo focused on controlling his breathing, uncurling his fist with massive effort as he forced his eyes to remain ahead.

“And the others?” he asked. “You can’t ask them?”

This time, it was Ravn who didn’t answer, the sunset growing brighter at the peak of dusk before it would begin to fade.

The forest was silent, as if listening.

“Leedo…”

It was gentle… but it was a plea, a request for him to not fight him, for him to just give him the information he wanted, to answer his question. And the bitterest part of Leedo wanted to torment him further, but that part wasn’t strong enough to be more than a passing thought as he leaned his head back against the tree, staring up at the distant canopy of leaves.

He was tired again.

“No, you do not _have_ to drink blood,” Leedo muttered, hoping that Ravn could hear the exhaustion in his voice. “You will be stronger if you do, you’ll live longer, and you’ll stand out less among varkolaks. But you won’t die without it. At least, not for a long, long time.”

Ravn made a thick noise in the back of his throat. “Are you implying… that I’d practically be immortal if I drank it?” He sounded sick to his stomach.

“Not immortal,” Leedo assured him dully. “But centuries of life, yes, with human blood. Animal blood is useless.”

“How… How long without it?” he asked uncertainly, voice tensing.

“Still a bit longer than humans.” He answered rotely, hardly even realizing who he was speaking to anymore. “But not more than an extra half a century.”

“How old… are all of you?”

“As old as we told you. The aging doesn’t slow until full maturity.”

A thick swallow that sounded like a hidden gag. “Have you… Have you ever-“

“Drank blood?” Leedo finished bluntly, not harsh but firm. “All of us have at some point before we went North. Not in years, though. Certainly never since we-“

Leedo’s voice hiccupped for the barest of seconds at the thought of saying “since we met you.”

“-since we came to the castle.”

His stumble didn’t go unnoticed, the silence suddenly becoming suffocating as neither of them came forth with anything to say. Leedo’s fist formed again as he tried to swallow around the needle in his throat.

Ravn was still just standing there, not saying anything, and Leedo felt like something was tightening, and he didn’t want to be here when it snapped.

“What do you want, Ravn?” he demanded quietly, more tired than annoyed as he closed his eyes firmly. “The others can answer your questions.”

It was a dismissal. But Leedo was also hoping Ravn may actually answer his question of what he was doing. His felt sick, but more than anything he wanted to turn and see Ravn’s face. But he couldn’t risk what that would feel like.

“I…”

There was no vulnerability in Ravn’s voice- he was not shaking and about to fall apart. There was just… utter uncertainty. It was the voice of someone so utterly lost, they didn’t even know how to begin taking a step in any direction.

Ravn sounded small and lost.

Leedo shut his eyes tighter, but it was unnecessary as Ravn’s feet shifted backwards. “I… I don’t know,” he whispered, so confused that Leedo’s eyes opened, jaw working tightly.

_“What do you need, Ravn?”_

_“I don’t know,” he whispered, a little harsh and frustrated, but wet and weak as his fists clenched at his sides. “I don’t know-“_

He expected another whisper to follow the statement, but then Ravn was walking away- not running, but there was purpose in his steps. Leedo released a breath that didn’t bring relief, risking the barest of glances over his shoulder.

The colors of the sunset had faded solely to a gentle gold across the horizon as Ravn walked- not towards the cabin- but towards the edge of the clearing that cabin sat in, stopping at its edge where the sparseness of the trees created a tunnel leading to the very spot where the last glowing curve of the sun was visible at the horizon.

Ravn froze at the edge, as if afraid to take another step, but his head was held up, staring at the sunset, shoulders stiff, like he was trying to hold it together.

Leedo wondered… if Ravn also thought the sunset was beautiful.

He sat up ever so slightly, in case Ravn were to look back.

The prince was still wearing his battle gear- near identical to their own clothes, his leather vest patchy with claw marks, his boots scuffed, a tear in the sleeve of his shirt, and a rip across the back of the knee of his pants.

His hair was mussed, never bothered to be fixed…

Had the Leedo of weeks ago found Ravn in such a state, he would have been beside himself. But the Leedo of now could only stare, his blood trying to freeze in place, but his heart clenching and his limbs yelling for him to move.

What he didn’t know was whether he should move closer or run far, far away.

Ravn was lost. And not in the way Leedo had thought he was. This was a man who was raised on every assumption and prejudice of varkolaks. He didn’t even know whether they needed blood to survive or not…

It was just another burden. And Leedo had not yet purged himself of the urge to take those away.

Ravn’s fists clenched, his sword missing from his side, and Leedo could make out the small claws digging into his palm- the exact stance he had seen as Ravn watched his father’s body being lowered into the ground.

Leedo wondered… if Sonhae was buried on the hill with his father.

And suddenly, a wave of pain crashed into Leedo’s chest, forcing him to his feet as he clutched at his chest, biting back at curse as nails dug into the leather of his vest.

Leedo… missed Ravn. He missed Sonhae. And suddenly, there was a suffocating regret that he had never gotten to see the child one more time. He hadn’t even seen him be buried. He stared across the clearing at Ravn, swallowing the urge to do _something._

He should walk away.

But he stared at the back of Ravn and could only think of every time he’d stared at his back and known that he would do whatever it took to protect it.

Leedo had held Sonhae while his body was torn through. He had run with Sonhae with broken limbs and blood pouring over his hands. He had snatched the child from the hands of varkolaks and run- betraying his race and his body for the sake of an innocent child.

Why… had Ravn chosen to speak to him? What possible reason could he have to leave the others, just to find Leedo- the person he should desire to see the least?

Leedo took a step towards the prince, freezing as he glared against the setting sun.

He should run.

But he… he was tired of being helpless. Helpless to his own emotions, to his circumstances, to his very _mind._

If it meant that he could do _something…_ he would take the pain. If it meant feeling like he had some semblance of control… Leedo would swallow cowardice. He was not afraid of Ravn, but he feared his own lack of knowledge of his emotions.

Leedo walked across the clearing slowly, the long grass tugging at his pants and his boots swishing through the strands.

Ravn turned quickly, jumping slightly, but Leedo didn’t even get a chance to get a good look at his face before the prince had turned back around, as if scared of his attention being noticed. 

Leedo wanted to comment on this frightened, small version of Ravn compared to the anger he had seen before… but then again, the last time Ravn saw Leedo he was practically throwing expletives and threats.

People changed quicker than Leedo could have ever imagined.

He was careful not to get too close, stopping a few feet behind Ravn- who also didn’t turn, though his shoulders grew more tense the closer Leedo stood. He stared at the claw marks across the back of his vest that hadn’t cut all the way through, wincing.

Ravn had been alone when he was attacked.

Leedo couldn’t imagine… how afraid he had been. He probably hadn’t even known what was happening to him.

He wondered… if Sonhae had known.

“Where… did you bury Sonhae?” Leedo asked, voice rough but quiet enough not to be aggressive as he swallowed, hoping to smooth it out.

He didn’t want to come across as falling apart. But… but he didn’t want Ravn to think he was unaffected. Not by this.

Ravn caved faster than Leedo had, turning around with shock painted across his pale face, bewildered eyes flashing over Leedo before tearing themselves away and he looked away sharply, coughing harshly.

It was clearly something he hadn’t been expecting from Leedo.

The golden light made the dark red of his eyes shimmer.

“They… They buried him with my father,” Ravn responded, raspy and weak. “The queen picked the spot herself. They supposedly… gave him a white marble headstone, to match… my father’s.”

Leedo didn’t stop the frown from taking his face, nor being audible in his voice. “’Supposedly,’” he echoed. “You didn’t attend?”

It bordered on accusing, but never actually crossed the line, though Ravn winced, shoulders curling.

“No,” he murmured thickly, head lifting higher, shoulders forced straight to keep him from falling further. “No, I… I couldn’t.”

And Leedo knew he wasn’t talking about a conflict in scheduling.

He almost scolded him for giving up a chance to see Sonhae one more time. But he also knew that the Ravn in the aftermath of Sonhae’s death had spent days locked away in his room, plotting revenge as a way to stop the pain that ate away at his heart.

It didn’t surprise that he wasn’t strong enough to say goodbye like that.

“I wish…” Leedo paused, almost taking the words back as Ravn’s shoulders shifted tensely. But he wet his lips.

This wasn’t about hurting Ravn. Not on purpose.

It was about ensuring that Ravn understood.

“I wish I could have seen him once more,” Leedo confessed quietly, staring across the gentle rise and fall of forest flooring, wondering if it would ever be possible to visit the child’s grave. Maybe that would give him closure as well.

Ravn turned enough to glance from the corner of his eyes, looking almost confused at Leedo’s statements. It wasn’t full confusion, but almost as if he hadn’t realized his emotions were real enough to voice unprompted.

Leedo got a better look at his profile, however- staring at the same pale skin, tired eyes, haggard face, and… and eyes that looked at Leedo as if staring at him for the first time. As if trying to discern a familiar face in a crowd. As if he wasn’t sure if Leedo would recognize him either.

Leedo didn’t look. He stared into the trees, letting Ravn stare all he wanted.

“I loved him, Ravn,” Leedo said darkly, eyes unwavering as his chin lifted. “Believe what you like… but we all loved Sonhae more than you can ever imagine.” He hesitated, but the next words left his tongue. “We would have each died ourselves before intentionally letting him die for a _cause._ ”

The last word came out bitter. Dark. But Ravn didn’t flinch. He merely looked away, head lower as he ran an agitated hand through his hair.

“I thought I had given my life for Sonhae… but I woke up, and he was gone,” Leedo went on, voice thick and fists clenching. He swallowed. “Without hesitation, I would have brought him back to you with an exchange of lives,” he assured Ravn weakly.

Ravn’s shoulders shook, Leedo noticed in the silence that followed. Perhaps they weren’t tears, but they were the beginnings of cracks.

Leedo had momentarily forgotten how desperately he wished Sonhae were still here. How many things that would have changed, if only Leedo had succeeded in dying for him… All the pain that Ravn would have been spared.

Ravn lifted his head, forcing his tremors to halt as his fists clenched painfully tight at his sides, staring up at the golden clouds as if forcibly holding himself together. “Can I admit something to you?” he whispered, voice trembling but strong.

Leedo wet his lips, watching as Ravn fell still. “You can,” he allowed in his own whisper, heart bracing itself and muscles tensed to run-

“I really did love you.”

By every god in the sky, Leedo wished he would have started with any other statement.

He shut his eyes against the sunlight, his breath halt as the words slammed into his chest like a foot pinning him to the ground.

_And it doesn’t matter whether it’s your mother or friend who finds you because humanity’s hatred of you is now stronger than any love they ever felt for you_!

Leedo didn’t struggle under the weight, simply letting it force air from his chest and pressure behind his eyes- letting the pain wash over him like water without fighting it.

He would have rathered hear Ravn utter _anything_ else.

His heart wrenched agonizingly as a second shot of pain raced through his chest as the words sank in. Especially when he managed to open his eyes, unbreathing, and Ravn’s eyes were staring into the distance, misty and shaking.

But they were accepting. As if he understood that this was an end. 

Leedo closed his eyes again because he couldn’t stand to see that look in Ravn’s eyes.

What good did it do to voice it? What _right_ did Ravn have to bring it back up when _he_ was the one-

“I really did love you,” he repeated in a thready whisper, the barest of tremors through his voice that said the mist that had accumulated was beginning to drip. “So much, I was afraid of it,” he confessed, that fear appearing in his voice that continued to shake.

It was a period. An end of a sentence. An acceptance. Giving up.

Holding something broken beyond repair.

And it wasn’t until Ravn said it… until Ravn voiced what they always knew… that Leedo realized that he, at least, had never stopped.

Maybe that was why it hurt so bad.

But they weren’t fighting right now. Leedo wasn’t speaking to a stranger, to someone so warped with anger and hatred that they could see nothing else. He was speaking to Ravn- the one who was lost and alone and just looking for something to save him from drowning.

That Ravn… was familiar.

_What do you need, Ravn?_

And that made it hurt worse because Ravn had also been the easiest person in the world to speak to. Ravn was genuine and good and kind… and Leedo had never been afraid to speak in front of him.

In a way… he still wasn’t.

“I did, too,” Leedo murmured quietly, thickly, making Ravn look at him, though Leedo continued to stare at the setting sun.

_And it doesn’t matter whether it’s your mother or friend who finds you because humanity’s hatred of you is now stronger than any love they ever felt for you_!

That was why… it hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Leedo whispered thickly, speaking under his breath because he could think of nothing else to say. Not for knowing Ravn, not for creating those memories… but for everything they did that caused him pain… Leedo regretted. “I’m sorry I could not tell you.”

He didn’t know if he meant revealing the truth, or his lack of ability to voice his own emotions. That was apparently always his problem… his stupid, stupid tongue.

Ravn surprised him, though… by shaking his head slowly, voice soft. “I always knew… even when you didn’t say it,” he whispered, assuring and gentle despite the fragility there. “Even when you danced away and hid from me.” His eyes were distant… but there was such a longing pain in them. “Just by your actions… I knew everything you couldn’t tell me.”

_Then why did you throw me aside?_

Leedo’s eyes closed, the setting sun not providing that comforting warmth to his skin, though the light behind his eyelids was welcome.

“I never wanted to lie to you.”

Ravn chuckled, the sound broken and shattered. “I know,” he assured Leedo, laughing weakly. “I… I realized it all too late,” he said shakily, running another hand through his hair. “I couldn’t listen to you, I… I got so- so-“ He didn’t finish, head shaking sharply. “I don’t know what _happened_ -“

“You were hurt,” was all Leedo could bring himself to say.

You were hurt, so you did what you could to protect yourself… even at the expense of us.

The same way Leedo had lashed out to protect himself, uncaring for Ravn in his path.

“We have both… done things we regret,” Leedo said heavily, voice thick as Ravn glanced his way with tears streaking. “We lied to you, Ravn. We hid a pivotal part of ourselves, no matter how we try and pretend that it was just a little lie. That betrayal… hurt you, when you were at your most vulnerable, and _I’m sorry_ ,” he whispered.

His heart wrenched as Ravn winced at the words.

“I’m sorry we hurt you, Ravn,” he pressed quietly, eyes burning. “The reasons behind it don’t excuse the fact that we hurt you when you were already hurting too much to bear.” 

That was the crux of it all.

Ravn had long since reached his breaking point, and they had continued to add weights to his back that was already broken.

Leedo finally understood, fully… just how broken Ravn was that night. 

“I… I hurt you all, too,” Ravn whispered, voice heavy with guilt. His fists shook as he looked away. “It… it was too much, that night. Seeing you alive, and then realizing what I was going to have to admit… That’s why I was afraid,” he hissed, suddenly turning angry at himself. “I wanted you to leave because I knew what I was doing wasn’t the right answer… but I didn’t want to risk having you convince me against from it.”

A sound left Ravn that might have been a laugh or a cry, but it echoed the knife lodged in Leedo’s chest at the thought.

“And then… then you said what you were,” he whispered, expression twisting in something like confusion. “And I… I suddenly didn’t know where I was or what I was doing, but I… I felt like I was suddenly staring back on a decade of manipulation and lies.”

Ravn coughed, a deep, hacking sound that made Leedo step forward, but he stopped himself.

“And all I could imagine was you laughing behind my back at the stupid prince you’d managed to trick and convince he meant something to you.” This whisper was haunted. Fearful. Small.

“Ravn,” Leedo said, stepping forward without stopping himself this time. “I never-“

“I know,” Ravn rasped, eyes closed, like he didn’t want to risk seeing his face. “I know that, but… at the time, I couldn’t imagine how those two things could exist together. I couldn’t imagine that genuine love and being a varkolak could ever… _ever_ exist at once.”

Because varkolaks had taken everything from Ravn. Even the person he took comfort from.

“I’m sorry,” Ravn whispered hoarsely, laughing dryly at himself. “I’m _sorry,_ Leedo-“

He flinched, hearing his name uttered in that familiar, aching tone. They were silent but not still, their body shifting as waves of emotions washed over them, threatening to sweep their legs out from under them.

Ravn swayed, eyes shut tightly.

“My hatred in that moment… did not wash away the love I felt for you.”

Leedo turned so quickly, his neck ached, but his eyes were already wide, lips parting- perhaps to tell Ravn that he hadn’t meant what he’d said last night- but no words came out because a stone was currently lodged in his throat, threatening to choke him.

It felt like claws piercing through his chest all over again.

“It was still there,” Ravn breathed hoarsely, hauntingly, as his hands wrung together. “And it hurt so badly… It hurt so _badly,_ Leedo, that I thought it would kill me.”

He and Ravn were two mirrors facing each other. They were an illusion of infinite layers, reflected back onto each other, continuing into forever until those lines became so blurred, you couldn’t tell which was which.

“I couldn’t kill you because I still cared too much, even with the anger in my heart,” he confessed, voice catching, refusing to look at Leedo. “And I hated myself for that weakness, but it just all got so much _worse_ after I walked away.” 

Leedo stared, winded, as Ravn refused to look, but Leedo saw every tear falling, catching the fading light of day.

The Leedo of weeks ago… would have embraced Ravn. He would have held him, and he would have kissed him because Ravn had fallen into a dark hole, the same as Leedo had.

But Ravn had been utterly alone.

“I… I couldn’t put you down,” the prince whispered, teeth gritting, as if angry with himself for that fact. “Even as I told myself I would never see you again- that I would kill you the moment I got another chance… I couldn’t stop seeing you _everywhere_ \- _all_ of you,” he hissed painfully.

Their ghosts had haunted the castle’s halls, the same way Ravn ghost had haunted their minds.

Leedo stared at the prince’s profile. Would Ravn have been able to ever put them down?

“I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t do anything.” He swallowed thickly, bringing a hand up and wiping at his soaked cheeks. “I called everything off, and I just… I can’t even call it existing, I was just… _alone._ ” 

Leedo flinched, gut twisting so harshly, he felt a gag in the back of his throat.

They were supposed to be there.

There were a lot of things that were supposed to happen. Fate had always taken pleasure in tearing those away.

Ravn had felt alone for so long in his life, before he created his special order for Sonhae’s protection, before he confessed to Leedo. He had finally had people around him- good people that he cared for and trusted beyond all else.

That trust, no matter how strong, had shattered. In a way… it was now a mess of broken steel- still just as strong, but useless in the state it existed in.

“I looked for you…”

Leedo’s eyes widened when Ravn lifted his head, looking over at him with the last traces of sunlight bathing across the tears on his cheeks and clinging to his eyes.

He looked broken.

Leedo stared, helpless to make his tongue work as their eyes met.

“That’s what I was doing,” he whispered, lips thinning for a moment to keep his composure, “when I was attacked… I went out riding near the river on some baseless hope that you would still be there.”

He looked… for them?

“It became too much. I didn’t have a single person in the entire castle that I could even speak to, much less confide in, and I just….” His expression tensed, like something was about to burst out, but it never did, his shoulders deflating in defeat. “I was insane, but I… I looked for you, not even knowing what I wanted.” His jaw worked. “I missed you.”

Leedo didn’t move.

“And I hated myself for missing you,” he croaked, shaking his head. “And even as I searched for you, I had myself convinced that it was to make sure you were really gone… but I was hoping against hope that you would be there. I didn’t… I didn’t want to realize that I would never… see you again.”

Ravn was braver than Leedo.

Even as Leedo stood and heard his every emotion echoed in Ravn, his tongue still stuck in place, his stomach knotted and his heart confused in every direction. Ravn was always brave enough to say everything gathered in his heart.

His emotions, his fears, his secret desires… he was brave enough to say it.

“I had no right to do it, after I told you I would kill you the next time I saw you,” Ravn said in a rush, shaking his head sharply, “but I was hoping…” He stopped. “I don’t remember much of being attacked, or even waking up with the others… I remember seeing them and being angry again, despite having gone looking for you…”

Leedo swallowed, and it hurt.

“I felt like it was another betrayal, the fact that you hadn’t actually listened… that you’d stayed…” His jaw clenched. “Why did you stay?” he whispered, eyes finding Leedo’s, confused and relieved.

Leedo wasn’t sure his voice would support itself. But when he spoke, he was surprised to find it strong enough.

“We would either die here at your hands or at the hands of another in the next kingdom,” Leedo murmured, watching every minute flinch of Ravn’s expression. “We had Yonghoon and the others here… We could move North again, but none of us were eager to return to that life.”

Ravn merely hummed, rough and raspy as he turned away again.

The sun had set enough to set them in the lightest shadows of twilight.

“I felt dirty,” Ravn confessed, staring at the last rays of sunlight disappearing. “Waking up and realizing what had happened… what I had become… I felt dirty.”

Leedo merely nodded. That… was not Ravn’s fault.

“I saw you all… and all I could think about was what you had done to me, and the fact that I was now like you.” He rolled his lips, running a shaking hand through his hair. “And then you… said all those things…”

Leedo winced.

_And it doesn’t matter whether it’s your mother or friend who finds you because humanity’s hatred of you is now stronger than any love they ever felt for you_!

“You told me all those things… that I had already told you about varkolaks… and I felt helpless,” he confessed weakly, a hand pressing to his chest. “I felt like I was suddenly standing at the bottom of a hole that I had been thrown into… and I was never going to ever get out of it.”

He looked at Leedo as their figures were finally obscured with the dark of night.

“And I realized… that you had stood by me for a decade listening to these words… and you never said a thing.”

Ravn paled, expression stricken as he stared at Leedo with a new kind of horror.

“All those games Sonhae played, all the battles, all the times we talked as if they were animals to be put down…” He stared at Leedo was if he couldn’t understand. “You just listened to it… and you couldn’t say a word.”

Leedo chewed his lip.

He wouldn’t call the words they had listened to “upsetting.” They didn’t wrap around them like vines, but they were always just another weight for them to bear.

“That was why we needed to hide,” Leedo murmured thickly, watching Ravn’s dark eyes blend with the growing darkness. “Our hope… was that you would come to trust us enough… and would realize that all those words had been wrong.”

Ravn’s mouth opened, prepared to say something-

“It was a calculated risk,” Leedo reminded him, stiff. “We knew there was every chance that this outcome would arrive. But in an ideal scenario… we would have revealed ourselves… and our friendship to you would have been enough to show that the world was wrong.” He rolled his lips. “We chose the worst time we possible could have to reveal it,” he assured him. “But it was the only way we could think to stop you.”

Ravn flinched at the thought of that night, guilt and sorrow warring in his eyes.

Leedo realized that there was a bruise on his jaw. He hadn’t noticed before.

“I… I don’t know what to tell you, Leedo,” he whispered helplessly. “You… You were all-”

“We were close to you,” he murmured, shrugging in a way that offered forgiveness. “We were the people you chose to entrust with everything. It doesn’t matter our reasoning… everything is tainted with that knowledge, now. And that…is alright, Ravn.”

It wasn’t was as noticeable in the dark, but Leedo could still see the fresh tears cascading down Ravn’s face. 

It was obvious that Ravn didn’t hold anger to them. Maybe he didn’t even blame them. But their relationship on every level had been colored, stained, and tainted by the actions of both parties.

A dirty, cracked mirror.

“But I’m… I’m one of you, now,” Ravn whispered, dropping his head, as if shamed- 

“You were always one of us.”

Ravn looked up sharply, eyes wide enough that it only made more tears shake loose, clinging to his lashes as he stared at Leedo in shock.

Leedo was also taken aback by the statement.

Leedo was too aware of his own sins against Ravn to ever think they could go back to what they once more. The pain was too fresh, and the emotions were too raw. Ravn’s heart was too confused and his emotions were misaligned by his transformation…

Everything was too much of a mess for there to be true forgiveness here.

But the anger was gone. The hatred had calmed. And that, at least, made room for comfort and understanding.

Because this was, regardless, still Ravn.

And Leedo had not yet shaken the habit of trying to ease those burdens.

“There is no us or them,” he murmured, heart twisting as Ravn’s eyes bored into his. “That is what we have always wanted you to understand.”

That had been the epitome of their mission here. It wasn’t to get Ravn to accept _them_ , it was to have him understand that there _was_ no _them._

Ravn stared, stunned as if he had been struck across the cheek.

“There are no sides,” Leedo whispered, Ravn’s mouth closing slowly, lips trembling. “There is no us or them… There is simply acceptance and hatred.”

Ravn’s hands fell to his sides.

“You have always been one of us,” Leedo reminded him quietly, throat tightening as his eyes suddenly burned. “We have always been at your side- that is not erased by what we are. And the person that you were- the person that you _wanted_ to be,” he said, making Ravn wince, “is not erased by what you’ve become.”

Ravn’s life was not over just because he was one of them.

It was merely different.

Ravn’s actions were the determining factor in deciding what kind of different that would become.

“That is what we wanted you to understand, Ravn.”

That, and nothing more.

Ravn was still living, breathing, feeling… and he was still free to make the choices of who he wanted to be.

There was silence as full darkness fell around them, only broken by the lights of the cabin a few meters away as he and Ravn stared at each other, immobile.

Leedo was prepared for most eventualities- from Ravn walking away, to another round of confessions or questions.

And when Ravn suddenly rushed forward into the short distance between them, Leedo made to move aside to let him pass, allowing him the freedom to remove himself and go wherever he desired-

But Ravn slammed into Leedo’s chest, his arms wrapped around Leedo so tightly, you would have thought that there was some force trying to rip him away.

Leedo started, his heart skipping as Ravn curled around him in that familiar way of not having the strength to stand on his own anymore. His arms half-lifted, but they didn’t touch Ravn, hovering as he pressed his face to Leedo’s shoulder tightly, a new kind of ragged breathing leaving his lips and shuddering through his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Ravn breathed, tremors wracking his body as he clung to Leedo tighter. “I-“

Whatever he was going to say next failed, his voice breaking badly enough for Leedo to shut his eyes, swallowing thickly.

Ravn had no right to seek comfort from Leedo.

But that singular action showed Leedo more thoroughly than ever… that it didn’t matter what had happened to their old emotions. They were still engrained into their skin and mind and hearts.

Even hating each other, those emotions would never completely disappear… would they?

Leedo lifted his hands slowly, like lifting a weight balanced on each palm, until he placed them against Ravn’s back, feeling the scars in his vest and the stuttered rise and fall of his back that redoubled when he felt Leedo touch him.

It was… an odd mixture of sensations. It was that weight of when Ravn had once embraced him, too tired to keep carrying on by himself… and it was the sickening relief of when he had once embraced Ravn, allowing himself to let go and place his burdens down for just a moment.

It wasn’t the same, but it was enough to remind him.

It reminded him of all the things he had never told Ravn, even when seeking comfort from him.

“I loved you because you gave me hope.”

Ravn choked, going immobile, as if moving would make Leedo withdraw.

Leedo wasn’t brave enough to speak and look at Ravn at the same time. So he kept his eyes closed, staring at the darkness behind his lids.

“I grew up knowing that I would live and die being hated by humans for what I was… and by varkolaks for what I believed,” he said, a bit fast, waiting for his courage to run out.

But he wanted Ravn to understand why he had embraced him so hard that time.

“I came to the castle believing I would meet an ignorant prince more concerned with warmongering than peace… but I was met with someone kind and genuine and good, despite his misguidances.”

Ravn’s hand curled weakly at the back of Leedo’s shirt, like he wasn’t sure if the touch would be rejected.

Leedo felt the burning in his eyes gather behind his eyelids, and he shut them tighter.

“I loved you… because after only days of knowing you, I knew I could trust you. I _wanted_ to follow you. And not just for the future we were promised, but because… because you would have made the world a better place, even if you never made our future a reality.”

He blinked and felt hot tears race down his cheeks, making him bite back a curse of frustration.

“I loved you because you gave me hope for the future, even if it would never be our future,” he whispered hoarsely, feeling Ravn shifting, like he wasn’t sure whether to stay or run. “And I loved you because you were the first person I ever met that I believed to be good. And I wanted to take your burdens away from you because you never deserved them. And even though I was withdrawn to you, at best, you still-“

He stopped to save his voice from failing, gritting his teeth and blinking hard.

“I loved you because you were everything I thought was already dead from the world,” he confessed hoarsely, quietly. “And yet somehow, you thought that I was someone worth having that.”

He remembered their conversation. All the hints that Leedo had given for all the reasons why Ravn shouldn’t cherish him.

“I’m sorry… I never should have accepted,” Leedo rasped, letting his hands fall from Ravn’s back, hanging at his sides again. “But I was selfish… and I wanted to pretend for just a minute… that I might have actually been able to have that.”

Ravn remained against him for another moment, but with Leedo’s relinquishment, he swallowed, stepping away and letting his hands fall slowly, keeping his head bowed to hide his expression.

He opened his mouth, making Leedo swallow, but he said nothing. He opened it again, freezing, as if he wasn’t sure if he was even allowed to speak-

Ravn suddenly turned away, shaking his head like he was about to run.

Leedo wouldn’t stop him, watching his back turn and feeling his heart sinking to his stomach sickeningly-

“That’s not selfish,” Ravn breathed weakly, pausing, but not looking back at Leedo. His shoulders were weighted, but straight. “To want love… that isn’t selfish.”

Leedo couldn’t help but laugh, heart wrenching. “For us, it always was. I knew that it would never end well, no matter how optimistic we were. It was selfish,” he assured him quietly. “I’m sorry… that I did that to you.”

That… was his only regret, was the pain. 

Ravn was silent, Leedo waiting to see what else he would say-

Ravn was suddenly leaving, heading back towards the cabin, but stopping, staring at the gentle glow and stiffening, as if he suddenly didn’t know where to go-

“Those trees,” Leedo said numbly, Ravn turning around quickly as Leedo pointed to the cluster he always sat among. “They’re close enough for you to sit by. It’s safe to stay by them.”

They couldn’t just run away, but facing a crowd of faces wasn’t exactly welcome.

Ravn needed a moment, staring at Leedo and glancing to where he pointed, looking prepared to refuse for a moment, but then he simply swallowed, turning away and heading where Leedo had directed.

Leedo forced his tired legs to walk, carrying him towards the cabin. He could go and find another patch of trees to rest among, but…

Oddly, he didn’t feel like being alone right now.

He stepped into the gently light of the cabin, glancing back to ensure that Ravn had made it to the correct cluster of trees, before entering where the others were on the verge of going to bed- Hwanwoong jerking back awake where he had been dozing on one bed, sitting up when he saw Leedo enter.

“Where’s Ravn?” Seoho asked, not looking concerned, but sitting up straighter regardless.

“Sitting by those trees,” Leedo said, sure that they could see the redness of his eyes, the pallor of his skin, the tension around his temples- they all knew exactly what had happened.

Every was silent for a beat- perhaps trying to decide what was safe to ask.

“Did he talk to you, like he said he would?” Keonhee questioned carefully, voice gentle. “You two were out there for a while…”

Leedo merely nodded. “We talked.”

“And?” Xion asked, a bit pushier, which almost made Leedo laugh, but he simply shook his head slowly.

“We know where we stand,” he murmured, lips feeling numb. “He explained himself… and I told him what we were doing. That’s it.”

No one was going to push it right now, simply accepting it with a nod.

“Going to sleep?” Giwook asked as Leedo sat on the edge of his usual bed.

Leedo stared at his pillow, feeling emotionally exhausted but physically adrenalized. “No,” he murmured, shaking his head slowly. “But I wouldn’t refuse something to eat and some tea…”

He didn’t realize he hadn’t eaten much all day until he realized that the pain in his stomach was not just discomfort.

Dongmyeong stood quickly, looking glad to have something to do as he moved to the stove and busied himself.

Kanghyun stared at Leedo intently for a moment before standing and grabbing some bundle of herbs from the hooks on the wall, tossing them into an already smoldering bowl, letting them smoke.

Leedo found the strength to grin weakly. “Are my auras that bad?” he questioned tiredly.

Once more… he felt raw and exposed. But he felt light, despite his head feeling heavy.

Kanghyun huffed, amused as he fanned the bowl carefully. “Not bad,” he said, glancing up. “But they’re tangled. Not tightly, but there are lots of overlaps… like a braided string you can’t get undone.”

That actually sounded about right.

He didn’t feel tangled, but he felt like there were knots that weren’t coming free, no matter how light he felt.

He drank his tea, eating as the others continued speaking, pulling Leedo in when they talked about certain things like Giwook finding a really good patch of wild ivy that they were eager to find again.

Whatever Kanghyun was burning smelled like lavender and smoke, making Leedo’s chest loosen. Or perhaps it was the tea he’d drank.

For whatever reason, within minutes, Harin was chuckling as he passed Leedo, pushing on his forehead to get him to lay down.

Leedo didn’t sleep, but he laid there and listened to the others continue their quiet chatter.

He somehow knew so much more… but still didn’t know anything.

There was no hatred among them. There was maybe even forgiveness… but he and Ravn were like puzzle pieces that had once fit together. Their pieces had been torn and reformed, warped and straightened back out haphazardly… they didn’t fit together anymore.

Maybe they could force the pieces to snap together once more, but… that would only hurt worse.

It wasn’t that they would never connect, but… for now, their wounds were still too fresh to think about what would happen once they healed.

Leedo fell asleep, confused but… not alone. He felt Keonhee climb into the bed with him some time later, listening to Hwanwoong and Xion argue about who would sleep against the wall and who would sleep on the edge.

Seoho told them to stop arguing and just sleep, sighing as he rolled over in his own bed.

No… No, he was not alone.

And maybe at the end of this… to whatever degree… Ravn wouldn’t be, either. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The following days were… difficult.

Namely because Leedo was no longer exactly running from Ravn, and Ravn was not necessarily avoiding Leedo. But all that really resulted in was the two of them existing in a reasonable distance from each other and being… silent.

Ravn would glance at him with heavy eyes and regret, but would look away just as quickly, head staying bowed as he stared at the ground, silently listening to whatever the others were telling him.

Leedo couldn’t help but sit up from where he would be resting in the bed, glancing around when the quiet around the cabin would stretch a little too long, and finding Ravn just sitting in silence. He would stare as long as he thought was safe, and then he would lay back down quickly before Ravn could notice.

He tried to break the habit, he really did. But without fail, he would tilt his head, trying to subtly check what Ravn was doing- and more than half the time, he would find Ravn either already looking at him, or in the process of looking over after noticing his movement.

They didn’t speak, though.

Leedo could feel the others glancing between the two of them, waiting for something to either progress or break down. But neither of those would happen.

They had explained themselves, they had accepted those explanations… there was nothing left to do. There was no “forward” and both of them knew too much to break it apart.

They couldn’t be what they were before.

The pain ran too deep, it was too fresh… the fear was too prominent in their eyes. Leedo could still see those stranger’s eyes staring down at him, and Ravn still couldn’t look at them without remembering an entire decade of his life that had been distorted.

It was enough that the hate was gone.

Leedo couldn’t be selfish again and wish for more.

He moved around more, now, instead of sleeping the day away to recover emotional strength. He would leave the cabin- sometimes in the company of one of the others- and just wander the surrounding woods for no particular reason than he was tired of just sitting around.

“You seem a bit better,” Hwanwoong stated cautiously, sounding more like a question as he glanced at Leedo from the corner of his eye while they reached a clearing full of white, tiny flowers that looked like snow.

They paused at the edge of it, neither of them eager to trample the untouched ground. It reminded Leedo that within the month, they would possibly have snow fall. Seasons tended to change rapidly…

“I guess so,” Leedo murmured, watching a grasshopper leap up and disappear back within the grass. “It’s all… easier to ignore. I feel less burdened by it.”

It wasn’t healing, neither was it moving on from everything, but… Leedo was slowly seeing a future where he could keep these days as nothing more than a distant memory that never faded, but that would become as harmless as any memory.

“Good,” Hwanwoong said genuinely, rocking on his feet slowly.

Leedo glanced at him. “What about you?”

The other blinked, frowning. “Me?”

“You were there, too,” Leedo said, swallowing at the thought that he’d never really bothered to check with the others after everything. “And you’ve been dealing with my attitude-“

“You make it sound like a chore,” he said, lips twisting in displeasure. “That wasn’t what it was.”

“Regardless,” Leedo said, waving a hand, waiting.

Hwanwoong sighed, rolling his eyes at the evasiveness, but he shrugged gently. “It is frustrating, burdensome and, at times, enraging to think about it,” he admitted. “But while you were unable to voice those emotions, the rest of us have spoken extensively about it. We understand, like you do, why these happened… and we understand our own fault in everything.”

“Do you forgive him?” Leedo asked slowly, like a hand slowly feeling out in darkness. “Ravn?”

He didn’t look, but he knew Hwanwoong was looking at him. “Forgiveness is hard to quantify,” he admitted quietly. “In some ways, there’s nothing to forgive. He wasn’t acting out of hatred, he was acting out of near insanity. The Ravn we knew would have never done that.”

Leedo hummed, letting the words wash over him.

“So, in a way, I think forgiveness is evasive,” he murmured. “I think a better statement would be… that I understand what he did, and I would be willing to have us all move past it, with time.”

But what was there to move past?

What was on the other side of the line they had already crossed?

“I think the better question would be whether or not Ravn would ever be willing to associate with us again,” Hwanwoong said, sighing as he shrugged helplessly. “I think it’s unfair and impossible to make any sort of statement on any of this… until things have settled further.”

That was the conclusion Leedo kept reaching.

“Ravn still isn’t entirely healed from the transformation,” Hwanwoong continued, sympathy shining in his eyes. “For now, we should focus on his recovery while teaching him what he needs to know. Everything else is out of our hands for the time being.”

Out of their hands…

Leedo hated being helpless. But after so many instances of standing there, unable to decide the correct course of action, unable to help, unable to comprehend what his next move should be… he was almost grateful to have something that was out of his control.

At least then… nothing was his fault. 

“Do you forgive him?” Hwanwoong asked quietly after a moment, careful and cautious as he glanced at Leedo from the corner of his eye.

Leedo watched a frog leap and land on a few flowers, disappearing from sight.

He wondered if there was a stream in this area. He’d heard Harin mention one.

It was oddly peaceful here. But Leedo was beginning to fear peace, because all it meant was that there would be a moment in a future when it was gone.

He released a breath, letting his shoulders fall heavily with acceptance anyway.

“I don’t know that I ever truly blamed him.”

The words hung in the air like dew clinging to grass.

Leedo’s hatred had never been genuine. It had only been pained.

Hwanwoong said nothing, merely humming gently, as if that was interesting.

He did not sound surprised.

~~~~~~~~~

Leedo sat on the bed with his back to the wall, knees bent and arms outstretched over them.

Ravn was standing near the stove, staring at his hands with teeth gritting and brows pinched, fingers curled with effort to retract the claws extended.

His skin was slightly darker, not as many veins visible, and his eyes pulsed between a bright red and a faded black, though his claws remained in place.

Keonhee and Seoho stood beside him as Dongmyeong and Kanghyun stood at the stove, glancing away from the meal they were preparing every now and then.

Ravn suddenly released a harsh breath, flinching backwards and bringing his hands to his chest with a brief cry of equal parts pain and shock. His hands clasped each other tightly as he stared up at the two helping him, torn between annoyance and fear.

“Why does it _hurt_?” he demanded, releasing his hands that shook slightly from the pain as he stared at them.

“It’s different for everyone,” Keonhee explained patiently, holding out his own hands that had his claws extended, bringing them back in like a cat sheathing their weapons. “For Hwanwoong, Xion, and I, we barely feel anything when we shift back and forth, even though Hwanwoong and I are bad at keeping ourselves hidden all the time.”

“For Leedo, it’s particular painful to shift back and forth,” Seoho added, nodding back at him, making Ravn’s eyes flicker over, though they disappeared as soon as he realized Leedo was already looking. “But he is better at remaining in either form. There’s no real reason for it, but you will become accustomed to it over time.”

Leedo glanced at his own hands, human and pale. A bit scarred.

“Just bear through it,” Leedo said softly, making Ravn look back at him, Seoho also turning curiously, though Leedo didn’t glance over. “You’ve experienced a worse pain than that, haven’t you?”

His tone was not malicious as he glanced over passively. It was genuine advice that he himself had long since followed.

Ravn stared, conflicted between speaking or remaining silent. He swallowed, breaking their eye contact and staring at his hands as his expression slowly warped into concentration and effort, his skin paling and his eyes flickering-

He winced, but the claws slid away, leaving him with familiarly human hands.

Ravn released his breath harshly, swallowing as he turned his hands over, examining them. It was much easier to sustain your shifting than it was to begin it, so the hardest part was beginning to be behind them, once Ravn learned to shift easily.

Now, all that was left was to help him build an endurance to keep himself hidden.

“Your eyes,” Seoho reminded Ravn who glared in concentration, blinking hard, and when he opened them, they were a regular, deep brown. “Your goal is to hold this for the rest of the evening,” he instructed, stepping away.

When Leedo glanced up next, the Ravn he saw looked perfectly, familiarly, achingly human.

How violently things could change in just weeks…

“This feels… strange,” Ravn murmured, staring at his hands and checking his skin for veins. He frowned, looking vaguely ill.

“Shifting back and forth isn’t a skill every varkolak uses,” Hwanwoong reminded him from where he sat at the table. “This isn’t what your biology is, right now. For a while, it will feel like constantly flexing a muscle. Until you build up the strength, it’s not going to be comfortable or instinctive.”

Ravn didn’t look comforted by this, flexing his hands- wincing and tensing, likely trying to stop the claws from reappearing.

Leedo’s discomfort came from nothing physical, but from the fact that he was sitting here, listening to them all speak with each other in the same way an instructor might speak to a student.

There was no familiarity there. No warmth. No teasing, no pride… nothing but cordial, kind-hearted instructions and guidance. They spoke as people with experience to someone with none.

They did not speak as friends.

But he shook the feeling away because this is what they were, for now. They had to be Ravn’s teachers before they could even think of being his friends again. So, he swallowed that discomfort and listened to Dongmyeong offer another cup of tea.

Ravn was silent for several moments before wincing. “It-“ His nose wrinkled, holding the cup farther away, coughing.

“Your senses are heightened,” Xion reminded him from where he sat beside Giwook on the other bed, one leg drawn to his chest and chin resting against it. “You’ll eventually become accustomed to hearing and smelling everything.”

All of them were born with these abilities… none of them were entirely sure how long they might overwhelm Ravn’s senses, but they could only offer what knowledge they had. Ravn didn’t argue with them, simply accepting everything and moving on with little complaints.

He managed to stay hidden the rest of the evening, not counting the few moments of needing to concentrate to keep his claws away and the one time his eyes flashed to red in the middle of speaking.

A good start, they all agreed as they sat and ate in near silence.

Leedo fell asleep, this time with Xion in his bed instead of Keonhee because the other was tired of being nearly shoved off the bed when Leedo would roll in his sleep (which Leedo argued that he did not do), but Keonhee insisted that Xion switch so that he could share with someone smaller, like Hwanwoong, which started another argument at the reminder of his size.

Leedo made the mistake of looking at Ravn at the very end of the argument, after Xion sighed harshly and crossed over to Leedo’s bed.

Ravn stared at them, eyes misty and stricken as they flickered around-

Leedo was suddenly standing in the middle of the practice field while the others chased each other around with insults and threats, Hwanwoong’s small size and Keonhee’s lack of name and Xion’s too-sharp tongue that would always get him in trouble…

Ravn looked as if he was also staring into the window to the past.

Those happy memories that were only painful, now…

Xion demanded the side near the wall, practically shoving Leedo to the other side when he didn’t immediately move, claiming the other side and settling down stubbornly, just to be annoying.

Leedo flicked his ear, but Xion merely swatted at him, glaring threatening before drawing the blankets up tightly.

Leedo managed a quiet chuckle as Yonghoon blew out the last candle, casting them into darkness, aside from the coals of the fire. But for whatever reason fate deemed appropriate, Leedo remained awake, listening the others all fall asleep one by one- their breathing evening out and turning heavier as sleep overtook them.

Xion was snoring ever so slightly beside him, and Leedo could hear everyone’s quiet, calm breathing.

Save for one that was uneven and harsh, despite the quiet of it.

Leedo opened his eyes slowly, staring across the darkness at the part of Ravn that he could see around the table. The prince was awake, rolled onto his side facing the room, though his eyes were screwed shut uncomfortably tight as one of his hands lifted, covering his ear not buried in the pillow.

Leedo knew that Giwook had been helping Ravn to sleep with whatever teas or brews they deemed useful… he didn’t know if this was the first time he wasn’t using those, though.

He watched Ravn’s expression continue to warp tighter, rolling onto his back roughly and bringing his other hand up to his ear-

Leedo lifted himself up onto his elbow, able to see more of Ravn as he turned towards the wall, curled over his ears that were picking up too much to sleep. He frowned for a moment, unsure of what exactly he could do given that they couldn’t _turn off_ Ravn’s hearing.

Near the foot of the bed, Kanghyun slept against the floor with Harin fitting onto the mat that they shared.

He sat up slowly, shaking Kanghyun’s leg gently, hoping that he might, at the very least, have something they could do.

With a quiet noise, Kanghyun’s eyes opened, finding Leedo almost alarmingly quick for how bleary his eyes were as he lifted himself onto his elbows, making a vague, questioning noise as he glanced around with his eyes practically closed.

“It’s too loud, and Ravn isn’t used to it,” Leedo murmured, hearing Ravn suddenly turning back over, of course hearing him if he could hear everyone else’s breathing so clearly.

Kanghyun frowned for a moment, half-asleep brain processing the words before making a vague noise of acknowledgement.

He expected the witch to stand and make some tea, but Kanghyun merely waved a hand, as if telling Leedo to go away, but Leedo felt a swooping in his gut that felt like freefalling for a moment, a hand coming to catch his stomach in shock at the sensation.

He looked over quickly, and found Ravn laying against the pillow, his expression lax and calm. Perhaps not entirely asleep, but no longer tormented.

Leedo frowned, leaning closer to Kanghyun who was already trying to lay back down. “You can just put people to sleep?” he demanded in a whisper, wondering why they would bother with so many teas if they had that ability-

“Hm?” Kanghyun demanded blearily, eyes still closed. “I can’t,” he mumbled, settling back into his pillow. “’s aura manipulation and control. I jus’ calmed and untangled them a bit.”

Leedo looked over at Ravn, picking up on the smooth, even sound of his breathing.

A knot untangled itself in his chest as he watched him settle calmly, falling asleep peacefully.

“You-“ When he turned back, Kanghyun had fallen completely back to sleep, face buried his pillow so deeply, Leedo feared for his ability to breathe.

He sighed, laying back down slowly, checking once more to ensure that Ravn was, in fact, sleeping peacefully.

In the dying coals, Leedo sat his pale face, lax and gentle, lips parted in soft breathing and eyes fluttered closed as his arms were lain haphazardly across the bed.

The only time Leedo had ever seen Ravn sleep… had been that night in the tent.

It made him look younger, to be unaware of his countless burdens.

Leedo turned away quickly, burying his face beneath the blankets as he shook the image from his head. It didn’t work, that image of Ravn sticking his head mind, alongside the eyes of a stranger, and the shock of someone seeing him alive and real after thinking him dead.

Perhaps he should have just fallen to sleep without getting involved, he scolded himself, fisting the blankets tightly as his heart curled like paper inside a flame, the images all flashing across his mind distractingly.

But… Ravn was a weight he could not yet bring himself to put down.

He’d thought it would be so easy to break that habit, that rhythm that he had always had with Ravn. That instinct he had developed that drew him closer, that tugged at his heart, that made him want to voice things he would never be brave enough to admit…

Somehow, even as they stood in the burned ruins of what once was… Ravn was a habit Leedo couldn’t manage to break.

The worst part was that he wasn’t even sure he wanted to.

And the most terrifying part that made his heart drop to his stomach… was that he was entirely sure he didn’t ever want to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise one day I will stop hurting people ㅠㅠㅠ   
> I hope you all enjoyed! I’m having a blast writing this!!! The chapter count is a little tentative, depending on how much I can fit in the next chapter~ 
> 
> Thank you so much for everyone who’s been giving this love! It really means more than you guys know!!   
> Please let me know what you thought of this chapter! 
> 
> I hope you all have a fantastic day, and be safe!   
> -SS


	8. With Time, The Scales Align: We Restore Our Own Balance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, lovelies!   
> I’m not entirely sure about this chapter, but I really enjoyed writing it anyway! Hopefully this is a nice bit of calm after so much angst lol~ 
> 
> I may end up adding an additional chapter as an epilogue, but I want to see how much I fit into the next chapter first!   
> Thank you so much to everyone whose been loving this- I’m so sad that it’s almost over ㅠㅠㅠ 
> 
> But I hope you enjoy this chapter anyway!! Thank you so so much for all the love! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think! Be safe, lovelies!   
> -SS

Seoho lunged forward, the staff in his hand swiping wide, forcing Ravn to leap back.

In such a familiar turn of events, Seoho continued pushing forward, not letting the distance between them grow, until Ravn’s foot caught and he tumbled onto his back in the dirt.

Seoho aimed the end of the staff at his chest, holding it firmly until Ravn fell back against the ground in surrender, letting go of a tired breath.

“Your eyes,” Seoho said, lowering the staff and placing the tip into the dirt as he offered a hand down. “You also brought out your claws once, but you managed to hide them quick enough no one would notice.”

Ravn stared at the hand for a moment before sighing roughly, accepting it as Seoho tugged him to his feet.

“Your eyes are a dead giveaway, though,” Seoho reprimanded, stepping back, leaning on the staff they had been provided, given that none of them had their weapons. “You need to concentrate more on those.”

Ravn merely hummed, dusting the dirt from his clothing as his grip tightened on his own staff. “You said it was normal,” he said, glancing up. “Feeling like… like you’re supposed to be lashing out?”

Seoho nodded slowly. “It isn’t a nature that you’ll lose yourself, too,” he assured Ravn once more. “But you will feel the urge to throw the weapon side and just attack in the way your biology is designed to.”

“I’d have won my name by now if not for that,” Keonhee muttered, dejected where he sat against a trees, lips pushed out in displeasure.

“That is under the assumption that you’re good enough even without hiding,” Xion said, snickering from where he lay in the grass when Keonhee glared at him.

“I was plenty good enough to-“

Keonhee cut himself off, simply choosing to roll his eyes, but Leedo knew.

_I was plenty good enough to join the order._

Leedo kept switching between avoiding eye contact and wandering around the area aimlessly, basically performing any task that would save him from having to watch the sparring they were putting Ravn through to test his ability to stay hidden in combat.

It was too familiar a sight. It was bad enough to look around the clearing and see them all scattered around, throwing a good-natured jab here and there at the expense of each other…

“Leedo suggested that you stop concentrating so hard,” Hwanwoong said as he stepped up, taking the staff from Seoho, who backed away.

Leedo resisted the urge to look over, continuing to bend pieces of grass together.

“Rather than thinking of it as something that needs to be upheld, simply think as if this is how you usually exist,” Hwanwoong said, holding his staff at the ready. “Think of this human form as your real form.”

Ravn stared for a moment, and Leedo felt the prince’s eyes burning into the side of his head.

“Do you?” Ravn asked, tensing in preparation. “Think of that as your real form?”

Hwanwoong didn’t immediately answer, humming as he glanced down at his paler skin and red eyes, though his claws were hidden away. “After so long in human form, it’s comfortable,” he said, shrugging. “But without needing to be obsessed with ensuring I’m completely hidden, it’s even more comfortable. I’m content to exist in this halfway transformation.”

Ravn glanced around at them all- eyes flickering across Keonhee’s claws and Xion’s pallor and Seoho’s crimson eyes.

Once again, his eyes rested on Leedo for much longer. They moved on, though, without asking why he showed nothing but humanity while the rest of them existed in-between.

When the sun began to set, they all retired inside, needing to retire earlier and earlier as the sun sank into darkness sooner in the day with the approaching autumn. It was a slow change of seasons, but the change had already been noticeable just in the week that they had begun truly working Ravn’s ability to remain hidden.

Whether he was becoming accustomed to it, or if it was just the product of a day of training, Ravn no longer remained awake, tossing and turning at every little sound. And while Leedo wasn’t losing sleep over anything in their lives at the moment, he found himself waking in the middle of the night more and more often, staring at the ceiling with little hope of falling back to sleep.

For a couple nights, he merely tossed and turned until he fell back asleep, but after Xion woke up and hit him, muttering for him to stop shaking the bed (before falling back asleep as if nothing had happened), he took to standing and exiting the cabin.

He didn’t spend the whole night outside, especially not with the crisp wind that always blew through, making him shiver quietly. But, he would stand just outside the door and stare up at the stars that flickered mesmerizingly up in the dark sky.

He never stayed out for long- just enough to clear his head and fill his lungs with some fresh air before returning to sleep in the warm bed.

Tonight, the night breeze was particularly strong, ruffling his hair and sending waves of goosebumps across his skin as he stared up at the icy stars.

By the end of the month, they would likely already be covered in snow. Leedo closed his eyes, letting the cold wind wake him up, knowing that sleep would come even easier with an already warmed bed.

Back at the castle… they would create their own little wars of shoving each other into the snow, shoving clumps of ice down shirts, chasing each other until the icy air burned their lungs and set their noses on fire…

Ravn had never care much for propriety, and he had been helpless but to fall in line and grab snow from the ground to join in. This also ruined his usual brand of protection from their antics as he entered the war, ending up beneath Seoho who mashed snow into his hair in retaliation for Ravn’s clump down his shirt.

He opened his eyes quietly, watching the trees sway in the breeze.

Leedo had been the one to tackle Seoho, rolling in the snow and yelling for Ravn to run while he had the chance.

They’d felt like children, all of them laughing about it once it was over, saying that they should probably behave more like knights. But then Sonhae would exit the castle after his lunch… and the whole process would start again until their limbs had lost too much feeling to continue.

The castle was full of memories.

Leedo could understand how those walls would haunt Ravn in his vulnerability.

As if his thoughts had made a summons, the door opened behind him quietly.

It wasn’t the scent or the sound that revealed it as Ravn… it was just that Leedo knew that this was the part that fate loved the most to inflict.

Perhaps that was fate’s intent, to have Leedo spend the rest of his life at arm’s length with Ravn- unable to leave him behind but unable to step closer. Death was too kind, wasn’t it?

Leedo didn’t run this time, merely standing still and closing his eyes gently as another breeze blew through.

Ravn breathed out harshly in surprise at the sharp wind, the door closing quietly. “Are you planning on freezing out here?” he murmured, audibly shivering.

There wasn’t exactly a discomfort between them. That tone- the one that was purely teacher and student- was still prevalent, even here. But in the dark of night… it was a little harder to ignore the smallest familiarity echoed in his words.

Leedo had made peace with the fact that they were only here to teach Ravn, and Ravn was only here to learn. Once that was accomplished… they likely would have no reason to see each other. They operated around each other as allies, not friends.

“It isn’t freezing,” he murmured, shrugging gently. “It isn’t even snowing.”

“Compared to the weather earlier, it is substantially colder,” Ravn argued quietly, the sound of hands dragging over clothing as he rubbed his arms.

Leedo’s eyes cracked open, watching stars shine like sunlight off icicles. “The North was colder,” he said simply. “Even the winters here aren’t as cold.” He waited, but when Ravn didn’t immediately respond, he lowered his head, staring across the grass. “Couldn’t sleep?” he questioned without looking back.

Ravn hummed noncommittedly. “I heard you get up. I always hear you,” he corrected quietly. “I didn’t know if… something was wrong.”

His tone turned hesitant, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to care.

Truthfully, he probably wasn’t. But Leedo let the words run off of him without sinking in.

“Nothing is wrong,” he murmured, shrugging as another strong wind blew through. “Just clearing my head to sleep again.”

There was a certain amount of peace, speaking to Ravn now, knowing that there was a line they could both respectfully stay on one side of.

“Was… it miserable in the North?” the prince asked instead of anything else. “You lived there… for a long time…didn’t you?” 

Leedo merely hummed softly, watching the grass bend. “I left home when… I was barely old enough not to be considered a child, I think. And I stayed there until I came to the castle.”

The North had been his place of existing… but even with a decade of living there, it was never home.

“It was never… miserable,” he murmured, hands flexing. “But it was lonely, I suppose. People lived few and far between to avoid conflicts. There were few humans, which is why we were there, but even the varkolaks who live there are so concerned with keeping peace that they rarely interact.”

Leedo could find his little den in the middle of a blizzard in the dead of night. He could track his way through the woods without any sight or scent. He knew every inch of the forest he roamed.

But that had still never been home.

“The cold was the easiest thing to become accustomed to,” he said off handedly. “But anytime you met another varkolak… there was a moment where you would stare at each other, wondering if either would attack. Then you would slowly back away and run the other direction. There was no real camaraderie aside from the mutual agreement not to attack.” He huffed. “Aside, of course, from those that ignored those rules.”

He could hear Ravn swallow, shifting anxiously. “Humans?” he whispered, expecting to already know the answer.

“Sometimes,” Leedo agreed, nodding slowly. “Or just varkolaks who managed to cling to the belief that running from a fight was disgraceful.” His tongue turned heavy. “Like I’ve said… varkolaks are raised to believe that they will live and die in a war between them and the world.”

Ravn’s breathing stuttered.

“Even varkolaks will attack their own kind for being peaceful,” Leedo murmured gently. “And even though varkolaks fled to the most uninhabitable place, humans will still track them there because they know those varkolaks are least likely to put up a fight.”

“Did you often fight there?” Ravn whispered, stepping forward until he stood beside Leedo.

He forced his gaze to not wander, though he could see the vague outline of the prince looking at him.

“I was on my own,” he answered quietly. “It was easier to hide outrun them. Some lived there with their family…. Their children and allies. It was difficult to hide an entire pack. I ran if I could… I only fought a handful of times.”

Leedo could remember the sensation of pressing to the bark of a tree as people and varkolaks alike ran past him, praying that holding his breath would sufficiently hide his position.

“I… I’m sorry,” Ravn whispered weakly, wincing. “I’m sorry that you were… hunted, even though you just wanted to live in peace-“

“Are you only sorry because it’s me?” Leedo questioned, even and smooth despite how his heart leapt erratically as he turned to Ravn, meeting shocked eyes. “Because it’s technically your fate now?”

Ravn looked taken aback by the sudden question, but Leedo was surprised when he gathered his wits quickly, shaking his head slowly. “That- No,” he said firmly, a touch desperate, as if he were adamant that Leedo believe him. “No, I was- Before that night-“

Ravn’s voice dipped, and Leedo didn’t hold it against him, merely watching him control his expression stubbornly.

“Even if I wasn’t prepared to make amends, I did… understand what you were telling me… back then,” the prince said purposefully, choosing each word carefully, fist clenched at his side. “You spoke about varkolaks, and I… I believed you,” he stressed, jaw clenching. “I… I made a mistake that night,” he whispered, voice weakening.

Leedo held his breath for a moment before nodding. “You did.” Ravn flinched as Leedo glanced away. “But you weren’t the only one who did.”

Ravn laughed, weak and mirthless. “I think revealing a well-intended lie and plotting an extinction are very different levels of mistakes.”

Leedo felt his lips twitch without amusement, heart clenched ever so slightly. “I suppose,” he murmured, staring at the grass. “But I don’t think it really matters when both… were the product of a desperate attempt to save a world that was crumbling.”

There was a long pause where there was only the sound of labored breathing.

“Stop making excuses for me,” Ravn requested in a pained whisper-

“They aren’t excuses,” Leedo assured him, unable to look back. “Our angers prove that these are not excuses, nor allowances. They are facts of what motivated our decisions. And they don’t make those mistakes better… but they explain that they weren’t… done out of malice.”

“Mine was,” Ravn muttered-

“What exactly did you have left, Ravn?” Leedo sighed, turning to the other with an expectant expression.

Ravn’s eyes flashed red, momentarily revealing his nature in his unawareness, defensive and recoiling from the personal question.

“You carried the weight of Sonhae’s safety your entire life, your father was taken from you, and before you’d even had time to process that, Sonhae was taken from you- and even now, you’ve had your humanity forcibly ripped from you after you lost every person you learned to trust. You had nothing left,” Leedo pressed, shaking his head. “No one can say they don’t understand your actions.”

Ravn dropped his eyes, lips thinning in something almost like annoyance.

He whispered something so quietly, all Leedo could catch was “you.”

He frowned. “What?” he questioned as Ravn turned away completely, fists clenched.

“I had you,” Ravn breathed roughly, fist shaking.

Leedo’s jaw clenched as his stomach flipped.

“Twice, I nearly lost you… and I came to understand just how much you meant to me,” he whispered darkly. “And yet I still… threw away the one thing I _did_ have left.” He swallowed. “I didn’t lose all of you,” he hissed. “I threw you aside. I made that choice.”

Leedo wanted to scold him for bringing it up. But he stilled his tongue. “It’s just another mistake to understand,” he said, instead. “We understand it all.”

“That doesn’t make it right,” Ravn pressed, voice thinning. “That doesn’t take back what I nearly did, not just to you, but to thousands-“

“No,” Leedo murmured quietly, almost peacefully as he stared at Ravn who glanced over him, eyes misty. “It doesn’t.” It didn’t fix anything. But perhaps things were already as fixed as they would ever be. “And it isn’t supposed to.”

Ravn took a sharp breath, running a hand over his eyes in a familiar show of being overwhelmed.

“You should go back to bed,” Leedo murmured, glancing away. “Keonhee is planning on you being up early.”

Ravn didn’t move, and Leedo knew he was staring at him, but he didn’t look over. It was impossible to talk about everything that had happened without acknowledging his and Ravn’s special parts in it, what they had felt for each other.

But by all the gods, Leedo would avoid mention of that in any shape or form.

Finally, there was a quiet sigh as Ravn turned slowly, feet dragging, as if he were leaving without having said all that he wanted to say. Leedo listened to the door open and close, a moment’s hesitation before it clicked shut between them.

Leedo… was content to spend the rest of their time together as companions- perhaps friends or allies. And it seemed like Ravn was also content with that. But it was becoming increasingly obvious that only conversation the two of them could ever have… either revolved around or was tainted with the fact that there was an enormous elephant in the room that they couldn’t address.

And that was the fact that the two of them were very much not moved on from those past emotions- both good and bad. Leedo’s heart still lurched with an urge to do something, but his stomach still flipped at the thought of what had happened to them. 

So… he had made peace with the fact that he would avoid any mention of their past, and they would part ways at the end of it all with nothing mentioned but what they had taught him.

Leedo would have no reason to ever address his heart aching so badly it felt like a physical wound.

He turned around, entering the cabin a few minutes after Ravn and climbing back into the bed without checking to see if Ravn was actually asleep.

He tried to keep their interactions to a minimal… but when they did interact, he would be cordial.

Without fail, after each stunted interaction, Leedo walked away with his chest aching worse than if he were to just admit everything he still kept locked away in his heart.

But he had already learned his lesson about wanting things he knew would only disappear, he had learned his lesson from being selfish.

He would take that pain over admitting it all, only to lose it all over again.

~~~~~~~~~

Ravn leapt fast enough to avoid Xion’s staff sweeping at his legs, drawing a pleased clap from Hwanwoong as he landed, already leaping back to avoid his upstrike.

Sharp eyes tracked over every part of the prince, ensuring he stayed well hidden as he switched to the offensive against the youngest, forcing him to back away. Xion did not let him attack for long before lunging forward, suddenly swinging his staff full force and landing a harsh blow to Ravn’s hip.

Leedo’s jaw clenched as the prince stumbled, but he didn’t let it fell him as he spun away, Xion following him relentlessly until Ravn swung back, their staffs clashing as he struggled not to favor the side that had received the blow.

The two of them swung with more force than any sparring match would require, not letting up for a moment as they shoved and dodged sharply- only ever putting enough distance to switch momentum and change to an attack.

The first time Hwanwoong had gone entirely all out against Ravn- not pulling his strength in the slightest- the prince had ended up on the ground with a bruise on his hand from the staff, shock shining in his eyes.

_“You’re going to remain hidden while fighting for your life,” Hwanwoong reminded him, helping him stand. “Not everyone will be pulling punches.”_

_Ravn had stared at the injury to his hand, eyes dark and pensive as he looked up. “So the entire time… you were all only using half your strength on me?” He didn’t look betrayed. He looked confused. “Any time I won…”_

_“We rarely used full strength,” Hwanwoong assured him, handing his staff back over. “But believe us, you were skilled enough to give us a runaround. It took genuine effort to best you, and anytime you did win, was not just pity on our part.”_

_Ravn stared at them, another aspect of his life revealed that he hadn’t even been aware was a ruse. But he simply swallowed the knowledge, nodded, and returned to position._

Now, Ravn met their ferocity in equal measures- realizing his own strength (and the ability to curb that to match a human’s) as he ducked, striking at the back of Xion’s knee, forcing him to crumble-

Xion immediately rolled, taking away Ravn’s target as he popped to his feet behind the prince, staff held at the defensive, eyes dark-

Ravn turned, blinking in shock as he followed the path Xion had rolled along. He swallowed, awe in his eyes. “You all are truly on another level,” he murmured, shaking his head as he raised his staff.

“Varkolaks have different fighting styles than humans,” Seoho called, arms crossed and eyes critical. “Understanding both will make it easier to best either.”

The next time Ravn got behind Xion, the youngest dropped on his own- rolling away rapidly. Instead of getting lost, Ravn turned before the other had even gotten to his feet, bringing his staff down.

Xion froze on the ground, staring at the end of the staff as Ravn pressed it firmly against his chest, his entire body rising and falling as he panted, Xion’s labored breaths matching his.

Ravn swallowed, shaking his head to rid the hair that had fallen in his eyes. “Were this a real fight… you would have snapped my staff by now, wouldn’t you?” he panted quietly.

Xion glanced at the weapon before nodding. “Probably.”

Ravn huffed something that might have been a laugh as he lowered the weapon, helping Xion to his feet. “You truly never give up.”

“Varkolaks fight with endurance, not strategy,” Seoho assured him, eyes dark. “Most don’t care what injuries they take on, so long as they escape with their lives and their enemies dead. Blessed blades are a cheat, in a way,” he said, shrugging. “But between varkolaks, both will keep fighting until there’s either nothing left… or until one of them can no longer go on.” 

“It’s brutal without the easy kills of blessed blades,” Keonhee assured him, nose wrinkles in distaste. “A varkolak will stand, dismembered, and continue to fight, so long as their goal is accomplished. In that way, you can consider us animalistic. Or just stubborn.”

Leedo knew he didn’t mean to, but Ravn looked to Leedo without immediately looking away. Though, his eyes were suddenly stricken as he stared at Leedo like there was a dagger in his heart.

_“You think it’s him that I’m frightened for?”_

_Leedo slashed violently at any varkolak who made it within their protective circle, striking them hard enough to break jaws and send them whimpering and yelping, but never strong enough to kill._

_He panted through the scent of blood and the sounds of battle and Sonhae’s weak cries, ears ringing with it._

_Gritting his teeth and ignoring the waves of warm blood he felt cascading down his side, he forced himself up-_

_“I know you would die before letting him come to harm.”_

Leedo’s expression didn’t change, even as the memories of blood rushing from his side grew clearer the longer Ravn looked at him, his eyes drifting to Leedo’s side before finally snapping away as he turned, hiding his face.

Perhaps Leedo had fought until he had no strength. But it hadn’t been enough in the end, had it?

Keonhee sparred with him next, Ravn becoming visibly more tired at another all-out fight, but they all knew it was necessary. Keonhee pinned Ravn four times before Ravn managed to get a burst of strength that allowed him to get behind Keonhee, striking him in the small of his back.

With that battle, Ravn nearly dropped his staff, wiping the sweat from his face roughly as he steadied himself on a tree.

“Good,” Hwanwoong said, nodding as Ravn looked at him through sweat soaked bangs. “You stayed hidden the entire time.”

Ravn swallowed, wiping a hand across his mouth as he breathed heavily. “I honestly forgot about it,” he panted quietly, not looking to Leedo. “It just felt like fighting normally.”

“That’s good,” Keonhee assured him, lips twitching. “That’s a good place to be in your progress. It’s only been a few weeks.”

It was colder- all of them seeing the barest hints of their breath beginning to hang with every burst of breath. It was a tangible time keeper for how long they’d been working together.

They retired when the sun made it impossible to continue, Dongmyeong happily passing around the tea he’d prepared while the entire cabin was encased in the scent of honey and sage that smoldered in the bowl that Kanghyun was staring into.

Yonghoon and Giwook were speaking about something in the corner of the room, but stopped when they entered, smiling and asking how it went.

“In all honesty? The progress we’ve made is substantial,” Hwanwoong said, thanking Dongmyeong quietly as he sat at the table, holding the tea to warm his hands. He glanced around, a bit hesitant to speak, but nodded. “I think that within the next few weeks… we’ll be at a place where Ravn can realistically return to the castle.”

Ravn said nothing, staring into his teacup as he sat on the edge of his bed, eyes pensive and expression drawn.

Keonhee took a slow sip, humming at the warmth. “They’re still looking for him?”

Harin nodded slowly, tying herbs into bundles. “The castle hasn’t given up hope, yet… but it is likely that they’ll turn their attention away within the next few weeks. The only reason they haven’t given up yet is that he’s the last remaining heir.”

He glanced at Ravn, but the other kept his head bowed.

“But search parties are still scouring the forest,” Harin continued comfortingly, “though their numbers are slowly decreasing. Correspondence with neighboring kingdoms is also slowing.”

It wasn’t an end to their plan if the castle did pronounce the prince dead after weeks of searching for the man who had simply disappeared into the woods one night. It would simply be less of a hassle if they could return him before they began making moves to replace him.

“I’ll be ready by the end of next week.”

Everyone turned- Keonhee choking a little on his tea as he stared at the other in confusion. Ravn wasn’t looking at them, though, continuing to nurse his tea, staring at the dark liquid.

“There isn’t much left to do,” he murmured noncommittally. “I know all the basics, there’s nothing left to teach me. Anything beyond the next week… is just unnecessary for me to be here. It’s been long enough- if I cannot do it yet, then that is my own fault,” he murmured darkly.

Everyone in the cabin could read it for what it was.

Not that Ravn wanted to leave.

But that Ravn felt like he had overstayed his welcome among them.

“There was not much point in saving you just to send you back out without being prepared,” Seoho said firmly. “If we send you back before you’re ready, we’re practically sending you to a slaughter.”

Ravn looked up from his cup, eyes calm and expression withdrawn. “I am ready,” he said quietly. “I’ve managed to remain hidden for an entire week and a half, even while fighting. The basics have been laid- It’s unnecessary for me to stay any longer than the next week.”

Everyone looked at each other. Everyone looked at Ravn. Everyone looked at Leedo.

Ravn set his cup aside, standing slowly. “I’ll be gone before the first snow,” he assured them, no hesitation in his voice. “Thank you… for-“

He stopped, as if unsure of what to exactly name.

“Thank you for everything,” he decided on, inclining his head slowly. “Excuse me a moment.” He turned without looking at them, exiting the cabin without looking back.

Everyone looked to Leedo, but he stared at the ground, hardly even noticing.

“He’s… right, I suppose,” Hwanwoong said quietly, hoping not to incite anyone’s wrath as he glanced around carefully. “We’ve taught him everything we can… He’s become accustomed to the different biology, he’s remained hidden without much problem, and his strength had already returned.”

“That doesn’t mean we should just send him off,” Keonhee stated firmly, looking concerned. “If he’s trying to run because he’s uncomfortable-“

“That’s not what it is,” Kanghyun said, still staring at the burning bowl absently, not lifting his eyes.

Leedo wanted to laugh at the certainty in the witch’s voice.

“His aura is almost completely healed,” Kanghyun assured them, grabbing the bowl and shaking it gently, causing the ashes to fall over themselves gently. “There’s still tangles, but it’s stronger. There’s nothing causing this but a genuine belief that his time here is done.”

“That’s doesn’t mean he’s right,” Keonhee fought stubbornly. “Just because he believes he’s ready doesn’t mean that he is-“

“But he is,” Dongmyeong said quietly, hands wrapped around a tea cup and expression gentle. “You’ve already acknowledged that he has everything he needs.” He paused, wincing in sympathy. “You have to make sure you’re not basing your decisions on whether or not you _want_ him to stay, rather than him _needing_ to.” 

Leedo took a quiet breath as the rest fell silent.

Everyone already knew that’s what it was.

The likelihood of them ever seeing Ravn again after he returned to the castle was nonexistent. And maybe there was still a long way to go before “friends” ever crossed their minds… but it didn’t matter because they weren’t going to see him again.

And that was probably best for both parties involved.

“Fine,” Keonhee muttered in defeat, arms crossing as he sat heavily. “But I swear to all the gods, if we receive word that something happened within the first week of him returning-“

“Have a little faith,” Giwook comforted, lips quirked hopefully. “You have to admit that even without his newly acquired skills… the prince is more than capable of handling himself.”

Yes, Ravn was capable.

And he would very soon be out of their lives.

Leedo didn’t feel panic or longing or an ache… The thought brought only a brief burst of numb every time it crossed his mind, like a crucial word missing from a sentence. It had become a fact of life, rather than a feared future.

They all slept, and like clockwork, Leedo sat up long after the moon had reached its peak, sighing in the darkness as he rubbed at his eyes that wouldn’t find sleep again. He stood, padding across the warm floor as he carefully pried the door open and slipped out into the pleasantly frigid night.

Laying in the grass just a few feet from the door was Ravn, his hands tucked beneath his head like a pillow as he stared up at the endless stream of starlight blinking at him.

Leedo froze, Ravn glancing over at him passively before halfway sitting up. “Should I-“

“You can stay there,” Leedo assured him, not moving from directly outside the door. “I’ll only be here a moment.”

Ravn hummed, but he sat up the rest of the way anyway, hands resting in his lap as he stared at them.

Leedo wanted to stay in silence, but the weight of it was too uncomfortable. “Have you been out here all night?” he asked, making Ravn glance at him briefly.

“Yes,” he answered quietly. “It was comfortable.”

“It’s cold, isn’t it?”

Ravn shrugged. “I stopped feeling it after a while.”

Leedo would have laughed. “That’s hypothermia, I believe.”

And then the worst thing imaginable happened.

Ravn smiled.

Just a smirk- a quirk of his lips that was equal parts amusement and exasperation at the joke. But it was genuine, and it was flew at Leedo like a tiny projectile that he was too large to defend against as it slammed into his chest.

It was such a familiar, exasperated smile. One that he’d seen countless times when he bested Ravn in a spar, when he occasionally let the younger ones convince him to mess with the prince, when he corrected every little thing in Ravn’s stance just to be annoying.

When Leedo had stated firmly that he didn’t like any one of them, when he voiced his annoyance at Xion’s attempts to bite him, when he and Seoho bickered for just a little too long.

It was a look that always hid fondness. It was amusement and exasperation, but it was always too warm to ever truly be annoyed.

And even if their interactions with Ravn to this point had become less stiff, there were anything but warm. The familiarity of this one slammed into Leedo’s chest like a staff he was unprepared to block.

The smile faded in the following silence, but it continued to burn against his skin.

“I really will be leaving within the week.”

Leedo swallowed the stone in his throat. “I know. We agree… that you will probably be fine.”

Ravn chuckled, a little mirthless as he glanced at Leedo expectantly. “’Probably’?” he echoed, pretending to be offended. “Have a little more faith in me, will you?”

It was stilted. Heavy with the knowledge that Ravn didn’t have a right to ask them for faith.

“There’s plenty of faith in you,” Leedo assured him numbly. “It’s the rest of humanity that has a tendency to be untrustworthy.”

Ravn hummed, a little amused as he suddenly rose to his feet, brushing grass off. “I probably should go back in, before I do end up with hypothermia.”

He stayed where he was, though, staring at Leedo across the distance with too much warmth shining in his eyes. As if this was the last time he was going to get to look at him. Leedo held very still, careful not to shift or change his expression.

In truth, his skin felt like it was burning.

There was an urge to do something, but he just stood there, forcing the urge down like it was dangerous.

Ravn broke eye contact, sighing as he stepped forward, running a hand through his hair. “No doubt Seoho will want us to start early tomorrow,” he murmured, like a way to break the silence as he brushed passed Leedo-

He paused, their shoulders still touching in the small patch of dirt just outside the door.

Leedo did not look.

“Thank you,” Ravn said, voice too warm and too familiar and too soft-

Leedo stiffened when Ravn took an unsteady breath.

“Whether it’s forgiveness or not,” he whispered, too familiar and gentle, “you’ve already treated me better than you could have ever been expected to…” He swallowed. “You, especially.” His voice dropped to a mere breath. “Thank you… for being better than me… once more.”

Leedo’s eyes fell shut as Ravn took a final step, the door creaking open.

“I’m not better than you.”

Ravn paused.

Leedo didn’t look, breathing out slowly. “I never was,” he assured him. “And maybe it was both our faults that we spent so much time idolizing each other… Maybe that was why our flaws hurt so badly.”

Ravn was silent, and he almost wished to see his expression, but Ravn was already tearing away, hurrying inside like the words had burned.

Leedo thought he had loved Ravn for his flaws.

But maybe he’d never allowed himself to get close enough to truly see what those flaws actually were. All he had seen was the aftermath of their weight that he had tried to ease.

He was left alone in the cold night.

But just like Ravn, he didn’t feel the cold around the heat blazing across his skin.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ravn left exactly seven days after his announcement.

He was given a horse that Yonghoon miraculously produced (the witch dodging any question that demanded how it had suddenly appeared outside the cabin as he merely handed its reins to Ravn).

Breakfast had been quieter than usual.

Leedo hadn’t bothered lifting his gaze from his food the entire meal, feeling eyes burning into his skin because they all knew the chances that today was the day. And that was precisely why Leedo wasn’t moving.

He could tell one of the gazes was habitually Ravn.

Like clockwork, they all finished their meal and Ravn announced that he should be making his way back to the castle today.

Leedo didn’t need to look up to know exactly what Ravn looked like: exactly the same as he had for the past decade they had known him- tall, dark eyes, kempt hair, and human. Leedo didn’t need to look up.

No one said anything for a moment, and Leedo had no interest in seeing their expressions.

“We’ll send some food for the journey,” Hwanwoong managed to be the first to speak.

“Are you sure you know the way?” Keonhee questioned after a brief pause, like a worried mother sending her son off.

“Yonghoon gave me good enough directions,” Ravn responded quietly, voice heavy but… warmer.

There was another silence, not necessarily bad, but it made Leedo want to exit the cabin. He stayed, though.

He knew Ravn was looking at him.

“Will you leave immediately?” Seoho asked at length, voice carefully reserved but familiarly open.

There was no animosity between these people.

“I should,” Ravn said, sounding like it was a shame. “Without knowing the way well, it may take all day. I’d rather arrive with light left.”

Leedo was sure the castle would be in an uproar over the story of the prince returning after nearly being pronounced dead, holding no memory of what happened to him in his absence, but assuming some forest dwelling peasant must have nursed him back to health.

Any story was believable if it was crazy enough.

“Should someone accompany you?” Xion suddenly questioned, sounding as if the thought had just occurred to him. “Varkolaks may still be looking for you. At the very least, there’s a chance you’re attacked again by chance-“

“Harin will be keeping an eye on him from here,” Giwook assured him firmly. “We’ll ensure he makes it there safely. And if something were to happen, the protections around this cabin are strong enough to reach him in an emergency.”

They had every eventuality covered, didn’t they?

But now that they stood outside, Ravn standing beside the horse with its reins in hands as he stared out across them all. Leedo lifted his head that wouldn’t stay lowered any longer.

Of course, Ravn was already looking at him, looking slightly startled when their eyes met, but the expression quickly softened into one of knowing, understanding regret.

The prince-

Leedo’s jaw clenched as he realized that Ravn was king was now.

Somehow… he didn’t think the title suited him. Ravn had always been someone young and kind- not those old war leaders. He was an idealist and swordsman, not someone who should ever have to spend their time sitting on a throne or at a meeting table. There was a reason he had almost been relieved when Sonhae would have taken his place.

Ravn offered them a wry smile as he clenched the reins tighter, like bracing himself.

“Thank you,” he said once more, voice too warm, too familiar-

“Arrive safely,” Seoho said with a small incline of his head.

They couldn’t exactly wish him luck with being king, they couldn’t tell him it was good to see him one last time, they couldn’t remind him this was their last time seeing each other… there wasn’t really much they could do.

Everyone already knew everything that could be said.

“Don’t make a mess of things,” Xion said, voice so serious, but it was such a familiar, teasing line that Ravn’s lips twitched without ever becoming a full smile.

“If I do make a mess… it’ll only be my own fault,” Ravn sighed, shaking his head. He paused, as if there was something else he wanted to say… but he shook his head again, turning away from them and mounting the horse swiftly.

Leedo’s eyes tracked up to where he sat, finding his balance.

There was still that sense of peace in his blood, seeing Ravn go. The thought that it had always been inevitable… The thought that he had at least gotten to see him once more, and he’d been able to prepare himself for never seeing him again.

They weren’t parting in agony this time, not really. It was… a mutual step away. Perhaps closure was more effective than he had thought.

And even if they never reunited ever again… they could wish each other the best in life.

Leedo simply prayed that Ravn’s reign was… was better than their initial impression.

He ardently believed that Ravn would not hunt the varkolaks. Not anymore. But what he didn’t know was what the king _would_ do. Living the rest of his life ignoring varkolaks may be his safest option, but Leedo didn’t know how possible that was-

“Thank you… again,” Ravn said, another wry smile that was weak, like it was threatening to break. “For everything… Even after… everything.”

Leedo’s jaw tightened at the brief silence that followed, but he saw Hwanwoong wave him off quietly, dismissing the gratitude as unnecessary.

Ravn tightened his grip, preparing to move. And then he turned away, eyes locking with Leedo’s firmly. There was earnestness there, determination… but it was all a hard glass over something softer and weaker behind his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said once more, quieter.

This one… was not for all of them. Just for Leedo. For everything.

Leedo’s lips thinned for a moment, chewing on the inside for a moment as he refused to look away. “I am, too,” he murmured back, throat tightening but his voice remaining strong.

Ravn was silent, not looking away, but the hard glass over his eyes softened, showing more of the regret shining there.

“Good luck, Your Majesty,” he said quietly, nodding in farewell.

Ravn chuckled quietly at the title, shaking his head as he sat up straighter. “Thank you.”

_“Do you really enjoy hearing me say your name so much?”_

_“And if I do?”_

“Goodbye,” Ravn whispered, voice weaker as he glanced across them all, eyes shining with a wry smile as he turned away quickly, snapping the reins and urging the horse forward. It took off quickly, disappearing into the trees in seconds.

They stood alone, all of them staring off into the forest.

There was simultaneously a weight and a relief placed in his heart. It was over and done with… but this was the end, wasn’t it?

There were quiet breaths released- not of relief, but out of acknowledgement that something had been completed.

They had done all they could, and now they just had to hope that Ravn was able to live the rest of his life without being exposed. Leedo wasn’t entirely fearful of that happening.

Ravn was more resourceful than they could ever give him credit for. He would be fine.

A hand landed on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Shall we go gather herbs with Giwook?” Keonhee asked quietly, his voice entirely open to rejection, a genuine offer.

Part of Leedo felt stuck to this spot, like he could grow roots and stand here for centuries, staring off after someone who was already gone.

Instead he shook his head, clearing it of some fog as he cleared his throat quietly. He turned away from the forest, finding the others standing behind him.

He swallowed. He’d lost something… but not everything.

“So long as Xion does not make it take twice as long by eating them all.”

“Mint is tasty!” Xion defended, offended as he stormed closer.

“You ate the _lavender,_ too,” Seoho reminded him.

“He asked me to hold the basket!” Xion accused, pointing a finger to Giwook.

“It’s a flower, Xion,” Hwanwoong sighed, rubbing his face. “Why would you eat the flowers-“

“They’re edible!”

“They weren’t _for_ you!” Keonhee laughed, shaking his head.

Leedo let them argue, Xion grabbing Keonhee’s arm and threatening to bite it while Keonhee tried to wriggle away-

Things would be okay.

Leedo took a slow breath, letting his lips twitch when one of Keonhee’s flailing limbs hit Hwanwoong, who attacked back.

Things would be okay.

Everything was different, and it was still off balance, and they weren’t entirely healed from anything.

But things would be okay. Leedo let himself believe this.

As he stared out at these nine people… he knew it would be okay, even if it wouldn’t be easy.

Leedo glanced at the empty forest once more before turning back to the others.

He did not look back again.

~~~~~~~~~

The first snow fell a fortnight later, beautiful and chilling, but turning to heavy blankets overnight.

Their lives hadn’t changed much from the weeks before, even before Ravn had arrived. They helped the witches with their tasks, they wandered the snow-covered forest, and they talked. To Leedo, though, it was almost an entire other world without that darkness clinging to the back of his mind.

The only update they had had with Ravn was the initial announcement from Harin that he had arrived safely, and then a few days after when Dongmyeong heard from the grapevine that the kingdom was celebrating the miraculous return of their king after being on the verge of giving up hope.

Since then, the only time the king passed through Leedo’s mind was during nights when sleep wasn’t fast enough coming. 

_I didn’t have a single person in the entire castle that I could even speak to, much less confide in._

Leedo was sure that as the pain faded, that would change. Ravn would eventually find others to carry his trust, others to be his support through his years of ruling the kingdom, others to confide his pain and insecurities to.

_I was just alone_.

He hoped that he would reach that quickly.

The cold weather didn’t stop them from coming and going, but most of them did find themselves spending more time inside the cabin, performing little hobbies that kept them occupied when there was nothing else to be done.

Leedo didn’t feel any particular way about whittling, but it was something to occupy his hands while they all talked about their particular days, whether it was complaints about Kanghyun being too strict about how their herbs were bundled or a near deathly screech from Xion about a chipmunk he saw scurrying across the snow.

They lived in their own world, their own bubble, without much care for what happened outside of it. Varkolaks were likely still attacking, humans were still retaliating- they weren’t interested in the details as they all slowly began to knit themselves back together.

It was an evening where the snow reached halfway up their calves that Leedo was standing and staring up at the stars that always seemed to be infinitely crisper during the winter. He had a bundle of wood in his arms, but he was taking a moment to stare at the moon that had slowly grown throughout the days until he was staring at a majestic full moon that bathed everything in silver.

“How are you?”

Leedo turned quickly, finding Seoho suddenly behind him with his own bundle.

The question had him confused for a moment, but the answer came to Leedo’s tongue with surprising clarity and honesty.

He stared at the wood in his arms, nodding slowly. “Good,” he murmured, taken aback by how true the statement was, ringing in his chest like a morning bell waking up a sleeping countryside. “I feel good.”

Everything… was okay.

Seoho merely hummed, as if he expected as much as he turned away without looking back.

But the question made Leedo realize just how far things had come in only months after Ravn left.

By the time the snow began to melt… things were better than they had ever been. He felt like he could breathe again.

Even though breathing was infinitely harder with Xion sitting on his chest each time Leedo tried to lay down during the day, claiming that he was being lazy and needed to sit up. Of course, Leedo shoved him off which only annoyed the younger who would try and latch his teeth onto whatever part of Leedo he could reach-

It only ended when one of the others said something that annoyed Xion even further that he would leave Leedo alone, the older groaning and rolling over as he tried to close his eyes again.

Within minutes, Xion would be back on top of him with a new vigor. Of course, the others were too busy laughing to offer assistance.

But Leedo could also laugh through the threats he threw while trying to shake the younger off and get further beneath the blankets.

And with time… the laughter cane without thought, bursting out when he least expected it.

Leedo began to notice it- all the ways they were different.

When he sat at the table, helping braid grass (because it was very important that it be braided, according to Giwook), and he looked around the cabin.

Seoho was in a heated argument with Hwanwoong about which basket the sage should be sorted into, while Xion and Keonhee were tangled on the bed because Keonhee sat on Xion by accident and Xion was trying to pin down a much larger body.

Seoho and Hwanwoong were yanking a basket between themselves, fighting over where it should go while they yelled at each other.

But they were both trying to hold back how hard they were laughing, knowing that they were only arguing for arguing’s sake.

Xion succeeded in grabbing Keonhee’s hand, bringing his hand towards his mouth while Keonhee tried to escape… but Xion was clearly just making him squirm without any intention to bite, grinning while Keonhee yelled at him, and Keonhee was smiling too hard, even as he smacked the youngest to make him let go.

And he realized just how long the five of them had been living with unimaginable weights on their shoulders.

They were still living under a shadow- the memory of what happened, the uncertainty of their future- but they were no longer living a lie. They were no longer staring into the eyes of a friend, hiding behind lies. They were no longer walking through each day with the knowledge that everything they knew might one day disappear.

They had lost a lot. Ravn had, too.

But they hadn’t lost everything. And even if the memories would never truly fade, Leedo looked out and saw a genuineness, a weightlessness in their posture and eyes and tone that had always been colored darker within the castle.

Maybe they had lost a lot, but one of the things they had lost was a weight on their shoulders. Their future may be lost, but they were still alive, Ravn was still alive, and the king was… well, they hadn’t searched for any information on his current goings on. But they knew he was alive, and there had no word around the forest large enough to reach them, so they assumed he had kept to himself.

Leedo genuinely hoped the king would live a good life.

Because he genuinely believed that the rest of them were prepared to- future or not.

And that brought hope with each burst of laughter they felt whole enough to have.

~~~~~~~~~

Ravn…

Ravn returned three days after the last now had melted. 

No word had reached them through the entirety of winter, and no word reached them in the short time since the snow began to melt.

But they all sat around the table- no work to be done, just some tea and conversation being passed around as they waited for the noon sun to rise high enough to make outside comfortable.

Yonghoon suddenly tensed, turning to the door.

All of them fell silent, frowning as they followed his gaze.

The sound of hooves against the softening dirt reached their ears, everyone standing- hands braced against the table stiffly.

If it were a castle rider or peasant traveler, they would pass by the cabin without even seeing it, but even coming so close to the cabin was nearly unheard of as the witches stared out sharply.

The horse, however, stopped outside the cabin.

Leedo and Hwanwoong were the first to step forward, bodies stiff, trying to imagine how someone could just happen to stop so close to the protected home.

Kanghyun’s eyes widened ever so slightly, stepping around the table. “It’s him…”

Leedo turned around swiftly, frowning, but Hwanwoong peered through the window to take stock of the stranger.

A quiet gasp later, Hwanwoong was opening the door, staring out in disbelief.

Leedo turned back around at the sound of the door opening, everyone stepping closer in silence.

Ravn stood beside his horse like a man lost in the middle of a swamp, despite knowing exactly where he was, looking over his shoulder like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to be here.

For the second time in his life, seeing Ravn so suddenly slammed into Leedo’s stomach like a brutal fist.

He wasn’t wearing his battle gear, like they had seen so often. No vest or dusty boots made for protection and offense. Instead, he was dressed in black with red adornments, golden buttons and badges pinned to the fabric with a winter cape drawn over one shoulder.

It had barely been two seasons since they had last seen each other, but Ravn looked entirely different from the last memory in Leedo’s mind… In the best way possible.

The gaunt eyes and clammy skin were gone, the hesitant movements, the eyes that twitched nervously, the shoulders that curled in on himself under the weight of his new reality… it was all gone.

He looked like the Ravn they once knew. But this one was king.

He looked stronger, like he had found his footing again, and despite the shock at suddenly seeing him once more, Leedo couldn’t help but feel glad.

They all pressed around the door- no one crossing the threshold yet, staring out at Ravn who stood beside his horse, not taking a step forward, as if he hadn’t received permission yet. The king seemed uncertain, but not fearful.

He almost seemed embarrassed.

Ravn swallowed, staring at them who couldn’t find a word to say.

“I know… that I shouldn’t have returned,” Ravn said, for once not looking at Leedo, but his eyes following along the line of them, looking truly apologetic, as if sorry for inconveniencing them.

Leedo almost wanted to assure that he didn’t need to apologize.

But he didn’t know if that was a statement he was allowed to make.

It wasn’t exactly relief flooding his blood, but there was a sudden lightness to his heart at seeing… that Ravn had also been able to move on.

But there was the issue of him suddenly reappearing after they had acknowledged they would never meet again.

The king stepped forward hesitantly, and it wasn’t until that movement that Leedo noticed the scroll held in the hand obscured by his cape. Hwanwoong and Xion were both in front of Leedo, stepping forward across the threshold slowly- Hwanwoong moving out farther than the younger.

Ravn stopped a distance from them, not approaching further as he held out the scroll with an open palm, expression reserved but firm. “I… I wanted to make sure…” He stopped, glancing at the scroll before shaking his head. “This is for you,” he said, holding it out firmly.

Leedo frowned, a beat of silence passing through the clearing before Hwanwoong stepped further out slowly, confused rather than hesitant or distrusting.

“You traveled out here just to deliver this?” Hwanwoong questioned, pausing before Ravn and taking the scroll carefully, staring at it in confusion.

“I… Yes,” he said, stepping away with what looked like the urge to smile, but it never made it. “I just… wanted you to be aware. Nothing more,” he assured them, eyes flickering across them once more.

His eyes lingered on Leedo for just a moment before he turned away, walking back to his horse.

“He’s just leaving?” Keonhee murmured, wondering whether they should call him back and… what? Offer him tea? That wasn’t… exactly what they were, was it.

Hwanwoong frowned, brows creasing deeply as he unrolled the scroll curiously, Ravn pulling himself up into the saddle-

“ _Wait_!” Hwanwoong shouted, looking up, pale and wide eyed, nearly dropping the scroll. “What in all the hells is this?” he demanded of Ravn, storming forward and waving the paper.

Ravn looked down from his horse, wetting his lips hesitantly. “What I’ve been working on since I left,” he said quietly, looking away. “It took most of the autumn and winter to even bring this about… but I wanted you to know.”

“A declaration for the protection of varkolaks?” Hwanwoong demanded, sounding on the verge of something breaking.

“ _What_?” Xion practically shouted, stumbling further from the cabin, but not making it fully to Hwanwoong, looking at him with uncertainty in his eyes. “What do you mean-“

Hwanwoong spun around, eyes almost fearful as he held out the scroll for them all to read. Leedo didn’t have the mindset to read much more than a few lines, but it… it was as Hwanwoong said.

An official royal declaration for the protection of varkolaks against unfounded acts violence, and harsh penalty for the unjust deaths of them.

“Why… What is this?” Hwanwoong demanded, turning back to Ravn and shaking the page at him.

Leedo felt static playing in his head.

Ravn looked like he never intended to stay this long, shifting in his saddle. “I don’t know if an apology is the proper word,” he said quietly, jaw flexing. “Guilt was not the only reason I did it.”

He swallowed, clearing his throat, glancing at Leedo and then away.

“It’s… what I may have tried to do if everything hadn’t… fallen apart,” he said, voice thick with emotions that he tried to clear away. “It’s what I might have been on the path to doing if I hadn’t let everything control me.”

Leedo’s heart suddenly wrenched, his fist clenching at his side against the pain.

“It took months just to convince my advisors to consider it, and even now, they don’t support me,” he said, shaking his head shamefully. “I eventually exercised every piece of power I hold over them to create this… But it was created, in the end.” He coughed nervously, looking away. “I can’t say how successful it will be, given both side’s hatreds… but I wanted…”

He laughed, looking up like his eyes were beginning to mist.

“I don’t know if I’m trying to save my soul or… or just appeal myself,” he said, voice weakening with a humorless laugh. “Maybe I’m just trying to convince myself I did something so I’ll stop feeling guilty-“

“Being a changed person doesn’t mean you’re lying to yourself.”

Leedo glanced back as Ravn lowered his eyes, jaw tightening as Seoho stared at him, sharp eyes, but loose lips.

“You know exactly whether your actions are just to easy a guilty conscious,” Seoho said firmly, his eyes sharpening into that demand to listen. “And if they were… you wouldn’t be standing before us as if we somehow held a power over you.”

Ravn stood before them, not like someone looking for forgiveness, but as someone who was offering a shaking hand out, not knowing if it would be slapped away.

Ravn was waiting for them to condemn him, to claim it wasn’t enough, that it was too late- to demand if he thought this really made up for _centuries-_

“We will make it successful.”

Ravn’s head snapped up, misty eyes staring at Leedo brokenly.

Leedo’s jaw tightened, his stomach flipping as his nails dug into his palm.

This, he realized…

This was their future.

“Your human laws have no bearing among varkolaks,” Leedo said, gesturing to the forest. “The only one who will ever be able to stop them from taking advantage of humans’ hesitation are other varkolaks.”

Ravn’s lips thinned in an attempt to hide emotions.

Leedo’s other fist clenched, the pain of the nails digging in a grounding force.

“We will make sure varkolaks listen and return the favor, if you can do your best to enforce it among humans.”

Ravn’s eyes widened as Keonhee and Hwanwoong turned to him, confusion and uncertainty in their eyes. “How do you think we can make them listen?” Keonhee demanded, not antagonizing, but a little bit hopeless.

If a century couldn’t convince them, what could five individuals do?

Leedo’s teeth clenched, his blood warming as his heart slowly expanded in his chest, threatening to choke him as he locked eyes with Ravn sharply.

This was their future.

A decade of lies, hopes, fears, pleas, heartaches, horrors, brokenness… all leading up to this moment.

This was how they reached their future: by breaking down themselves of everything they had once valued… and starting over.

“Varkolaks of the North are already tired of fighting,” Leedo said, voice heavy and dark. “If we start there, convince them that this law is genuine, get their support for the king, get them to spread the word-“

“Do you think even they would listen, regardless of how tired they are?” Xion demanded, looking as if Leedo was insane.

“If Ravn could convince humans, we can convince varkolaks.”

Leedo didn’t know where this confidence was coming from. Maybe because there was no other option.

But… looking at Ravn, he felt hope the likes of which he had never experienced before, in decades.

Staring up at Ravn who looked prepared to break, Leedo remembered why he had followed him to faithfully.

“I will,” Ravn said, voice weak and thick as his grip tightened on his reins painfully, eyes setting in determination that pressed the cracks back together. “I’ll make sure it’s enforced, even if it takes years-“

“It likely will,” Seoho sighed, stepping forward slightly, glancing back at Leedo with an annoyance to his smile, like he was so upset that Leedo would volunteer them for something so tedious. “But so will changing anything among varkolaks.”

“Yes, but Ravn holds authority with humans. Varkolaks have no reason to listen to us,” Hwanwoong pointed out, looking hesitant. He locked eyes with Leedo, pausing for a warm beat before he sighed, dropping his head in defeat. “I’m sure we will find some way to get them to listen,” he sighed, as if already imagining how tiring this was going to be.

“There’s no guarantee it will work,” Leedo assured them, glancing at Ravn and then away when he was looking too openly. “But if we dedicated a decade to waiting… our patience should be more than strong enough to dedicate time.”

“So… what?” Keonhee questioned, glancing between Leedo and Ravn with a befuddled frown. “We just travel North and start spreading word? What would we even tell them?”

Everything was suddenly happening all at once.

Leedo lowered his eyes, looking to Keonhee and pointedly not letting his eyes drift to Ravn. “The truth,” he said firmly, jaw aching. “That the king has outlawed unfair treatment… and that he is a good enough man to ensure that protection is enforced.” 

Not a better man than Leedo. Not a better man than most.

Just… a good enough man. Sometimes, that was all you needed to be.

He could feel Ravn’s eyes burning into the side of his head, but he didn’t look. Not out of fear, but… honestly, he didn’t know if he could look at Ravn while saying anything like it. Not out of embarrassment, but… like Ravn, Leedo didn’t know what was allowed.

“We can take care of this forest.”

Leedo turned, seeing Ravn look passed him sharply-

Yonghoon smiled at them, small and completely understanding the weight of the situation. “Take care of wherever you feel is best… but we can spread word close to home. You just focus on where you feel is best.”

This future… that set eleven people against centuries of taught and desired hatred and pain… it would never stop throwing the impossible against them, would it?

But Leedo was beginning to realize… that the fates were, perhaps, getting scared. Because they kept throwing the impossible, and they were still here, weren’t they? They were a little worse for the wear, they were bruised, they were separated… but they had never given up.

Even as they had stood as enemies, as strangers… they didn’t stand down.

Even these witches, who had no real stake in this future… were standing beside them.

“Feel free to use this as your base,” Dongmyeong said, gesturing to the cabin with a bright smile, looking prepared to start bouncing and clapping from excitement, eyes misty. “It’s important to regroup now and then.”

Ravn wet his lips that shook, staring out at them in watery disbelief.

A man who came to drop a message and leave was suddenly facing a crowd, however small, that was standing with him.

A crowd that may as well have been his enemy.

Even Leedo’s heart wrenched at the thought that they were once again fighting for the same future- perhaps not side by side, but step by step. Not on the same team, but on the same side…

They thought this future had burned to ash.

“I… I can return when summer begins,” Ravn said, shaking but firm. “I don’t know how much progress will be made, but… I can return here at the beginning of summer to see how- how it is progressing.”

He glanced around, seeing if this was acceptable.

“More than three months may be enough time to see change,” Hwanwoong said optimistically, glancing at the king. “Will you have time with your duties?” he questioned, frowning gently.

Ravn swallowed, twisting his reins around his hand tightly. “I will make time for this,” he swore. “And I…” His jaw flexed. “I do not know what I can exactly offer, but if you need anything-“

He stopped abruptly, nodding, hoping they would understand as they all nodded.

“We likely won’t need anything you could give us,” Keonhee said kindly, an apologetic half-smile across his lips. “But if we find it, we’ll be sure to tell you.”

Ravn nodded slowly, looking across them in awe as his lips thinned. “Thank you,” he said quietly, voice dropping low.

“You took a great risk in creating this,” Seoho pointed out, gesturing to the scroll. “If you think your advisors were contrary, your subjects will prove an entirely different level of outraged.” He shrugged. “So, really, you are taking on a good portion of the hard work.”

Ravn chuckled, lips twitching but falling flat, though the warmth in his eyes remained.

Perhaps they had once been too close to ever truly forget those memories of warmth.

“Well, it is a good thing you took a good break during the winter,” Harin chuckled, glancing around. “I believe your workload has just picked up again.”

“Do you call running us into the ground doing your errands a ‘good break’?” Keonhee huffed, though his lips were twitching.

Perhaps they had all been a little tired of menial tasks and unknown futures.

This future was in their grasp, they just had to work for it.

“I think that you should be prepared for the next portion of your life to be very miserable,” Giwook chuckled, grinning broadly. “Varkolaks are quite disagreeable.”

“Witches sometimes give them a run for their money,” Xion muttered, glaring at his brother pointedly, who simply smiled innocently.

“So…” They all looked back to Ravn who smiled wryly at them, the mirth not quite reaching his eyes, though they were warm enough.

His eyes lingered on Leedo before tearing away.

“I will see you… at the beginning of summer?” the king said, taking his reins in his other hand, prepared to leave.

“We will be here,” Seoho promised, inclining his head, shoulders tensed, like the moment before you leapt into battle.

And they _were_ preparing for battle. 

Ravn smiled, looking relieved as he nodded. “Until then… I suppose.”

Hwanwoong and Keonhee began to wave gently, Ravn’s eyes drifting over all of them, but this time Leedo was prepared for them to stop on him, eyes meeting and locking- warmth meeting a neutral gaze that tried not to show how his stomach twisted in knots and his heart clenched.

Ravn looked hopeful.

And that, even more than a good life… was enough. More than enough.

Leedo inclined his head in farewell, Ravn returning it without his expression shifting, though his eyes warmed further.

He turned away, snapping his reins, and then he was disappearing into the woods again without looking back, his cape floating behind him as it caught the wind.

He looked like a king.

But he also looked like their Ravn.

“Well, I suppose that decides your plans for the day,” Dongmyeong said, hands clapped together as he turned around into the cabin. “We’ll pack you some food for the road.”

“Now?” Xion demanded, following his brother as if he had lost his mind. “We’re just traveling North so suddenly?”

“What exactly would you do if you stayed?” Giwook questioned, shrugging. “We’ll gather some supplies for your travels, but there isn’t a real reason to wait, unless any of you want to?” he asked, glancing back.

Everyone shook their heads, Leedo included.

There was no urge to sink roots into the earth now. Not this time. There was simply an urge to ride hard and fast because there was a destination now, a mission. A real, tangible goal.

It had nearly cost them everything… but they finally had a path to follow.

“Suddenness aside, I think it’s a relatively straightforward task, even if it would be anything but easy,” Keonhee said, optimistic as he smiled around at them. “We were skeptics of Ravn once, too. We’ll simply have to convince them the same way we were convinced.”

Their story…

Would any varkolak even care? Many likely wouldn’t. But “many” wasn’t “all,” which meant there was more hope than they ever could have imagined.

“I’ll fetch horses for you,” Yonghoon said, smiling encouragingly as he walked to the door.

“Will you tell us where you get them, this time?” Hwanwoong called as he walked out, frowning.

“Getting horses!” Yonghoon called over his shoulder with a grin, disappearing as the door shut behind him, the question successfully dodged.

“Does he steal them?” Xion demanded, turning to the others accusingly. “Surely he can’t just summon something that large-“

“He gets them,” Kanghyun said just as cryptically as he tied food in cloth bundles. “Is that not enough?”

“Not nearly enough,” Hwanwoong huffed, arms crossed.

“The beginning of summer doesn’t give us much time,” Seoho murmured, frowning with his chin resting in his palm, a crease of deep thought across his brow. “Beginning as soon as possible is best.”

“Months are a long time,” Leedo said, making everyone turn to him, as if it were a planned response. “We will make them long enough.”

“Seeing you optimistic makes my stomach hurt,” Xion muttered, rolling his eyes without any amount of heat. “Can’t you brood some more?”

“Are you volunteering to carry my useless body all the way to the North?” Leedo questioned, brow cocked.

Xion’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “So long as you’re content to be dragged through the dirt by a rope and a horse.”

“Continue with your smart responses and _you_ will be the one on the rope,” Leedo chuckled, flicking the younger’s hair just to make him swat violently, grinning. “Hopefully my optimism will not make you sick on your horse.”

“You always make my stomach sick,” Xion huffed, snapping his teeth at the hand Leedo waved at him tauntingly. “Perhaps we should just leave you here.”

“Who else would keep the others from kicking you from your horse?” he questioned-

“We are not going to be having this bickering the entire way,” Hwanwoong groaned, glaring in both annoyance and pleading. “For the love of all gods, _please_ shut your mouths.” 

Xion glared, but Leedo made a show of tucking his lips away, making Keonhee snort.

It was a bit untrue to call it “optimism.” It was simply hope, plain and simple. The kind of real, tangible hope that none of them had ever had in their lives.

He accepted the food bundle from Kanghyun while Dongmyeong shoved a waterskin into Xion’s hands.

This… was not what he had imagined their future to be.

But it was more than they ever thought they would salvage from the wreckage they had been drowning in. 

It was _a_ future, which was more than they ever imagined.

It was _their_ future- or at least, they could make it theirs.

Leedo had watched their last hope slip through his fingers in the eyes of a stranger. But this time…

This future was one he would sink his claws and teeth in, refusing to let it escape.

Because it was no longer simply their future.

It was Ravn’s, too.

Suddenly, they were staring at a future, not just for varkolaks, but for the entirety of humanity, too.

And Ravn was standing at the center of it, as promised, with them at his side.

~~~~~~~~

“I preferred when it was freezing…”

“Is now really the time to be complaining about wanting to go back?” Keonhee demanded, turning to Xion as he gestured sharply to the cabin sitting at the edge of their vision passed the trees.

Xion rode past him with his nose in the air. “I never said I wanted to go back,” he huffed. “I just wish it was still winter.”

The air was muggy with humidity and heat- not oppressive, but after spending months wandering in knee-deep snow, it was hard to ignore as they wiped sweat from their brows.

Leedo rode side by side with Hwanwoong, chuckling as Keonhee made a mocking gesture with his hand behind Xion’s back. The trees were full of plush leaves that blanketed the ground, brushing them with low hanging branches and vines creeping up each tree they passed.

There was a quiet to the air, only broken by the birds singing at the bright blue sky. That already made it ten times louder than the North’s eerie silence that was never broken.

As they broke into the clearing with the cabin, everyone simultaneously noticed the horse already tethered to a nearby tree, grazing on the long grass.

“Looks like he beat us here,” Seoho noted, glancing at Leedo with a quiet smirk.

Leedo responded with an unimpressed glare as they herded their horses to the edge of the clearing, tethering them as well, as they leapt down- groaning from the long ride that was finally over.

Leedo stared at Ravn’s horse for a moment, taking a slow breath.

Over three months was a long time, and somehow no time at all.

They crossed the clearing, Xion not bothering to knock as he pushed the door open, calling out a “Did you miss us?” just to be obnoxious.

Dongmyeong leapt up excitedly, racing to his brother to hug him, succeeding despite Xion’s desperate attempt to dodge it-

Yonghoon and Giwook hid their laughter behind a hand as Kanghyun nodded in greeting. Everyone sat around the room, save for Harin seated at the table where Ravn sat with a cup of tea.

There was no stone or fist slamming into Leedo’s chest when he looked at him for the first time in months.

There was no beat of awkwardness where their eyes met and they didn’t know what was allowed.

Ravn merely smiled kindly at them, a genuine light to his eyes as he inclined his head in greeting as Keonhee and Seoho were the first to acknowledge him with a brief “Your Majesty.”

When Ravn’s eyes met Leedo’s, they both silently acknowledged each other with quiet smiles and peaceful silence. It was… perhaps easier to realize what was allowed when they realized that they truly were on the same side now.

There was no hesitation, uncertain of how Ravn would spend his time as king.

Leedo knew where Ravn stood, and that made their combined presences more comfortable.

“How was the journey?” Ravn asked as they took seats at the table- Leedo and Keonhee choosing their seats on the beds when it filled up. “Tiring?”

“It would have been less so if some people learned to stop bickering,” Seoho sighed, glaring pointedly at Hwanwoong and Keonhee. “And yours?” he questioned curiously. “You’re more likely to run into trouble on the way than we are.”

“No trouble,” Ravn assured him, running a finger around the rim of his cup, staring at it passively. “I only arrived a couple of hours ago.”

Ravn was dressed similarly to the last time they had met, but accommodated for the summer heat. His cape was gone, and the overcoat he’d worn was discarded, leaving him in a bare white shirt buttoned to his neck with a deep red sash around his waist, and black pants with familiar red and gold adornments.

His clothing was substantially less tattered than theirs, with their already frayed edges and hastily sewn tears. Their vests had already been lost, leaving them only in darkly colored shirts.

“But you seem as if… trouble may have found you once or twice,” Ravn noted, sympathetic and apologetic eyes glancing over their scuffed appearances, pausing on the still-healing cuts on Xion’s cheek and creeping down from Seoho’s shoulder.

“Shall we begin sharing stories, then?” Giwook asked, leaning on the table.

Ravn started, continually taking sips from his cup to give him something to do with his hands.

“As expected, the response to the declaration was… well, violent,” he said, not sugar coating his words as he winced. “Nothing entirely outrageous. A few riots, some general unrest among the villages, a few groups trying to storm the castle…” He shrugged quietly. “Normal responses to generally unpleasant things.”

“No one’s managed to cause any damage, have they?” Leedo questioned where he drew one knee up to his chest, leaving the other to dangle.

Ravn glanced at him, shaking his head without hesitating. “They’ve never gotten passed the front gate,” he assured them. “And certainly nothing has happened to me personally aside from being tired of fighting with the advisors who are demanding I retract the declaration.”

He scoffed, as if this were an entirely unbelievable desire.

“I’m hoping that if I stand my ground firm enough, they’ll wear out faster than I can.” He smiled wryly, as if he didn’t really think that was likely, but he was determined to try. “But not enough time has passed to make any sort judgement on how long that may take.”

“It’s only been a few months,” Dongmyeong assured him, smiling gently. “Has the declaration actually succeeded in lowering the violence?”

Ravn was silent, rolling his lips as he stared at the dregs of his tea. “It is difficult to tell,” he sighed quietly, shaking his head. “I’ve been ensuring that the punishment is enforced for any and all cases I hear about, but… it is difficult to keep track of everything and ensure that it is enforced.”

Leedo winced sympathetically. It was one man against an entire kingdom bearing centuries of habit and hatred.

“I am trying,” he assured them firmly, looking up with a new determination in his eyes. “They can oppose me until the day I die, but I’m not going to let them shove this aside.”

They never thought he would.

“We also can’t make many reports,” Hwanwoong said when Ravn’s silence signaled he had finished. “There is a pack we found in the North that heard what we had been spreading… and they’ve actually been a great help. We’ve been staying with them, and they have helped when we run into trouble.”

Hwanwoong showed off a freshly sewn tear in his sleeve, but Ravn glanced at Seoho’s shoulder and Xion’s cheek.

“Have you met that much resistance?” he questioned quietly, voice reserved but obviously concerned.

“Most of this is from those that attack before we get a chance to speak,” Seoho assured him, tilting his head to show off the scratch. “Nothing serious has since happened, just a few scuffles. We’ve been lucky enough to speak to more varkolaks than we anticipated, but the majority still haven’t even let us speak. They aren’t interested.”

Ravn’s brow furrowed deeper as he nodded slowly. “But you said there was already a pack that listened to you?” he asked, looking skeptical.

“Jeonghan’s pack is supposedly a small part of a larger pack,” Xion explained, lips twitching. “We only met five of them, but they say there are two other smaller groups. Not long after we arrived, Jihoon left to send word to them to get aid for our cause.”

“It’s not even a fraction of the number of varkolaks in the North,” Keonhee assured him. “But it’s more than we ever expected. If there are some like them, then there has to be more, don’t there?”

“It has at least given us a base to operate out of, which has given us a huge advantage we hadn’t planned on having,” Seoho expounded, glancing around. “I’m assuming you’ve had similar luck here?”

“Even less than that,” Yonghoon said, sighing quietly. “Varkolaks here have already heard about the declaration, and most of them either think it’s a trick or they don’t believe it will actually do anything.”

“There’s also some unrest between varkolaks,” Giwook sighed. “Most are claiming that those that spread the word of the prince being turned or killed were lying sympathizers. So we’ve also been working around those altercations.” 

“Time and proving your sincerity may be the only way the varkolaks around here would even begin to listen,” Harin said, nodding to Ravn.

“But the amount of time that has passed is only a fraction of the time it will take,” Kanghyun said, in his usual blunt, unnerving fashion. “You cannot expect instant results. These are good steps that have been taken.”

Leedo leaned his cheek on his knee as Ravn asked about their wounds specifically. Dongmyeong asked about the Northern weather. Keonhee asked how Ravn had been getting along as king.

Casual conversation droned like a bee buzzing around flowers.

Ravn chuckled, almost nervous, but closer to awkwardness. “Being king is easy,” he said, fingers twisting together tightly. “It’s the down time that I don’t know what to do with anymore, since I’m not allowed to work with the knights as closely.” He smiled wryly. “It’s lonely, which is one thing no one ever warned me about.”

It wasn’t meant as a pointed statement, and Leedo didn’t take it as one.

But you couldn’t help but think most of the time, could you? And Leedo wondered how his life as king would have differed if they could be beside him.

“I have a small entourage of knights that follow me around as a personal guard,” he said, tapping his nails against the outside of his teacup, glancing up- teasing, but subdued enough to be hesitant. “They’re all so abhorrently dry compared to you all,” he chuckled quietly.

They all laughed because… well, they had certainly been something else compared to every other knight.

Leedo chuckled into his knee as Xion tossed his head. “Well, of course they’re dry,” he said proudly. “We were the best knights in the castle, and it had nothing to do with our fighting skills.”

Ravn laughed, clear and unburdened. A sound of relief that his comment hadn’t been taken poorly. “You were menaces.”

“As I recall it, you were right there beside us being a menace,” Keonhee said innocently, eyebrow lifting curiously, waiting for Ravn’s defense. 

“I was there to make sure you didn’t get thrown out for breaking any knight oaths,” Ravn clarified pointedly, eyes sparking.

This…

This punched a hole through Leedo’s chest, even as he chuckled with the rest of them.

This moment- physical proof of where they stood- where they weren’t just being cordial. It wasn’t forced pleasantries.

It was memories. Good ones.

Ones that hadn’t been tainted or twisted by emotions.

Memories that they shared, untainted. Memories that united them, that reminded them that… that they had once been like that.

And maybe they weren’t that right now… but that didn’t mean they weren’t okay.

They were okay, even if they weren’t perfect. They were okay… and that was enough.

They didn’t have to be better…they just had to be enough.

They left once they had told all they could think to.

Ravn mounted his horse first, a genuine, small smile across his lips as his warm gaze passed over all of them too familiarly. The worst part was the flicker of something that very well could have been pride in his eyes. And that was too dangerously familiar.

Actually, no.

The worst part was the ease with which they reciprocated the expression.

Because this… this was their Ravn. The one they had pledged themselves to and followed. Leedo had thought that bond had been shattered, but… once the dust had settled, it was still sitting there- scarred, with gouges dug out of it in attempts to rip it apart- but still whole.

They were still going to follow Ravn, not because he was one of them now, but because he was who he once was. A good, genuine, kind person… who just wanted to see peace in the world.

The bittersweetness was like a dark chocolate as Ravn nodded, mounting his horse and staring down at them like he had a million things he wanted to say to them.

Instead, he simply smiled a bit wider. “Be careful,” he requested, gripping the reins. “This pursuit isn’t worth your life.”

Seoho chuckled, arms crossing as he looked at Ravn knowingly. “Except that it always has been,” he assured him. “We risked more than our lives for a decade. This won’t kill us, but if it did… it would be worth it.”

Because that was who they were.

They were the ones who would die if it meant the two races saw peace.

Ravn’s jaw flexed, as if he wanted to dispute it, but he merely sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know what I find more bothersome- your stubbornness or your tenacity.”

“Are those not the same thing?” Xion questioned, snorting.

“Differing connotations,” Ravn assured him with an even, warning look that was ruined by the tilt of his lips. “But in all seriousness, please… Just be safe.”

“Nothing’s killed us yet,” Hwanwoong said, shrugging. “We’ll be fine. It’s you who is one man against a kingdom.”

“I have protections that aren’t afforded to you,” the king huffed, eyes narrowing at the continued dodging. “Just-“

“We will be careful,” Keonhee said, chuckling at the king reaching his limit. “See that you do the same.”

Ravn looked prepared to fight more, but he sighed, shaking his head. “I will see you at the beginning of autumn… Until then.”

This time… his eyes did linger on Leedo, who gave a small smile in return- the quick flash of blazing warmth in Ravn’s expression nearly blinding him before the king rode off, disappearing into the forest.

For a moment, there was only the sound of leaves rustling and cicadas singing.

“One of these times, you will have to actually speak to him,” Seoho said, lifting an accusing brow at Leedo.

“Says who?” Leedo question, not defensive but peaceful as he stared off into the woods, a quirk to his lips. “We’ve already said everything we needed to.”

He and Ravn had an understanding, a peace, even if it wasn’t perfect.

There was a tension there, knowing that… nothing had really changed, but it was combatted by the peace in their chests knowing that nothing had stayed the same. They were exactly as they had been, and somehow completely new people that they had never been before.

So they were not what they once were.

But they were who they were now.

“When we have something to say that has not already been said… we will say it,” Leedo assured the others who merely rolled their eyes.

“If we have to witness this atrocity every season, I will not survive it,” Xion muttered, pretending to gag. “Somehow, it was less painful when the two of you could not even look at each other.”

The wounds were healed enough to poke fun at them.

“It seems that the moment the two of us aren’t in pain, the rest of you are,” Leedo hummed, smirking at the youngest. “Maybe you just enjoy seeing us suffer.”

“No, I enjoy _not_ having to see this mutual pining where neither of you will open your mouth,” Xion stated matter of factly. 

“It isn’t pining,” he assured him, huffing a laugh as he strode towards their horses. “It’s an acknowledgement.” He gripped the reins, untying them. “Like I said… when we think of something to say that hasn’t been said… we will say it.”

“Well, _find_ something you haven’t said,” Keonhee said, chuckling with his arms crossed. “It’s clear that you both had something to say.”

“Yes, but it’s all been said.”

“When did all these rules appear?” Hwanwoong question, untying his own horse with a confused frown. “I know things were healing, but when did you discuss all these lines?”

“We didn’t,” Leedo said, shrugging as he mounted his horse, settling in. “We just understand them.”

There was a general muttering of displeasure at his answer.

Leedo ignored them, beginning to urge his horse forward before they were ready, making them yell for him to wait.

Things had healed… far more thoroughly than he thought mere months would give him. And part of him was slightly frightened by that, but most of him was just relieved that the pain that had tainted their hearts seemed to have been removed.

He was glad… to see Ravn smile like that. Even if it meant that there were still so many burdens for him to bear.

But, like a bad habit that was impossible to break… Leedo was still finding himself searching for any place he could ease it.

So, he headed North.

~~~~~~~~

They met at the beginning of autumn without many changes to report.

They met at the beginning of winter with minimal things to relay.

Nearly a year since the creation of the declaration, and the villages still fought it, the authorities hardly enforced it, varkolaks refused to believe it, and Ravn was still fighting a losing battle against his advisors while the rest of them trudged through an endless sea of varkolaks who refused to listen.

Each meeting concluded with hopeful smiles that tried to encourage, passed around like the opening goblet of a feast.

Warm words of encouragement that it would succeed were handed out like weapons to battle the endless days of failure and fighting.

After the third season of their meeting, Ravn broke through a line and embraced Hwanwoong in encouragement.

They were more bruised than normal, their reputation having spread wide enough that varkolaks had begun tracking them down, looking for fights. Leedo’s cheek was still healing, Xion’s shoulder made him wince with every movement, and Hwanwoong’s arm was wrapped in thick bandage up his forearm.

It was hopelessness clinging to their eyes, but Hwanwoong had been a bit shorter because of the pain, wondering how long it would take until they even made a dent in the people who fought them for no reason but for what they preached.

It was a low point for them as they struggled to climb back up a slippery slope of hope.

As they stood to say goodbye, Ravn stared at them, eyes pinched with sympathy and helplessness.

Perhaps he saw something in Hwanwoong’s eyes that the rest of them didn’t have, but he had stepped forward, pulling him into a brief embrace that left everyone slightly stunned.

Hwanwoong, of course, could have avoided it had he wanted to, but he let it happen- unmoving but compliant as Ravn pulled away quickly, trying not to let the fear of reaction get to him as he murmured that it would all work out in the end… It had to.

The elephant in the room was suddenly unable to be ignored. The thing that they had all been skirting around without acknowledging or bringing up.

And that was the fact that they had once been closer than brothers or friends could have ever hoped to be. They had once been all they had. They had once been everything to each other.

Their bond had once been unbreakable.

They had once meant so much to each other.

With that embrace, Ravn broke down the wall that all of them had been trying not to nudge against, despite how instinctive it was to do so.

And as terrifying as it was to be exposed, a breath of silent relief swept through them as a weight suddenly shattered. 

Ravn looked at the others, checking if the action was received well, wincing slightly at Hwanwoong’s stunned expression.

“The fact that five people had made any sort of difference among a race of thousands… means that this can end no other way but in our favor,” Ravn said firmly, believing it with a spark in his eyes. “I don’t know what exactly makes you different… but the history of hatred we built is crumbling before you five.”

Leedo’s tongue was dry as Hwanwoong looked away, rubbing his arm idly.

“Six.”

Ravn’s eyes flickered to Leedo, the others turning to him as well (Seoho making an exaggeratedly shocked expression at seeing the two of them speak, which Leedo made a note to hit him for later).

Leedo chewed his lip for a moment, not looking away. “Six people,” he repeated. “None of this would have ever begun without you. And you’re pulling your weight on your own.”

Ravn’s mouth closed, the slight surprise dimming into something warmer as he smiled quietly, eyes a little misty.

“So we’re a side show attraction?” Kanghyun muttered to Yonghoon expectantly, arms crossed.

Dongmyeong smacked him on the arm, hushing him sharply before returning to smiling brightly at the scene unfolding before him.

They parted ways, the air between them different after the embrace.

With that embrace, everything changed.

Suddenly the past they had all shared was unable to be ignored. It stood before them like a tower they were moments from crashing into at any moment.

The next season, only three of them returned to the cabin, the rest remaining behind to continue work.

Seoho returned with Xion and Keonhee, walking into Jeonghan’s den with a groan of exhaustion, collapsing onto blankets from the ride.

“Ravn says his advisors have finally given up,” Keonhee reported excitedly. “They’ve stopped fighting him, even if only two have given outright support. He’s hopeful that by the end of the year, he’ll actually have some people on his side.”

Leedo felt a breath of relief sweep through him, eyes closing briefly. It was the first note of progress they’d been given in over a year.

“He asked about you,” Seoho said, stripping off his outer jacket and tossing it aside as he glanced casually at Leedo. “He thought we’d left you behind because you were injured. It took some convincing to reassure him you weren’t.”

“Wow. And what about me?” Hwanwoong demanded, pressing an offended hand to his chest.

“Hush, it’s not about you,” Seoho tisked, rolling his eyes as he looked back at Leedo. “He was worried. He said it felt weird not having everyone there.”

Hwanwoong huffed, leaning back and crossing his arms. “’Everyone’ meaning Leedo, huh?” he muttered.

“Stop being dramatic,” Xion said, rolling his eyes.

“You should be in the group that goes next time,” Seoho said over his shoulder, walking away. “Maybe you’ll think of something to say that you haven’t before.”

Leedo looked up from the sleeve that he was mending, unimpressed and returning to his work.

The thought stuck in his head viciously the entire remainder of the season, though- echoing around and bouncing into other thoughts- creating insane speculations… like why exactly Ravn noted his presence more than the others.

Of course, Leedo knew.

But it made his stomach hurt, the thought that it was true.

They couldn’t make the next meeting with everything that happened to them, but Leedo and Seoho made the journey together as the last summer leaves were giving way to the colorful dyes and crisp air of autumn.

It had been long enough since they met, Leedo couldn’t help but note all the differences in Ravn’s appearance.

It was clear time had passed, in his stance and clothing and hair, but he was still just the same.

Warm and genuine as he greeted them, laying a hand on each of their shoulders, not unwelcome by any means but burning through Leedo’s shirt when the touch was removed.

It brought back memories that he didn’t have time for.

“We actually have news this time,” Seoho said, setting his cloak aside, eyes bright. “We’re staring to gather people.”

“Gather them?” Ravn questioned, eyes widening as he leaned forward. “They’re listening?”

“If you talk long enough, people will eventually start listening out of boredom, at the very least, apparently,” Seoho said, sitting at the table, a mixture of excitement and realization that they still had so much left.

“That’s why we weren’t here last time,” Leedo said, earning everyone’s attention.

He’d stopped shrinking under it, holding Ravn’s gaze evenly.

“We had such a surge in people seeking us out, we couldn’t risk leaving,” he continued calmly. “Jeonghan’s remaining pack were actually a large part of word traveling. They knew the people who would be interested, as well as people who held influence among others.”

“It’s still slow going,” Seoho assured them. “But… we may be beginning to break through.”

“Varkolaks in the area are still resistant,” Giwook sighed in disappointment, rubbing his cheek. “But with the growing support behind the king, we should see growth here as well. We have a mental list of everyone who’s going to be our easiest targets to convince when the time comes.”

Leedo held his breath for the rest of the meeting, the knowledge that change was on the very cusp of happening… Something about the feeling was addicting.

They hadn’t ever been fortunate to experience this feeling, before.

Their meeting was short, but sparked a new blaze of hope, hearing that progress was happening.

The three of them stood outside in the crisp air.

As they parted ways, Ravn paused at his horse, not quite mounting yet. Warm eyes looked back at them as he smiled, looking prepared to crack a joke or maybe laugh at something.

Instead, he placed a hand on Seoho’s shoulder once more, smiling wider. “Thank you,” he murmured quietly, squeezing. “For everything.”

Seoho rolled his eyes, tugging Ravn into a brief, one armed embrace before releasing him.

Walls were slowly crumbling between them.

And Leedo didn’t know if it was fear or excitement making his heart pound.

“Just focus on getting those old castle rats to remove their heads from their rears,” Seoho told him firmly, rolling his eyes. “We can handle ourselves.”

Ravn chuckled, looking suddenly years younger before he glanced at Leedo, smile fading but eyes remaining a million times warmer than they had any right to be.

Existing with Ravn had become so easy over their years apart.

But something in the way he looked at Leedo never failed to make him feel like the first time he’d noticed that Ravn looked at him differently.

There was a beat of silence between them, and Leedo was given a choice that he hadn’t needed to make in some time.

Stand his ground… or run away.

There was nothing dangerous here, just Ravn. Nothing uncomfortable, nothing frightening… it was just Ravn.

It wasn’t terrifying, it was just… Ravn.

Their Ravn.

Possibly… his Ravn.

And Leedo had stopped running from him.

He smirked, exasperated as he held his arms out slightly, an offering that made Ravn hesitate before smiling knowingly.

Ravn embraced him for the first time in years- nothing one armed or brief about it as he held Leedo tightly, warmly, possibly with the suspicion that this may be his last and only chance to have a moment like this.

Ravn smelled like the forest.

The sensation of Ravn holding him was so aching familiar, he could have been sick if not for the way his entire bloodstream seemed to heat ten degrees, staring from his chest and shooting out to his hands and legs.

There was a brief moment before Leedo held the king tighter, letting his head rest on his shoulder for just a moment as Ravn’s forehead touched his own. Neither of them moved, suddenly, as if afraid of breaking the moment.

The embrace had already gone on too long, they held each other too tight, but neither could bring themselves to loosen their grip.

Leedo’s eyes were shut tight, like he might be able to convince himself he was just dreaming and it wasn’t actually happening.

But it was happening.

He was embracing Ravn and being embraced back, and he was hit with the urge to never let go, suddenly.

Because it was Ravn.

It was Ravn, and he was different. Different than he had been on that terrifying night, and different than he had ever been in the decade they new him. This Ravn was entire new… but it was still the one they’d known.

This Ravn was the one that Leedo had sworn to follow, regardless of his future.

This was the Ravn that Leedo had helplessly, terrifyingly fallen in love with because he was everything good and kind, everything he’d thought was dead to the world, everything that somehow looked at Leedo and saw something of such worth-

He didn’t just see worth, he saw _value._ He saw kindness in Leedo… And even after everything, Ravn stared at them with warmth and pride at the memories of what they had been.

But Ravn didn’t embrace Leedo like it was a memory.

Ravn held Leedo like everything they had once been was still alive and beating and warmth and immortal.

Ravn held Leedo like everything they had once been had never stopped.

Leedo couldn’t be sure if he was holding Ravn the same way, despite the slight tremor to his hands that gripped onto the king.

He couldn’t be sure because he wasn’t entirely sure what it was like to embrace Ravn without feeling those things.

His heart was beating so hard, he was sure Ravn could feel it through their clothing. He was sure that was why Ravn was holding him so tightly. He was sure the king could feel the slight tremor in his hands, the unsteadiness in each breath that didn’t come from fear, but that came from uncertainty.

Uncertainty because Leedo didn’t know what this meant.

He knew what it had meant years ago, but he didn’t know what it might mean _here._

But it felt like it meant everything. Like _Ravn_ meant everything.

It felt like standing in a clearing with confessions on their lips and tears in their eyes as they acknowledged that nothing had ever really changed, and they were so sorry for that.

They held each other like they used to.

And Leedo was as terrified of it now as he had been back then. But even now… even after everything… After everything Leedo had lied and everything Ravn had done… they still held each other just as tight.

As if… nothing and everything had changed. As if the picture had been destroyed and reconstructed, clearer and brighter.

Ravn embraced Leedo like an apology, a regret, a promise, and a confession all at once.

And even if Leedo didn’t know what each meaning was saying, he embraced Ravn back just as tightly.

He didn’t know how else to hold this person he’d dedicated his life to. 

In this singular moment… everything changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so excited for this next chapter!! More than likely, I’ll end up adding a shorter 10th chapter as an epilogue, but we’ll see how it goes~
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you all enjoyed it! Please let me know what you thought of it, lovelies!!   
> I hope you’re all safe and happy! I’ll see you next chapter!   
> -SS


	9. And When the Scales Finally Pause, We Stand in Harmonious Balance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! I’m so sorry for the wait on this one, but if you don’t follow me on twitter, I was taking a short mental health break~ 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this final chapter, and please let me know what you think! 
> 
> My next work’s updates may be very sporadic from now on, and I may be pushed to a week or longer due to work and personal life, but please be patient! I’m so excited to show you more works~ 
> 
> Have an amazing day, lovelies!   
> -SS

It was the spring, nearly three years since they had begun their tangible mission, that they arrived before Ravn for the first time.

However, it was barely hours before the door swung open with enough force to make them jump- Leedo and Hwanwoong the only two who had made the journey.

Ravn stood in the doorway without even having tethered his horse, the reins clutched in his hands as he stared at them, panting as if he had hurried. Harin snickered at the flustered state of the king, standing and taking the reins from him to go tie his steed to a nearby tree.

“I apologize,” Ravn said, clearing his throat, dusting off his riding cloak that wasn’t dirty as he straightened, pulling himself together. “There was a sudden meeting that was overdue… I came as soon as it was over, but I was afraid I may have missed you.”

He smiled, not stilted, but awkward, as if he wasn’t sure what he should be feeling- as if he wanted to smile for seeing them, but was hesitating for the severity of their meetings.

“We would not leave without seeing you,” Hwanwoong assured him, chuckling at his disheveled state. “You didn’t need to rush.”

The reassurance brought Ravn’s smile to fruition, a gentle chuckle as he finally entered the cabin completely, taking a seat at the only empty spot at the table. “I only get to see you a few hours each season,” he said, smiling teasingly but with too much warmth. “Gods forbid that I cut that short.”

His gaze wandered from Hwanwoong to Leedo- not purposefully, but in a simple acknowledgement of his presence. Leedo returned the quiet smile, not with any special intention but because…

Well, it was Ravn.

Finally, after so long, it was Ravn.

“I have good news that I’ve waited months to tell you, as well,” Ravn said, straightening, leaning his elbows on the table eagerly, though his expression took on a mixture of hope and determination. “Progress has most definitely been made.”

His eyes flickered to Yonghoon and the others, briefly.

“You did not already tell them?”

“It’s your progress to tell,” Yonghoon assured him, gesturing for him to proceed.

Ravn wet his lips, looking as if he were holding in something that wanted to burst out. “The meeting I was attending that made me late is one of many that have been occurring over the last few months,” he reported eagerly. “This one in particular was in regard to refugee locations that have sprouted in the western part of the kingdom, near the border forest.”

Leedo frowned for a moment, Hwanwoong echoing the expression.

“Refugee locations?” Leedo repeated, the words tasting gritty like sand. “As in… refugee havens…for varkolaks?”

Ravn nodded slowly, clearing holding back hope. “As of the beginning of this season, I’ve finally had enough people behind me to start building them. As well as providing enough protection to those locations for them to be safe.”

“Has… Has anyone actually joined them?” Hwanwoong demanded, straightening in his chair as his eyes widened.

Leedo’s stomach flipped violently at the thought.

But then Ravn nodded, eyes sparking brightly. “Within the first two days of the haven being erected, there were several who came. They were hesitant, but… but they came. And within the month, it was nearly full as more came-“

Leedo… couldn’t imagine that.

He couldn’t imagine varkolaks of any kind being willing to accept that sort of protection from a human, much less willingly going to such a place to ask for help.

In the world they had known, such a sight was impossible.

But the world… it was changing, wasn’t it?

“How many?” Hwanwoong asked, slightly breathless. “How many have you put up?”

“It was a process that was slow to pick up,” Ravn assured them, laughing with his own brand of breathlessness. “But by the end of the season, I expect to have several in every region of the kingdom.” He swallowed, lips twitching. “And maybe… with time, they can live freely, safely… and be accepted.”

Such a thought… was unthinkable.

But so was any thought that varkolaks were not immediately slaughtered. So was the thought that there was a place where varkolaks could go… and be safe.

Be protected. By humans.

Leedo stared at Ravn, expression reserved but his chest a gaping hole.

He’d actually done it.

Ravn had actually… brought peace. Even if it wasn’t complete… he had done this.

“By winter, you could start sending those varkolaks from the North down here, and we will have a place for them,” Ravn said, eyes scarcely believing his own words, hands braced against the table.

“We have people willing to listen,” Hwanwoong said, glancing at Leedo almost nervously. “But at the moment, I’m not sure many of them would be willing to completely uproot themselves.” He wet his lips. “But by the time winter comes… we will make sure they are ready.”

“Those in this forest have already spread word about it,” Giwook said, nodding his head towards the forest outside. “They’re only whispers… but the general consensus is… that not as many varkolaks as we anticipated actually want to fight this war.”

Dongmyeong’s lips twitched almost sadly. “There are a lot of them who are too afraid of being labeled as weak by voicing their desires… but with time, I think we can convince them that we can keep them safe.”

Varkolaks didn’t want to live among humans. That wasn’t their desire- even those that despised violence.

They didn’t want to exist with humans, they wanted to coexist with them. They wanted to live how they lived, and to have the human respect that space. They didn’t want a place in their villages, they just wanted to exist without having to crawl in the shadows.

With time, these refugee havens would not be necessary. Varkolaks would not be assimilated into human culture… they would free to live where and how they wanted. And they would do so without being hunting and being hunted.

There would always be those who couldn’t let go of hate- on both sides.

But when they reached that moment of coexisting together… then they would call it true peace.

Such a thought was unthinkable. It had always been unthinkable.

But…

But Leedo was suddenly staring it in the face in the form of Ravn’s hesitant excitement and fiery determination reflected in dark eyes that stared back at Leedo.

They stood beside their horses as the sun had just begun to head towards the horizon, casting their shadows long as all three of them stood together. There was no hesitation this time as they said their goodbyes- Hwanwoong approaching before Ravn could even lift his arms.

Their brief hug was a testament to everything they now stood in front of.

“We’ll be ready by the time you are,” Hwanwoong promised, grinning encouragingly when Ravn’s eyes brightened at the optimism.

And then Hwanwoong walked to the other side of the clearing where their own horses were tied, not even glancing at Leedo before leaving him and the king alone. Leedo was still unsure as to whether he despised the others for this or was grateful for it.

Instead of either, he found some warped form of relief in his chest when Ravn held his arms out with a knowing, almost teasing smile.

It was almost an inside joke, the comparison of what they were and what they used to be. The things they had done and the things they wished they could do.

Leedo huffed, lips twitching against his will as he accepted the embrace.

It wasn’t as desperate as their first (nor the next two), but it was still much tighter and warmer than it should have been. It was still enough to make Leedo’s heart stall and his lungs freeze as his entire body focused on the feeling of it.

The embraces confused him. Because they made him think that there was a promise in them, though nothing had been said. And Leedo refused to read a promise where there was none because it would only hurt when the promise was broken, without ever being made.

This… This was enough.

He didn’t need the entirety of Ravn’s life to be his, like Ravn had once promised him.

It was enough to have this: familiarity, the promise of peace, and a future that was no longer so dark. This was enough.

He didn’t need it all. He just needed enough.

They pulled apart after a respectable amount of time, Ravn’s lips quirked like there was something he wanted to say.

He always seemed to have something to say, lately, but nothing ever passed his lips so Leedo had to assume it was something that had already been said. So he smiled in return, giving a mock salute.

“We’ll be ready,” he promised quietly.

Ravn’s eyes grew brighter, but his lips grew thinner, as if he were internally laughing at Leedo for reasons he didn’t quite understand. He nodded. “I’ll try to be quick for you.”

Part of Leedo wanted to shake his head and assure Ravn he was moving fast enough- accomplishing the impossible within years. But the words stuck to his throat.

There was a beat of silence where Leedo was prepared to step away, but then Ravn chuckled, reaching forward towards Leedo- the other fighting the urge to flinch away from the touch instinctively.

But he stayed still as Ravn picked at a piece of his bangs, moving it from his face with a quiet, calm laugh. “You need to trim your hair again,” he said, his hand moving back to his own side, burning despite the fact it hadn’t touched Leedo. “You’re beginning to look wild.”

Leedo breathed through the urge to freeze, huffing as he shook his hair out. “I’m living in a forest,” he said flatly, making Ravn chuckle again.

“You’ve cut it before while up there,” he reminded Leedo gently. “You can cut it again. I’m just reminding you.”

Leedo snorted, chest unlocking slowly as the familiar banter that sank into his blood. “I’ve made my home in a forest, Ravn,” he said, amusement coloring his words lightly. “Not many people there care what my hair looks like.”

He laughed to himself, dropping his head and feeling the warmth of the setting sun sink into his skin.

But Ravn was silent.

Leedo began to lift his head, wondering why he hadn’t spoken-

“Would you change that?” the king practically whispered.

Leedo finished lifting his head, sharper this time as he frowned gently- not dark, but genuine. But once Ravn’s words caught up to him, his jaw tightened as he understood what he was being asked.

His blood was suddenly too warm, almost telling him to run.

“Where else could I make a home?” Leedo questioned, shrugging gently, though his eyes never wavered from Ravn’s gentle ones that were soft, almost pleading. He knew, though.

Leedo knew exactly what Ravn wanted. And he genuinely wasn’t sure he had an answer for him.

Ravn was silent for longer, lips thinning and jaw flexing, though his eyes seemed to be asking something Leedo couldn’t answer.

“Would you ever make the castle your home again?” Ravn murmured, gentle and prodding, once again afraid of the lines he was trying to cross.

Leedo knew it was coming, but the question still stabbed his chest like a dagger, twisting without giving him a moment to brace himself against the prospect. Going back, living there, existing with Ravn once more, lending their support as they had always intended…

It was the most terrifying thing Leedo had ever heard.

“How could we return, Ravn?” Leedo questioned gently almost laughing, shaking his head, kicking at the dirt uselessly. “We already admitted ourselves to be traitors-“

“You think I don’t have the power to pardon that?” Ravn questioned quietly, voice a little weak in his hesitation. “We may not explain the entire situation, but we can explain that it was a misunderstanding… a mistake.”

“Was it a mistake?” Leedo asked, laughing at the idea-

“ _Yes_ ,” Ravn fired back, almost too quick, making Leedo lose his verbal balance. “Everything that happened that night was a mistake,” he pressed firmly. “Both of us- we made mistakes. I, especially, made a mistake in every way that I reacted.”

Leedo wanted to dispute it. To call it understandable. But Ravn was already moving on, eyes misty.

“I won’t try and force you to go anywhere,” he said gently, still asking something. “But… I won’t have history remember you all as traitors.”

“So you’ll just pardon us?” Leedo questioned, a disbelieving laugh on his lips. “What good will that do, Ravn, if we decide not to return?”

Leedo didn’t know why his body continued to tell him to run, even as he wanted nothing more than to grab what Ravn offered with both hands and not let go.

Ravn, however, simply stared at Leedo, almost saddened.

“Not every action I do has to be for the betterment of all mankind,” he murmured softly. “Even if neither of us gain anything from it… You were never traitors,” he said, shaking his head gently. “And I don’t want history to remember you as such. You spoke extensively about innocents being condemned for crimes they never committed.”

Leedo almost disputed it, claiming that they _did_ betray Ravn.

But the words stuck in his mouth as things that had already been said.

And truly, Leedo didn’t know what he wanted. Part of him was content to live the rest of his life at a distance.

But… the castle had been their home.

Ravn had been their friend.

Everything they’d ever built was at that castle. Was it… selfish to want that back?

“I’ll let the others know,” Leedo said when his mind provided him with nothing but arguments to start. “It’ll be their decision, as well.”

Ravn merely nodded, something in his expression relaxing and warming over.

It made Leedo want to be sick in the worst and best way possible.

“You should go,” the king said, gesturing him off. “You’ll be traveling most of the night at this rate.”

Leedo held his breath but nodded, another promise to be ready on his tongue as he returned to where Hwanwoong was waiting. Neither of them said anything- Hwanwoong knowing that he would either choose to talk or not.

It was a long ride to the North, and Leedo had found it harder and harder to keep any secrets locked away in his chest as time passed and seasons changed.

He’d found himself having these difficulties more and more… Part of him wanted to call it becoming weaker.

But in his chest… he knew that it was just his body slowly giving up after so long of forcing it to continue on alone, shouldering it all, never giving rest, never letting anyone else anywhere near his burdens. It wasn’t weakness, but relief that flooded Leedo’s blood when he finally sighed and relayed the entire conversation to Hwanwoong.

And it wasn’t embarrassment, but respite when Hwanwoong merely hummed, his own hesitation peaking through as he contemplated Ravn’s offer, his only response being the gentle pat on Leedo’s shoulder.

And that was enough.

~~~~~~~~~

They escorted the first batch of varkolaks to the center of the kingdom at the beginning of spring.

It was only a group of fifteen- none of them being part of Jeonghan’s group- but it was more than they thought they would ever find.

Three of them traveled together- Leedo, Seoho, and Keonhee assisting them and leading them to the discussed location where Ravn would be waiting.

“If this is a trap,” one of them muttered, but they seemed more fearful than distrustful.

“You will be taken care of, under the direct protection of the king,” Keonhee assured them, offering a small smile. “You will be safer here than you ever were in the North.”

“And how long will we have to stay in these enclosures?” another demanded.

“You will never be forced to stay anywhere,” Seoho said firmly, glancing back at them. “You can come and go as you desire, but you may choose to stay until the world has calmed down and finished transitioning.”

“And how long will that take?” a third scoffed.

“The impossible has already happened within half a decade,” Leedo said, perhaps a bit short, but he tried to be stern rather than sharp. “A time limit can’t be set, but rest assured… it will happen one day.”

Their patience would repay them.

It already had, a hundredfold.

Just by virtue of their continued existence, they had changed their future more than they ever thought possible.

Ravn stood at the edge of the camp, speaking with a guard intently, pointing out something within the haven. Due to their temporary status and speed of building, the haven was not much more than a large camp and canvas tents- much nicer than a simple camping tent, and sturdy against whatever weather may come.

The king turned rapidly when they arrived, eyes alighting, though he kept his expression controlled in the presence of those who maybe didn’t share his excitement.

Leedo stood at the edge of the camp as Ravn personally welcomed the group of varkolaks, expressing his wishes that they would find a home here that may one day grow to include the entirety of the kingdom.

The varkolaks regarded him with distrust- anger coloring some, but hesitantly fearful hope coloring others- particularly those mothers and children who were here as a last hope.

But they followed him into the camp as Ravn described his plans for the future.

Leedo watched him from atop his horse.

And his heart ached.

“Would you?” Seoho questioned quietly, side eyeing Leedo carefully- knowing and teasing, but genuine and careful. “Ever go back?”

Leedo’s heart ached more fiercely, though he hid his wince.

His jaw clenched at the thought of returning to this- to Ravn, the same one he had deemed worthy to follow.

The one who had followed through on his every promise… 

“Would you?” Leedo asked absently, staring off, not trying to be evasive but genuinely wondering. They hadn’t spoken about the possibility even after Leedo told them of Ravn’s invitation and plans to pardon them.

Which had been effective, given the way the guard was glancing at them, as if unsure if he was safe or not, unsure if he should be on guard or not. Leedo vaguely recognized him as from the castle, but not someone they had ever interacted with.

He wondered what stories had spread about them within those walls…

“I suppose it depends,” Seoho murmured, shrugging as if it weren’t the most terrifying decision of their lives. “I wouldn’t want to return alone.”

Leedo didn’t, either. Which was possibly where his fear stemmed from: he wanted to go back, no matter how afraid he was, but he didn’t know what the others had planned. He wouldn’t leave them. Not after everything they had gone through. 

But watching Ravn lead these varkolaks into peace… watching him fight against human and varkolak alike to change their world… watching him look at the five of them, so close to how he used to… watching them all interact with him in that same way they used to…

It wasn’t as if nothing had changed. Everything had changed.

It was _in spite_ _of_ everything changing.

They were still standing here… together.

“I wouldn’t return alone,” Leedo agreed in a murmur.

“But you would return if the rest of us chose to?”

He glanced at Keonhee who eyed him with a mixture of understanding and pity.

“Because I think we all truly know what the answer to that is,” Keonhee said, chuckling quietly as he glanced at Seoho. “Like literally everything else between the six of us… I think we all know the answer, even if no one seems to want to say anything.”

Leedo scoffed, rolling his eyes as he punched Keonhee’s arm. “There are reasons certain things go unsaid.”

“Because you enjoy making life harder than it needs to be?” Seoho questioned, managing to dodge the swipe Leedo aimed at him. “Oh, come on,” he scoffed, drawing his horse further away when Leedo prepared for another attack. “Everyone knows how this will end. You’re only tormenting yourself because that is what you’re used to doing.”

“I am _not_ -“

“It won’t happen yet,” Seoho interjected, cutting Leedo off- who huffed. “But somehow, everyone but you understands that it will inevitably happen.”

Leedo took offence at that, but he remained silent, staring off into the camp that Ravn had long since disappeared into.

Their return… was inevitable.

The thought of returning to the castle… to Ravn… To have their old lives back, mixed with this new reality they had built….

It felt like the perfect world, and that was what scared Leedo. Perfection was the easiest thing to lose.

A fist struck him in the back of his head so hard, he nearly slammed his nose into the back of his horse, whipping around as he clutched at the throbbing point, glaring at Seoho furiously-

“ _Ow!_ ”

“You think you’re sneaky?” Seoho demanded, scoffing and rolling his eyes. “Everyone can tell when you’re being self-deprecating. We saw enough of it while you were sulking all those weeks. Stop it.”

“I am not-“ Even Leedo couldn’t finish his defense, his glare only growing with his helplessness to defend himself.

“Look around you,” Seoho said firmly, gesturing to the camp, to the forest, to the three of them standing there. “Do you seriously not understand that the only thing keeping you from having peace and being happy is _you_?”

Leedo knew he couldn’t defend himself, so he didn’t try, simply glaring silently as he rubbed the back of his head roughly.

He wasn’t keeping himself from being at peace, he was just… worried.

He’d seen their world turn over so many times, he never wanted to see that again. He had lost so much and slowly regained it… he didn’t want to lose it again. But he supposed Seoho’s point was that he _wouldn’t_ lose it.

Or, perhaps, he should simply acknowledge that if he does lose it again, he was always mean to lose it.

Fate… was curious.

Leedo genuinely couldn’t decide if everything that had happened to them was predestined… or if they had controlled their own fate. Was this the only path that would have produced this future? Had they destroyed their future, but rebuilt it by their actions?

Was Leedo always destined to return to Ravn’s side, or had he created this reality on his own?

Was it possible that his future was entirely already decided… or could Leedo control it, if he fought hard enough? There was something freeing about thinking there was nothing for him to do, that it was already decided and he should just sit for the ride.

But… Leedo didn’t want a passive role in his own life.

If it meant returning to the castle, to Ravn… Leedo wanted the right to fight to keep that.

He wanted to be able to sink his claws in, cling to it, and have a chance to never let it slip away again. But…

No.

He decided, then and there, that there was no possible way that the fates could possibly control them. If they could control them, they would not have thrown so much heartache into their paths, as if frantic to keep them on a certain path, to stop them wandering. 

Maybe the fates were cruel… but Leedo didn’t believe they were all-powerful.

Which meant… the only thing between Leedo and everything he’d ever wanted… was himself.

~~~~~~~~

They met for the last time on an Autumn evening.

For the first time in years, all six of them were present. And for the first time ever, they met at the castle, at Ravn’s hesitant, nervous request.

Leedo stood on the grounds of the castle for first time in over half a decade, the others flanking his sides, all of them staring down the path with something like hesitation. It was like standing on the doorstep of a new friend’s home, unsure of your place among everything that had been here much longer than you.

It was only a moment later, however, that they all urged their horses forward, approaching the gate. Leedo was suddenly grateful they had been given new clothing only weeks ago, Jeonghan’s pack member- Wonwoo- providing from a refugee camp he had visited.

Two guards stood at the gates- one of which, Leedo knew to be a knight who was present on that night all those years ago.

They all paused at the entrance, nodding to the guards. It was obvious that the knight was going to speak, stepping forward slightly at their approach, almost looking as if he was seeing ghosts.

“What happened that night?” the knight asked, not demanding but seemingly lost. Concerned. “What… How did all this happen?”

Leedo glanced at the others, a crisp wind blowing through with a myriad of leaves colored warm hues.

“What did the king tell you?” Hwanwoong questioned, calm but curious. They didn’t actually know on what grounds Ravn had pardoned them…

“Simply that there had been a misunderstanding,” the knight pressed, frowning. “But that you all had been pivotal in creating the future he was working towards.” He brows pinched further, utterly lost. “But they say you confessed to being traitors that night…”

Years of lies had made them quick on their feet as Seoho’s lips thinned. “There was confusion that night,” he said, voice reserved in a way that tried to keep emotions from peeking through. “We didn’t want anyone to be harmed… so we complied, attempting to explain ourselves. In the end… it worked out, though it took time.”

Not a lie. Not the entire truth. Which was likely the way they would be living the rest of their lives, here in this castle. Alongside Ravn, who would also speak in not-lies and not-truths.

Somehow, it felt relieving to have someone else lying alongside them, to have Ravn no longer held behind a glass wall of secrets.

Perhaps that was where their hesitation stemmed from, as they crossed through the gates into the castle grounds.

This was their first time on castle grounds with Ravn’s knowledge of what they were.

And that knowledge showed in Ravn’s eyes as he waited for them on the steps of the castle as they approached, dismounting with a knowing glance to him. Leedo truly could forget, at times, that Ravn was hiding, as they were.

Ravn walked down the steps to meet them as servants appeared to take their horses, the five of them standing before him with smiles that threatened to burst into laughter.

This was truly… the last place they ever thought they would find themselves in.

Ravn embraced them warmly, _excitedly_ , asking about their journey with light in his eyes, ushering them inside as if… as if they had never left.

Leedo choked on the heart in his throat as they entered a war room that had previously only ever been used for meetings of violence and rage. It was only the six of them within, leaving many spots of the large table unfilled.

“I have… recently been able to take a more passive role in the enforcement of the declaration and the creation of refugee camps,” Ravn told them, seated at the head with them at his sides. “A more concrete idea of what they are for has spread… and varkolaks seem to understand that they are merely for protection if they are tired of fighting…”

Varkolaks were free to come and go as they pleased…but those who were tired of living in fear, or who chose to no longer have to fight those that broke the declaration… could finally find a haven, even just for a few days of peace.

Leedo tried to imagine what it would have been like… to know that such a place existed, as all they hid in the North.

If he had been a child… and had a place to go.

The word had traveled quickly about the punishment for those that went against the declaration, finally able to be implemented by the general law enforcers among the villages, who took so long to actually believe and follow the declaration themselves.

But finally… finally, the pieces of their future were beginning to come together.

“We also… have a following in the North,” Keonhee said, laughing at the sheer insanity of it all. “Jeonghan’s pack- Well, I suppose Seungcheol’s pack,” He corrected, snickering. “He gets upset when people think Jeonghan is in charge.”

Ravn smiled at the anecdote.

They had had such minimal contact with each other for so long… so many small stories of their lives slipping between the cracks…

“They are actually heading most of the work up there,” Hwanwoong said, lips twitching. “And they’ve enlisted the help of others they know are trustworthy. If not guiding people to the havens to the South, they’re trying to police the area up there and keep a peace, until we have enough traction to actually bring enforcers to the North.”

There was still such a long way to go… but so much had already been accomplished.

At the end of their meeting… Ravn glanced around at them, smiling but with that subtle fear or nerves clinging to his dark eyes.

“Will… Will you stay?” Ravn questioned gently, glancing around slowly. “Even if you just wished to use the castle as your base… when you don’t wish to be in the North, since you have help there, now-“

“Ah, I see,” Xion said, leaning on his hands and staring at Ravn expectantly. “So you only wanted us to return to the castle to use it temporarily?”

For the briefest of moments, Ravn looked prepared to burst out a dispute, but within a second, he had taken in Xion’s cocky grin, his teasing gaze, and openly challenging posture.

Ravn’s shoulders fell, relief flooding his eyes as he smiled quietly. “I’d actually prefer it if you spent as little time as possible here,” he said, voice shaking with unshed laughter. “You see, I’ve only just gotten rid of you-“

“Oh, well, that settles it,” Keonhee burst, throwing his hands up exaggeratedly. “Now we’re moving in.”

Ravn laughed.

It was deep and bright and _genuine._

“And gods know you can hardly be trusted to operate on your own,” Hwanwoong muttered, rolling his eyes. “We’ll probably have to keep a close eye on you. Who knows how you survived this long on your own.” 

Ravn’s eyes were misty as he looked around at them, all of their smiles slipping through their teasing, chests expanding with a familiar warmth.

“We’ll have to tail your ever step,” Xion continued, nodding firmly. “Hardly leave you alone for a moment. Otherwise, the kingdom would probably fall apart.”

Tears finally slipped out as Ravn laughed, grabbing the one nearest him- Keonhee- and hugging him tight enough to make him squeak. But Keonhee was quick to return it, laughing on his own as he called Ravn an emotional child.

Leedo remained silent, even as Hwanwoong stood to join the embrace, laughing though his eyes were warm and hopeful.

He didn’t trust his voice to try and speak. His heart was currently swelling in his chest, making it difficult to breathe, and it was getting painful for how hard he smiled as they took turns mocking Ravn’s tears, though their voices sounded anything but steady.

It was a sight that hadn’t existed since everything had changed.

But somehow… it felt better here than it ever had.

Ravn’s eyes met Leedo’s through the tangle of limbs crushing him. And though there were tears clinging to the king’s cheeks… for the first time, Leedo couldn’t find any sorrow in them.

And the joy that filtered through the dark eyes was so, startlingly similar to the time Ravn had first confessed to him, in that moment when they both believed it would work.

It was the realization that your most vulnerable offer had been accepted.

And Leedo, useless as always, could only sit there and smile, hoping Ravn understood.

And he genuinely believed that Ravn did.

Because he was staring at his Ravn. The one he trusted and followed… and so much more.

He stared at his Ravn, and he still saw his future shining through him.

~~~~~~~~

Leedo found Sonhae’s grave just as the horizon had dyed itself a deep crimson and lavender.

He stood before the white gravestone, marked with nothing but a name and the crest of the kingdom, and he stared at it.

There was no click in his chest, no moment of clarity or brokenness… there was simply peace. Not a new peace, but the same one Leedo had felt in his chest the past years.

It carried over, even here as he stood before his gravest mistake.

He didn’t speak to the grave, but he hoped that Sonhae… understood that he was sorry. That it was never meant to happen… That Leedo could do nothing to fix this mistake, but that he would try to make it… worth something. Something longer lasting and greater than guilt and sorrow.

He wanted Sonhae to be the catalyst for a better future, where tragedies like Sonhae would never have to happen. Sonhae was not a martyr, he was a child who had been tragically killed in the crossfire of war.

Leedo wanted to ensure that never happened again.

They were almost there.

“I thought you might be here…”

Leedo didn’t jump, even though he’d been too occupied to hear the footsteps approaching. The voice was too gentle and too familiar to startle him as he glanced back, not avoiding Ravn’s gaze.

Ravn stood at a small distance, respectfully waiting for permission to intrude.

Leedo half-smiled, a quirk of his lips to show that Ravn wasn’t interrupting anything, beckoning the king forward. Ravn walked forward slowly, steps gentle in the cold grass as a crisp wind blew through.

Ravn didn’t shiver, wrapped in a black cloak to block the evening autumn chill. He simply stood at Leedo’s side, silent.

“I started coming here… after I returned to the castle,” Ravn murmured quietly, voice almost lost in the gentle wind. “It… hurt, like I thought it would.”

Leedo hummed sympathetically, grateful that he was standing here after having healed, instead of nursing fresh wounds that would have only enflamed at the sight of the gravestone.

Once again… there was a pinch in his chest of everything Ravn had done on his own… alone. Things that Leedo would have never survived without the others at his side.

“But it was infuriating,” Ravn chuckled weakly. “Because every time I came, all I could think of was you.”

Leedo glanced at him, confused for a moment, skin feeling warm.

“You said that you just… wanted to see one more time,” Ravn murmured, voice warm but slightly weakened with memories of the emotions that followed his pain. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about that… in relation to all your claims of how much you cared for him…” Ravn inhaled deeply before Leedo could speak. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m sorry I tried to act as if you hadn’t been everything and more to him that I was-“

“That is not why we’re here.”

Ravn looked at him quickly, frowning at the statement.

Leedo wasn’t afraid of meeting Ravn’s eyes, staring into dark orbs as the sun set behind them. That bravery felt good.

“We didn’t return to the castle to gain apologies for everything that happened,” Leedo said firmly. They had already said their apologies.

Ravn, to his surprise, laughed- a quiet snort of amusement as he stared at Leedo knowingly. “As if you wouldn’t apologize for everything all over again, if you were given the chance?”

Leedo didn’t mean to let his expression change, but something must have shifted because Ravn laughed quietly, pointing at his face triumphantly.

There was a peace between them.

“Well, now I’m only going to refrain from it, just to prove you wrong,” Leedo huffed, turning away with his arms crossed.

“Good,” Ravn said warmly, gently, as he turned back to the grave. “Then you can simply listen to what I have to say.”

Leedo turned back, glaring gently. “Ravn-“

Ravn chuckled, a barely suppressed smile on his lips as he grinned at Leedo, teasing and warm. “Will you simply listen? I’ll make it brief. But there were things… that I wanted to say all those times we met. But it never seemed a good time.”

Leedo’s arms lost some of their tension, though they remained across his chest. “What makes now a good time?” he questioned quietly.

Ravn shrugged slowly, looking a bit helpless in his lightheartedness. “I was never sure where we stood, before,” he confessed gently. “I knew where we could not stand… but I was never sure where we _did_ stand.” His lips quirked softly. “But you all returned to the castle,” he whispered, sounding disbelieving. “So I think it’s at least safe to say this much.”

Leedo was almost frightened by how unafraid he was, that urge to run or cover his ears absent from his chest that was simply full and warm. He felt… as if he had been running and rushing for a long, long time.

But ever since they entered the castle gates, they were being told… that they could rest.

So Leedo simply stood… and he listened without an urge to control what was happening around him. He could hardly be hurt by anything Ravn said worse than he already had been.

Ravn saw him listening, lips twitching before he turned away from Leedo, staring at the grave.

“Every time I came here… I thought of you… and how the last memory you would have of Sonhae would always be your body dying while trying to save him,” he murmured, hair ruffling as a breeze blew through.

“But that is not the only memory I have of him,” Leedo said, unable to stop himself from interrupting for a moment. “That is not all I think of when I think of him.”

Ravn chuckled weakly, as if he were glad to hear it, glancing at Leedo from the corner of his eye.

Leedo held his breath, already feeling the pressure of whatever was about to be said… because Ravn stared at him… like before.

Like before all the lies had come out.

He stared at him like that first moment Ravn had been brave enough to confess everything he’d been secretly hiding in his heart.

“You asked me… all those years ago… to put you down,” Ravn murmured, staring off into the distance.

The words slammed into Leedo’s chest like a stone, piercing and sharp.

“You told me…as I was threatening your _death_ …not to carry you as a burden,” he whispered, his own voice pinched with pain of the past. He laughed breathlessly, shaking his head. “You have no idea how those words haunted me.”

“They weren’t meant to,” Leedo whispered, voice thick as he stared at Ravn, unable to look away. “When I thought I had died for Sonhae, I wanted to tell you that. I took my chance, then, because… I did not want you to spend the rest of your life suffering… because of me.”

Leedo biggest fear… was being the thing that caused Ravn pain.

Ravn shook his head slowly, accepting and heavy. “I _tried_ to leave you behind,” he confessed quietly, softly. “From the moment I walked away, I thought I was done with you. But you would not leave my mind, much less my memories,” he laughed, as if it were ridiculous. “And I was terrified at the thought of being haunted my entire life by someone I had once cared so much for…”

Ravn’s entire expression softened, eyes falling to stare at the darkening shades of grass.

“That I still… cared so much for.”

_My hatred in that moment… did not wash away the love I felt for you._

That was the crux of their problem, wasn’t it? That even through the anger, the betrayal, the hatred… nothing had really changed, had it? And they both knew that too intimately.

Ravn chuckled dryly. “That is what hurt the worst,” he murmured weakly. “That I could not stop caring for you. That I was so…. _foolish_ , I could not even leave you behind when you had hurt me in the worst way possible.”

Ravn’s expression carried a memory of being furious with himself. And Leedo could see it so clearly: the king standing alone at the gravestone, mourning someone who was not even buried… and being unable to lay them to rest. The torment that must have wrought… 

Ravn turned to Leedo, looking to him fully for the first time, eyes warped with a past pain and a present softness. The warmth pressed against Leedo’s chest like a hot coal, but it didn’t burn.

It was welcomed as Ravn’s lips twitched, eyes shining.

“However, in this present moment, I have never been grateful for anything else in my life than my inability to leave you behind,” he whispered, staring at Leedo as if seeing him for the first time all over again.

That was perhaps one thing Leedo could never become accustomed to: Ravn’s ability to look at Leedo and see _so much._

Ravn gestured into the air, eyes gentle. “Without you, none of this would have ever become real.”

Leedo was quick to shake his head, though, slightly dizzy. “We were powerless,” he said firmly. “It was you who was needed to make it real. You held power within the kingdom.”

His lips twitched, eyes brightening and shrinking as his smile grew slowly. “I was a fool who would have never even thought anything different, had you not appeared to rearrange my world.”

Leedo stiffened at the words, throat tightening.

Oh, but Ravn was never finished, was he? He always had a million things to say…

His eyes stared at Leedo with that admiration that Leedo had always been so afraid of.

“You have rearranged my world so many times since our meeting,” Ravn whispered softly, warmly, comfortingly.

As if… telling Leedo that it was alright.

“And I cannot lie and say they were all welcomed,” Ravn said, chuckling, though it faded quickly back to warmth. “But from everything you taught me, everything you accepted me as… even all the hurt that came from it.” He swallowed. “Everything you inspired me to be, to build… I was a fool in power,” he said firmly. “I would have never used that power properly, without you to guide me.”

Leedo opened his mouth to dispute that Ravn was more necessary.

But then it hit him… that perhaps they had both been equally needed. Ravn would have never changed his thoughts without Leedo and the others… and they would have never had the power to make a difference without the person standing before him.

Perhaps that… is what fate created.

“I suppose… we were both intended to be part of that future,” Leedo confessed quietly, voice strained as his heart slammed against his chest.

The silence that followed was not heavy, not uncomfortable. It was companionable and warm and comforting. An acknowledgement that, for the moment, nothing more needed to be said.

And in that silence, Leedo could believe that everything was exactly as it was supposed to be.

Because it was not… perfect, like he had imagined. There was still uncertainty and a future that needed to be built, there was still time to pass and work to be done… There was still so much left that needed to be done and be fixed.

So it was not perfect… but this… this moment of silence, where Leedo felt like there was hope, where peace had settled over the both of them… It was not perfect.

But it was enough.

And that was all he needed.

It was more than he ever needed.

“May I make a confession?” Ravn whispered, staring up into the sky that was beginning to spot with stars. His hands were held in front of him, twisted together gently. “A confession… that may make things worse?”

Leedo chuckled quietly, shaking his head.

In his heart… he knew what was going to be said.

“I very much doubt you could ever say anything… that would ruin what we have built,” Leedo said honestly, certain that the same would be true, regardless of whether he knew Ravn’s words or not. “I truly believe… that what we have created is too strong to ever fall.”

It had survived their betrayal and hatred… stating what they already knew would not break it.

Ravn swallowed, though, audibly nervous as he shifted in the grass slowly. Leedo did not close his eyes, staring at Ravn, inviting him to say it.

“Leedo…”

For once, there was no fear here.

“I know that it has been said before,” he whispered softly into the nighttime. “But… even after all these years… nothing inside of me has changed.”

Leedo rolled his lips slowly, the words tasting like citrus on his tongue.

“I’m sorry,” Ravn whispered, eyes staring off, “if it ruins something… and I’m sorry I always have to be so selfish…”

_To want love… that isn’t selfish._

Leedo’s vision blurred with hot tears as his chest slowly expanded, until it felt like something might snap.

Ravn lowered his head, his eyes finding Leedo’s. And these eyes were not gentle or soft or warm.

They were loving. Or maybe they had always been that. But Leedo was finally brave enough to label it.

“I’m sorry… but I still love you as much as I ever have.”

Leedo had always known. If his betrayal had not managed to knock Ravn’s feelings, he couldn’t imagine that mere time and distance would be enough to make him forget it.

And Leedo knew that no matter how dormant, how quiet, how subtle it became… he had known- from the very moment that Ravn embraced him for the first time- that everything inside Leedo’s own heart was still alive and thriving and _waiting._

He was waiting.

Just as Ravn had been waiting- looking for a signal, a sign that it was safe to speak.

Leedo had waited for this moment. The moment when one of them was brave enough, even though Leedo had always known he would never be brave enough to be first.

Ravn had always been braver than him, able to say everything in his heart at a moment’s notice.

But Leedo wanted to echo it, to admit his own heart, the journey that his emotions had taken him on- painful, but welcome as he stared at Ravn and felt fire in his blood and hope in his heart.

Not just hope for their future. But hope for his own future… alongside Ravn.

Leedo wanted to echo Ravn and be brave. But… it’s not a switch so easily flipped as his vision blurred with more hot tears and his fingers curled into fists because he didn’t know what else to do.

Leedo had always hated being helpless. His tongue was turned to stone, but his entire body screamed for him to move, if he was not going to echo Ravn’s words.

Ravn was still watching him, warm eyes inviting and safe.

“Leedo…”

_Move._

There was barely a step between the two of them- a proximity that Leedo hadn’t been fully aware of until he was crossing it, his hands framing Ravn’s face gently as he rushed forward, his heart pounding so hard, it threatened to break.

For a moment, just before their lips touched, Leedo cursed himself.

A confession was not an invitation, and this sort of move could throw everything into unbalance-

But the moment Leedo’s skin touched Ravn’s, as if the king had been waiting for the exact moment, hands gripped Leedo’s waist, already pulling himself closer. Before Leedo had even made any contact, Ravn was catching him, using the momentum to drag him closer.

By the time their lips touched, Ravn’s arms were already around him, tugging him closer until the space between them no longer existed, just warm bodies in the chilly night that were touching like this for the first time in…

In so long.

There was no desperation. There was no hurried grabbing or hasty lips moving with an absence of years behind them.

Ravn held Leedo tightly, but with the knowledge that there wasn’t anything threatening to take him away.

Leedo’s hands trailed across Ravn’s cheeks, caressing his neck gently because he was too afraid for a moment when warm lips finally met his- a breath of relief passing between the two of them.

Like collapsing after endless running.

And it wasn’t long before Leedo’s arms wound around Ravn’s neck, holding them both closer as their heads tilted, deepening the kiss, though neither of them moved any faster than originally intended.

Ravn and Leedo had embraced after every meeting they had attended, after the first time.

This was the first embrace that meant _this._

That meant he was still his Ravn.

And Leedo was still the one Ravn chose.

That was more intoxicating than any kiss could ever be: the knowledge that even after everything… this part of themselves had never truly changed.

This was still thriving, bursting- _waiting_ for the day when the dust had settled enough to truly be able to see. 

Leedo had never thought of it as waiting, but looking back from his current moment, it felt like a lifetime that he had been holding on, without even knowing it.

He shut his eyes tightly, feeling how each of Ravn’s fingertips pressed into his back, holding him closer as their lips moved slowly, intentionally, but… with a different knowledge than any kiss they had ever shared.

Their relationship before… had not been lesser. Perhaps they had both been new and nervous, but… no matter what label they used, love had always been there. However, it was a time that was colored with lies, no matter how small.

Here… Leedo kissed and felt and held without remorse or fear. He did not fear for a future he was responsible for, he did not fear for pain he might bring, he did not fear for an ending where he would reveal his every lie.

Here… there was no fear. Not within Ravn’s arms, with the quiet of night around them and peace inside their hearts.

Leedo wouldn’t say he was “crying,” but he felt Ravn smile against his lips, a warm hand coming to brush at the moisture on his cheeks. He was not crying, but he felt like his heart would burst from his chest. He was sure Ravn could feel every thunderous beat of it against their chests.

Nothing forced the two of them apart- neither oxygen nor time- they simply drifted apart like following the gentle tug of a currentless stream. They barely parted, foreheads pressed together and lips still brushing with every breath that passed through their chests.

Leedo’s eyes were closed, but he knew if he were to open them, he wound find Ravn there.

And that was a knowledge that he had not had in so long.

He opened his eyes slowly, and sure enough, there were warm, dark eyes staring at him with enough adoration to burn like coals sitting on his chest. Leedo stared at those eyes, knowing that every piece of them was reflected in his own.

He swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath that smelled of Ravn and the forest. “I have never stopped loving you,” Leedo finally confessed, voice weak and thick. “And if everything we have been through could not free me of those feelings… I don’t think there exists a thing on this earth that could.” 

Ravn laughed, but the sound was wet, eyes shimmering with disbelief and a love that Leedo was finally brave enough to see.

“How many times did you almost tell me?” Leedo questioned quietly, aware of every inch of their bodies pressed together in a warm line that warded off any chill. How long had the two of them simply been biding their time for a “right moment” they never knew would come?

Ravn swallowed. “I couldn’t tell you,” he confessed with a weak laugh. “It’s been a constant thought in the back of my mind… I couldn’t tell you when it first appeared. I don’t think it ever disappeared, from that first moment I confessed to you.”

Ah, yes… Ravn was always the first one confessing.

Leedo was still just following behind him, wasn’t he? It made him laugh, his head falling until his forehead rested against Ravn’s shoulder, tucked against his neck.

“You make me seem as if I only copy you. You’re always brave enough to say these things before I can,” Leedo huffed, laughter clinging to his voice that shook at the thought.

There was a moment of silence that hung around them like ice crystals, a brisk breeze rustling through both of them as Ravn slowly removed a hand from Leedo’s waist, lifting it until it rested against his head gently, fingers threaded through dark locks that were too long.

Leedo inhaled slowly, catching a deeper scent of Ravn and forest as Ravn tucked his head along Leedo’s gently, his breath ghosting over Leedo’s shoulder.

It wasn’t until Ravn took a slow, trembling breath that Leedo registered the dampness pressed to his skin.

“You have always said it first,” Ravn murmured against Leedo’s skin, tears flowing slowly. “Even if you never said it with words.” 

Leedo’s eyes clenched shut, his arms tightening around Ravn ever so slightly.

“The only reason I was ever brave enough to confess to you… was because I had seen the way you looked at me,” Ravn murmured, slightly hoarse. “Maybe not with love… but with something promising enough that I felt it was safe.”

“Ravn-“

Leedo’s voice nearly failed, but Ravn interrupted him anyway.

“Even when I was blinded by everything,” he whispered, warm and comforting, “you… still showed it. You were still trying to take care of me, to tell me… even after everything. You have only ever made me brave enough to say it because you were brave enough to show me, Leedo.”

He pressed his face harder against Ravn’s shoulder, throat slowly closing up at the thought that everything he’d ever done… had been seen.

He had never done anything with the intention of showing Ravn anything… but the thought that Ravn had seen it all and known despite it all… All the fear, the hesitation, the lies… and Ravn had still seen.

“You were… afraid, before… when I first confessed,” Ravn murmured, fingers slowly brushing through the tips of Leedo’s hair, sending shivering down his spine at the gentle touch. “And I promised you… that I would give you everything…because you meant everything to me.”

Leedo’s jaw clenched to keep in whatever horrific noise that may have escaped at the reminder of everything Ravn had once promised him so many years ago, before lies had escaped.

Leedo had truly never felt weaker than when standing with Ravn.

Not because he was weak, and not because Ravn made him feel weak, but because the urge to just give in to the comfort Ravn offered made Leedo want to fall into him and never rise, knowing that Ravn would never make him.

“I still want to give you that,” Ravn assured him in a weak whisper, their bodies swaying naturally as they stood. “I would still give you everything that I have… You still mean so much more than that to me, Leedo-“

“I don’t need everything,” Leedo murmured, unable to lift his voice higher without a risk of something breaking painfully. “I’ve never needed everything… The moment you offered me yourself, that was enough.”

He didn’t need everything.

He just wanted enough. And Ravn himself… was more than enough.

Ravn chuckled, however, tightening his hold on Leedo. “I will give it to you regardless,” he assured him gently, laughing softly. “Unless… you wanted to refuse it,” he added quietly, waiting with his breath held.

Ravn offered him everything… and that included the path they would have to follow to gain that everything.

Leedo had to laugh, his legs weak as he leaned further against Ravn, the other only taking as an opportunity to shift his hold on Leedo to be more firm. “We have only fixed ourselves for minutes, and you are already offering marriage again?” he demanded, voice shaking with laughter and disbelief.

He was half convinced this was all a dream, and he would wake up in a bed, staring up at a cave ceiling.

But the arms holding him and the breath against his ear and the heartbeat against his were all too vivid to be anything but the body he knew, despite their limited time to understand each other.

“I never retracted the first offer,” Ravn chuckled, hair tickling Leedo’s cheek. “This is simply a reminder that it still stands.”

Leedo didn’t know if he wanted to burst into laughter or tears. Perhaps both.

“Perhaps we should wait longer than minutes to decide that offer?” Leedo suggested, feeling as if his heart might give out as Ravn pressed the barest of kisses to his temple.

Always braver than Leedo.

“Do you need more time to decide on that offer?” Ravn questioned, curious and genuine… but with the barest edge of teasing to his words that he whispered against Leedo’s temple, his smile tangible against his skin. 

Leedo thought about the fact that he could spend the rest of his life in this moment and be content.

The fact that the castle had always been his home, and Ravn had always been a part of his future he wanted.

The fact that the others had found their home again, and they were standing together in a way that Leedo had been afraid they would never stand again.

The fact that Ravn had been, from the very beginning, someone that Leedo would follow, and that he remained someone that Leedo was unable to break himself away from.

The fact that Ravn, in every form… had never left Leedo’s mind.

The fact that Leedo knew that the easiest and most effective way to ease the burdens of Ravn’s life… was to be a part of every aspect of it.

Leedo smiled against his neck, even as more tears flooded over without his consent.

“No,” he whispered hoarsely.

He held Ravn tighter, until he was sure it was painful, but Ravn seemed content to hold him back just as tightly, knowing that there was nothing to tear them apart.

There was nothing powerful enough to tear them apart, even if it tried.

“No… I don’t need more time,” he breathed weakly. “I know exactly… what my answer has always been.”

Even if he had been too afraid to voice it… he’d always known.

~~~~~~~~~

Leedo refused to lift his head.

The burning in the side of his head continued to pierce through the calm of the morning.

“I am not having whatever conversation you think might happen,” he said flatly.

Seoho was seated diagonally from him at the table, arms crossed and expression smug as he stared at Leedo without blinking.

“So you both figured yourselves out?” the other questioned expectantly.

“I’m not answering questions you already know the answers to.”

Seoho scoffed, leaning forward, grinning broadly. “I think after watching the two of you for fifteen years, I’m entitled to _something._ ”

“You’re entitled to nothing.”

He huffed, leaning back in his chair, arms crossing again. “At least clarify this… did you simply talk it out or… did things happen?”

Leedo looked up sharply from the document in front of him, glaring. “Is it physically impossible for you to vet the things coming out of your mouth?”

Unfortunately, Leedo made the mistake of showing his face, and Seoho’s grin turned practically _wicked._

“You _did_ do something-“

“Seoho-“

“You’re fighting the questions, which means you did do something-“

“Will you not give _one_ moment?” he demanded, looking away again.

“I’ve given you fifteen _years_ ,” Seoho laughed, grinning with excitement. “I didn’t think you would make that sort of progress within the first _day_ of returning to the castle-“

“He approached me about it,” Leedo fought stiffly, chest warping as he glanced at his friend’s glee. “I was honest… and I didn’t refuse.”

To his surprise, Seoho settled back in his seat, triumphant. “Hwanwoong owes me five gold pieces.”

Leedo stared at him.

“If you tell me that the four of you have been placing bets-“

“Who do you take us for?” Seoho demanded, an innocent hand to his chest. “ _Of course,_ we bet on you.”

“ _Seoho_ -“

“It wasn’t until long after that night,” Seoho assured him as if that was… better. “It wasn’t until we began meeting with the king again.”

“… Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“What makes you feel better?” Keonhee questioned as he entered, Hwanwoong behind him.

Seoho held out an expectant hand. “Pay up,” he told Hwanwoong, grinning brightly.

Hwanwoong frowned in confusion before he froze, eyes blowing wide and snapping to Leedo. “ _You and the king-_ “

Keonhee gasped so loud, it drowned out Hwanwoong’s shock, his hands covering his mouth as if he had just witnessed a heinous crime instead of realizing that Leedo was… accepting the king’s affections again.

“Oh, no,” Xion’s voice said flatly as he entered, glancing around at the various stages of horror on their faces. “You broke within the first week, didn’t you?” he demanded of Leedo, glaring.

Leedo rolled his eyes. “I cannot believe you all-“

“Was a month really that outrageous of a time to guess?” Xion demanded, arms crossed in disappointment. “You’ve barely spoken in _months_ , but somehow within a _day_ you’ve-“

The youngest frowned, glancing at Seoho.

“What exactly did they do?”

Seoho turned a sly, expectant smile to Leedo, lifting his eyebrow slowly. “What did you do?” he questioned delicately.

“I am not-“

“If you don’t tell us, we’ll have to assume that you were being… scandalous with the king,” Xion said firmly, a suggestive grin taking over his lips.

Leedo wasn’t sure if his skin was going to catch on fire or explode-

“Who has been scandalous with the king?”

The reason Leedo came to the meeting room early was to mentally prepare himself for seeing Ravn again in this… new context. But then Seoho showed up and distracted him, and then the others made a mess, and now Ravn was suddenly standing in the room, glancing around in confusion.

And Leedo was utter unprepared for this.

He looked the same as he always had- nothing marvelously different about his dress or appearance- but… it was different.

Because Leedo didn’t need to question anymore that this was his Ravn. The same one.

And that sort of revelation and confirmation after years… tended to jar a person.

Leedo expected some sort of at least hesitation from the others with Ravn appearing. He should have known better as Xion merely turned around, nothing in his countenance changing as he lifted a brow.

“What did you and Leedo get up to last night?” he demanded expectantly.

Ravn blinked, clearly not expecting to be confronted with such a question so immediately- his eyes flickering back to Leedo, as if checking what his response should be.

And Leedo remembered a time when he told Leedo that their relationship would be however fast, however secretive as Leedo was comfortable with. And despite the urge to strangle four individuals… Leedo was very comfortable, indeed.

“I told them nothing,” he said, lifting his hands and pointing at Seoho. “He is causing trouble, as usual.”

“Perhaps if you had more emotional control than a spooked bird, you would not be so easy to read,” Seoho said unapologetically, shrugging. “You answer every question you avoid.”

Ravn chuckled, crossing his arms and shaking his head after seeing Leedo at ease with the question, despite his annoyance. “I think if he is so easy to read, you’ll know exactly what happened,” Ravn said loftily, walking around the table to take his spot.

“Oh, we all know he’d never go further than a kiss,” Keonhee assured him, taking his own seat. “He’s much too skittish.”

“Skittish?” Leedo demanded, the word not one that was usually in their arsenal against him.

“I don’t understand how you’ve missed everything you’ve ever done for the past five years,” Hwanwoong said, rolling his eyes. “But from the outside perspective, watching the two of you was painful.”

“Our enemy has always been time,” Ravn said, making Leedo glance his way, finding the king calm with a quiet smile on his lips. “We had to wait for time… even if we always knew where time would lead.”

Leedo’s jaw clenched as Ravn glanced at him, his heart starting its frantic pounding again as that same loving gaze was aimed at him.

If Leedo had always known what Ravn’s gaze was, but was too afraid to label it… the others must have been beating their heads against the wall at the sight of the obvious stares the two of them exchanged.

Perhaps… their exasperation was excusable.

“That is positively disgusting, Your Majesty,” Keonhee said seriously, arms folded on the tabletop. “We will formally request that you never use such language ever again.”

“You asked,” Leedo muttered, shifting the papers just to have something to do.

“And we regret that choice,” Seoho assured them, chuckling. “Intimate details, I can stand. Hearing either one of you wax poetics on the other is a line I refuse to cross.”

“Then shall we discuss the intimate details of our current situation?” Ravn questioned, lifting a stack of reports pointedly, smoothly bringing their attention back to their purpose. “Instead of the progress of our relationships?”

There was a round of laughter around the table as they all set aside the teasing to perform their duties.

Countless more refugee camps had sprouted across the kingdom, taking in any varkolak looking for sanctuary during their transition, and also operating as a place to report any violations to the declaration. Guards were clustered around them, both as protectors and responses to any need.

“It hasn’t been long enough to tell,” Ravn said, passing a report around. “However, if we continue to see these kinds of reports… it may be safe to say that both sides are beginning to slow their violence.”

Only time to tell how successful they were… but everything they saw gave them hope.

Leedo tried to focus on the paper in his hands, but his eyes kept drifting to Ravn, speaking about his plans for the current forest just at the castle’s doorstep. He spoke with intent, but the hope in his eyes was intoxicating after seeing him burdened by so much.

That was why Leedo was here, wasn’t it?

Because Ravn had been the one person on this earth… that had been able to give Leedo hope. Not just for their future, but for his own future. The future he was willing to have, even without peace.

Leedo had made himself believe that he would either have a future with peace, or a future with Ravn. He had never truly believed that both could exist at once.

And yet… here he sat.

“Then I think… that’s a good enough review of everything,” Ravn decided, glancing around. “Does anyone have anything else to add?”

There was nothing more to be said, the others shaking their heads, quiet as they processed everything that was revealed and everything they still needed to do.

“Then I think that is all,” he said, stacking his documents. “And you’re all probably eager to eat something, so I’ll see you all… this afternoon, perhaps?” he questioned.

“Do you have other meetings all day?” Hwanwoong asked as they stood together.

“A few,” Ravn answered, smiling. “It’s become much more bearable after they’ve stopped fighting, though.”

“What are we supposed to do around here after we eat?” Keonhee asked, gesturing around the castle. “Just sit in our rooms?”

“If you’d like your skills to become rusty, you may,” Ravn said, voice lilting with teasing as he smirked. “Or you may practice in the training yard, if you like.”

“Practice?” Seoho echoed, frowning. “For what?”

Ravn shrugged. “If you’d rather the personal guard to the king be people who haven’t touched a sword in years, then by all means, I welcome that as the way I meet my end.” 

The confusion cleared from their eyes, delving towards surprise, but Xion was quick to turn it to accusing as his arms crossed over his chest tightly.

“And who said we would accept that position?” he questioned expectantly.

And the moment that Ravn smiled without hesitation… the moment that there was no fear or nervousness in his eyes that his offer had been wrongly made or rejected…

The moment when Ravn merely shrugged gently, as if unbothered… Leedo felt something in his chest click into the place with the knowledge that whatever rift may have existed between them all… was fixed.

“Your choice is your own,” Ravn said casually. “If you will condemn me to spend the rest of my life surrounded by droll, lifeless guards charged with my protection… then so be it.”

“Are you we not droll and lifeless?” Keonhee asked innocently, glancing around with a hand to his chest.

Ravn’s eyes never dimmed as he smiled at them like precious gifts. “I have never met people more loyal and mischievous,” he murmured warmly.

Seoho wrinkled his nose. “That line we talked about not crossing? We are also included in that,” he said, despite the way his lips twitched.

It felt good, knowing they had succeeded in the end. With Ravn, with their future, with their own desires… They stood here with it all.

“Alright, then, I guess we’d better go eat and practice,” Hwanwoong sighed, as if put upon. “Apparently some monarchs are just helpless to defend themselves.” He threw a pointed look over his shoulder that Ravn received with glee.

“He’s likely the only swordsman more effectively attacked from the front than the back,” Xion snickered.

The four of them began migrating towards the door, Ravn’s eyes blazing with a warmth that didn’t dim. “Only because I understand that I can trust those at my back,” he murmured gently.

There was a chorus of disgusted cries that mixed with bright laughter as they shoved each other out of the door, as if staying would make some part of it contagious. But the atmosphere left behind was not heavy, it was bright and glowing.

Not a single one of them questioned Leedo not following them, leaving and shutting the door without even a backwards glance. This was already accepted as their new normal.

Leedo stood alone with Ravn in a silence so comfortable, it would have been easy to stand for the rest of the day like this.

“They will get bored of teasing eventually,” Ravn said, sounding much too fond as he turned to Leedo. “How did you sleep?”

He had to laugh at the common question that they hadn’t bothered asking each other for years.

“I slept as well as I ever did here. Hwanwoong complained that I make noise while I sleep, but he has always been too sensitive to any noise,” he responded evenly, the air between them light enough to make him dizzy. “And you?”

It was not a weighted question. It was a light one. They hadn’t asked each other light question, unburdened by darkness and history for… some time.

“I slept well,” Ravn assured him. “Though it was difficult to fall asleep. I was thinking too much about what we had said.”

In Leedo’s emotion-heavy mind, he had carefully forgetting exactly what… was promised last night. Even more than just the kiss the others had reasoned out.

Ravn chuckled warmly at his blank look. “You aren’t regretting your decision, are you?” he teased, lips quirked. “You remain free to back out at any time-“

“Maybe I have that freedom,” Leedo said abruptly, a burst of emotions overwhelming his aching chest. “But I would be a fool to exercise it.”

The king merely shook his head slowly. “You would never be a fool for changing your mind-“

“I love you.”

The words floated from his mouth like dandelion seeds blown into the wind that carried them off, almost too quick to watch them go. But Ravn paused, looking at Leedo in a mixture of utter adoration and confusion for the sudden confession.

And so, so much warmth, like the sensation of standing in the sunlight and letting it thaw his skin.

“That is why I would be a fool to refuse you,” Leedo said quietly, throat sticking, threatening to paralyze with the emotions assaulting it. “Because…”

Hesitation was thrown aside.

“Because even if I struggle to find words to say it… and even if I do not have as much to give as you do, I also want to give you everything- even if everything I have is only myself. Because… of everything you are to me. Everything you… have always been, from the moment we met.”

Hope.

Ravn had always been hope.

He stared at Leedo, now, as if stunned, his lips parted and eyes wide. Because of course, why should he ever expect Leedo to say such things… Leedo, who was so afraid of his words, even knowing that they were reciprocated a hundred, a thousand times over…

Ravn stepped closer to him, not hiding his intention, giving Leedo a moment to gather his wits.

Leedo didn’t have… anything. He had no land, fortune, status… all he had was what was contained inside his useless, fragile body that was more bruised than he cared to admit. If you asked him, he would think it would be akin to handing someone a compost jar.

Useful, but… not ultimately valuable in any way.

But Ravn…

Ravn had always looked at him and seen more. Had always looked at Leedo and seen something he wanted… a kindness, nobility, loyalty that even Leedo hadn’t been aware of, but that Ravn had seen and treasured with such clarity.

Leedo looked at himself and saw nothing special, like Ravn claimed to treasure and love.

But Leedo looked at Ravn and saw someone kind, wise, trustworthy… even though Ravn only ever saw his own mistakes coloring his life, like bloodstains against fallen snow.

They could spend the rest of their lived apologizing for their actions, or… they could spend that time so much better by building from their rubble.

When Ravn cupped Leedo’s jaw, he didn’t stiffen, simply moving with the gentle current that was easy to get lost in with Ravn. The current that brought them together, gentle hands holding on as their lips met in a brief, warm kiss that made Leedo’s grip tighten on Ravn’s forearm ever so slightly.

Ravn kissed as if this was the exact place Leedo belonged. As if this was where he wanted him to stay.

And then Leedo remembered that that was exactly what Ravn wanted.

That was exactly what he had offered him.

“What… happens?” Leedo questioned as they continued leaning onto each other, not as one supporting the other… but like two pillars that had fallen against each other, only having each other’s crippled forms to keep them from collapsing.

Ravn seemed too content to stay here, humming idly, eyes tracing over Leedo’s face, as if committing it to memory. “If we were to marry?”

Gods, the idea sounded so foreign. Leedo didn’t know anything of marriage- political or otherwise. Varkolaks had their own bonding traditions, but those had never held any real meaning for him, either.

Truly… Leedo wasn’t sure which world he belonged to anymore. Perhaps there were no more lines between worlds. Perhaps he could simply exist in this limbo between human and varkolak… but he felt as if he needed to pick a side.

“Well… I would keep you by my side for the rest of my life,” Ravn murmured gently, one of his hands falling from Leedo’s side to grasp his hand in warm fingers. “And I would cherish you… and I would likely rely too much on having you at my side. I would become too accustomed to your presence, I wouldn’t remember how to operate without it.”

His lips twitched knowingly, looking at Leedo warmly.

“Given the peculiarity of it all… I can’t promise that wedding me would bring you any real power, aside from social standing-”

Leedo couldn’t help but snort at the severity in Ravn’s eyes. “Does it seem as if I ever planned to marry you for political power?” he laughed at the absurdity of it all. “I would refuse any you offered me.”

“Well, I suppose you would have an unofficial power,” Ravn mused, chuckling, squeezing his hand. “Because any advice you would give me, I would likely follow without hesitation.”

Leedo shook his head, heart swelling in his chest. “I think I have a good grasp of all the undying devotions you have ready,” he said quietly. “Thank you. I’m sure the wedding will bring an uproar.”

Perhaps there was nothing against him choosing a knight… but it certainly wasn’t the favorable option from the king. 

Ravn suddenly blinked, as if having just thought of something. “Was… Did you have any… traditions that you would want to use?”

Leedo frowned. “Wedding traditions?” he clarified.

Ravn nodded. “I… I don’t know what varkolaks follow, but if there was anything you wanted to have… we could arrange it somehow-“

“No, I… I don’t have anything,” he said, chuckling and shaking his head heavily. “Varkolaks do have their own traditions, but… none of them ever mattered enough to me to follow. I don’t think I could name more than a few, if asked,” he confessed.

Ravn’s brows tugged down ever so slightly. “Do human weddings hold any meaning to you?” he questioned gently, his hand creeping from Leedo’s hand, up to hold his wrist comfortingly.

Leedo shrugged. “Eh… Not exactly,” he said, laughing quietly once more. “I’ve seen human weddings, but… Again, they don’t hold much personal meaning.”

Ravn looked as if… this saddened him.

Leedo’s lips twitched, a genuine sense of amusement coloring his words, no matter how flat they might have seemed. “I was just thinking… about how it doesn’t seem like I fit in either world anymore,” he chuckled warmly. “I’m not entirely sure how to be a varkolak anymore… and I certainly don’t necessarily fit in a human world completely…” He had to laugh at himself. “I suppose… I don’t truly belong in either world.”

Ravn was silent, still, and somber as he stared at Leedo with that familiar expression of having a knife twisted in his chest.

“That isn’t something to mourn,” Leedo assured him with a comforting laugh, squeezing Ravn’s shoulder gently. “It shouldn’t matter soon, anyway… if we can truly bring those two worlds together.”

Ravn’s jaw worked slowly, eyes searching Leedo’s face like there might be an answer hiding for a question no on had asked.

“You belong in my world,” Ravn said quietly, but with such surety… his hold on Leedo’s wrist tightened firmly, like Seoho’s eyes that would sharpen and demand that he listen. “Regardless of whether the worlds blur… Even if everything should fall apart, you would always belong in my world, Leedo.”

The words didn’t punch him in the chest.

They settled over him like a single, warm breeze blowing through during the spring.

Because Leedo… had always known this. From the moment Ravn had approached him, asking him to aid in protecting Sonhae, he knew that his place would always be beside Ravn. From the moment he knew he’d follow Ravn- future or not- he knew his place would always be beside Ravn.

Ravn… who deserved that loyalty more than any other living creature on the planet.

Ravn… who had returned that loyalty.

“You said that you didn’t have much to give me,” the king murmured, a thumb brushing gentle circles in Leedo’s wrist. “But it means so much more to give what little you have… than to share as someone who has everything.”

Leedo wanted to roll his eyes, but he knew Ravn wasn’t finished, a hand coming and cupping Leedo’s jaw gently, holding it still as dark, shimmering eyes met his.

“From the moment I asked you to aid me in protecting Sonhae, I already promised you everything that I had to give,” he murmured, his hand burning a scar into Leedo’s skin.

He was breathing just fine, but he didn’t move.

“You said all that you had to give was yourself, but that is the only thing I have ever wanted from you,” the king breathed quietly. “All I have ever wanted is to know you, Leedo… To truly know you, without fear making us hide.” His lips twitched, eyes misty. “If all that you can give me is yourself… than that would be all I could ever ask for in all my life.”

Ravn was a hole Leedo had been slipping into for years now, desperately clawing his way out despite being halfway down.

And all of these revelations weren’t a sudden awareness of the hole… but rather, a realization of just how far down he already was, so close to the ground it was becoming easier to just let go… and let himself fall.

Ravn welcomed his kiss, lips curling into a smile at the action as he drew Leedo closer, firm arms and warm lips coaxing Leedo to finally let go of the hesitation.

What did he have to fear in Ravn? Anything, from his actions to his words… would always be safe with Ravn.

Actions were still easier, however, as he threaded fingers through the hair at the nape of Ravn’s neck, soft and longer than before. That action only seemed to make Ravn smile wider, making it harder to kiss, but neither seemed ready to part.

There were a dozen teasing words and earnest confessions sitting in Leedo’s throat, but none of them fell, save for the quiet breaths against Ravn’s lips as fingertips clung to their bodies.

Leedo knew that Ravn needed to leave, needed to attend meetings and run a kingdom… he had duties more important than Leedo.

But you would have never known it for how earnestly he held Leedo, as if prepared for Leedo to fall any moment, prepared to support him if he should stumble.

Through thick throats and burning eyes, Leedo held him just as earnestly.

His sole goal in life for so long… was to ease Ravn’s burdens, to give him rest, to afford him the peace he deserved. And he had realized that the easiest way to bring ease into Ravn’s life was to be a part of every piece of Ravn’s life.

He was finally ready to take on that responsibility.

He finally understood what it _meant_ to take on that responsibility.

Leedo loved Ravn so much it was frightening. It was terrifying, the thought that they had loved so deeply, even their deepest betrayals couldn’t erase it, even trying their hardest to. It was frightening that there could be someone who meant that much to Leedo…

It was frightening, how close and far he had been to losing him.

But here they were… at the end of it all… standing among the impossible…

Leedo clung to Ravn with both hands, refusing to let go.

And the terrifying, thrilling, heart wrenching part that he hadn’t ever accounted for… was how tightly Ravn clung back to him, both hands and heart winding around Leedo as if that was the only place for him to exist.

Leedo had spent so long chasing his future… he had never stopped to think that there would ever be a future that wanted him just as badly.

But of course… of course, it would be Ravn who slipped beneath fate’s hold.

That person Leedo had already followed, guiding him here…

Loving Ravn was not easy, per se.

But it was second nature. Instinctive. Magnetic.

Almost… predestined.

~~~~~~~~~

Leedo stood in an empty room, staring at himself, tugging at his ceremonial robes.

They were more extravagant clothing than he had ever worn in his life, and even if he understood that he was substantially higher status than he had ever been, it was strange.

He could feel the thin, silver circlet around his head- delicate and light, but the weight behind it could have crushed him into nothing but ruined, sky-blue robes left on the floor.

“Don’t tug at it,” Ravn’s voice scolded, lilted with the laughter of someone accustomed helping someone struggling. He tapped Leedo’s hands away, straightening the circlet for the sixth time that hour. “There’s only a short while before the ceremony, don’t ruin it now.”

Leedo huffed, the action blowing some hair into his face, which Ravn dutifully fixed.

“I never thought a wedding ceremony would be the thing to make you lose all propriety…”

It was true that all of this just seemed a bit extreme to Leedo, but… he could enjoy what the end product would yield, especially considering that Ravn was practically glowing with excitement.

(Even though he was utterly sure that Seoho was going to have an entire year’s worth of laughter and teasing to arsenal against them with the help of the others who were equally giddy at the through of Leedo “securing his station.”)

Against his will, Leedo stop trying to ruin his clothes.

In that absence of fidgeting, they fell into a calm silence that only made Ravn laugh quietly as he fixed Leedo’s collar that was apparently askew.

“Leedo…” It sounded as if he were about to scold him gently, but then he stopped.

His hands paused, resting against Leedo’s chest as Ravn fell quiet. Leedo didn’t panic at the silence, simply waiting and breathing.

At this point in their lives… they had the luxury of not being terrified of every pause.

“You…” Ravn’s hands tensed ever so slightly against his chest, brows drawn down ever so slightly. “You never stopped calling yourself… Leedo,” he murmured softly.

He did frown at that, trying to catch a glimpse of Ravn’s face, but the only emotion he could read was something gentle confusion.

“What?”

Ravn lifted his head, giving Leedo a clear view of the gentle curiosity there. “All those years ago… during that time we were apart… you still kept your knight name. You all referred to each other by your knight names still…”

Leedo blinked, not having thought of that time in so long, and even less had he ever considered their choice of names.

But he rolled his lips gently, mulling over the question. “That was who we were,” he said quietly, no other explanation available. “Even if we were no longer your knights… we were no longer who we were before you, either. We found our true identity at the castle… the same as we found a home there.”

Ravn’s hands slipped from his chest, leaving the skin chilled.

“We just never occurred to us to give either of those things up,” Leedo murmured gently. “This is… simply who we are.”

Their old names were not just dead to them for their new lives… their old names were parts of their lives when they were frightened and hunted and hiding.

These new names… these were who they wanted to be remembered as.

“Would you ever tell me… your old name?” Ravn asked, that same hesitation that came in the form of not wanting to cause hurt. 

Leedo blinked at that. “You never knew it?” he questioned, taken aback.

Ravn chuckled heavily, shaking his head. “You gained your knight name within days of arriving,” he reminded him. “It was before I even had a chance to notice you.” His lips twitched. “I remember noticing you… because you were someone who had gained your knight name so quickly.”

Leedo almost wanted to laugh at the thought… He remembered being at the castle for barely one week before being given the opportunity to leave part of himself behind.

“Geonhak.”

Ravn’s head lifted from where it had begun to dip, staring at him with wide eyes. “What?”

Leedo’s lips twitched. “My old name… was Geonhak.”

Ravn looked overwhelmed by the information for a moment, as if he had never truly expected to gain that knowledge. But that shock quickly faded as his lips moved, as if sounding the name out silently.

“I was Youngjo.”

Leedo had to laugh, the name so foreign yet so fitting. It wasn’t the man before him, but… it was a version this man had once been.

“Couldn’t you leave your knight name behind… as king?” Leedo questioned.

Ravn grinned. “Just as easily as you could leave yours behind as husband to the king.” He lifted a slow brow. “Would you return to that name?”

Leedo wrinkled his nose, chuckling. “No,” he assured him. “I have more pleasant memories tied to this name than I ever did to that one.”

Ravn’s eyes flickered heavily for a moment, as if remembering every moment Leedo had spoken of his adolescence.

“I much prefer my life as Ravn,” the king assured him, smile warm and soft. “And I am going to enjoy it immensely more after today.”

The words brought a small burst of nerves to Leedo’s chest, at the thought of the small crowd waiting outside their room, waiting for them to exit together.

A warm hand brushed his gently. “Words truly cannot describe how much I find myself loving you,” Ravn said, laughing at himself.

Leedo returned the gentle smile, his chest settling as quickly as it had tightened. “Are you sure that is love and not simply being as tongue tied as me?”

Ravn rolled his eyes, kissing him briefly- barely long enough to be considered a kiss.

Leedo didn’t let him pull away, though, pulling back against him, making Ravn laugh like ripples skipping across a pond, not even bothering to fight Leedo’s pull.

There could have been a million people waiting outside their door.

Leedo only had room to care about one. 

~~~~~~~~~

**“** Do you honestly not find having your husband on your personal guard to be… a conflict of interest?” Keonhee demanded, throwing his sword down on the chair beside the king.

Ravn did not even lift his eyes from the document he was scanning as he walked across the meeting room, reading lists of problematic issues scattered across the camps.

“How so?” he questioned absently, walking in without looking at the four already gathered.

Keonhee’s eyes immediately sliced passed Ravn to glare at Leedo entering behind him. “Showing up late to meetings and bringing you in late, and yet you don’t reprimand him?” he demanded, gesturing to the man accused.

Leedo simply lifted an eyebrow, pointing to himself innocently as Ravn took his seat, finally lowering the document.

Seoho, however, grinned over his goblet of wine. “How could he reprimand him?” he muttered, glancing at the king. “He’s the one making them late.”

Ravn gave him an unimpressed look as Xion pretended to vomit into his arms that he was leaning on, bored from waiting.

“Gross,” he muttered, turning away from the two newcomers, returning to his half-nap.

“It’s hard enough not to imagine what they’re up to when they come in together,” Hwanwoong said, looking at Seoho pleadingly. “We do not need extra reminders, please.”

“Anything you _assume_ happens is your own imagination,” Leedo said unapologetically as he took his seat beside Ravn. “We have never arrived in any way but slightly tardy.”

“The day either one of you arrive looking debauched is the day I break my oath of sworn protection,” Keonhee warned them, lifting his sword as proof, staring at Ravn intently.

“I still feel as if there has to be some sort of conflict,” Xion muttered, turning his head now that the conversation was interesting. “We’re sworn to protect every member of the Crown… but Leedo is somehow both someone we’re sworn to and someone who already swore to Ravn. So… how does that work?”

“You all choose six months after a marriage to bring these issues up?” Ravn questioned, amusement dancing in his eyes as he set his documents aside. “There was already enough of an uproar from the court- you have to list all your grievances now?”

“Not grievances,” Xion clarified. “We stood beside you to fight the courts on your choice of husband. As repayment, we get to point out any flaws we find on the two of you.”

“Were you not doing that before?” Leedo muttered, rolling his eyes at the youngest beside him.

Xion stared at him, not impressed with the response as he reached up, knocking the circlet off of Leedo’s head.

He fumbled to save the silver crown from toppling, snatching it from the air and glaring at the other intently, who merely made a mocking face before turning away, bored again.

“Why is he like a feral cat?” Ravn murmured, shaking his head as he finally straightened. “Alright, well, talks of intimacy and debauchedness aside-“

“Do not talk about it,” Keonhee begged-

“I think we can begin reviewing the reports all sent in from the different sectors,” Ravn said firmly, giving him a look that said to get his mind on track as he passed the document he had been looking at around.

Leedo had already looked over it, waiting for the others to finish reading it as he adjusted the collar of his shirt to cover the bruise that Ravn had oh so lovingly placed, even though they had already been behind schedule.

Because he was so lovely like that.

Leedo was almost shocked by how easy all of them made their transition from those who had once been mere knights, no matter how high their status, to the personal guard of the king.

And… husband to the king… that no one in history seemed to have a title for yet.

Their clothes were different from their leather vests and dusty boots- echoing Ravn’s clothing of dark black, cloaks, with red and gold embezzlement scattered across their chests. They weren’t as flexible, but were actually quite comfortable, once you were used to them.

However, without the epidemic of varkolak attacks… there wasn’t nearly as much use for them as there once was.

“The North is actually the least of our concerns,” Ravn noted as they finished scanning the document. “We thought the flare ups of violence might grow, but they seemed to have leveled out.”

“The only area of concern seems to be in the eastern border villages,” Seoho said, passing the paper along, eyes sharp with focus. “But that makes sense, given their lack of reinforcements.”

“Are you planning on sending from the West?” Hwanwoong questioned. “Their entire refugee system is nearly not needed… The peace in that area is the best within the kingdom, they won’t suffer from having guards moved.”

“That was the plan we discussed,” Ravn said, nodding to Leedo. “Realistically, we could remove guards from any sector… Peace has been kept long enough that I think nowhere would suffer from losing them.”

In only a few short years… things were better than history had ever seen.

Not only involving varkolaks, but… in the allowance that the six of them still existed together.

In the ability for them to all sit together, shaping a world.

In the fact that all Leedo needed to do to find everything he’d ever wanted was to look around.

Ravn and the others were never far.

~~~~~~~~~~

The heavy oaken doors closed behind them, and Leedo immediately tugged off his cloak, throwing it onto the bed with a sigh of relief.

Ravn chuckled behind him, removing his own with much more care and deliberateness. “You know you do not actually have to wear it all day,” he reminded the other as Leedo (much more carefully) removed the crown from his head, setting it on the desk.

“It has been getting cold enough to want it,” Leedo sighed, leaning against the desk. “But after the eighth hour, it begins to be suffocating.”

“Still not used to the primness of royalty,” Ravn sighed, tutting playfully as he took the cloak and folded it, setting it aside. “You’d much rather be back in a leather vest rolling around in the dirt.”

Leedo lifted a slow brow. “You say that as if we do not regularly join the knight training. Just a few days ago, you were the one rolling in the dirt.”

“We were never _meant_ to be in the dirt.”

“You always end up in the dirt when you spar with Seoho,” Leedo snorted, an endless slew of memories to accompany the statement.

“Wasn’t this conversation supposed to be about you?” Ravn demanded, arms crossing as he stalked across the room.

“You make everything about me,” he replied calmly.

Ravn paused, huffing in offense, and Leedo watched his eyes flicker the deepest shade of red for a brief moment, almost like a challenge.

Or perhaps just a taunt.

Leedo let the red of his eyes show, brow raising, silently questioning what Ravn was trying to accomplish.

Ravn, however, didn’t rise to the bait, eyes tracing over Leedo slowly. “Will you truly never get tired of hiding?” he questioned, voice soft and gentle, like carefully touching a bruise to see if it hurt.

Leedo was no longer taken aback by the question as he shook his head slowly. “I’ve already told you… there are parts of me that will never fit in a varkolak’s world, and parts that will never truly align with humans… I’m content to hide for the rest of my life.”

And they all knew… they likely would need to.

The changes that would be needed to reveal that the king and his husband, as well as their royal guard, were varkolaks… were changes that would need to be accomplished after their lifetime. It was enough that they were stamping out the hatred and violence.

But the acceptance of who they truly were, in the position they occupied… That was something they knew they would never see in their lifetime.

But it was okay… because what they had was enough.

It was enough.

“Besides… I’m always free in your world, aren’t I?”

Ravn sighed, hip cocking as his arms crossed. “Is there anything else you’d like to start joking about this evening?” he asked expectantly.

Leedo had stopped being so overwhelmed by the emotions that flooded him. However, he never stopped feeling the tidal wave that rushed over him when he remembered everything that he had.

“I have never joked about us in my life,” Leedo said seriously, standing from the desk and crossing the short distance to Ravn, taking his hands somberly, though his lips betrayed him as he tried to hide his smile.

“Oh, yes, you-“

“I love you.”

The same as every time, it halted Ravn in his tracks, stalling his tongue and making him glare with an unstoppable fondness.

“You cannot simply use confessions as a way to stop a scolding,” he said firmly, pushing forward to throw Leedo off balance.

But Leedo merely met him halfway, their lips meeting, warm and firm even as he felt Ravn huff and roll his eyes.

Their foreheads rested against each other as Leedo opened his eyes, staring into warm ink. “I warned you before the wedding… what it would mean to have all of me.”

“And I would never dream of regretting that decision,” Ravn murmured, exasperated and fond and annoyed and warm as he squeezed Leedo’s waist. Soft eyes traced across Leedo’s like they already had a million times. “I love you…”

That was not something new to them.

In fact, the words were worn, like a well-loved cloth that refused to tear. They were a pair of shoes, worn every day for their comfort and softness.

They were the sight of waking up to Ravn already awake and whispering for him that it was time to get dressed, familiar and welcomed, especially when Leedo succeeded in pinning the other down long enough that he stopped trying to get Leedo to wake up.

The words were the dozens of touches, quick kisses, passing glances that were exchanged between the two of them throughout the day, between meetings, training, meals, reports, audiences, and every other part of their routine.

They were seeing Ravn collapse into the bed at the end of a long day, laughing at his complaints of exhaustion as Leedo laid beside him, neither of them bothering to dress in appropriate sleeping clothes.

They were the sights that Leedo saw every day of his life and never tired of.

They were everything that loving Ravn came with.

The hands that rested on Leedo’s shoulders that had become heavier without Leedo himself even realizing it. The knowing glance that would push his bowl closer, reminding him to eat when he stared too long at a report.

And, in turn, those words were Leedo standing still as Ravn took a moment to simply rest his head on Leedo’s shoulder, like a spiritual nap, in Ravn’s words. They were Ravn’s hand finding Leedo’s at every moment for no reason than desiring that closeness.

They were physically picking Ravn up from his desk and throwing him onto the bed, ignoring his protests as Leedo tucked the blankets around him, laying atop him until Ravn stopped resisting and actually slept.

They were the bravery that had stained his blood, making his lips looser with his confessions, with his truths, with his gentle teasings.

Those words… were embedded and stained onto every moment of their lives.

Ravn kissed his temple gently. “Straight to bed?” he questioned, and Leedo knew that he was looking at the small pile of reports on the desk, wondering if they should attempt to go through them.

Leedo, however, had stared at papers for so long, his vision was started to go crossed. He hummed in agreement, not releasing Ravn for a moment, both of them simply basking in the warmth of the other body alongside theirs.

The bed was chilled from their absence, but Ravn had hardly laid down before he was rolling towards Leedo, tucking against his side contentedly. “The meeting to determine the rearrangement of the guards will be hell tomorrow,” Ravn sighed, voice already slowed by exhaustion creeping in, signaled by the familiar mingled scent of their bed.

Leedo sighed quietly, curling his arm that Ravn laid against, fingers playing with the edges of his sleeve. “That is why it is a meeting for tomorrow, and not right now.”

Ravn chuckled, the sound slow and muffled as he turned into Leedo’s chest. “How are you both the most work obsessed… and also the biggest slacker in existence?” he mumbled, amused and warm and tired.

Leedo shut his eyes, not needed to see to have every emotion of his voice memorized.

“Talent,” he replied simply, just letting his body sink into the bed after being on their feet all day, Ravn relaxing as if they had done this a hundred times.

And they had.

The silence of the night pressed in around them, a distant crying of insect the only break. Once, there might have been howls and growls that promised death and blood.

Now… there was only silence.

“Did you ever think… that this is where you would be?” Ravn murmured, startling Leedo, who had assumed he had fallen asleep.

The silence around them, the warm body against his… and the weak fluttering in his chest that he had come to associate with Ravn…

“No,” he murmured honestly, voice quiet and wispy as he stared up at the dark ceiling.

He could feel Ravn’s heartbeat through their clothing, slow and even.

“No,” he repeated quietly. “Never in all my life did I ever believe I could have something like this…”

Ravn curled slightly, as if ready to sit up.

“Not… until I met you.”

Ravn paused, swallowing gently, falling back against Leedo’s chest, an arm crossing over his stomach to hold him gently, firmly, comfortingly.

“You gave me that hope… for the first time in my life,” he breathed, eyes shutting again, feeling the rise and fall of Ravn’s chest against his.

That was why Leedo could love Ravn like he did. That was why Leedo had the freedom he currently had. The support he had at all parts of his life…

“After knowing you,” he murmured sleepily, “I knew that I could have this… if I fought for it hard enough.”

Fighting without hope… was just senseless violence.

Ravn turned that fight… into a mission. A goal. An end.

“We both fought so hard,” he breathed, chuckling at the memory of their darkest moments. “But… now I have more than even hope allowed me to believe I could have.”

Ravn’s breathing was quiet.

Leedo’s heart was full.

“I love you,” Ravn whispered into his chest, muffled but as clear as crystals falling into a sparkling stream. His voice was thick and warm and soft… and loving.

Leedo’s throat was paralyzed with the words, but his arm curled around Ravn, holding him tighter, using actions where his words would still occasionally fail.

Ravn knew, in the way his fingers curled into the hem of Leedo’s clothing. 

Leedo knew, without words, in the way that hope curled through his blood, even now that they had come so far.

His future was stretched out before him, offering a welcoming hand, within in his grasp.

But Leedo merely curled around the body next to him, warmth and hope curling around them like a blustery wind.

His future was stretched before him- a future they all had worked so hard to reach… That was future was waiting for him.

But even as Leedo walked towards it, even as he felt eagerness grow in his heart at the thought of reaching it, even as he felt the urge to break free and sprint towards it… he kept a firm hand on Ravn beside him. On every hand that had ever supported him, grasping them hard enough to hurt.

Leedo could never reach that future alone. But he had been promised more aid than he had ever imagined.

As they finally began to drift off, Leedo’s hand curled around Ravn’s, firm and warm, holding it as tight as his exhausted limbs could.

Slipping beneath waves of sleep, Ravn held his back.

A promise, a sign, a confession… and a future, all at once. 

Not his future.

_Their_ future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this monster of a fic! It’s my longest one to date, I think~   
> I’ll see you all in my next work, lovelies! The updates will take longer, most likely, but I’m still going to be updating! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! Be safe, lovelies! I’ll see you in my next work! 
> 
> -SS

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!!!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> Updates for this work may be sporadic due to work, but I hope to keep a schedule of 5 day or so! 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought, lovelies!  
> My Twitter and Curious Cat are both @_SinisterSound_ if you have any questions, comments, or just want to chat about anything~! 
> 
> I hope you all have a marvelous day! Until next chapter!  
> -SS


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